I put down the newspaper, adjust my glasses and take a sip of my coffee. How classy!

“You know that newspapers cater to their audience, right?” I say off-handedly.

“Aha”, my companion responds, sipping on her cappuccino.

It doesn’t really fit her image. It should have been coffee, black. She really never caters to my proficiency in puns.

“Meaning”, I continue, “that, since I find this paper horribly obnoxious, so are their readers,” I proclaim.

“Aha”, my companion responds, her eyes fixed on the front page of the newspaper I laid down just now.

I tilt my head, my short hair bobbing along with the motion.

“Are you even listening?” I ask poutingly, put-offish, clearly showcasing my dissatisfaction with my conversation partner.

“Aha,” is all that I get as a response.

This settles it. It is a punishable offence to ignore my intellect. I take the paper and make it disappear with one of my many exquisite magic tricks. Okay, that was a lie. All I do is throw the bundle of paper behind me with a demeanour of self-confidence, making it impossible for the staff to intervene in any way. Perhaps the pink elephant in the room is also partly responsible for their utter avoidance of our table. As if higher-dimensional beings are such a rare sight around these parts of the civilised galaxy. Admittedly, they usually stay clear of gatherings of lower-dimensional beings, and its Halloween-ish custom probably does it no favour.

Kiddy looks up, not particularly bothered by my behaviour.

“So, what’s the matter with the paper’s obnoxious readers?” she asks uncaringly. “

You find most people obnoxious,” she adds while resting her chin on her left hand.

Good point.

“Nothing really, just venting.”

We both look out of the second-floor window, sipping coffee, comfortably at ease in each other’s company. Suddenly, a dinosaur steps into the shop. Okay, not really. But someone as extinct and loud as a dinosaur steps into the shop. His feet go plomp-plomp-plomp while he strides in our direction, the rare specimen of the extinct species called too-kind-for-their-own-good, gentle-hearted, saviour complex, good-doing, in all seriousness just trying to help for the sake of helping goody-two-shoes. In other words, an idiot.

He takes a chair from the neighbouring table and slides it over to ours; by the way, all tables around ours are strangely deserted. As if the elephant would eat puny three-dimensional beings, much less those with an intellect on the human level. Trust me, they don’t taste good.

“Ya know what they’re demonstrating out there for?” he asks while plumping down.

Can’t he start working on his manners about now?

“It’s important that the characters of a story show growth, you know?” I point out.

“Huh?” He looks at me with a blank expression.

“Also, isn’t it obvious what they’re demonstrating for? They’re demonstrating against noise nuisances that demonstrations cause. You see, most of the demonstrators live around the marketplace. This is why they have banded together to complain against their daily noise nuisances in the only form they know, by loudly making noise in the marketplace.”

“Ya joking, right?” he asks me, albeit already anticipating the answer.

“Take a look at their banners,” I say while pointing at a large banner spanning the length of the marketplace attached to the row of balconies on that side.

They really went all out! Even I’m impressed at their efforts.

Without their means of pronouncing their complaints or the fact that they had decided to live next to one of the town’s most noisy places, Fereshteh just sighs. You just get used to peoples’ idiocy to the point that making fun of them gets boring.

“Ah, I’d like a Matcha Crème Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappuccino with oat milk and some chocolate chips on top, please!” Fereshteh shouts across the empty chairs towards the inhabited part of the café, where an employee does their very best to ignore the elephant in the room.

“This ain’t Starbucks! Shame on you!” I exclaim in shock.

Where did my education go that wrong?!

“And that doesn’t exist! You just made that up, didn’t you?” Uhu, I feel faint at this madness.

“Who knows?” The brat answers with a smug face.

Haha, he sure is, ma boy! But ya still years too early to be picking a fight with me! I’m the greatest jokester around here!

But since I’m not Oscar Wilde, I’m not witty enough to think of a good reply at the drop of my head. But wait, wasn’t it Oscar Wilde who said only dull people are brilliant at breakfast? Phew, safe!

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.

Just as the employee brought Fereshteh’s order to our table, uuuh that smile looked painful, all twitchy, his order looks, by the way, neither like matcha nor caramel nor chocolate chip or anything coffee-ish, to begin with, it’s pink, speaking of pink elephants, the boy decides to get serious. It’s still too early in the morning for that, bru!

“So, when are we gonna address the elephant in the room?”

“Never!”

“One more cappuccino!”

Of course, Kiddy adds no ‘please’.

“No, seriously.”

“He-who-shall-not-be named!”

“Wait, is that a Harry Potter reference?! That can’t be right?! Who are you, and what have you done with my sister?!”

“For he permits no one to speak his true name.”

“Ahhh, that sounds more like you!”

“Nerds”

“But seriously, aren’t pink elephants supposed to be addressed or something?”

“Why? I’m all for repressing negative emotions.”

“Maybe it’s a drunk hallucination?”

“Don’t call my friend a hallucination! And no one drinks this early ‘xcept you, my dear!”

We fall silent.

“So, what is the deal with the pink elephant?”

“Fereshteh! Learn to take a hint already! If our little stand-off is all about pink elephants, then that’s the only thing we’re not allowed to talk about. Though, no. I guess talking about it would be fine. About and around.”

“What kind of logic is that?”

