My heart sinks deep into the dark pits of my self-loathing soul as I, once again, come face to face with her; a hallucination, an apparition, an impossibility.
This bitch.
I lose my temper amidst the high flames of hatred within me, and without another word or thought, I throw myself up onto my feet ready to beat this petite, underaged girl into submission. As I do so, however, I immediately step back in hesitation as lingering disbelief hits me like a disappointed, equally self-loathing paternal figure.
"H-how..." I groan, fists held back, "the hell did you—..."
I'm suddenly interrupted at the onset of my rage by surprise at the sight of Uberschlingler gesturing me to be quiet, her perfectly crafted index finger pressing teasingly against her own lips. It was at that moment when I realised that all eyes in the room were fixed firmly on me like I was an albino in Ghana. My anxiety kicks in and I'm left stuck, my mind blanking. I can't do anything.
"Is there anything the matter, Rodomowo-san?" Softly asks the teacher.
I pause briefly as I gradually return to lucidity.
"I-It's nothing, Ishikaishiko-sensei..." I reply, scowling. "Just a stress-induced seizure, b-but managed to stop myself through sheer determination."
"Ah, I see." She says, understandingly, "I used to get those a lot but didn't really learn how to stop it 'till I hit my twenties, so well done. Now, please take a seat."
I reluctantly do so, as she resumes handing out report sheets. Despite managing to keep still in my seat, the high levels of frustration building up in me kept me from paying attention on the ahego-theory dissertation sitting on my desk. This simply can't be happening, this can't be real. I must be seeing things for sure, but even now, I could feel Uberschlinger's smug anime face looking down on me. M-maybe I'm being haunted.
"Listen, Mi'lord" Quietly speaks Kokowamihoboshi, "I know how you feel. I'm just as confused as you are, but we mustn't get worked up now. Loosing control of ourselves could compromise us. That's not what we want. The less people know your true identity, the better. So, let's just keep on the defensive."
I sigh, unable to help feeling inclined to agree with her but before I have a chance to respond, I notice Uberschlingler drop something from her desk in my peripheral vision. I shift my gaze to find a small folded-up piece of paper by my feet. I sit there and glare at it for a moment. Wait, is this...? I reach for it and pick it up. I then proceed to give it back to her. She doesn't even say thank you.
A moment later she drops it again by my feet. Promptly, I pass it back to her.
"You're welcome." I say, driving my point across.
She still refuses to say anything. Here I am, trying to be the better man, and she's there being a petty asshole. 'Course she drops it again, the clumsy twit. I give it back to her, this time stuffing it into her hand for security.
"Mi'lord, I think she trying to give you the note." Whispers Kokowamihoboshi.
"You think so?"
...
"I think you might be right."
I immediately reach over and pry the note from her veiny clenched fist, and unfold the now crumpled piece of paper. 'Meet me in room C-3 during lunch' it said followed by a small doodle of a love-heart in the corner of the note. I turn back to her expecting to see her usually conceited grin but instead, she had an expression closer to that of someone about to have an aneurism. She's serious. For the sake of picking up the pace, I guess I have no choice.
"I accept." I quietly announce as I stuff the note back into her shaking, red fist.
Time moves quickly beneath me as the classes meld together into one, and soon lunch comes around. With my bento out and open, I prepare to eat my noodle subway alone like usual until I notice Uberschlingler standing over me and my desk. Startled, I brace myself for attack.
"Ahh~ Rodomowo-kun, it's so crowded in here!" She squeals softly, grabbing hold of my arm, "Why don't we go somewhere nice and eat lunch together."
I can't help but feel a mixture of both blush and terror by this abrupt turn in attitude. Until I remember the note she gave me, and realisation lightly calms my emotional agitation.
I get it, this must be her way of keeping low-profile. I guess, it'd be better to play along. And you never know, maybe being seen hanging out with the student council president might get me some brownie points with the other students.
"Nah, I'm good here—... Oh wait, no. I mean, yeah, let's go eat lunch together. That would be great... ha... haha."
She lets out a heavy sigh under her breath before taking back up her kawaii facade.
