“I think I lost them…”

I ran into one of Acuposland’s attractions: Kagami mansion. A house of mirrors. Those crazy assassin girls didn’t even see me run in here. So now that I have enough time to gather my thoughts...what the hell is wrong with that dumbass Derris! He pretty much left me to die! That’s a violation! That’s gotta be a violation! Is it? I never paid attention to the code of counter-terrorism.

I mean…Mr. Matthews won’t be mad if I sit this one out, right? After all, we’re all just trainees. We’re inexperienced and still learning. Everyone else is crazy as hell for even trying to fight these guys. Why doesn’t anyone get the more experienced CTs to—

That’s it! I’ll just switch to an official channel on my earpiece and ask for help! Once I explain the situation, I’m sure the BCT will send some full-fledged CTs out here.

I quickly grabbed the earpiece in my ear and took it off. It has a display panel that lets you switch channels. We’re supposed to stay on channel 67, but we need help here! I’m going right to the emergency channel: Channel 2!

Although it took me a while to use the buttons to get to the second channel, when I finally made it I heard the muffled sounds of what sounded like an all-natural beauty. As I put it to my ear again, I got a clearer sound.

“This is a private channel only used for emergencies! This better be important, trainee!”

Yup. Her voice is like the finest of silks. Mature and dominating, yet graceful and classy. The perfect mix.

“Hello?!” The beauty called me back to reality.

“Y-yes! I’m Rono Ecluse, a trainee of the 20th first zone division! We were patrolling the New Dawn Festival when about 6 or maybe 7 terrorists started to attack us. They’re completely coordinated and from the looks of it, we’re getting our asses handed to us!”

Or rather, I’m getting my ass handed to me. But they don’t need to know that.

“When the Commander of the BCT gives an order, there is no error in it! If he wants seven CTs to defend a festival, they’ll put their lives on the line to do it!”

Huh? Did I hear that right? Nah no way. It sounded like she said she wanted us to just deal with it. Is she dense? Was she dropped on her head as a child?

“We’re not ready for something like this! Get some experienced CTs out here to clean this mess up! You guys call yourselves the protectors of peace?! Protectors of the common man?! What a joke!” I didn’t care how cowardly I sounded. I gritted my teeth and begged for help, but the operator just snapped right back at me.

“Excuse me?! You forfeited your chance to be considered a common man when you became a trainee! If you think that all there is to being a CT is fame and collecting paychecks then you need to get over yourself—wha?! Commander!”

“This is Instructor Matthew’s trainee Rono Ecluse, correct?”

I was taken aback at first. It was something about his voice. The intonations and way he spoke with authority made me want to pause and listen to what he was going to say next…

So this is the voice of someone that’s completely confident in themselves. This is the voice of a leader.

“Y-yes! It is! Commander Milton, please send—”

“Consider this your trial by fire. It is a tradition for the trainees of a zone to guard the festival with their lives. If you die here, you were never going to make it in the world of counter-terrorism. You don’t even deserve to be full-fledged CTs.”

“But we’re not ready—”

“Terrorism doesn’t wait until you’re completely prepared. They’ll attack out of nowhere and if you’re not strong enough, they’ll take everything without warning. So prove your worth. I’ll be watching.”

Before I could argue any more, I heard the distinct sound of me getting forced back on channel 67. My hand dropped to the floor in despair. What the hell am I gonna do now?! What am I gonna do—

“Are you suuuure he’s in here?”

“Of course. I could’ve sworn I heard some whining and crying here.” Twilight said.

“Right Right! That totally sounds like him!” The cheery Dawn pointed out as she laughed.

The both of them were here and they were actively searching for me. I’m deep in the mirror maze at a dead end, so they’ll probably get frustrated and leave.

“Ow! These stupid mirrors are so annoying!”

“Just break them. Think about it: if we level the place, we’ll eventually find him in fetal position somewhere.”

“Okayyyy!”

I forgot one crucial lesson that Instructor Matthews taught me: terrorists play by their own rules.

With every step they took on the wooden floor of the house of mirrors, they broke any mirror that stood in their way or was adjacent to those mirrors. At this rate, they’re gonna find me. I have to get out of here, but they could probably hear even the slightest creak in the floor. I have no choice but to wait in silence until they catch me and I have to defend myself! Damn it! Why am I so pathetic?! Why am I so weak?!

It’s because you’re scared of what failing could mean! The words of that woman rang out in my head. Of course I’m scared of failing! Failure in these circumstances could mean death! I’m not like the Commander! I’m not like Arno or even Derris!

Step

I held my breath as the set of footsteps were to the exact right of me. The only thing that separated me and these two murderers was a thin mirror. I clutched my staff. Any second now, I’ll have to fight. When I do, I’ll…I’ll…

Crash

“AHHH!” I heard what sounded like a woman screaming, with her child crying in her arms. With the crash of another mirror…the twins found someone, but it wasn’t me.

