I’m not desperate. This isn’t worth it, not even close. I knew what she was asking for, on a normal day I would entertain it; but I’m in a sour mood. Today has not been going my way, and hearing Ruby made me taste salt.

I spoke coldly, with as much venom as I can add in a single word, “No”.

Ruby was a bit taken aback with my response, which made her take her feet off the desk. Retaining her composure she spoke again, with a different approach. “You know, he doesn’t have that much longer before release. The least you can do is visit him.” Ruby said in a dull tone with a shrug.

“How much time does he have before then,” I asked, reluctant to have her answer.

Giving me a pitiful look which made me regret asking, she answered, “the doctors told Tristan that he had about another year before then, didn’t she tell you?”.

I looked away, hiding my expression before placing my attention back on Ruby. Glaring. Visiting the hospital was rare for me since It always tends to ruin my day. Especially because of Ruby. The outrageous amount Tristan and I have to pay to this damn building is almost triple what I owe Roden, and it's no small amount. It has always been my dream to get out of this hell hole of a life, and handing her almost all I have is a groin puncher.

You can say that I come here to gain motivation. Maybe out of failure, or when life doesn’t go my way. Nevertheless, I felt compelled to visit, to get that second punch, the second gut twist.

Perhaps I'm regretting it.

Maybe another day when this ragdoll of a woman isn’t on shift, I thought. Making up my mind, I spun around with the full intention of exiting before stopping again. But then again, I hadn’t visited in over a year.

“Um, excuse me. Are you waiting for the elevator too?”

Turning my head to the direction of the voice I noticed a young modest woman holding flowers beside me. She seemed to be visiting a patient here as well as she also carried a basket of fruits.

“O-oh, um, yes.” I said, stuttering. I glared back at Ruby, doing a slight gesture with my head towards the elevator. Grudgingly she relented, allowing the elevator doors to open with a ping, she had no reason to keep them closed for the unexpected guest as well. I stiffly walked into the elevator and exited once reaching the second floor. Slowly walking with dread through the white dead halls, I finally faced the door with the familiar triple digit number.

Here we go, I told myself.

Once pushing the door open the gentle smell of lavender met my nose. Dozens of flowers decorated the room, including pictures and mementos from years past. Hand drawn art which I had thought thrown away were pinned to the surrounding walls. It didn't come as a surprise that this room had such a drastic transformation, Tristan had always complained about its bland professional look. As I walked further into the room, I caught sight of the only bed in the room which I avoided like the plague. Beside the bed was a couch, recently slept in, as the sheets and pillow were still imprinted. With no other suitable seats I sat on the couch, looking everywhere but the bed ahead.

I sat in silence for a while, listening to the soft breath of a small body before me which synchronized with the rhythmic beeping of a heart monitor. “You came”, a weak raspy voice spoke, breaking the already fragile environment. I grimaced upon hearing his voice. It has been so long since I last heard it. I tried to respond but nothing came out of my mouth. It wasn’t until he gave a wheezing cough where I dared to look up at the bed, at him. My little brother, Evan.

He was beyond recognizable, Evan’s skin color was more purple than his usual healthy tanned palette. His face was so puffed up and bruised that our shared hazel eyes remain to be seen; his awareness of his surroundings always tend to surprise me. Thin tubes entered his nostrils, others disappeared beneath the white clean sheets, connecting him to the soft humming heavy machinery around him.

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I quickly brought my attention back to a different part of the room, shame coursing through my veins. “Yea, it's me,” I responded back, giving a small sigh. “Nice to see that you're not in a coma anymore.”

Evan gave a cough like chuckle before speaking again, “where’s Tristan? Did she come with you today?”

“No”, I said. “I don't think Tristan knows I'm here either, probably thinks I'm at work,” I smirked.

Understanding dawned on him, I caught it by the slight shift of Evan’s laying position to a more comfortable one. “You went back to that line of work…didn't you”, Evan said with disappointment. “You promised that-”

I didn’t want to hear it, not from him at least. Neither is it a great time to mention my word.

“So what, so what if I did go back,” I asked quietly. “Someone had to get the money for your stay here, do you really think Tristan and I can support this with just regular jobs?” I said with gall, balling my fists in frustration. Yes, I had promised him that I would stop working with Rob several years ago, but due to some unforeseen “accidents” I was desperate for money. “So no, I can’t uphold your child-like promise,” I finished, irritated.

“Stop. I don’t want to argue with you,” Evan said weakly. “I haven’t seen you in over a year, I just want to talk and catch up,” He ended with a whisper.

I eyed his bruised eye sockets and rolled my eyes, knowing full well that he can’t see me. “Fine,” I said. I've forgotten about his mature personality, perhaps It has been too long.

The network of translucent tubes and IV drips shuddered as Evan slowly sat up, facing the direction of my voice. “This.” He motioned towards himself, “Is what happened when I was doing those little jobs that you do,” Evan began, in a voice much stronger than I thought possible in his condition. “Do you want me to list what I suffered just to get a slightly heavy stack of white cash”.

“no, I get it”

“Two knife punctures, three broken ribs, a broken leg, multiple infections I was lucky to fight off, and so much more that have very long names that I don't even know how to say”.

I let out a chuckle once he finished his little rant, while he slowly relaxed back to his lying position with a smile. Evan is my little brother alright, he always finds a way to make light of any situation. Even his own. Gets it from our father according to Tristan, a man neither of us knew since we were too young to remember.

Evan took up jobs from another contractor named Cedric, like Rob, they plan and execute jobs. Cedric is young and extremely ambitious, taking up the most of the high risk high reward heists. The most recent one Evan joined had to do with an opposing heist group, this group in particular succeeded in taking a valuable item which Cedric wanted for himself. In hindsight, Cedric’s group raided their base of operations leaving Evan there to take the blame. If it weren’t for Rob owing me a favor and saving him I wouldn’t know what I would do.

Evan was never cut out for this life, he has always been the prodigy of our little group of misfits. Hearing about my and Tristan's dream of leaving the mall behind forced him to pick up jobs he never wanted to do. In the end this was where he wounded up, a place we both expected would have been me.

”Rowan,” Evan said, catching my attention. “You have a great head on your shoulders, use it. I don’t want to hear it from Tristan that you're laying on a bed beside mine. At least promise me this”.

“Yeah alright you punk”

“Let’s just hope I get better soon. I can’t stand sleeping in that storage closet again after getting a feel for this room,” Evan coughed with a smile.

I didn’t say anything in response, only nodding with an empty smile plastered on my face.

I stayed with Evan for as long as I could until it was late into the evening, catching up with all sorts of topics. With a goodbye I left, but not before placing two thirds of my earnings to pay off this and last month’s bill at the front register. Which thankfully had a different secretary this time.

Leaving the hospital had me in great spirits, but something kept coming to mind and speaking with Evan today confirmed it.

I have to talk with Tristan, I thought.

I looked out towards the highway in the distance, watching the cars go by out of sight, a landmark that always helps me find my way around. Though this time, instead of following, I stood still as the gears in my head turned. A smile steadily creeped onto my face. Slowly but surely a plan started forming in my head as an exhilarating feeling overwhelmed me. Looking back towards the hospital where Evan stayed, I smirked, “thank you bro”.