It hurts.
Man, it hurts.
I don’t know what I just saw…the Ancient’s memories? That’s the only thing that makes sense. I try to focus on that, putting one foot in front of the other. If I can avoid thinking about it, the cyber energy fades out a little. Which is exactly what I need to get to the next tower.
Don’t think about it.
Don’t even acknowledge it.
It’s not there.
Not bothering me.
I take a deep breath. Like clockwork, it riles up again. I feel so cold, it makes everything fade out for a split-second. Coughing the breath out, I notice the red mist coming off my arms. I can see my own skin, everything on me and around me, fade into an uncertian red and black. It’s all shifting, covering me, and when it comes over my eyes like this, I can’t see straight. Shutting my eyes tight, I wait it out like a bad cramp. The pain swells and intensifies in my gut, making me hold a breath. Seconds go by, and the pain doesn’t subside.
My left leg gives out. Bracing with a hand on the ground, I can feel my teeth clench together so hard that it almost distracts me from everything else. I fight the urge to let the scream out. I finally take a breath, and it’s heavy on my chest, as if just breathing is getting hard now.
No, it can’t. I’ve still got so much to do. That last tower isn’t going to climb itself, come on, get it together.
I said no thinking about it. No thinking about it. No thinking about it. Don’t think about it. It’s fine.
It’s fine.
Pushing myself up, my left leg is numb now. I keep walking, it doesn’t look pretty. The next tower. Right. Just one more.
Good thing no one is here to see this, I think, Knuckles, what would he say? Oh he’d have a field day…
I can’t feel myself breathing anymore, but I know I am. I take steps, and while I feel weight under one foot, the other one isn’t…right. When I reach the edge of the tower, I pray that whatever this stuff is just holds off until I descend. With a hand braced on the edge and a foot on the sheer side of the tower, I let my grip loosen as I ease down the tower’s side in a slide. It’s almost like these things were meant to be climbed.
Could have used some stairs, you know. Or maybe you Ancients just set up these things with intention of keeping them up forever. Maybe all this…cyberspace, everything…
…Was it meant to be able to come back from?
The rain makes it easier to slide, harder to stop. By the time I try to, I’m already hitting the ground. The sound my knees make isn’t great, and I fall forward, tumbling until I reach my arms out and stop myself. Ouch.
That ghost girl said my survival was a fluke. I’ll just have to keep being lucky until everyone’s free.
Trying my luck out, I start running. The weird energy decides to let me, and I breathe easy for awhile. I never thought about how good it feels to just…breathe, and I take generous, calming breaths of air as I run. In through the nose. Out through the mouth. And repeat, ad infinitum. That’s better. Now that things have cleared up a little, I notice that I’m either sweating, or it’s raining. The sensation of being covered in drizzle is sudden, and I feel myself slowing down.
What if it takes away my ability to move? What then? Man I need to get this last tower done quick. Maybe this weird energy will go away when it lets my friends go.
When that energy riles up, it doesn’t let anything function like it should. My muscles, my breathing, my head, everything tightens up like I’m being pressed down. It’s gotten worse in the last day. I can only run in short bursts, and when it comes back…it really hurts.
Hey, no, shut up. Not thinking about it. Think about Tails. Amy’s waiting. Everyone’s waiting, so get a move on!
I pick up the speed, minding the fact that the grass is wet, coasting down the hill toward the next tower. The air is cold, so cold that I start shivering a little. That’s good. Maybe the cyber jank is backing off for once. If I can feel outside sensations, that has to be a good sign. And I don’t need a good sign to tell me twice. Surging forward, I find the tower and take a chance, running up the side in no time.
One of the things you’ve gotta know about running up things like this is that there’s only one real rule.
Don’t stop.
Pretty easy to get, right? And if it’s raining, that becomes a law punishable by falling face first in some grass. No stopping, not even for cyber junk rearing up its ugly head and giving you a “How do you do?”
Like a siren going off in my head, I couldn’t feel the rain anymore. The cold sensation, the real one that bites, quickly dies down in favor of that empty, dark kind of coldness. The kind that makes me lose the sensation of gravity all around me. My momentum that strapped me to this tower feels lighter, and soon I lose pace.
No stopping. That’s the rule. Get up there. Come on, get up there!
Ignoring my fleeting senses, I push it as hard as I can, ducking my head down just in case I overshoot. Turns out it’s just enough, and I quickly grab at the edge of the towertop just as I feel it creeping up again. The momentum dies, and I’m left hanging, my shoes slipping off the side of the tower as I scramble for a foothold.
