Below, the crew smashed through windows and knocked over trashcans, continuing the ruckus. The small fires that had been birthed by the mages were doused by the guard quickly, though I spotted a few crew members hovering behind, ready to put them out of the guard couldn’t.
Something settled in my chest at the sight. We were here to distract and take down the rooks, not to kill innocent civilians by accident. Minutes passed, and I shot glances at the sky with increasing frequency. Shahrazad had given us the home locations for six rooks–where were the last two?
“Captain, do you copy?” A static voice came through the uncomfortable earpiece in my ear, wind rushing in the background. The sound vanished as he let go of the microphone, ushering sweet silence in.
“I copy,” Sinbad responded.
Silence.
“Sir, the rook isn’t leaving.”
“I don’t see mine either, sir.”
I let out a deep breath that was close to but wasn’t quite a sigh and vanished my bow back into my inventory as Sinbad asked for the locations. We’d laid out a quick summary of what we would do if this happened, but we’d been hoping it wouldn’t. Only four hours remained until dawn.
The channel was quiet as Sinbad digested the information, allocating and accounting for possible scenarios in his head. I knew because I was doing the same.
I lifted my hand to my ear and pressed the button. “Cove and I can take care of target 2.”
“Copy that, Hayden,” Sinbad said, his voice filled with something that wasn’t quite faith but wasn’t quite confidence either.
Knowledge, I thought. His voice was filled with knowledge. He didn’t just believe we’d get the job done, and he wasn’t just confident. There wasn’t a tiny silver of doubt. I wanted to play off this absolute trust in me as his youthfulness, but I’d read part of the story he’d lived. Sinbad, despite his age, was the best captain in Zenith Online and had been since he was the meager age of 18. He gave his trust easily, and people rose to meet it. Never had his trust been misplaced.
It wouldn’t do to break that piece of canon, to turn his knowledge into disappointment. Even as my chest grew warm, bloated by his praise, my stomach churned with nerves. I swallowed, then switched to the mage class.
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Closing my eyes, I stretched myself out until I could hear the waves of Cove’s ocean churning and crashing dramatically. He, too, I sensed, was fearful of failing. Deeper beneath roaring waves was a stillness, his confidence a source of calm. Finding the thread that connected us, I reached out and pulled myself along, the dirt I was sitting on shifting and alerting beneath me.
When I opened my eyes, Cove was leaning against a railing, his face stained red by the neon light across the street. His cool blue eyes flicked over toward me, and he shifted over minutely, inviting me to stand beside him. I did so, pressing my forearms against the cold metal of the railing, following his gaze to the city unfurled before us.
“We shouldn’t be doing this,” he said, a gentle breeze brushing the soft strands of black hair off his conflicted face.
“We need Shahrazad to get the fragment.”
He turned toward me, a hard look on his face. “No, we don’t,” he said, the words heavy with implications. His hands tightened along the railing, and he shoved himself back. Without even using the mental magic, I could feel the power tingling in the air, a tsunami ready and able to flatten any enemy. The tiny, candle-like flame within my own would be snuffed out in an instant if Cove ever decided to release it.
Small tremors worked their way up my spine, and I shivered. The logical part of my brain, the one I listened to most often, agreed with him. Now that Cove was back to full power, we could easily take the fragment and leave.
However, that’s what the old Hayden would have done. Fluttered away at the first opportunity. Sera, Aeolus, Sky, Octavia, Maddie, Jack–all of them had appreciated the help and, like Sinbad, believed I was a far better person than I actually was.
I wasn’t that person. A tiny, broken part of me yearned for that attention. The things I’d do to not have to watch as their face crumbled into the same angry disappointment my parents had often bestowed on me scared me. Simultaneously, I had to fight the urge to carve myself out of their hearts and crush the pieces to prevent them from shattering me when they cut me out themselves.
I bit back a reflexive, angry response and wondered what Ember would have said. Something akin to “Then why are you here?” probably. She may have been more aware of the impact of her words, but she wasn’t much better than I. If Cove cared as little as he was trying to, he would have left Sinbad’s crew long ago.
Perhaps he hadn’t realized he cared yet, just as I hadn’t until recently. “Maybe so. It would certainly be faster,” I conceded, my voice flat. “A few months ago, and I would have been pushing for it.”
Pushing for it and regretting everything later as Sera and the others looked at me, knowing I could do better. Be better. Not abandoning Sinbad was a good start.
His eyes thawed slightly. “Then why not? The less we interfere, the better.”
“I made a promise,” I said, thinking of Sky. “Besides, this way is easier.”
Easier than losing the little space I had in their hearts than watching Shahrazad’s head roll across the ground without her stories to protect her.
Was that what my dream had meant?
Cove relented, crossing his arms, and jerking his head in the direction of our target. “We should get going.”
I was trying to be better, but I wasn’t perfect. If he didn’t want to talk about his mommy issues, that was fine by me.
You don’t want to talk about your daddy issues, either. My brain helpfully pointed out.