The crisp night air bit at my skin as I pulled my coat closer to myself for warmth, though I had a chance to go inside I wanted nothing more than to be far away from my parent's reach. New Eden was beautiful in its own way, with its orderly streets and pristine landscapes, but I hated it. I hated how suffocating it felt to be surrounded by perfection—especially when it wasn’t the life I wanted. My lungs exhaled a visible breath but my focus was on the night sky that I stared at above me. I always came to this roof when I needed time for myself, one of the best things about New Eden was its lack of light pollution, so I could see the night sky unhindered. I longed to be up there with the people that could choose their own lives. When I came here I imagined myself being one of them, exploring new planets and celestial bodies. 

For that reason, I was always drawn to space, researching as much as I could about this beautiful galaxy that I could look at but likely never touch. I would never be allowed off this planet if my parents had anything to say about it, and our currency was nothing to outsiders so I couldn’t possibly save up enough to afford my way off the planet. 

That never stopped me from dreaming about the life of seeing a black hole or finding new species or even just looking out my window to see the vastness of space. I wanted it more than anything in the universe, even if my parents were insistent that no good could come from it. I wanted to be up there where you could choose your own life, do whatever, and be whomever you wanted.

This fight with my parents was pretty nasty and my longing for escape was stronger than ever this time. I loved them dearly but it always felt like I was never enough for them. Not manly enough, not enough dedication to God, too interested in space, and this time–it was all three. The beauty of New Eden was undeniable but the strict rules were suffocating me. I felt my eyes tearing up once more, an act that my father would likely scream at me about. I was expected to be a strong man constantly, never to falter, but that wasn’t me.

My older brother had stood up for me, arguing that I needed space to grow and that my parents were too restrictive on me, but I stormed out before hearing what the conversation turned into. Though I loved my parents, I was always thankful for my brother’s support more than anything. He would listen to my rants and comfort me when I was low, he was the only person who knew about this spot that I always came to. 

I just wished my parents would understand that I’m not them, I’m not the macho man who’s obsessed with God like my father. My mother was more understanding but she would never defend me from my father as it was her role as a wife to always support her husband. They had raised me and taught me how to interact with the world and I would be forever grateful to them for that but I couldn’t help but clash with them. I sometimes wished I could be their perfect son, to be more extroverted and interested more in God than technology, to be more macho and dominant, but I simply never was.

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

I didn’t hold it against my parents as I knew they wanted me to follow in their shoes and find my place in heaven. They always wanted the best for me and sometimes I couldn’t help but think that I was the problem. Maybe they were right and I needed to try harder, needed to be stronger. I knew my brother would try and convince me otherwise but I knew it would make life so much easier if I could just be the man they wanted me to be. Maybe I would have done more with my life than depend on them for help and waste away with my books every day. I wanted an escape but I also wanted to be normal. Maybe I needed to stop thinking about fantasies that would never come true and instead focus on the here and now. Maybe it would all be for the better if I just listened to them.

Maybe one day everything would work itself out and I would measure up to their expectations. I would get a job as a farmer or work in the Church and they would never complain again. I would marry a nice girl and, despite how repulsed I was by sex, I would have a bunch of grandchildren for them and everything would be okay. 

Despite the comfort that looking at the sky gave me, I also was struggling with my longing to be out there among the beauty of space. I don’t think my longing for it would ever go away as it hadn’t subsided at all over my entire life.

I couldn’t help but smile as a shooting star started streaking across the sky, the timing was utterly poetic and my eyes closed to focus on my one wish. It was a multilayered wish but it came down to one simple sentence: I wish to be free.

As I opened my eyes I realized that the ball of light that had been streaking across the sky remained, but instead, it was bigger and brighter. I knew that my studies in astronomy were vastly incomplete but I knew enough to recognize that shooting stars weren’t supposed to act like this, this was something different. 

The ball of light kept growing and burning brighter to the point that it started to cause my eyes to sting in slight pain. My heart began to race as possibilities ran through my mind. Maybe God was tired of my antics and sending an angel to strike me down, maybe an asteroid had gotten through the planet's defensive shield and was hurdling straight toward me. Whatever the case, being here wasn’t safe as it was no longer a streak in the sky and now a burning ball. Whatever it was was on a collision course with the building I was on top of right now. 

I jumped to my feet, my mind racing as I desperately apologized to God for not working harder to be faithful to him and started running to the stairs that I would never reach. My mind flitted to my family in hopes that they would be okay. I hoped I would be able to meet them in Heaven.

The last thing I remember was light before the world went black.