Like a spike going through my head, the pain starts.
“No…no, no, no, stop!” I grimace, reaching the tower’s edge with another hand and digging in, “Just let me—”
It flares hard, and I can see my own arms go dark. My vision does a second later, and there is no sensation. Not of holding onto the tower, not of fighting to stay on, not of my kicking legs, and not of the scream that I know I must be shouting.
My mouth is open but there’s no sound. My legs are kicking but there’s nothing there. My hands grip something, but I can’t feel the pain in my knuckles.
I can’t…hear myself scream. I could be falling right now. I could…shoot, hold on! Please don’t let go!
As if the cyber stuff was playing games with me, it answers. My vision comes back, and the distant sensation of my fingertips being on fire finally reaches my head. With all my effort I decide the wall won’t be helping me and pull myself up with just my arms. I take deep breaths in, I know I’m breathing hard, flat on my back, but I can’t feel it.
No time to rest now. Final tower. Then it’s over. Then I let Tails fly me home. Then I…then we…
For a second, on my back in the rain, I can’t move.
It’s like my body just won’t listen.
Like it’s disconnected.
Something jolts through in a spider’s web along my arms and eyes, commanding them to move, move now, please move, but nothing happens. I think I’m trembling. It could be the rain. It could be the wind. It could be whatever’s buzzing in my chest. It could be anything.
There’s nothing but me and the rain that falls on me. Just as I feel the fear get ready on the starting line, sensations come back, patchy all over my body, reminding me in bits and pieces. I’m drenched. I’m shivering. I’m exhausted. I grip my hands into fists, roll into a crouch, and get up.
I smile. It’s never felt so good to feel it. To feel tired. To feel dizzy. Anything’s better than nothing at all. The activation switch for the entire tower is just a few yards ahead of me.
Don’t think about it. Keep going. Let’s get everyone outta here.
I walk, I think I’m limping. Maybe I hurt myself. Nah. Nah, I’m fine. When it flares up again, I can feel some heat build up in my chest as I snap my jaw closed. Stifling a groan, I take a few more steps. I don’t want to fall. I can’t. If I do it might not let me get up.
I’m not going to fall. Not here. Not now. I’m getting them outta here. We’re going home.
When it wanes, I try picking up the pace. When I finally make it to the activation switch, I press both hands on it and lean. For a few long seconds, I can’t feel myself, or the thoughts in my head. Images, sounds, memories pass through, but I’m too tired to make them out. It’s like they’re screaming at me through a wall.
The screams stop. The memories that were trying to invade leave me alone. When I open my eyes, leaning on the switch, I see the world coated in nothing but a red, dusty mist.
I smile. I’m tired. I turn around, one hand on the platform.
I did it. When Tails gets back, I’ll need him to help me on the plane. I’ll take the back seat. Sitting down may be a good idea. Sleeping, maybe. This needs to wear off.
It’s gotta wear off, right? I did it…I’m done, so go away. I’m going home.
I can’t feel myself breathe. I can’t feel myself take another step forward. The entire world is red. I can’t…see, it’s blurry.
No, something’s wrong. Why isn’t it going away…?
Where am I?
I reach out my hands, trying to lean into another step. If I can just make one more step…
They’ll find me. Amy, Knuckles, Tails, they’ll all find me because they’re all back. I did it.
It’s over. I won. I beat it. I’m…we’re going home.
Pain makes my forehead feel like it’s splitting open. I grip my head, then my ears, tugging and pulling. I try to stop the scream at first, but it’s the only thing I hear. It’s like there’s an echo.
It’s like I’m alone in this red void.
It hurts! Where are you guys?! I did it!
Come back already!
As I grip my head, it’s like something…clicks. Something I never thought about before. It’s strange, but, I feel like I’m not going to make it.
Something in me just has this feeling. Like the dip in your gut before you fall. I feel like that now. Like I’m teetering on the edge, and I’ve just leaned forward. I can’t stop it. I can’t…
Shoot.
No…! Can't breathe! Stop!
I’m not…breathing…it’s not…
I’m…
Everything cuts off. It’s like the lights went out. For a terrible few seconds, there is nothing. I am nowhere. Then, I come back. Weightless, formless, just a mind and voice floating behind what I quickly see is my own body.
Instead of being there, I’m just a few inches behind. My eyes, both here and there, rest staring at a place on the ground that I can’t quite see. I can’t move.
What is this…?
My thoughts are louder. They echo all around me. I’d try to move but…what is there to even move now? My body’s there, right in front of me, and I know beyond anything that I’m not…there.
