Sharna started pacing back and forth across the small room, her emotions too much for her to remain still. Painful and shameful feelings had been building up inside her ever since her grandmother’s death. Just having Myra’s sympathetic presence was enough to release some of the repressed emotions in a gush of vitriol.
“I don’t remember my mother. My grandmother told me a lot about her as I grew older. She was treated like garbage -” Sharna spat out the word, her face twisted with scorn “- by everyone in her family except my grandmother. Even before she became pregnant with me, her family disliked her.”
Sharna’s expression cleared as she stared unseeing out the window, it felt cathartic to have the opportunity to get this out, “my mother’s name was Jade. She looked a lot like me but much more beautiful, and wild. I have some pictures of her that my grandmother made.”
Sharna paused, as she looked for the right words to explain. “My grandfather was very authoritarian and expected strict adherence to his whims, he wanted everyone to fit into a box but my mother didn’t. Adhere or fit. This enraged him, he didn't want to deal with her so he decided to send her away at fifteen to board at the academy in the capital.”
Sharna looked back at Myra, “She didn’t want to go, she hated being away from home, away from the mountains, even more than she hated her father. She was extremely sensitive to her environment, to the mana flow as well. My grandmother tried to protest on her behalf, but my grandfather was very violent.. so she went.”
“She was so unhappy there and tried to run away, but my grandfather paid a gang of thugs to drag her back. She didn’t attempt it again.” Sharna looked down at her hands and unclenched them. Her grandmother hadn't given her many details about this abduction and she hadn't asked for them.
“Eventually she made some friends at the academy and settled in. She wasn't happy but she became acclimatised.”
Love what you're reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on.
Sharna took a deep breath and continued, as she struggled over the next part of her story. “She got pregnant with me a year later, the academy tried to keep it secret and sent her back home ‘for family reasons’. The rumours got out anyway. My grandfather was enraged and the family all sided with him. She refused to say who the father was even though my grandfather almost killed her.”
Sharna's voice broke a little here. Myra started to reach out her hand awkwardly, but Sharna waved her away. She wanted to get this all out at once. “After my mother had recovered enough to walk, my grandmother ran away with her in the night, helped by a couple of staff that were loyal to her. They left with nothing but the clothes they were wearing. The two of them stayed at The Pillars until after I was born.”
“The healers said that my mother was permanently weakened from my grandfather's attack, that’s why she died so young. My grandmother and I moved back home after her death, when I was two. Apparently my grandfather was inconsolable about her death.” Sharna’s voice was flat, emotionless.
“My grandfather died not long after and my family tried to kick us out,” Sharna smiled wryly at this, “however, my grandmother was extremely well-connected and my grandfather’s will was airtight. Everything was left to her when he died so she could look after me. He was trying to ‘repent’ for the way he treated my mother.” She snorted with disgust.
Sharna could feel herself winding down but wanted to get out this final part. “It’s been hushed up, but my grandmother’s death was at the hands of my family, her family. They expected her to leave everything to me. I could be controlled more easily. She didn’t want me forced to marry anyone so she left her estate to my uncle with certain stipulations. It’s my fault she died,” Sharna’s eyes shone with unshed tears, “I was weak and they knew they could get her estate through me. If I’d only been stronger..”
Sharna looked back at Myra, who was looking stunned at Sharna’s disclosures.
Sharna immediately felt a little ashamed of her outburst, “I’m sorry Myra, that was a lot to dump on you. Thank you for listening. Would you mind passing this on to Anna as well, I don’t know if I have the capacity to explain it all again.”
Myra nodded mutely.
Sharna distantly felt self-conscious, she hadn’t intended to say so much but it was a relief to get some things off her chest. She had had no one since her grandmother had died.
“I think I’ll go out into the garden and get some air,” she told Myra.
Myra nodded again.
Sharna headed through the sitting room to the garden outside, her mind blank. Sharing her sordid family history with Myra had pushed her past her limits for the day, she had shut down and was left feeling only numbness.