This…could be my chance…

“Please don’t hurt me or my little boy! I’ll give you anything you want!”

“The whining I heard must’ve been these two. I guess he’s not here.” Twilight said.

I slowly got up and walked to the exit. Step after cautious step.

“Ahhhh man! He really pulled a fast one and left, huh?” Dawn scratched her head, ignoring the sobbing civilians as they chatted.

“Yeah, my bad. I guess we could just leave.”

“But now I’ve got all this bloodlust. I just wanna take it out on something.”

I was getting so close to the exit. Any minute now and I’ll be free. I’ll turn in my stemata and quit the BCT.

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“P-please! If…if you’re gonna hurt anyone, please let it be me! Let my little boy go!”

“...Mom?” The little boy choked back some of his tears to call for his mother with concern.

“It’s okay sweetie! Go find your father. I’m just gonna talk with these nice ladies!” The mother did her best to provide a lie for her son’s survival.

“This is good enough for me, I guess. Get going kiddo! And mind the glass.” Dawn said.

At this point, I was out of the house and standing in front of the exit. I heard the boy’s quickened footsteps as he came my way. I…guess this is fine. I’m done being a CT anyway. Whatever happens is up to Arno and the rest.

But then I started to hear another set of footsteps quickly running after the boy. When I realized what was going on, my eyes widened and time felt like it was slowing down to a halt for me. Dawn changed targets. She was running after the boy and was going to kill him! I have to do something or he’ll die!

I…have…to move…

But my legs are still shaking. It’s a tell-tale sign: I’m scared beyond belief. But why?! Why am I like this?! Why can’t I take that first step?!

I’m always like this…

===

“You got this Rono!” My father shouted at me from the stands as I stepped up to the plate.

It was the district finals for my middle school’s baseball team. All bases were loaded. All I had to do was hit the ball and we would make it to nationals. I was loving every moment of baseball and made up my mind: I was gonna be a baseball star! I even told my father the night before the game.

I readied my bat and eye’d down every motion of the pitcher. As he winded his arm back and prepared his pitch, I tightened my grip on my bat.

“Strike one!”

Before I knew it.

“Strike Two!”

My ambition…my dreams…

“Strike Three!”

Where shattered then and there. I was the deciding factor and when everyone needed me most, I couldn’t do a thing.

My father tried to cheer me up by buying me ice cream, but I couldn’t stop crying my eyes out. I blew it for my team and I knew it more than anyone. Regardless, my father gave me that understanding look. As if he was waiting for me to get back up again.

But the very next day I got back to school, my desk was marked all over its surface with insults. Most of the insults were petty stabs that tried to get at insecurities that weren’t there, but one stood out to me the most.

Failure.

“As if I didn’t know that already…” I muttered as I came back with paper towels to wipe off the desk.

I decided not to go to practice, but instead focus all of my time into my classes after that. I did this for the rest of my years in middle school. It was safe to say that my days as a baseball player were over. It’s only when I started going to high school did my life start to take a different direction.

W-wait…this is the auditorium!

I was looking for the comic book club and ended up stumbling into the wrong room. It was a dark auditorium with people on the stage acting.

“Hey there! Would you like to join the drama club?”

“Sorry, but—”

As soon as I laid my eyes on the beauty that was inviting me, every negative thought in my mind was wiped clean. The only answer left was yes.

And so I joined the drama club…and I was pretty good at it. I wasn’t as good as I was when playing baseball, but I was good enough. I did so well that I ended up getting more and more important roles. Slowly, but surely, I was regaining my confidence. It was all because I would never allow myself to make another mistake. I wanted to beat the horrible image I created of myself.

“Are you Rono Ecluse?”

“Uh…Yeah?”

After one of the club’s plays, a scout for a talent agency came to approach me. He mentioned how he loved my acting and how even though I played a side character, it was like I was in a league of my own. Although everyone else backstage was packing up their stuff or doing their own thing, they were listening in. It made me want to mention that everyone else tried as hard as possible. He didn’t want to hear any of it though. He just wanted to see me act again in the next play. I decided as soon as he said that, I was determined to show him the best I had. I was ready. I asked the club president if I could have a lead role and he said yes. But something changed.

“And that’s all the important roles. Now for the side characters. Rono, you’ll be playing Mura. Sarah, you’ll be playing…”

As I sat there listlessly staring into space, wondering why the president would leave me out to dry like that. That’s when I saw it. The smug look on one of my clubmates' face. I knew him better than anyone. He was Francis Euphemia. One of the most popular kids in school. He always bragged about how his grandfather invented the lightbulb and everyone just ate it up. After the club meeting, he walked past me with his friends and said “Better luck next time, Rono.”

