Two young men were walking down a dark alley, which for some reason had a broken lamp post which kept creepily flashing on and off. Anyway, in this dark alley, the two young men, hidden inside of their hoodies, slowly looked around.
They searched the bins, the entrance, the gutters and every where else where somebody may possibly be hiding, and once they were sure they were alone, the package was brought out.
The taller of the two young men pulled his hood down revealing his dirty blonde hair, slightly crooked nose, and deep blue eyes. All in all, if you had to rate his looks, you'd rate him 6.5/10. This young man looked towards the shorter man before him “You hav da packaj Daven?” he asked in his really terrible Russian accent, causing the shorter man, Daven to laugh.
Daven stifling his laughter, removed a box from his hoodie, before he to put his hood down revealing his black hair, more refined appearance, and hazel eyes. Daven, compared to his fake Russian counterpart, would be a 7.5/10 in a rating of looks. Looking at the other youth, Daven would knock his shoulder before chuckling “Dymitri, look, I've told you so many times, just cause you have Russian ancestry, doesn't mean you can pull off the Russian accent, dumbass” and like that Daven handed the box to Dymitri.
Dymitri would have a look of pure lust upon his face as he slowly took the box from Davens hand. He would pause just before he opened the box, looking at Daven and asking quietly “You sure no one followed you, or saw you buy this at all?” Dymitri asked as he looked around.
Daven would chuckle as he knocked his fist playfully into Dymitris shoulder “Calm down bro, I'm 100% sure that no one saw me, now quickly open the box, we've been waiting for 3 years to buy this” and like that Dymitri nodded and slowly opened the box.
The box was small and black, and would look absolutely normal in a store of any sorts, but in the hands of these two hoodlumish teens, it looked very suspicious.
Upon opening it, the two young men were subjected to the awesomely looking black rock hidden inside the black box. Both of them sighed in amazement as they stared down at the sleek black rock.
Dymitri would pick the rock up and roll it in his hands, before sighing in awe “This rock is beautiful, it was worth every dollar we spent” he said with joy in his eyes.
---
Up in heaven, or some other alternate reality, a Bald Man lying in a hospital bed would suddenly look at the TV in the corner of his room before hollering “Jesus Christ Dymitri, they're Minerals!” as he himself was surrounded by boxes of 'minerals'.
---
Dymitri suddenly looks up and paused for a moment, a look of confusion plastered upon his face as he turns his head to Daven slowly “You here that?” he asks as he begins to look around.
Daven looks at Dymitri and slaps him on his back “Calm down bro, no one is here, and no I didn't here anything, you must be super excited if you are hearing things” and like that Daven took the rock out of Dymitris hand and began to roll it around his own “It's incredible, I only hope its affect is as good as its looks are” and like that Daven pulled the instruction manual out of the box and began to read them.
Dymitri took the rock back from Daven as he let Daven read the instructions. Looking at the rock in his hand he sighed “40,000 dollars is how much you cost” the young man suddenly spouted an incredible number “I had to do many things I do not think I will ever forgive myself for to afford you, so you had better work” and like that he heard laughter from behind him.
Daven was laughing hysterically at Dymitri “Oh my god, I'm dying” and then he began to impersonate Dymitri as he laughed once more “'I had to do many things I do not think I will ever forgive myself for to afford you', oh my god, I'm dying, help me please” and like that Daven rolled around for a couple of minutes before he got up and dusted himself off, before turning to look at Dymitri “Man, don't exaggerate, you'll make the readers think you did some unthinkable crime, when all you did was work a triple job alternating between McDonalds, Burger King and KFC” and like that he turned back towards the instruction manual that came with the stone.
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
Dymitri looked pissed as he stared at Daven before muttering quietly “Asshole, ruined my badass monologue” and like that he blushed as he thought about how embarrassing his actions were, before he suddenly turned around to look at Daven “Readers? What readers?” Dymitri asked with curiosity.
Daven shrugged his shoulder “Dunno, I just felt like saying that, don't know why” and like that he continued to read an instruction manual about a rock.
---
Up in the clouds sat two black men who stared down at the two youths. One of them was an African American who was both tall and thin, and wore glasses. His skin was a dark brown, with matching brown eyes. He looked middle aged, and was most definitely famous for a particular set of words.
The other black man was someone who was the personification of god, and needed no description other than the fact that his voice was heavenly and is the person that I, the Author, wish would narrate my life upon my death.
“How motherfuckin' hard is to read a motherfuckin' manual about a motherfuckin' rock, god damn” The first of the two men yelled down from his cloud in his anger before turning to his companion “Motherfuckin' damn it Forgan Mreeman, I did not agree to motherfuckin' narrate the motherfuckin' lives of these two motherfuckin' kids” The displeasure of the man was clearly visible, but his companion Forgan Mreeman was clearly undisturbed.
Forgan, turning towards his companion spoke with a voice that soothed your soul “Calm yourself Jamuel S. Lackson, in due time, I am sure our purpose and mission in watching over these two youths will be revealed” and like that two men silently watched over the two youths.
---
Dymitri would suddenly look up once more “You hear the word 'motherfuckin''?” he asked Daven who simply shook his head causing Dymitri to sigh.
After awhile, Daven suddenly screamed out in anger “What the absolute fuck is this shit?” Daven yelled as he shook the instruction manual around “Why the hell does this rock has such a complicated manual” he screamed as he threw the manual towards the ground.
In a slow motion move towards the book, the pages flapped ever so slowly, so the readers may see what the contents of the book are, showing Calculas, Quantom Theory, String Theory, Advanced Physics, Biology, and many other things that even I, the Author, can't name, because I'm making things up as I go.
Nonetheless, it was no wonder these two teens didn't understand anything, for how many people could claim to understand all of those things I listed above, in relation to a mysterious rock.
After a moments silence, Daven slowly got up and took the rock from Dymitri before sighing “The only part I understood in that entire instruction manual is that we have to drop our blood onto the rock, and like that, we'll be able to activate it” so he put the rock on the ground, and pulled out a flip knife, and brought it to his palm.
Dymitri looked at Daven before chuckling “Chicken?” Dymitri asked as he started imitating a chicken. Daven glared at him but hesitated nonetheless.
Suddenly sighing, Daven in a quick bout of courage, cut his palm and then yelled out loud “Oh my fucking god, that hurts so much more than they let on in movies, fuck!” he yelled as his blood dropped onto the rock.
Dymitri was shocked at his friends conviction, when suddenly a huge black portal opened up where the rock once was and swallowed them both inside.
The last thing the two youths, Daven and Dymitri would here in Earth, there old home were the faint words 'Jesus Christ you two, they're minerals!'.