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Chapter 57

Decisions

Despite Esmi’s potion having mended me, I felt lightheaded and awkward being upright, making use of my limbs. So, I walked at a slow, measured pace down the hallway, hand held protectively to my stomach as if it might start gushing blood again. Esmi was kind enough not to hurry me, keeping a dignified pace at my side. I didn’t have a particular destination in mind; I just knew I needed to be anywhere but that room. The way her warm hands rested in the crook of my other arm made the journey easier, as did her giant kobold following in our wake, sending anyone who might be tempted to ask about my sopping and bloodstained appearance scurrying out of the way.

After a time, my fiancee asked the inevitable. “What will you do about him?”

“I have absolutely no idea,” I answered without hesitation. After the nightmare I had just lived through, Esmi felt like the only person in the world I could trust, and I didn’t mind her knowing how completely out of my depth I was.

“You seemed quite sure of yourself a few moments ago.”

“A few moments ago…” I trailed off, my hand going from my stomach to run through my water-slick hair. A few moments ago, I had been at the edge of death’s abyss, staring into the certainty that I would not only fail in seeing my life goals achieved but also that I would be completely erased from existence. The prospect had been utterly terrifying, and when I somehow managed to survive, righteous anger had been the only thing stopping me from curling into a ball around the knife and joining Hull in his tears. He had sounded so gutted at the very end, remorseful even. “That idiot,” I breathed out, my indignation still closer at hand than I realized. If he had taken up with me at the beginning, neither of us would have had to go through such an awful ordeal.

“If you think Hull is in league with the man you dueled,” Esmi said, speaking obliquely due to a pair of maids we passed. “Then you are probably right to inform your father.”

I shook my head. “I don’t believe that. Not after how Hull turned on him.”

“That was my suspicion as well, but I didn’t wish to presume. Why do you suspect Hull changed his mind?”

“For me, I suppose.”

Esmi paused, bringing me to a halt as well. “You suppose? What makes you doubt yourself?”

I sighed. “I don’t know. I can’t drum up another plausible reason why he would have swapped allegiances when he did, or at such Twins-awful timing. He didn’t even surprise the man. As near as I can tell, going through with the final act was just too much for him.” It felt odd to refer to my own demise so, as if it had happened at a distance, and it was equally strange to feel even a thimble of gratitude toward Hull for his final actions, but it was there in me, small yet significant.

Esmi pulled us along again, and my body obliged her. My mind, however, had spun off in a different direction: Was this the best I could hope for from a friend? Not quite murdering me? If so, I was better off without any at all.

“Hull said, ‘He thought he had to’,” Esmi quoted, “about siding with the man initially. Why do you think that was?”

“You’re quite good at this,” I commented.

“At what?” The casual way she asked, turning her head toward me just so and the breeze playing in her hair, could make me believe we were out for a pleasant stroll. The memory of the knife in my gut ruined the fantasy, the sensation so visceral it was like it was still there, the cold heavy weight living between my ribs.

I took a breath, pushing the pain of the past away. “My father has had me listen in on prisoner questioning a handful of times over the years. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you came from the same sort of family.”

Esmi ignored the suggestion with an unassuming shrug. “I’m simply trying to sift through what little information we have.”

“And I’m simply trying to compliment my fiancee. Is that not allowed?” I asked with what playfulness I could muster in my current state.

Her features softened. “Of course you can. After what you’ve been through, you can do whatever you like.” Esmi leaned in, pecking me on the cheek, but then lingered there. “I’m so glad you’re safe,” she said, breathing into my neck. “I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been.”

While I adored her close, I felt the need to look her in the eyes to respond adequately, so I took her by the shoulders and leaned back. “I couldn’t be more grateful to the Twins and the Twelve to be here with you now, Esmi. If I had died, I know you would have felt the loss keenly. I know you love me,” I added with a small grin. “However, with the strength I’ve seen in you, in a shorter time than you imagine, you would have been all right. You would still go and do all the wonderful things that Fate surely has in store for you.”

The gold in her eyes flared, and I thought she might strike me. “Don’t you talk like that. I would not have been all right.” Her hands around my elbow pulled me closer. “I’m probably asking all these questions because otherwise I’d be rushing you off to a room with the thickest door and softest bed I could find for a week straight, if not longer, to ensure that you’re safe and fully recovered.”

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I felt my cheeks heat at the thought but didn’t mind. If anything, I was glad to still be here in the flesh to have such a reaction. “Perhaps we can do that for our honeymoon.”

She seemed to realize the implication of what she had said and joined me in blushing. The shade looked marvelous on her.

“To answer your question, Hull…” I leaned closer even though no one was near. “He’s the king’s son.”

