Andy was greeted at home by his Siblings. Samantha, Martin, and Abigail all fussed over him as they took turns giving him hugs. The family had dinner together, but Andy wasn’t feeling very hungry, so he didn’t eat much. Everyone noticed his lack of appetite, and they all spent the evening with concerned faces. Soon, Andy was ready to lay down for a long sleep.

Before he could get into bed Andy, in his pajamas, heard his father’s voice.

“Hey, Andy,” said John.

Andy, halfway through the door to his bedroom, turned back to see his dad. John Gatlin looked nervous, a haunted look in his eyes.

“What is it, Dad?”

“I… John Stammered, “I just… I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” asked Andy, confused. “Why…”

Then he saw the tears forming under his father’s eyes.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you,” said John, tears going down his face as he looked down.

Andy suddenly understood what was going on, and shook his head.

“Don’t blame yourself, dad,” said Andy. “I know why you couldn’t be there. I…”

He almost said that he, as SteelStar, should have been stronger, but sensed that it wasn’t the right thing to say. He just held his silence, watching his father cry.

Nearby, in their own bedrooms, the others were listening. Amelia, Samantha, Martin and Abigail heard the whole conversation, and they all looked down, dejected.

###

A public funeral would be held for Goldarms in a few days. In the meantime, the Valtarians held a funeral for Carl Carrison in the woods, a hidden cemetery where all Valtarians were buried on Earth. Andy Gatlin, in his light skinned and dark haired human form, stood in a black suit and tie as Carl’s coffin was carried to the grave by his fellow Fullmetal Force members. Around him, John and Amelia Gatlin stood with other disguised Valtarians, including Tobias and Carl’s parents. Brian stood right beside Andy, an equally dejected look on his face.

Andy watched in a daze as Rick, Erica, Cathy, and Silas lowered Carl into the ground, ready to be buried. In truth, Andy had felt in a daze ever since Carl had died. A part of him had begun hoping that he’d wake up and discover that everything that had happened over the last few months would turn out to be a dream.

“I can’t believe he’s gone,” said Brian.

Andy gave Brian a glance out the corner of his eye, but he didn’t say anything.

###

The wake followed soon after, and the room provided by the funeral home was decorated with memorabilia dedicated to Carl Carrison. A table filled with food lined one of the walls, though Andy didn’t feel very hungry. He stood with his parents, Uncle Tobias, Brian, and the Fullmetal Force in their human forms. All around them, the sound of people talking filled the air, and Andy could barely hear the voices nearby.

“So Goldarms jumps straight into the tank,” said Rick. “Doesn’t even hesitate. We had to pull him out with the Iron Eagle’s mag lift, and when he came out, he was carrying four people with him. We barely got him out before the tank exploded, but I yell ya. Those people were grateful to be alive.”

“Yeah,” said Cathy, sighing. “I don’t think Carl knew the meaning of the word hesitate.”

Andy and Erica remained silent, and Erica even bit her lip nervously.

“He was certainly one of a kind,” said Silas.

“I… I wish I could have been there,” said John.

John briefly glanced at Andy before looking away in shame. Amelia placed her hand on John’s shoulder, rubbing comfortingly, while Andy watched sadly. Brian watched as well, clenching his fists.

“I wish…” Brian began.

When everyone gave Brian a curious look, Brian cleared his throat and looked away.

“Never mind,” said Brian. “It’s nothing.

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

Andy felt the weight on his mind get heavier. They all wished things that simply couldn’t be.

###

While the Fullmetal Force was known, it wasn’t as well known as other hero teams, so the funeral ceremony at U.H.E. headquarters was more of a formality. Those that knew Goldarms, either as a hero or as a friend, attended the funeral at the Partition City U.H.E. office. SteelStar attended the same suit and tie over his grey skinned, white haired Valtarian form. He arrived with the Fullmetal Force, all in formal wear to see a large room with a row of food like before, and a wall dedicated to Goldarms, mostly with news articles showing off his various exploits. while SteelStar saw a few heroes he didn’t recognize, he picked out Blacksting, Nosfeline, and Green Angel immediately, wearing either black suits or funeral dresses. He also saw Celerity there, which surprised him.

“Excuse me,” he said to the others.

He walked over to Celerity, who turned to him in her funeral dress and regarded him with concern.

“Hey,” said SteelStar.

“Hey,” said Celerity. “How are you holding up?”

SteelStar looked away, and Celerity found herself at a loss for words.

“How are you holding up?” said SteelStar. “I heard the Sons of Purity came after you.”

