ISOLATION

Prologue

Since I was a child, I have felt the feeling of isolation more times than I can count. Whether it be being left alone in the playpen of a restaurant, being inside our local clinic with its fluorescent lighting, or my first day in a new school after moving to a different city. These experiences have given me that same feeling of isolation to this day, and I know that it won't stop even when my skin becomes wrinkly and dry with age. 

One such case of isolation was when I was but a child, no older than 4. Night had fallen, and I was lulled to sleep by my parents. My bedroom was two rooms down from their own, the bathroom separating our chambers. The only light that illuminated this hallway was the streetlights outside the windows or the occasional car that drove by.

I was roused from my sleep, the night still young and dark. Though I had woken in the middle of the night before, this particular night was especially terrifying. The glow-in-the-dark stickers in my room and the light that shone through my window were my only illumination, and I was too small to reach the light switch. Although the dark scared me, my body’s call for the bathroom dissuaded my fears. 

Stepping down from my bed, I carefully made my way to my bedroom door. My eyes had adapted to the dark, letting me see my dimly lit room. With a soft creak, I opened the door, letting my gaze look upon the dark hallway that was in front of me. The picture of that hallway terrified me as a child, and the horrors that lurked in the dark plagued my young mind. However, I steeled myself to get to the bathroom.

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With slow steps, I walked towards my destination. It was eerily silent, and the usual snores of my father were nowhere to be heard. I thought nothing of it, as he would sometimes come home late from work. And with my small hands, I pushed the bathroom door open.

Finishing my business in the dark, I slowly walked to my room. However, I do not know if it was a sense of adventure or worry, but my young self thought about looking through my parents' bedroom door. 

The carpet muted my steps, silence permeating our home. Not even the sound of wind could be heard inside as every window has been closed. It was at this moment that my heart quickened in pace.

Something about how silent it was unnerved me, fear now creeping in as my hand slowly reached for my parent’s bedroom doorknob. With a twist, I slowly pushed the door open. I peered through the room… and found nothing.

My parents weren’t in their beds, those who were my protectors and guides were nowhere to be seen, and my heart sank.

It was a few minutes later that both my parents found me crying in their room as they had left to get a midnight snack downstairs. They tried to put me back to sleep, but my cries only grew louder when they walked me to my room. 

The feeling of isolation during those minutes alone is something that I’ll never forget. It was like the world I once knew of had turned into something more sinister. 

A child being left alone in the dark is something that would surely terrify them, and I was traumatized by the experience. From then on, whenever I woke in the middle of the night, I would make the effort to check inside my parent’s bedroom. I made sure that they were still inside, even if my parents grew annoyed by the situation.

Now that I am an adult of my own, I have gone through multiple instances of isolation through the years, with the longest one being locked inside my room during quarantine from the pandemic. But I know that those experiences won’t stop until I’ve drawn my last breath.