"Leave it to me." I whispered, telling Oleg and Yuri to stay put. There was not really time to start a conflict, not when we can easily screw ourselves over. I tried ignoring the clowns as they approached us, stopping next to our table, but it was evident that wouldn't work.
"Are you really a noble? Because you are dressed like some horseshit shoveler!" The kid in the green clothes chuckled, scanning me with mocking eyes.
"Well," I answered after wiping my mouth, glancing at his fair expression, his gelled-back, blonde hair, finally settling down on his blue eyes. "I am from the Frontier." It was interesting to see their expressions change for a minute, looking at each other before the same guy continued.
"No wonder! Barbarians have no taste in clothes!"
"It is surprising they know how to dress up! I thought they all wore animal skins and slept in caves!" The one in blue chimed in, laughing like a crow with a sore throat.
"True." I answered calmly, no longer looking at them, watching Oleg instead, who was waiting for a signal to knock their teeth out. "We do wear animal skins, and I got my wife by smashing her over the head with a stick. It's the best unga-bunga I've had in a while."
"Is that her?" They cackled, pointing at Yuri, "The wild man married a fucking dreg from the border region? They do have feral tastes!"
"Thightest pussy I have ever tasted." I added with a chuckle, standing up and nodding at the others that we should leave.
Luna was the first to follow my order, not even registering my words, wanting nothing more than to disappear and run away. When Oleg stood up, they did flinch as he was bigger than the four idiots put together. However, their sudden doubts didn't last longer than their brain remembering they were nobles in the capital city.
"Is it now?" They blocked our way, now looking at Yuri, who was smiling amicably, surprisingly well-mannered and silent. Wait? Is she now deciding to follow my order and remain muted until I say so? "Isn't it customary to bring presents when coming to visit? We would like to taste the beauty of a faraway land!"
"I doubt it."
"Come on, we are in the same echelon, aren't we?" The one in the green clothes laughed, hugging my shoulders as if we were long-lost pals. "Let's have some fun; we wouldn't break her!"
"..." At first, I remained silent, not because I lost my voice but because their cologne smelled like a public toilet from up close... did they use some cheap shit to mask the fact they were not bathing regularly? Anyway, I wasn't really interested in what they wanted to do. "Sure!" I answered readily, shocking not just them but Oleg and Luna too.
"Hah!" Finally, Yuri couldn't hold it back and laughed a little, but she quickly forced it down, standing there, trying not to grin.
"Strip." I ordered, looking at her, which made her shudder, beginning to quickly throw down her top clothes, revealing her scarred body without any shame.
"What the fuck?!" The silkpants cried out in tandem, reeling a little, backing away, while I glanced at them, holding up my hand at Yuri to stop.
"Is there a problem?" I asked, looking confused, tilting my head a little. "Where I come from, we like it rough. I did use her a bit hard, I admit, biting off one of her breasts. But she is just a meat to fuck, so if she expires, I will get a new one. Is it really that weird? You city folk are too soft..."
"Husband," Yuri chimed in with an excited voice, and I could hear it in her breathing that she was totally fired up, "I hope they can hurt me satisfactorily... I never had so many strong men trying to rend me to a horrid spectacle!"
I wanted to ask why she was using words I guessed she didn't even know the meaning of... but oh well. The frightened and disgusted faces of these silkpants were satisfying enough.
"Don't worry. I will be watching; if they don't make you scream, I will step in and show them how it is done! I will go and prepare the ropes, the hooks, and the heated iron!"
"The what?!" They asked, their voice going an octave higher, watching me with revulsion.
"Hm? The accessories for good sex, of course!" I answered, looking at them as if they asked the dumbest question possible, "Pain is an essential part of pleasure, so she will also inflict it on us! It makes it more spicier! Let's go! Now I am excited!"
I think that was what broke their bravery as they began backing out without giving a correct explanation as to why they were hurrying out of the restaurant.
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"Barbarian..." Luna murmured, looking pityingly at Yuri, who was heaving like a dog in heat.
"I was lying." I added, feeling compelled to say it as Luna's gaze was weird.
"No, no, we do that! We do that for real; come, my husband, fuck me here and now! You can choke me out! Again!"
"No, and start dressing up!" I groaned, and it was Oleg who had to forcefully put the clothes back on Yuri, who acted more like a kid with massive tantrum issues than a killer bandit leader.
"It... it was just a lie?" Luna asked again, her eyes going back and forth between us, and I couldn't read her thoughts. Was she disgusted? Afraid? Disappointed? Her mismatched eyes were displaying a way too varied range of emotions.
"Duh. I told you she isn't completely normal in the head. Anyway, the problem was averted! Let's go; I still want you to lead us around the city a little! I want to see the parts you think are interesting!"
