41:03:33 GrS

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It took some searching, but her inquiries eventually led Lyra and Tetris to a boscage of navawood on the eastern edge of the village. Taz had compact electrobinoculars pressed to his eyes, peering into the valley. The shuffle of sandals on the stones and sticks made him turn.

She gave him a little wave and an approving smile at the festive green sayaka he was wearing. "How are you feeling, Officer Oktos?"

He tucked the oculars in his sash. "Pretty good, all things considered, Ensign Nimor. What about you?" He gave her a sympathetic look. "I heard about Lady Semma. Are you alright?"

She nodded a response as she walked up beside him, Tetris snug at her side. "I was never close to the head of our clan. She treated my father with utter contempt, and the rest of us little better. And you saw her at the festival; her death was hardly a surprise."

"I just meant that after Senguru Raga..."

"I know. Thanks," she said with a wan smile. Despite her loathing for the woman, she did feel a pang at the loss of so many people who'd shaped her life. Lyra nodded toward the expansive vista spread before them. "What are you looking at?"

"Nothing in particular, I just thought I'd take in the view. It's beautiful up here, just like you said it would be."

She affected a pout when she noticed his wet hair and damp skin. "You took a soak without me?"

"I looked for you but..." He shrugged an apology. "Some of the men from the clan insisted I bathe with them. At least I think that's what they were saying."

Lyra laughed "It's a daily ritual around here, practically required. Besides, I was with Rei and Sera," she admitted.

"How are they doing?"

"Better, I think. Sera told Reiko what happened."

"I see," he answered thoughtfully. "Maybe I'll get to hear it one day."

"Maybe," she agreed. "Sera said you might try regrowing her fingers today."

Taz let out a sigh. "That's the plan, but honestly I'm not sure of my abilities anymore." He leaned against a navawood trunk, looking uncomfortable.

"Rendix had to relive her worst nightmare. I imagine something like that happened to you, too."

Taz smiled at her perceptiveness, but he didn't feel any mirth. "It's almost like I'm back to the beginning. When I got captured my first instinct was to find a way to rescue the Rayeths and get out of there." His face was pinched. "They were in such pain and terror, Lyra. The things Agonis must have done to them..." His blue eyes were troubled. "Then he told me why he'd brought me there."

"You said he wanted you to keep them alive, didn't you?"

"That's right. But there was another reason. He wanted me to learn from him. He wanted to teach me the skills the Sith use to connect to the dark side of the Force. He... made it sound really attractive, and I— I listened."

"What do you mean?"

"I've never healed more than one person at a time, and I'd never healed a Rayeth at all. I didn't even know anything about their physiology. When I told him that he mocked my ignorance and weakness. It didn't make me happy but... he wasn't wrong. He said he could teach me how to tap into the dark side energy, how much stronger it would make me. So I tried it and it worked. It worked, Lyra. I was able to heal twelve Rayeths, rejuvenate them, not one at a time but all at once!"

"That's... incredible, Taz."

"Yes it was. I've never felt power like that. It was agonizing, but it worked faster than I'd ever done it before. The thing is —" He looked at her and she could see the ghost of a terrible darkness in his haunted expression. "It didn't stop there. The power flowing into me made me feel strong, invincible, even. I felt like nothing was beyond me and —" he struggled for words — "I knew Agonis wanted to control me. I decided I wasn't going to let him."

"What did you do?"

He flashed a grimace. "I fought with him. For a few seconds, we were matched pretty evenly. The dark side is seductive, persuasive in a way I can't really describe. It plays on your fears, your hopes, your passions. It kept telling me that I could defeat him. It told me what I wanted to hear and made it sound so easy, so reasonable."

He hit his balled fist against the nava tree's rough bark. "Of course it was all a lie. Agonis had lived for centuries. His command of the Force was so much more advanced than mine that afterward, I realized he'd just been toying with me to see how far I could go. He let me think I had a chance, then he showed me how wrong I was. These," he pulled aside the sayaka so she could see the network of white marks on his chest and neck, "These are the scars of two encounters with Agonis. He flayed me with that lightning, then picked me up and hurled me into a stack of machinery. It broke bones, ruptured organs... I don't honestly know why I'm still alive."

"Taz!" She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "You didn't tell me it was that dire!"

"I didn't think it was worth mentioning. After all, I didn't die. I healed myself, the same way I healed the Rayeths. I added the power of the dark Force to the light-side energy I normally use. It felt like balancing on a knife's edge — No, not a knife, like the head of a micro-condenser. It's this delicate dance I have to do within the Force, balancing light and dark. Only the balance was tilted very far toward the dark."

He seemed unsteady and flustered. Lyra gave him what she hoped was a sympathetic look.

"And then there's the Breeze."

"What about it?"

Taz put his hand on the side of his neck. "He injected me with it. Well, it was his boot-licking droid, but —"

Tetris beeped sternly and uttered a sharp whistle.