The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
Am I dead? Shoot…shoot, shoot shoot, what do I do?!
I try to look anywhere other than the space on the floor where I’m stuck, staring. I can’t move my eyes. There’s nothing to move. The red around me fades, the rain comes back, falling on my body as it stands, stares, breathes. I don’t blink, and neither do I in this weird place.
We’re both stuck.
Where the heck am I?! I feel my own voice echo out into the void, Hello?! Can anyone hear me?!
I can still feel panic, that’s for sure. I can still feel, whatever this is, wherever I am. I’m still here but, I’m not there.
I see red shimmers of light. Appearing one by one, I see Tails, Knuckles and Amy all travel to the top of the tower.
I was always kind of jealous of that, I hear myself think, They could just teleport anywhere they wanted while stuck in limbo. As I see them in my periphrial, I notice they’re not fuzzy anymore. They’re whole.
I did it! You guys are back!
Amy looks at me and runs toward me. Whatever she says, it’s muffled, as if she were speaking in a padded room.
Amy! I can’t move, y-you gotta…I don’t know what to do. Amy?
Nothing goes through, I can see it on her face. She can’t hear me. I watch her gently place a hand under my cheek. I can’t react. I can only think.
I can’t feel it. My thoughts race out, filling the void with endless echoes.
Amy! Amy!!! I’m here, help me!
They surround me, they stare at me. I try to fight for sensation, but it’s like there’s a wall, fixed between me and myself, the self that is there in front of them.
Come on, I’m right here! Move, please move!
I can barely make out their words. I silence my own thoughts to try and listen.
“What happened to him?”
“He took on so much cyber energy, it corrupted him.”
No Tails, you’re wrong buddy. I hear myself say, I’m right here! I’m right in front of you!
“Meaning?”
“He’s stuck between realities.”
What?
I feel my thoughts grow quiet.
Stuck…no. No I can’t be. I have to get back. I saved my friends, this should be over. I can’t be stuck, I just got you guys back!
I fight the stillness, but there’s nothing to fight.
I have to get back! I can’t be stuck here!
I struggle, but there’s nothing to struggle with.
No…it’s no good.
I can’t even look away from where I’m staring. I want to look anywhere but at the ground. I’d climb those towers all over again just to lift my head. More muffled conversation happens all around me, but I can feel my senses fading out. I can’t will myself to listen anymore, as if I’ve spent up all my energy in this place.
What do I do now? What can I do?
It’s then that I see Tails walk in front of me. He’s saying something, but I can’t make it out at all.
I’m sorry. I can feel something ache in where my chest is supposed to be. It spreads, aching all over here.
It hurts. Like the residual ache after a blow. It stays. It persists even when I don’t want it to.
I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I don’t know what to do. Just stay safe. Please. Maybe you’ll eventually figure this out…
Get out of here while you can guys. I try to will the thoughts out to them, Leave! Get back home. Work out a plan when you can, but don’t stay here!
They all walk toward me. What are you doing? You all should be running! Get the Tornado and get out of here!
One by one, I watch all three of them surround me and hold each other’s hands.
No…what are you doing?
“Sonic, I want you to see the hero I become!”
Tails?
“Sonic! You still have love to share with the world too.”
Amy…
“Hey, Sonic.” I can’t see his face very well, but I think Knuckles is smirking.
“We’re even after this.”
Then it clicks. They’re going back!
But I just saved you! Don’t leave! I just got all of you BACK!
I shout, I shout as loud as I can at them. But they can’t hear me.
Stop! You’ll go back to where you all were before, it was terrible! If it was anything like this…
They all look at me as the cyber energy surrounds them, making them fade. Each is going to return to the cyber spaces they were in before. They’re going back to let me out.
Sensation by sensation, moment by moment in this place, I feel things come back. Like a ghost, I move forward, feeling the me here and the me there become one again.
I blink. I almost fall forward.
They’re gone.
“Everyone…thank you.”
I won’t let you down.
- Three years later -
I blame the break for what happened. Eggman was down for a year. An entire year of me kicking back, not so much as reviewing a single drill…not that I followed the drills much anyway, but still.
There’s got to be something to blame for me getting caught again. Can’t just be that I’ve gotten slower. I blinked and I was out. Those rings…
I look at my own wrists from my place prone on the ground. They’re not here, but I know they’re on my real body, in the real world. And thanks to them clinging onto me like that, I’m stuck here, in a field where nothing changes. Where nothing moves, including me.
For the most part anyway.