"Great! Let's go now..." She forces through grit teeth, hurriedly pulling me across the room by my arm.
As we move, I turn to check out the impressed look on the students' faces only to catch a glimpse of their eyes laden with envious disdain. Their hate for me is only bolstered from before, and now hunger for my magic albino limbs more than ever. We eventually make it out into the hallway where Uberschlingler straightway pushes me off of her and onto the floor. She steps up to look down on me with the usual level of contempt.
"Disgusting." She spits harshly, before walking off hastily down the hall and up the stairs.
You know what? I'm kind of just tempted to not meet with her. I could just get up and go home from here and not have to deal with any of this. I know I had some questions earlier this morning that she could probably answer but is it really worth it? Chances are she's probably just going to tell me bad things, that's all that ever really come with being the Skeleton king. I think I might just call it a day. Go home, beat the meat, and hit the hay. That sounds like a good plan to me. Hey, that was a haiku. Well, I guess I can't really beat the meat now, can I? I wonder what the lady equivalent of the term would be. Slap the snatch? Fill the box? Eh...? Why am I in the upper floors? Wait, how did I—...
"It seems like you've come to, Mi'lord." Says Kokowamihoboshi, "You just sat there, so I walked us over to the rendezvous point."
"I forgot you can take over like that." I say, disinclined, "I Guess, we are meeting with her then. Why not?"
As I walk into the eerily empty classroom, I find Uberschlingler sitting in a chair at the back of the room playing with a mechanical pencil between her fingers. Legs crossed and perfectly composed, she looks up at me whilst somehow simultaneously looking down on me.
"Really took your time didn't you?" She jeers, "Did I really push you that hard or were you just too weak-willed to face me?"
"Me, weak-willed?" I ask, "You're the one who needed a new backbone! Bam, Zimbabwe!"
...
"I'll give you that one, Rodomowo-kun... t."
"All burns are hot but mine are fire, dawg."
"Enough games, Uberschlingler!" Cuts in Kokowamihoboshi, "Why did you bring us up here? What is it that you want from us?"
"Yeah!" I add , "How the hell did you come back from the dead?"
She grins condescendingly, as she switches over her crossed legs.
"Heh, looks like being the king of the undead doesn't necessarily mean the smartest does it?" She taunts, "My being here is the result of an ability granted to those of the Uberschlingler clan. Long ago, my forefathers assisted the last Skeleton king in halting the, then oncoming, skeleton war. For their valiance, they and their descendants were given the ability to forfeit death."
"Wait..." I break in, "You're telling me you can't die?"
"No..." Answers Kokowamihoboshi, low and under her breath, "She can, if you kill her enough times."
"Hmph... Well, of course," Says Uberschlingler, brushing off the fact, "No human lives forever. It only makes us better at our jobs."
I furrow my brow at the absurdity of this new info. Well, it's just balls ain't it? We could kill her over and over again, and she'll just keep coming back like a repressed incestuous fantasy. It was hard enough the first time, I don't want to deal with that again. Well, at least now I see why she's so confident, I mean, it certainly is quite the ability. To think the Skeleton king was able to bestow something like that. I wonder just how much power do I really have?
"So, Is that why you brought us up here?" I ask, "To gloat about your OP death hacks?"
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
Her smile ominously grows wider before proceeding to fling the pencil somewhere into the corner. She then proceeds to throws herself up into her full regal height.
"The reason why I've brought you up here is simple." She says, "I want to make a proposition."
"A proposition?"
"Whatever conceited bargains you have, we want none of it!" Barks Kokowamihoboshi.
"Ah, but I think you might just want to hear me out."
"Like I've already said—..."
"As we speak," Firmly interrupts Uberschlingler, now walking haughtily toward us. "Living dangers from every corner of the world are making their way over here after your power. Armies of the world's most powerful hunters ceaselessly marching here for your head. Even you two with your abilities combined is not enough to stop it. You're going to need all the help you can get."
Suddenly, she comes to a halt only a few feet in front of us, and in one single yet gracious motion performs a curtsy so elegant, only years of practice can achieve such a gesture.
"I've come to offer my services to you, O Skeleton Lord." She declares, the words silencing the world around them as they arrive.