“The logic the Holy Church if comedy dictates! Seriously, you should know that. Where’ve I gone wrong in raising you?”

“At the point where you left.”

“Uhh, low blow. So your holy church doesn’t forbid, like, actually issues?”

I turn towards Kiddy in shock.

“Of course it does!”

I turn back.

“Shame on you!”

“You just can’t stand real counter!”

“I refuse to take criticism from someone drinking all of our social superficialities in one cup with cream on top! The atrocity!”

“What’s wrong with my Matcha Crème Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappuccino?”

“Everything, my friend! Everything! It practically spouts capitalism!”

“No, it doesn’t! Maybe calories and industrial sugar and chemicals and an unhealthy society… Okay, I get it. But it tastes so good!”

“That’s no excuse for supporting unsupportable things just coz it tastes good. Otherwise, we’d all be cannibals!! Like, who cares how foie gras tastes?! If you eat it, you’re just another despicable piece of shit! And I very much shit on your excuses!”

“Guys, we’re at breakfast!”

“So?”

“So, let’s talk about more appropriate things?”

“Such as?”

“Pink elephants!”

“You just won’t shut up about it, will you?”

“You always go on about how the truth needs to be spoken!”

“Alright, alright, then listen closely, my friends:

Pink elephants are wise

They know how to be nice

As long as you stay away

Leave no garbage on the tray

Pink elephants are true

Not like me and you

They never tell a lie

Don’t pretend like they wouldn’t hurt a fly

Pink elephants never forget

So don’t do anything you might regret

Because under an elephant’s feet

You will bleed

Pink elephants shouldn’t be talked about

Just imagine how it sounds:

In the early afternoon

A pink elephant was in my room

“Good day to you, Mr or Ms or Mrs or diverse pink elephant

Sadly I have no cake at hand

But across the street, there’s a nice café

There we can eat and drink our sorrows away”

“Why, that’s quite polite of you!

To be invited for cake would be quite a delight

Though the sorrows I have can’t be drunken away

Nonetheless, I shall go there and stay

For who is to deny good coffee and cake

And then we shall talk sorrows for sorrow’s sake”

The pink elephant said

And with that, we left to get cake

And there we sat comfortably

Eating cake and drinking coffee

I thought perhaps, the punk elephant would be more into tea

So gentlewo*manly

But turns out they were quite into coffee

And with a shake of their trunk

The coffee disappeared, and they ordered another one

In the café, they were playing funk

And a funky time we had, indeed!

Though pink elephants ain’t into speed

They are wise and thoughtfully slow

Just goes to show how few we know!

For the wise take their time

For anything to decide

And they have a thick hide

Beneath this lies the memories of many a crime

Crimes against nature, crimes against humanity

Animal cruelty and the rising of the seas

The spreading desert heat

And evil ivory thieves!

Truly too many a sorrow

To drink away

And therefore we stayed

For quite some time, and ate cake in a row

As the sun had set

The pink elephant began to glow

And then he said

“With the rising of the moon, I’ll be agoing soon

It was quite a delight to talk sorrows and eat cake

And though you might still be wide awake

We pink elephants prefer to sleep

After eating our fill, we prefer counting sheep

For shepherds, we are

Of those who’ve gone wandering afar

And sometimes we might come and stay

With those who’ve gone astray

They sometimes might find us in their rooms

In early afternoons

And usually, our sight is such a fright

Without doing math, they’ll return to the right path”

“Stray cat I am, and I shall not stand

To be guarded and guided, misguided I am!

But I wouldn’t mind being your friend

I’ll be your Frodo, and you’d be my Sam!

Then you can run after me when I turn away

And am about to go astray

Or sit and drink coffee, eat cake at a nice café

What do you say?”

“Sounds like a lovely idea

To sometimes sit with you and drink coffee or tea”

“Then forth on friends we shall be!”

I said as we raised our glasses and looked towards the sea

For so is the manner of humans and pink elephants

We ever gaze towards the sea

Hoping to find the secret path

That would lead us away from this scoured earth

But for now, let’s forget our regrets

The things we cannot change

As we speak of pink elephants

And minds deranged”

“Did you just make that up?”

“I only speak the truth and nothing else but the truth!”

“So, they just showed up in your room, and the first thing you could think of was inviting them for coffee? I guess it does sound like you.”

“Raaaad”

“OK. But what’s with the silent treatment?”

“Maybe they’ve got nothing to say to you?”

“Is that a good thing? Wait, did it speak to you, Kiddy?”

“Who knows?” she says while bashing her long eyelids.

“Argh! It’s still driving me mad!”

“Not enough if you can’t hear them speak.”

“What?”

“Nevermind! On a different note, what do you say, let’s discuss today’s activities!”

“Sounds like you already got something in mind.”

“What do you say we join the demonstration and wreak havoc?”

Fereshteh’s eyes suddenly alight. We are family, after all.

“Sounds like a delight!”

“You’re both nuts!”

“Oh my, thank you for the compliment! What about you, Kiddy?”

“Count me out. I’m going to be drinking coffee and eating cake and talking with my new friend, the pink elephant, ” she says and gives us her sweetest smile yet.

And with that, as two misguided souls make their way out onto the streets, the other one has decided to eat cake and drink coffee while speaking with a pink elephant of pink elephants.