"But... if they retell it... a rumor and your reputation... and..." Luna stuttered, trying to comprehend it.
"It would matter if I cared about it. But I don't! So let's go; it's time to move on!"
I watched Luna lead us back down, her brain trying to make sense of what just happened while I paid, giving a little tip. I could sense the nervousness in our little waitress and in the owner as they expected a fight to break out. It could have easily made it so their lives were over, along with their business.
"Daaaamn..." I moaned after we were out, patting my shrunken coin purse on my waist. "I didn't know the city would be this expensive! Half of my coins are gone from lunch?! What's wrong with this place?! Were we scammed?!" I complained, making Luna blush, my ranting interrupted by Yuri, who was still breathing heavily.
"I can rob us some fools... ah... Let's find those idiots and kill them; their clothes would sell for sure!"
"W-w-w-what?!" Luna yelled like a cat whose tail had been stepped on.
"No killing." I knocked on Yuri's head, which made her moan, "Plus, you would ruin the silk, and with bloody, torn fabric, you could not make any profit. Idiot."
"Then just kill them!"
"Go home and masturbate or something!" I sighed, rubbing my forehead, knowing now she wouldn't shut up for the time being. "Let's go!"
"Eh?!"
Instead of standing still on the street, I stepped behind Luna, holding her shoulders and pushing her forward so we could explore the nearby streets.
...
....
......
"Did I come late?" I asked, coming into the study way after sundown, wearing a fresh set of clothes.
"A bit, but not much." Father nodded, sitting on a couch with my Uncle, drinking wine. "How's the city?"
"Fine." I shrugged, not wanting to go into the details. I got a good look at the architecture, and I presently felt confident in my conclusion that they were built with such precision they rivaled the world in my previous life. I was proud of giving my people back home the option to bathe in their homes, yet here I was, seeing drinking fountains at every corner. Even this mansion had a bathroom and flushable toilets. Yes, flushable toilets. Damn.
"What's the problem? Something happened?" Father asked, but I just sighed again, smiling at him.
"No, nothing like that. I am just surprised by the difference between the regions. I feel like I traveled forward in time."
"This city is special; you can't compare it to other places." Elliot chuckled, trying to lift my spirits.
"Maybe. Also, I think I started spreading another weird rumor about ourselves, Father. Sorry about that."
"Who cares!" He chuckled, giving me a cup of wine, "This city is far away from us, so don't stress about it!"
"Rumors are what makes this city tick, so there would be some even if you did nothing." My Uncle added before turning a bit more serious, "Listen, Leon, tomorrow will be important."
"I am fully aware of that. I have been hearing it since coming near the city."
"First, let's go through the protocol!" Elliot continued, without addressing my complaint, "We will arrive in time; only the three of us will enter the palace, and we will wait, SILENTLY, until we are called. When entering, you can't look the Empress in the eye, not until you are given permission to do so!"
"Noted." I nodded, "You already told me this! Stay in a slight bow, and speak when spoken to. Until Father says what he must and I am officially named his successor, I am a nobody who should be thankful to be in the presence of the Empress! Believe it or not, I can play the little ant when I must. I won't cause problems, not when what I am doing behind the scenes is worthy of losing my head."
"Exactly." Elliot pressed on, looking into my eyes, "We will present our findings, the evidence, and wait for her verdict!"
"After the meeting, if everything went smoothly," Father interjected, continuing my Uncle's thoughts, "We will return here, pack up and leave."
"Right away?" Now, that was a surprise.
"The city is dangerous, so yes. The longer we stay, the higher the chance we will be dragged into some scheme and sacrificed for a cause we have nothing to do with!"
"A bit disappointing but duly noted. Then, I will go to sleep early and wake up even earlier!" I chuckled, standing up before being reminded of what I wanted to mention. "What would happen if I asked for the Gottfried family to be assigned under me?"
"Who?" They asked simultaneously, looking at me seriously as I sat back down, explaining everything.
"Well, a dead family like that wouldn't cause us many problems." Father murmured, scratching his chin.
"The problem would be the family itself. They wouldn't be able to refuse if they are officially signed under you, but they would feel it as an exile. Families that are born here are extremely prejudicious and would think that moving out the city is discarding them to the pigs." Elliot added, holding a slight smile on his face.
"Hmmm... I was thinking about it and realized that I would need a trained, proper family back home who could help me keep the place clean and organized. Secretaries make it much more easy to keep track of things..."
"Secret tallies?" Father asked, making me chuckle and explain quickly that I meant a capable, administering body. "I see. No guarantees, son! But, there is a chance that when you get appointed as the new lord of the Frontier, you get to ask for something. There is a custom where new nobles get something from the Empire so they don't forget which hand feeds them."
"But don't get hopeful!" Elliot warned me, "Right now, with Envy herself on the throne, that thing may be an event of the past!"