"Wait, wha—..."
Bam!
Before I even have a chance to process the situation, my body suddenly springs into action, and in one fell swoop, sucker punches the blonde maiden in the face with a massive immensity of strength I didn't know I had. Uberschlingler is sent spinning across the air, and slams into the back wall of the classroom before finally falling onto the hardwood floor with a heavy thud.
I open my mouth to cry out only to find that I can't. I try to move but it prove just as ineffective. I'm trapped, I've lost control of my body. Is this...? It's got to be. Kokowamihoboshi.
"You think we need your help!" Shouts Kokowamihoboshi, advancing aggressively toward her, "Fraternising with the likes of you will bring more danger to us than any mortal! All you want is the King's skull and nothing else! Help from you? I'd rather you die."
"Me, die?" Uberschlingler replies, having recovered from the punch. She wipes away a smear of blood rolling from her nose. "And what, ghost? Transform into your true from and kill me? You may as well advertise yourselves to the hunters."
"Transform? You think I'd let Mi'lord subject himself to dealing with lowlives like you? No, your death will come by my hand."
Uberschlingler tuts exasperatedly, "You fool. So that's how you want go about it then huh?"
...
"Forgive me, Mi'lord." Says Kokowamihoboshi quietly, "I'm going to have to borrow the body for a moment."
Wait, you're not thinking of—...
Cut off before I could finishing thinking my thoughts at her, Kokowamihoboshi preps herself and runs full speed at Uberschlingler.
Right arm cocked and backed by momentum, shes throws another heavy straight-punch toward her head only to miss as Uberschlingler evades it, ducking out of the way before countering with a drill-fist jab to the gut. With an inward left arm spin, Kokowamihoboshi parries the oncoming attack followed by a full-spin roundhouse backhand punch to Uberschlingler's right cheek. Contact heavy, critical hit!
The German is cast outward toward her second wall today, but gaining the agile control of a gymnast cat furry, twirls midair and lands on her feet... on the wall! She jumps off into the air and, after a couple more impressive twirls, deploys a high-speed spinning buzzsaw downward kick. Kokowamihoboshi only barely manages to roll out of the area of effect as Uberschlinger's heel smashes into the hardwood floor, its sheer force throwing up large clouds of dust and debris. Quickly recomposing herself, Kokowamihoboshi dashes back around before launching herself for a Mach-1 cruise missile drop kick into the dust cloud, only to be caught by her target who uses her immense level of momentum to ultra judo throw her into the wall.
We smash right through the wooden partition into the second room, landing some distance from the wall, and rolling over a pile of broken wood and dust. Kokowamihoboshi coughs out a sputter of blood, hopefully somewhat aware of the fact I can feel the same amount of pain she can. Rest proves no option, though, as Uberschlinger suddenly leaps out from the new hole, and comes in for a von Braun rubber-stamped V-2 strike pile driver. Unable to dodge in time, Kokowamihoboshi thrust her arm forward, and with the speed Naruto fags think they have, performs a series of complicated hand gestures, casting a barrier protection spell which repels the pile driver and its screaming body with a flurry of bright technicolour light.
As usual, Uberschlinger adjusts herself midair and lands nimbly on her feet. Quickly getting back on her own, Kokowamihoboshi performs another series of obscure hand movements in preparation for another spell, but just before she could finish, Uberschlinger slides in executing a potato-launcher full of bratwurst on the highest setting uppercut to the jaw followed up with another judo slam attack throwing her onto the oak flooring with enough force to break it. Little did she know, however, that the previously performed hand signs were still in effect, and with a single flip of Kokowamihoboshi's middle finger, is blasted by a combo-breaking, hot ejaculate of blinding white magical energy.
The undead hunter is once again sent airborne across the room by the magical discharge with enough speed to crash right through the wooden partition and into the hallway. Her body is lost in the sharp eruption of wooden debris and dust. Kokowamihoboshi rolls back up onto her feet and, in a dancelike sequence of arm movements, prepares for another spell.
"Quick heal!" She cries.