Oktos guessed at the astromech's intent. "Well she did have a slightly tolerable personality, and she at least listened to her master."

Tetris's strident string of buzzes and harsh notes left no doubt as to his opinion of Taz's appraisal.

Lyra scowled at them both. "I swear, you two are like five-year-olds who can't get along on the playground."

Tetris grumbled electronically while Taz crossed his arms and glowered at him.

"You're making my point for me, you know."

"Anyway," Taz continued, "we were right. About the drug, I mean. Its active ingredient is a neurochemical that Agonis isolated from the endocranial fluid of adolescent Rayeths. That's why they were being abducted. He found a way to torture them through the Force, then concentrated their despair and terror and hunger into that fluid so that Sykes could make Breeze." He shook his head. "I don't even know how such a thing is possible. They were..." He halted for a moment then exhaled an unsteady sigh. "They were factories."

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"By the moons," Lyra uttered, a horrified hand to her mouth. The thought of them living in terror, only to perish aboard that sickening ship... Knowing that she'd sealed their fate made her shudder in despair. "But why inject you with it?"

"To see how it would affect someone who's sensitive to the Force. Agonis had amazing mental powers. He could command his entire crew through the Force, but he had to exert a lot of effort to do it. With Breeze, the droid said he'd be able to command millions at once. The people who attacked in Pratikaya? That was a test of mass control using Breeze, and that was just a few hundred people. Can you imagine what could have happened if there were millions of people with induced psychosis and augmented strength acting together? He could make whole worlds fall."

"So how did it affect you?" Lyra quietly probed. Tetris issued a cautious-sounding hoot.

"Not as well as he'd hoped, but he was able to compel my obedience a lot easier, and punish me when I disobeyed." Taz cringed at the memory. "He was a contradiction, Lyra. Agonis was a scientist; one without a shred of ethics or morality, but a scientist nonetheless. He said he was searching for eternal life and the Rayeths were part of that. So he was curious, and like any scientist he considered even his failures to be valuable.

"The thing is, he was also convinced that he was superior to all other life in the galaxy, even other Sith. Because of that, he decided the only value of 'lesser' beings was to serve him and his research."

It was a lot to take in and Lyra felt the same kind of deep fear as she had when he'd first discussed the Force with her at the ruins on Beta Fonidian II. "He sounds incredibly dangerous. How did you beat him?"

"Partly by playing to his ego. But in the end, it wasn't me who beat him. It was you."

"Me? I mean, I shot that coolant manifold, but —"

"He wanted me to kill you. He commanded me to destroy you and..." His voice started to tremble, "I was going to do it, Lyra. When I took my lightsaber —" He stopped, his eyes wide with terror. "I was helpless, Lyra," he whispered. "Between Agonis and the pull of the dark side, I was so close to obeying."

In a small voice that sounded as scared as he looked, she asked, "Why didn't you?"

Taz shook his head. "Most of it's a blur in my head. I remember I had you by the throat." His expression grew taut with regret. "I could see your mouth moving but there was this horrible roaring in my ears and I couldn't hear what you were saying. I saw your tears though, the way you looked at me. It was those beautiful, bright eyes of yours. I remembered who you were, and who I was." Suddenly, he pulled her into a tight embrace. "I'm so sorry Lyra! I hurt you and I'm so sorry!" He was shaking terribly.

"Hey," she consoled, "It's okay. It's okay, Taz." She stroked the back of his head until he got past the guilt and grief.

Taz relaxed his hold, sniffling. "After I killed Vaniel Ruatha on the Kantorius, I told Sera that if I ever fell to the dark side like that again I'd be lost. I didn't think I'd ever be able to pull myself out of it, so I made her promise that if she ever saw me like... how you saw me on the Misery, she would kill me."

"Taz!" she gasped.

He stared into her brilliant copper eyes before looking away, ashamed. "I told her how the dark Force corrupts those who use it. I asked her to kill me because I didn't want to hurt the people I love." The chuckle he uttered was full of recrimination. "I guess it's a good thing she wasn't there or I might not be here now."

"Don't joke about things like that!" she urged, clasping his hand again. "You did come back, though."

Taz nodded, though he didn't look as convinced as Lyra sounded. "There was something else," he said, snapping his fingers at the sudden remembrance. "Senguru Raga! I heard him."

"Uncle Shin? What do you mean?"

Taz had to think hard to recall the memory amidst all of the chaos and mental noise. "Before he invited me to train with the other students he asked me whether I'd use my lightsaber to protect you. When I took it from Agonis, when I was going to use it..." He gulped a breath. "His words came back to me: 'You protect Lady Lyra with your weapon, do you not?' That's what Senguru Raga asked me. When I heard his voice, I realized what Agonis was trying to make me do."

Lyra smiled in spite of the grim atmosphere and a tear fell on her cheek. He was watching over me even then. "So you beat Agonis and the dark Force?"