It’s kind of like Cyberspace, if I could ever draw out a comparison. Cyberspace was the last time I felt it. That kind of isolation, that kind of helplessness, that kind of stillness. There was too much shock to really feel it. Things never really set in, there wasn’t enough time to feel it.
But boy do I feel it now. I’ve been flat on my back for weeks now, sprawled in the grass. Every movement from every blade that can move more than I can is predictable to me. The tree that stretches above me, I must have memorized every detail of every grain of bark that I can see in my unmovable vision.
I can move my eyes.
I can breathe.
I can talk.
I can blink.
And that’s about it.
I don’t know how long I’ve been here.
Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes and consider slipping back into a dream. There’s nothing to do but wait. Hope and wait. Just like when I was stuck between dimensions, my friends are the only ones that can get me out now. I bite the inside of my cheek. The urge to bite harder, to cause any kind of sensation that isn’t mind-numbingly boring, is tempting. It would distract me from this pit that’s forming in my gut.
It’s panic. I shove it down. Once again, panic loses today. And that’s all I got to think about, is today.
“Nope. Not gonna get to me, Egghead,” I say out loud, “You’re going to have to make me! Force me! Shake me up a little, because this is never going to work!” I smile, “You want me to say that line? What was it again? My memory’s bad after all this time, you know how it is.”
His figure appears above me, impossible and uncanny despite all the natural looking environment around the both of us in this strange, liminal, digital space. Even though I’m on the ground, he appears in front of me, like a hologram, clearly standing in some kind of room. Here, in the simulation, he can appear at any time he wants to check in on me.
Supposedly, he’s always listening. Doesn’t stop me from singing as badly and as loudly as I possibly can on the off chance that I annoy him. That kept me occupied for awhile.
“Hi! Did you want an encore of Great Gig In The Sky, or…?”
He ignores my joke, answering the question. Right to the point, as usual.
“You know the words, hedgehog,” he says, leaning over me so close that, if this actually was real, I’d likely be smelling the stuff he puts in his dumb mustache, “Your memory is perfectly preserved. I have total control! I will break your will, not your mind.”
“Yeah, yeah. Humor me,” I say, “C’mon Eggy. Say the line. Give me an example of a broken person!”
He dissapears instead. Figures. He’s gotten less fun since this all happened.
And now my waiting resumes again, just as it has for the last week. I close my eyes.
'Just say I am broken. Then you will be released.'
Fat chance.
When the pit forms in my stomach, I fight it off with excessive thinking about places, things, subjects memories, like flipping channels as fast as you can, changing the subject, forgetting where it came from, switching things around so that eventually, the panic dissapears. Just like in cyberspace, the pressure of not being able to move is always just past my every thought. Just under the surface of my subconscious, it’s there. It could easily explode into panic if I let my thoughts run wild about how immobile I am. I think the worst part is that I can’t even turn my head. My ears won’t even twitch. My fingertips can’t move from the same spot they’ve been day in and day out. The grass has more freedom than me at this point and--
The thoughts slip. I correct my course. I breathe deep. Then I change the subject.
Once I knew how dire my situation was when I woke up here, I took a few long steps back. I took a few days to just breathe, meditate, and not think about anything. When I was done with that, I set the course and determined my goal. The panic will not win, no matter how long he keeps me trapped. I have to fight it by doing almost the exact opposite of what I do when I fight something.
By not looking it in the eye. The only thing I can do is ignore it any way I can. Sleep. Think about something else. Distract myself. Wait for rescue. Think about my friends. Consider good things. Sift through memories and relive them.
I have my one rule. I hold onto it like a lifeline.
Don’t panic.
I’m like a brain in a jar. Nothing else. But if Eggman thinks that if isolation can make me give up, then he’s wrong.
I know that. For sure.
…
Doesn’t mean I like it. But hey, if he captured my friends, he would have told me, to bruise my confidence. The fact that he hasn’t rubbed any bad news in my face means that my friends are fighting back and winning.
Good. Maybe they’ll crack Egghead’s base wide open and get me outta here.
Wherever you guys are, please be okay.
Tails, Knuckles, Flint, Shadow…
…Amy.
Be safe.
Getting out of my own head is harder than it was a few days ago. It’s like tossing and turning when you can’t sleep. Like my brain is realizing that being this still and not thinking for this long is unnatural, and it’s fighting it. My thoughts feel like prayers to people that can’t hear me, in a place that’s not even in the real world. I think because Eggman can’t hear me. I think because it’s one of the four things I can even do. I think because it reminds me that I have memories, friends, and things to stay myself for.
And get me out of here, when you can?
Because it’s getting harder.