That’s just how things are in the acting world. Behind the scenes there’s politics happening all the time. I just had to accept it. But still…it was so damn frustrating…

Regardless, I wasn’t going to give up. That guy from the agency expects me to play a side character role anyway, so I’ll still be fine. I’ll do it! I'll memorize every line and deliver them with perfection!

And so I practiced every night until the big day. When it was time for me to walk onto that stage, I was ready!

I walked across the wooden floorboards. My character had one goal and one goal only: to stand in front of the villain, give a monologue about how the hero is in a way as evil as the villain, and battle the hero while the villain gets away until he kills me. The bulk of my lines is the monologue. I’ll do this with ease!

With the crowded auditorium watching me, I walked in front of the villain and began my speech.

“Halt!...”

“...”

“...”

I forgot my lines…

Even when I whispered for someone to help me with my lines, I couldn’t remember them. The other actors had to improvise their way back into the important parts. I didn’t even remember the simple choreography for the fight either. I completely and utterly failed. After that, I went right home and stayed in my room. I didn’t come out for a week straight after that.

At least this time, not as many people depended on me… The hurtful thought ran across my mind.

My father left a tray of food at the door of my room each day that passed that week. When I finally emerged, I quit the drama club and once again focused on my studies. The problem was…I wasn’t performing as well as usual. My grades began to fall and before I knew it, I had to beg my teachers to give me the extra credit assignments necessary to pass. I spent the night before my graduation gambling away my college savings in a fit of depression. My father paid what I owed the casino with an apologetic look on his face. Not one moment did he raise his voice at me.

“It’s okay, son! Surely, you’ll find something you love to do. And it’ll be as easy as breathing!”

For once, I’d wish he would just yell at me.

Before I knew it, I was out into the “real world” but I barely had the courage to take that step forward. All my life, when people counted on me, I let them down. So why even bother trying?

It was only when my father fell ill and became bedridden did I gain some sort of motivation to take that step.

I applied to college after college. I applied to every possible university in the country. And when I did, I got rejected over and over. There was only one college that accepted me. When I went for the interview, I wore my best suit.

“So…you’re grades aren’t very good, and you said you wanted to enroll as ‘undecided.’ And in terms of extra-curricular activities, you’ve only been in the drama club for a year. I’m going to be honest…I can’t fathom picking you over any of our other candidates…I just don’t know what you want…”

I knew what he was getting at. He was trying to make me fight for my spot. To have me go on and talk about how I’m such a good student regardless of my track record. But the truth is…I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.

I didn’t respond to him. I got up and dragged my feet out of the door. When I got home, I decided I was going to give up. On everything. But that’s when it happened.

“The Terror Crusher has arrived onto the scene and—a-are you kidding me?! He took out one of the three captains in one hit! Th-then another! Then the last!”

While in my room, I got into the habit of tuning into the news on the radio just to hear what the CTs were up to. They were like real life heroes to me.

I held onto my radio in anticipation asking as if the reporter could hear me “What about the hostages?!”

“One of the lackeys has a hostage close to him. He’s making demands but as everyone at home knows…”

“We don’t negotiate with terrorists! Ahhhhh that line alone is so cool!” I pumped my fist in the air as I listened.

After the Terror Crusher took care of the situation the reporter asked him a question and what he said in response stood out to me.

“What do you want to say to the listeners at home?”

“If you’re at rock bottom, I was at that place as well. In some ways…I still am. I don’t think I’ll ever get away from this sinking feeling. But what gets me closer to feeling what people call normal is saving lives. It makes me feel more content with myself. Even if I feel like I don’t deserve it…”

My eyes began to form tears that welled before falling from my cheeks to the floor. The world’s strongest man was going through some of the same things I was. That feeling of doubting your self worth to the point where it’s suffocating. He gets it! And his answer…

Was the BCT.

It was like that pit I was stuck in…the Terror Crusher threw me out of it and I could see the light I’ve been missing for so long. I decided: I was going to become a CT! And nothing was going to stop me! I went to tell my father in bed about my dream once more after all these years.

“I’m sure this is it, son. I’m so proud of you.”

His condition was getting worse. Both of us knew that he wasn’t going to live to see another year. Regardless, he promised me that he’ll live to see me as a full-fledged CT.

So I did it! I applied and before I knew it, I was accepted. Probably because the mortality rate is so high.

But there was one problem with me…I’m more of a coward than I thought I was.

“Arno, get Anna out of there! Rono, start running away for help—” Before Ori could finish her sentence, I was running away for dear life.

The wall that was stopping me from improving became more and more apparent. I was scared of fighting. I was scared of the exact thing CTs were supposed to do. When I thought to myself why, Natalia had the answer right after our mock battle.