He shrugged. "I'm not sure. I've told you how using the Force is like being surrounded by this hazy mist that's full of light and dark, right? I used to be able to delve into the light without any trouble. But since I was taken, I can't really do that anymore."

"I... don't understand."

"Neither do I. I can get to the dark energy almost without thinking." He turned his palm up like he was holding a bowl of soup. Blue-white lightning flared, crackling around his palm and fingertips. "See?"

Lyra recoiled, remembering the unimaginable agony she'd felt when Agonis had seared her with that same lightning.

Taz closed his shaking fist, looking apologetic and fearful. "You're scared. So am I, more than I've ever been in my life because I don't know if I'll ever be able to get back to where I was. The dark Force is close and accessible. The light feels... far away. I guess if there's an upside to this, it's that I still seem to be able to mix them, to get to a balance point, even if it's a precarious one. It takes incredible concentration and will to keep that balance. If I slip, even for an instant, the dark Force floods everything and takes control. And getting that control back is the hardest thing I've ever done. The only way I did it on Agonis's ship was because I — because of the way I feel about you. I knew I couldn't lose you." He fell silent, looking miserable and mortified.

"Taz," she said fervently and pressed her hand to his cheek. "You saved my life. Agonis would have killed me if you hadn't jumped between us. Uncle Shin did, too. I'm responsible for all the tragedy we've suffered."

"You can't blame yourself, Lyra."

"Can't I?" her vision blurred with tears. "Uncle Shin came because he knew I'd need help to get you and Sera back. If we hadn't come to Inusagi he'd still be alive. He'd be alive, Taz!" She started crying and shaking, raging impotently like she had as a girl.

"You don't know that," Taz said, holding her while she spent her anger with balled fists against his chest. He kissed her on the forehead when her cries subsided. "Sykes was operating here long before we arrived, Lyra. Whether we came or not, that demonstration Agonis put on would have happened and thousands more might have been killed without our warnings. Senguru Raga would surely have been at the forefront of the fighting just as he was two days ago, and he might have perished if that had happened." He shook her shoulders gently. "He died doing his duty, protecting the people he loved. I can't think of a better way to die, or to live. Can you?"

His smile was sad and leaden, but there was hope in it that made her feel a little better. She held onto him for a long moment. "He was such a good man, Taz."

"I know he was. I'm going to miss him, and I only knew him a few days. I was looking forward to learning more Ji-Sho-Te and working with him on Ajakeet."

"Speaking of that, I got to fly her in combat when I came to get you."

"How was she?"

Lyra's eyes lit up. "Incredible. Agile, fast — Uncle Shin built a real dogfighter!" Her excitement was tempered by the immediacy of his loss, and she frowned, feeling wretched.

Tetris piped up with a long series of tones, beeps, and chirps.

Lyra glanced at the translator program she'd added to her wrist link. "Yes, you helped, too, Tetris."

Taz cocked a smile. "He does think he's indispensable, doesn't he? You're not, you know," he jabbed at the droid.

Tetris poured forth another electronic tirade that was easy to understand without a translator.

"Alright, you two, back to your corners," she ordered. Their sniping knocked her out of her pathos and she grasped Taz's hand. "I know you're scared, but I want to help you."

"I'm grateful for that Lyra, more than I can say. But... if it ever gets too much for you, I want you to let me know, okay?"

"Why? What would you do?"

Taz shrugged. "I don't know. Go away, I guess."

The thought of him leaving, of her driving him away out of fear, left her feeling bereft and angry at the same time. She wrapped his hand in a fierce grip. "I ran away from my problems for years, Taz. It didn't fix anything. So no leaving. Whatever happens, we'll figure it out together." She lifted her chin and kissed his cheek.

"Together, huh? I like the sound of that," he smiled and returned the kiss. "You're beautiful and amazing, Lyra."

"Stop flattering me, Oktos," she said, leaning into him. "Come on. It'll be time for lunch soon. It's the biggest meal of the day around here." She started down the path, capturing his arm in the crook of her elbow. Tetris followed them, bobbing this way and that as he trundled over the uneven terrain and complained about having to trail behind them.

"By the way, you were amazing last night, too." Taz's eyes were bright.

"Last night?"

"Just like a true noblewoman; regal, generous, graceful, even though you were grieving. It was like they considered you to be another chieftess."

Lyra didn't say anything but she smiled and gripped his arm tighter.

"You looked really comfortable sleeping with those kids, too. It was nice seeing you like that."

"Like what?"

"Like a mother with her children. I think you'd make a great mother. If you wanted kids, I mean."

"Are you trying to —?"

"No!" he blurted, then carefully added, "Not unless you wanted to."

That was a whole other level of seriousness that she was definitely not ready to explore. "Let's just put that thought on carbonite, Officer Oktos."

"Yes ma'am, Ensign Nimor." But his pensive smile didn't go away.