Almost immediately, a majestic pillar of blue, pulsating light surrounds us before quickly proceeding to relieve every instance of pain in my body as it repairs the wounds we've sustained. Exhausted and drain of mana, Kokowamihoboshi falls to one knee making the most of this brief respite. And brief it is as a mysterious glass vile suddenly bursts from the latest dust cloud and onto the ruined flooring where it smashes.
Whatever was in that vile, it was friggin' potent since the tiny pile of broken glass gives way to a fast-spreading cloud of sliver smoke which instantly fills the room around us. The darkening smoke cloud quickly surrounds us, the angry advance of dark grey snuffing out the blue like the Battle of Verdun. We get back up and assume fighting stance only to fall back down to our knees as something suddenly drains us of strength. It's at this point when I feel Kokowamihoboshi's eyes suddenly in surprised realisation.
"Goddammit! It's osteoporosis gas!" Coughs Kokowamihoboshi, struggling to keep upright, "We have to get out of here!"
Just about mustering enough strength to stand on her feet, Kokowamihoboshi rushes haphazardly through the dark grey haze toward the classroom door. We run right through into the clear, violently sliding the door open only slide it back shut with a quick wooden thud to stop the spread. Weakened from the ordeal, she stumbles slightly around her feet before shortly catching sight the business end of a dagger hurtling towards us.
With a swift and almost predetermined duck to the left, Kokowamihoboshi manages to avoid the oncoming thrust attack. The dagger, followed by the arm of a beat-up Uberschlingler, trails off behind us only so far before spinning into south-east downward slash. Still dazed, yet gradually getting back on point, Kokowamihoboshi quickly twirls right from her crouching position and somersaults back down the school hallway, just about managing to escape Uberschlingler's reach.
Rolling unstably back into a standing position, Kokowamihoboshi throws both arms out ready to receive the next attack. Uberschlingler, already on the charge, comes in for a beast-mode screaming knife-thrust to the neck, but with a right arm wiper-blade elbow swipe to the inner arm, Kokowamihoboshi parries the oncoming strike before following it up with a having just come home from a long day of bowing politely to pictures of your superiors because the actual people are all the way up in Osaka enjoying themselves whilst you work your life away like a cuck only to find your skinny, weak son cross-dressing in the living room elbow bash! Which misses as Uberschlingler ducks down out of the way, and with immediate succession, executes another uppercut to the jaw, accompanied with a full-spin roundhouse knife bunt, and concludes with a lance-thrust instep high kick to the chest.
She sure loves her combos doesn't she? Looks like, despite being weakened, she's still just fast as last time. We stumble backwards, staggered by that last attack. Uberschlingler spins on one heel, plants both feet back on the ground before launching herself for another raging-rhino double-grip heavy knife-thrust attack. The world falls exponentially into slow motion, save for the oncoming angry German who look like she's moving in realtime. In this moment of unusually clarity, I can't help but think to myself just how slowly Kokowamihoboshi is reacting to this new threat.
"Anytime now..." I say, the words apathetically leaving my lips.
My mouth just moved. I can move my mouth. I can move. Kokowamihoboshi's unconscious.
Realising that I'm fully responsible for avoiding this next attack, I close my eyes and use all of my mental capacity to create a new plan of action. Neural connections spark and synaptic functions fire as I allow my brain to go into overdrive with a brilliant display of bright golden light which string across my consciousness as though they were cosmic dreams of God himself. I achieve spiritually tranquillity within my own mind. This is the true strength of the Skeleton lord. Using my new-found mind's eye, I visualise the ideal sequence of evasive manoeuvres which will place me in the best possible defensive position. I reopen my earthly eyes, and time returns to its proper motion as I tumble backwards onto a pile of debris and scream like a bitch. Luckily, however, my well-timed grovelling catches Uberschlingler off-guard buying me enough time to wriggle away from her, and roll back on my feet.
"Damn you!" Roared Uberschlingler, "Get back here!"
Uberschlingler pounces at me like a jaguar to a lost Brazilian child, but before she could reach me, I spin on my heel to face her.
"Sand attack!" I shout out as I throw a handful of dust and broken wood at her face.
"What—... Ahhh!" She cries out, "My eyes!"