Esmi’s eyes flew wide in shock, but only for a moment. “I assume it was he who told you so. And you believe him?”

I laughed hollowly. “You make a good point.” Hull had proven himself to be someone who couldn’t be trusted. And yet, as I thought on it, I found myself questioning whether or not he had ever lied to me directly. I was surprised to discover that I couldn’t think of such an instance. “Strangely, I do believe him.”

“So that’s why Hestorus took him aside at dinner,” Esmi mused. “Hull didn’t seem pleased afterward, and from what he did today…”

“Precisely. He wants to see the king…removed,” I said very quietly.

“And killing you…?”

“That man you saw caught Hull telling me their plans and said I was dead for knowing.”

Esmi nodded. “If one was going to engage in such a risky enterprise, secrecy would be an obvious prerequisite for any chance at success.”

I concurred, and we walked in silence for a time, reaching an outer rounded walkway, which looked over the arena. The number of spectators packed into the stands was more than I could take in at a glance because the entire circle was in use now, only a single dueling platform left on the grounds, right in the center. I could see someone pacing there, well below, who must have been the prince.

Esmi surely saw the same, but instead of hurrying down the steps, she put her hands atop the low wall and looked up at the sky.

“Hull didn’t seem like a noble in hiding when we first met him,” she said.

“Nor to me.”

Neither her focus or posture changed, but her face fell. “How utterly awful.”

It was obvious to me what she meant. To have not just a father, but one with the resources of our king, and yet to be made to scrape like a stray dog. It was the height of cruelty.

“Hull must truly hate him,” Esmi added.

“I’d imagine so. It certainly explains his general disposition, and –” A thought came to me that I couldn’t believe I hadn’t managed to put together until now. “His Nether Source. It’s a testament to precisely how much he hates him.” I knew the grueling, daily effort that had gone into cultivating my five of Order and three of Air, and Hull had seven Nether.

She nodded forlornly at the revelation. “And yet…”

“And yet?” I asked when she didn’t finish the thought.

She gave me a sad smile. “He gave it all up for you.”

I looked away, trying to breathe out the knot that had formed in my chest. I could tell what Esmi was getting at, but he had attacked me, betrayed me. If even a single card had drawn differently, we would have both ended the day dead, and no matter what rationale was applied to the situation, a sizable portion of that blame would always lay squarely at Hull’s feet. I clenched and unclenched my fists on the walltop, trying to control and release the rush of emotion that was boiling through me. I would have liked longer to collect myself, but I knew we didn’t have the time, so I was still rather raw when I turned back to her.

“Unfortunately, I’m finding that understanding is not the same as forgiving.”

She laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. “You don’t need to forgive him today, Basil. You just need to decide if you will report him.”

That, finally, eased some of my tension. “Hull will make that decision, not me.”

Esmi looked at me quizzically and then I saw it come to her. “That’s why you left him alone.”

“Indeed. My father also used to say that you could often learn more about a person after a night of solitary than a night of questions. If Hull is still there when I return, I see no reason to involve anyone else. If not…” I shrugged. I wasn’t looking forward to that possibility or explaining it to my father, but I wouldn’t be taken advantage of anymore.

“Will you go see him now?”

I shook my head. “I said I was going to watch your duel. He can wait until after that.” I didn’t add that I was unsure what I might say to Hull if I saw him again too soon, particularly with the room I had almost perished in as the backdrop.

Esmi looked like she might want to argue, but then the announcer’s voice from far below came to us, calling her name, followed by whoops and shouts from the crowd.

She turned back to me. “Last chance to make your case to the announcer and council. You must know it wasn’t your fault, and we can surely come up with a believable excuse as to your delay. I can even refuse to play Gerad until they agree,” she offered brightly. “They won’t dare skip the final match of the day. People would riot.”

Watching her be the type of person she was coaxing out of me was both inspirational and intimidating. I knew how badly she wanted to defeat Gerad, and yet here she was, risking that opportunity for my benefit. The truth was, I was actually feeling halfway decent now and probably could have dueled. However…

“You’ll need to beat him twice to be declared the victor since you’re coming from the Losers Bracket.”

“I know –” she started

“Which means,” I continued, “you’ll need all your energy to see the task done. I’d never forgive myself if I got in the way of that.”

She hesitated, clearly battling within, but then threw her arms around me. “Thank you,” she whispered. I gave her a quick squeeze in return and kissed her cheek, after which she pulled away, motioning to her giant kobold. “Let’s go, Sklar.” The massive albino creature surprised me by picking her up and placing a huge clawed foot on the low wall. Before it went wherever it planned, Esmi turned my way. “Wish me luck?”

“Always,” I answered, and then the kobold pushed off, launching them into the air in a soaring arc toward the platform down below.