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Stray // Daryl Dixon
Suicide is Painless

Suicide is Painless

Morning came quickly as we spent most of the night piling up the walkers so we could burn them in the morning. A lot of the people here call them geeks. It was funny how we all had different names for them, although, I found myself quickly taking to the term walkers instead of creepers. The group also welcomed me nicely, or as nicely as they could after what they just went through. Nonetheless, they were grateful for my help as I took down a lot of the walkers. Once everyone had settled down, we got about two hours of rest before we began to actually deal with the body count. For the short amount of time that we slept, I stayed in Glenn's tent. Other than Daryl he was the only person that didn't have a family member whom he shared with, and honestly, I felt a lot more comfortable with him than Daryl.

"So what did you call them?" Glenn asked as I helped him carry the body of one of his friends over to the back of a pickup truck. We were going to drive them up to an open field a bury them properly.

"Creepers," I responded, "but the term walkers sounds a lot less intimidating."

He then jumped a little at the sound of Daryl hacking a pickaxe down on the head of one of the walkers, making sure it was dead. Shaking it off, we continued to load up bodies until one of the girls, I believe her name was Jacqui, started shouting.

"A walker got him! A walker bit Jim!" She called out to us. Everyone swarmed, surrounding him, including Glenn and I.

"Show it to us," Daryl demanded as he ran over, pickaxe at the ready. Jim picked up a shovel ready to defend himself, but before he could act on anything T-Dog grabbed him by the arms and Daryl lifted up his shirt, revealing the bite mark.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," he pleaded over and over again, begging for mercy.

Everyone stepped back, staring in awe as we all knew the fate of this man's future. Some couldn't even make eye contact with him as he had no control over the fact that he would be dead within the next day. Rick then gently grabbed him by the arm, leading him to take a seat on a crate by the RV. Walking back over to us, we began to discuss how we should take action.

"I say we put a pickaxe in his head and be done with it," Daryl snarled.

"Is that what you want? If it were you?" Shane asked. He was Rick's right-hand man, they knew each other before the world had gone to shit.

"Yeah, and I'd thank you while ya did it," Daryl responded, shaking his head as to why there was even a question about it in the first place.

"I hate to say it, I never thought I would, but maybe Daryl's right," an older man named Dale spoke up.

"Jim's not a monster Dale or some rabid dog," Rick cut him off, "If we march down that road, where do we draw the line?" This then set off a reaction from everyone, voicing their opinion about it and fighting.

"What if we can get him help?" I chimed in, just throwing out suggestions and stopping everyone from going back and forth about it.

"I heard the CDC had been working on a cure, maybe we can try going there," Rick nodded his head.

"Heard that too, heard a lot of things before the world went to hell," Shane responded.

"But if the CDC's still up and running?" I asked.

"Then that is a stretch right there," Shane disagreed.

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"Why?" Rick stepped in. "Don't you think if it was possible that something was there, the government would cover and protect it at all costs?"

"It's our best option," Lori, Rick's wife, piped up.

Looking over at Daryl I could see him growing angrier by the second, from the thought of having to leave. "This is bullshit," he cursed as he turned around and walked towards Jim. "Why doesn't someone just grow some balls and get rid of the damn problem!" He yelled as he raised his pick axe ready to swing, but Rick ran up behind him, raising his gun to Daryl's head.

"We don't kill the living," he clicked the safety off on his gun, stopping Daryl from going any further.

Daryl turned around to look at Rick, "That's funny, coming from a man who just put a gun to ma' head," he huffed and walked away.

"That settles it, we leave for the CDC later this afternoon," Rick called out to the group. That set off a thought in my head, I needed to talk to Rick, tell him that I couldn't go with them.

"Rick, can I have a word with you?" I asked as I pulled him aside, far enough away so no one else could overhear us.

"What's the matter?"

I scratched my head, thinking of where I should start. "I want to thank you for taking me in, you probably saved my life out there," I paused, "but I can't come with you. My-- my family is here, at a farm not too far from the city, off of highway 67," I explained and Rick's head shot up when hearing the last part. I thought he was about to get mad at me, maybe even yell at me for lying to him in the first place.

"A farm... off of route 67?" He questioned and I nodded my head. "Is it a little white house?" I furrowed my eyebrows when he asked that.

"W--what? How do you know that?" I stuttered on my words.

He shifted his weight to his other leg and sighed, looking me in the eye, "Scar, listen to me." I stared at him blankly, confused. "When I was on my way to Atlanta, I-- I had to stop for gas and I came across a farm, but nothing was left... no one was left," he nearly whispered the last part.

I felt like my world was coming crashing down on me. Denial immediately set in. "No, no, that couldn't have been them, there are tons of white farmhouses, it could've been anyone. You don't know what you're talking about," I shook my head refusing to accept what he was trying to tell me. My legs became shaky and my breath staggered.

"I didn't know to put the two together until now. The sign to the farm... it read Jensen," he held my shoulders trying to steady me, "Scar, I am so sorry. I didn't know."

Tears welled up in my eyes as I stood there in shock. I felt like he was playing some cruel joke on me. But, even a stranger wouldn't dare to do or say something like that without it being true. "How'd they die?" I finally mustered up the courage to ask. I inhaled deeply trying to keep myself together.

"Suicide," he answered, pity and sorrow staring back at me. Hearing that broke me, I couldn't believe it, they weren't able to make it five days without me and left the world still knowing that three of their kids were still out there.

"My brother? What about my brother?" I choked out. "He was there, with his pregnant wife. That's why we went into the city in the first place. Was he there?" I was nearly yelling at him, making a scene as the people around us stopped what they were doing, alarmed.

He shook his head while shifting his body uncomfortably. "No, he wasn't. There wasn't a soul left there."

I felt like I couldn't breathe, "I need to get out of here," I stuttered out before turning and running towards the woods, passing both Glenn and Daryl on my way. My legs wouldn't stop, I wanted to run forever, away from all the shit that has been thrown at me in the last two months. All the misery, despair, loss, it was suffocating me. Just yesterday I had to put my own brother down, today finding out my parents were gone, I couldn't handle it anymore, I didn't want to have to feel any of this anymore. But then my brother's words rang in my head again "you have to win, beat this."

Tripping on a log from running so fast, I landed on the cold ground covered in leaves, winded from hitting it so hard. I just lay there, trying to catch my breath as I stared up at the sky which the branches of the trees broke up. After a couple of minutes of silence, the sound of a twig snapping caused me to shoot up, making myself alert of my surroundings.

"Saw ya runoff," Daryl said as he approached me and I exhaled, relieved that it was only him. "Rick told us what happened." I just stared at him, confused as to why he, out of all people, came after me. "Threw a pretty big fit myself when they told me ma brother was missin'," he broke the silence between us.

"Yeah, I don't think your missing brother is the same thing as my dead parents," I snapped, brushing past him.

He huffed, almost like a grunt of frustration towards me, "You lose everyone, that's just the way it is now. Get used to it."