Aha, got her! Good thing I fell into that pile of dust.. Now's my chance!
"Counter that!" I taunt, followed by a swift kick to her crouch, and a mad dash towards the other direction.
I got to get away from her. There's no way I can fight her like this, and transforming could be risky. I just have to find my way out and wait 'til Kokowamihoboshi comes to. Now... where are those stairs? Should be here soon. Hoh, that was a pretty vengeful-sounding scream, I'm sure those stairs are here somewhere. Whoops, sounds like she coming, and fairly quickly too... some stairs would be much appreciated right now... WHERE ARE THOSE—... It's a dead end.
Ha... haha... Well, maybe if I just turn arou—...
Suddenly something zips past my ear, and lodges itself into the wall behind me. Though having moved too quickly to identify, I felt as though I knew exactly just what it was. I reluctantly turn my head to see that same over-designed white dagger from mere moments prior, its then I feel the slight trickle of warm blood rolling down from the new gash across my cheek. I slowly turn back around with that she's behind me isn't she mentality. Yep there she is, standing only a few feet from me. Although rough and beat up in appearance, she still manages to keep that high standard of lady-like composure and form, save for the wrathful grimace sported on her face.
"You have some nerve don't you!?" She says, her voice closer to a low growl than the usual jeering tone, "I offer to help you and this is how you treat me?"
"Aha... ha... yeah, about that... I-Isn't it just crazy how—... Okay, I don't know."
"Heh, you know what? At my disposal is a whole arsenal of anti-undead tools and weaponry that could very much easily dispatch you and that King-seeker of yours. I can kill you right here, right now and not have to deal with you any longer."
She produces another questionably hidden dagger from underneath her skirt, and begins playing around with it between her fingers like she did the pencil.
"This dagger alone is just enough to burn away that unholy flesh of yours," She says, pacing menacingly, "It's even more potent against reanimated bone."
"S-sounds pretty painful," and reply apprehensively, speaking only for the sake of saying something.
"Oh this? Well, actually this dagger, mein Uberschtinger, is so efficient at its purpose, victims tend not to notice any pain until it's too late. Now like I said, I have plenty of other, more painful alternatives, However, I'm feeling rather courteous today, so consider yourself a lucky girl..."
She stops dead in attention at the centre of the corridor, her eyes locked firmly on mine. At the very moment of highest anticipation, she throws the dagger at the floor in front of her, piercing the wooden flooring and sticking upright. The gesture stuns me in surprise and I stumble backwards, backing myself against the wall. I look down at the dagger in front of me then back up to Uberschlingler, her eyes still fixed on mine.
"... because my proposition still stands." She concludes.
"W-what...?"
Ku kuku ku
"Like I said, my proposition still stands. I would have killed you two already were I not serious about that."
"Wait, after all this... you still want to help us?"
"Well, were it still the ghost in front of me, I would have no doubt ended it already, but because it's you now, I'm going to give you a choice. And whichever you choose determines whether or not you leave this corner. Now, which is it Skeleton king.
Kuku krukukruku
"Okay." I answer.
...
"That's it," She retorts, "You're not going to ask me why or..."
Ku krukukukukru krukru kuku
"Well, I don't really have a choice do I? Say yes or die, what did you expect? If you want to tell me why, feel free too. It's probably just some stupid but essential narrative background that the ass-hat writer is too lazy to let the reader find out for themselves."
Kru krukrukrukrukru kuku krukrukru ku ku
"Well, if you must know—... What the hell is that noise!?" Yells Uberschlingler.
She turns to face the corridor behind her to suddenly find a large man standing mere inches from her. Caught off guard, she steps back in surprise, towards me. Left completely speechless by this new development, we both stare probingly at the stranger. The man is covered head-to-toe in what looks like old military fatigues along with an abundance of pouches and pockets. Large cylindrical shapes sit heavily on both sides of his backpack. A small Geiger counter clicks intensely and sporadically in his hands. The stranger looks down at the small device, and then back at us before proceeding the drop the thing on the floor to click away by itself.
Low and muffled from behind the worn out rubber gas-mask concealing his face, he says something.
"Blyat."