Chapter 61: Managing Feelings

Primidian's hug didn't last very long, though it left Rey devastated. All her feelings about Fama and Minerva and now him were spiraling around in her head. They were like the family she had always dreamed of a sister, a mother, and a father who cared for her and was there to guide her. But now, the Jedi Code prohibited such selfish feelings, which made for a rather ironic twist of fate. Rey grew embarrassed by her conflict, which was amplified by the blush on her face. The Admiral checked and put a hand on her shoulder, "Come, we have much to talk about."

The three of them took their seats, giving the Jedi time to reign in her thoughts. Suppressing her feelings, she put on a serious expression and asked, "Any progress on the lead."

Primidian smiled widely at this and nodded, "More than we could have hoped for." The man let out a pleased sigh and went on, "The woman that changed the video feed was a skin-changer hired from the lower levels. She had been worried about being killed after messing with an Admiral's business and went into hiding."

Rey's eyes lit up as she blurted, "Did you find her."

The man nodded, "I pulled a few strings, but we were able to track her movement by video feed." Appearing pleased with himself, he continued, "After we promised to get her a new life off the world, she spilled everything."

Like an eager child, Rey was on the edge of her seat as she asked, "And."

Primidian smiled at this, almost laughing, and went on, "She gave us three names." The Jedi's gaze became even more excited, but the man shrugged and added, "They were all dead." Rey deflated though her Godfather held up a hand, "They were assassinated by a gang that usually specializes in customer privacy."

Rey raised an eyebrow and asked, "Usually."

The Admiral smirked and explained, "Prior to the concord, a group of us paid a not-so-small fortune to buy out most of the organized crime across more than half the plant." He leaned back in his seat and added, "Worth every penny."

The Jedi was so excited she had long been reduced to single-word sentences and continued this trend, asking, "So?"

Primidian nodded and responded, "It took some digging, but we found that the man who paid for the hit job was a Dark Apostle member." His eyes grew fierce as he added, "My men are searching for him and tracing his past movements as we speak."

Rey fell back in her own seat, letting out a sigh of relief and inquiring, "Should we get the Security Force to help."

The Admiral shook his head grimly as he answered, "If the news gets leaked that we have a new lead, they may cut off the loose end or relocate." The man seemed to grow a bit tired as he added, "I have confidence my agents will find him by tomorrow morning."

The Jedi gazed off at nothing in disbelief and couldn't help but ask, "How is it your men can do what the entire Security Force can't."

Primidian laughed at this and answered, "I've spent many years of my life on this planet." He looked out the window, his expression becoming remainest for a moment before going on, "I have lots of friends and…" His gaze became a bit impish as he rubbed his thumb against his pointer and middle-fingered, "I'm willing to pay for results."

Rey laughed at this and responded, "Minerva did tell me the Security Force had an abysmal budget."

Her Godfather rolled his eyes and added, "And that's before any of it was embezzled."

The two sighed in unison, causing the Jedi to smile a bit before asking, "Is there anything I can do till you catch this guy."

Primidian shook his head and responded, "You're more valuable in the political arena at the moment." He met her eyes and added, "You really have been doing an amazing job." He looked away and went on, "You probably don't want to hear it this way, but you would have given your Grandfather a run for his money." Looking back, he capped this with, "In a good way, of course."

Rey did get irritated by this, not wanting anything to do with Palpatine, and grumbled, "I'm sure he was much better; he became Emperor, didn't he."

The Admiral shook his head and responded, "At your age, Palpatine was getting kicked out of universities and lucky to sit in on his father's business meetings." His eyes grew reassuring as he added, "What you're doing here is changing the entire Galaxy."

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

The Jedi sighed and glumly responded, "Maybe, but I'm just doing what you and Minerva tell me."

Primidian nodded and responded, "As does any soldier…" His face grew even warmer as he finished, "And it is soldiers that win wars, not the politicians that control them." Rey considered this and felt a little better, which the Admiral recognized and added, "Plus, what you did today was all you." He rubbed his chin like a critic reviewing a subject and added, "I would have phrased things differently, but your message was well formulated and easy to understand." The man smiled and concluded, "All in all, it was an amazing argument."

Rey had to resist blushing again by thinking about anything other than his praise. Realizing what was happening, she became distressed, and her expression became strained. Looking back at her Godfather, she responded, "Thank you…" She gave Emi a swift glare before finishing, "I needed that."

The man observed her face and inquired, "Is something troubling you."