“I’m fine,” said Celerity. “I made it to the safehouse. Your parents and your people were very kind to me. It just seemed right to pay respects to one of their heroes.”

“Thank you,” said SteelStar, nodding.

They stood awkwardly for a moment, lacking words. SteelStar looked down, feeling embarrassed that he couldn’t think of anything to say. It was Celerity who broke the silence.

“This job won’t get any easier, will it?”

SteelStar looked at her and could tell that she knew what his answer was.

###

SteelStar stole a few glances at the table filled with food, but just couldn’t bring himself to eat anything. Sighing, he turned away, looking for someone else to talk to, and found himself face to face with Green Angel.

“SteelStar,” she said, nodding to him. “How are you doing?”

SteelStar didn’t answer, but looked away, and Green Angel got a knowing look.

“You know,” she said. “I’m sure your friend Goldarms and I disagree on a lot of things.”

She turned to the memorial wall. “I don’t think we should resort to violence, but I understand why someone like Goldarms would feel differently. I’d be lying if I said recent events didn’t test my resolve. I part of me knows that you and your friends winning that battle is better than the Sons of Purity winning.”

SteelStar stared at her curiously, wondering where she was going with this.

“I, of course, believe you won’t find a nonviolent solution if you never try,” she continued. “So I doubt I would ever see eye to eye with Goldarms completely.” Her voice grew serious. “However, I have nothing but the utmost respect for a man who doesn’t hesitate to give his own life in protection of others. It’s the single bravest act one can commit.”

She turned back to SteelStar. “What your friend did for you was entirely his choice and done out of love. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

SteelStar didn’t know how to answer. A part of him knew she was right, but he had trouble shaking everything he’d been feeling. Green Angel saw him thinking this over and nodded to him.

“Take care of yourself, SteelStar,” she said.

Green Angel turned and walked away, and SteelStar watched her go, thinking over her words. A moment later, SteelStar looked towards the Goldarm’s memorial wall. Walking up to it, he took a closer look at the newspaper clippings and pictures showing his old friend. The Fullmetal Force had gone on so many missions together. SteelStar had anticipated when he’d get the chance to hear about more of their exploits in person, but he knew it wouldn’t be the same without Goldarms there to give his perspective.

“You should get something to eat, young man,” said Blacksting, walking up. “You’re looking a little pallid.”

“I’m not hungry,” said SteelStar, his gaze never wavering.

“No, he’s right,” said Nosfeline, coming up on the other side. “Your friend wouldn’t want you to compromise your health.”

SteelStar didn’t answer, but just kept staring forward. Under his chitin mask, Blacksting had a knowing look.

“Well, if you every need anything,” said Blacksting. “Give me a call. I’ll help if it’s within my power.”

“Thanks,” said SteelStar.

Nosfeline examined him carefully, and then leaned in close.

“It’s not your fault, you know,” she said.

SteelStar looked down.

“It was Thornton,” she said. “He set all of this into motion, and he’s the one that sent that Cerberon after us.”

“I know that,” said SteelStar halfheartedly.

“Did he get into your head by showing you his eyes?” asked Blacksting. “Don’t let him. I know those implants. They can absolutely be made to look indistinguishable from regular eyes.”

SteelStar frowned at Blacksting. “You mean…”

“Yes,” said Blacksting. “He wants people to see his injury. He and his followers play on people’s sympathy to manipulate people, using it as a pretense to justify their crimes. Don’t let them do it. Andrew Thornton killed your friend. Nothing that happened to him in the past can justify that.”

SteelStar looked back at the wall, seeing Goldarm’s picture everywhere. He knew they were correct, but those eyes had gotten to him more than he’d realized. On top of that, SteelStar still couldn’t shake the idea that Goldarms would be alive if he’d done things differently or had been stronger.

“How do you do it?” he asked, turning around. “How do you keep going after everything that’s happened to you?”

Nosfeline and Blacksting looked at each other, then back to SteelStar.

“You just keep going,” said Blacksting.

That wasn’t the answer SteelStar expected. “Is that it?”

“Fraid so, dude,” said Nosfeline. “I know it looks bleak now, but if you keep going, before long, you’ll be surprised at the progress you make. At the very least, I’m sure it’s what Goldarms would want.”

SteelStar gave it some thought, then turned back to the wall of Goldarms. As he saw Goldarm’s smiling face and all the adventures he’d gone on, Coppershot’s words echoed through his mind.

It’s just the kind of man he was.

SteelStar took a deep breath. “Thank you. I… I think I know what I should do next.”

He turned to Blacksting and said. “I think there’s a way you can help me after all.”