The Jedi met his worried gaze and hesitated, wanting to consult the man who she was certain had Jedi training. She resolved herself to try and responded, "Just some Jedi issues."

Her eyes grew pitiful like Fama's when she was begging for something. The man gulped and responded, "Well, I'm sure the Jedi texts can help guide you."

Rey's eyes became even more poutier as she added, "I tried; this is more…' She looked for a word and settled on "Personal."

Primidian hesitated for a few moments, then offered in a strained manner, "Then perhaps I can offer some advice."

The Jedi was happy to hear this and mastered the courage to confess, "I've been having trouble with feelings of attachment."

The Admiral's gaze became stone cold as he asked, "Towards a boy."

Rey was a bit embarrassed by this insinuation and a little frightened by the almost deadly look in the man's eyes as she answered, "No, exactly."

Primidian let out a heavy sigh of relief and waved her on, "Do go on."

Rey nodded and explained hesitantly, "I'm struggling with familial attachments." The man's gaze became interested as she stammered, "Fama's my padawan, but sometimes…" She paused and corrected herself, "A lot of the time, I'm viewing her like my little sister." The Jedi explained further, "The compassion I feel for her is no longer just that. I'm protective and concerned for her happiness when I should be prioritizing her training." She looked up to her Godfather and finished, "I don't want to stray onto the wrong path because of these feelings."

The Admiral nodded and inquired, "Is this all."

Rey hesitated once more and added, "With Minerva, she's become more to me than just a mentor." Her shoulder dropped at this as she confessed her weakness, "She's like the mother I always wanted." With confused eyes, the Jedi went on, "I want her to approve of me, and I want to do what will make her happy. My duty is to the Jedi Code, but I'm constantly feeling tempted."

Primidian nodded once more and asked, "Is there anyone else?"

Rey looked up, met his eye, and started, "Actually, you…"

Before she could finish, the man raised a hand and spoke over her, "That is enough." He let out a sigh as a complex expression appeared on his face. His goddaughter shrank back at this, so he added, "I understand your citation." He sat still for a moment as he considered many factors and ultimately sighed again, "I do have a few words that may be of use."

Rey looked up, slightly ashamed of forcing the man, but was desperate for this knowledge and asked, "Please help me."

Primidian leaned forward, "Alright, I will give you three pieces of advice." Rey nodded eagerly as he spoke, "First, as a soldier." He emphasized his identity before continuing, "I will say that having emotions is not a weakness. They can cloud your mind and even lead you to make mistakes, but that's only if you let them have power over you." He met Rey's gaze firmly and went on, "Like a soldier in war controlling his fear, a Jedi must control their compassion." He hesitated before adding, "I assure you, you are not the only Jedi in history to have these afflictions."

Rey drank in this knowledge and nodded quickly as the man moved on, "Secondly…" He emphasized once more, "As a scholar, I will tell you, originally, the Jedi never had padawans." Rey's gaze became shocked as he went on, "When the order was first founded, it considered all people equal regardless of age. The ranks of Knight and Master were added later in the Jedi's history, and padawans were introduced even further after this." He paused, meeting Rey's eye, and asked, "Do you know why?" The Jedi shook her head, and he nodded, continuing, "It is because having a Padawan is meant to teach the master even more so than the child." Meeting Rey's shocked gaze, he finished, "When training you, Padwan, do not view her as your student; view her as your teacher."

There was meaning to the man's words that Rey could not initially grasp, but she knew was there; however, at this moment, she could only nod, hoping for him to continue speaking. Primidian sighed to himself and went on, "Thirdly, as your Godfather, I will tell you…" His gaze became a bit conflicted, though, then grew calm, "You are a person surrounded by love and have no reason to want anything more than what you have." Rey was about to speak up at this, but the man stopped her with a hand and went on, "Your desire for familial love does not reflect your lack of skill of a Jedi, but rather, there is a hole in your heart that you are trying to fill." He shook his head and went on, "This is not something eternal influence can heal for you; it is something you must come to terms with on your own." The man met the girl's confused gaze and finished, "Rey, you had parents who loved you. They loved you so much they were willing to die for you. Never forget this."

The transport fell silent as Rey found her mind in chaos. Primidian had given her many answers, not all of which she had wanted, but she knew they were still truthful. As a Jedi, she had to control her emotions; she couldn't just view Fama as a student or a child, and there was a wound in her heart that she had never truly addressed. All of these things were weaknesses that threatened her focus as a Jedi and, if not resolved, could be ruinous.