Expers vitae et consilii

Reliquiae intus abscondere

Justinius left Aquilla the same day that Lumina was to depart for Carxandria. He had been up at dawn’s first light. He hadn’t slept well. Everything was packed and Ardellius was to arrive at any moment to join him on their trip to the gate where the young men were to be gathered with a formal guard. Justinius was checking his bag again when a pair of servants carrying supplies from the stairway to the front door.

Justinius shook his head. “What would I need all of those for? I want to travel light, if possible.”

“Those are my clothes.”

Justinius started and turned to see Lumina standing behind him, her eyes alight with an eagerness he hadn’t seen for the past few days. “You are leaving?”

“Indeed,” she said. “My brother does not know how much longer he will remain and he thought it best I return home.”

“You seem cheerful.”

Lumina smiled. “I would be lying if I said I wasn’t missing my home and my siblings. Your city is fair…but I have always thought mine was fairer. The hills about my home call to me and nothing here could keep me from them. I have enjoyed your company.”

“So…this is goodbye?” Justinius had known this moment was coming. Its arrival still caught him by surprise and he felt tightness in his chest and a longing to say more. Yet, he wasn’t sure what to say, let alone how to say what he felt. “I…have enjoyed our time together. I hope you will have a safe trip to Carxandria. You ride just an hour ahead of me.”

She smiled. “Thank you. I would travel with you, but the company you keep on this journey is less than desirable.”

He nodded quickly. “Of course. I wouldn’t want you to. No…I mean I would like to have your company, but…it would be wrong…not that it wouldn’t be nice to travel again with you. I do enjoy your company, it's just not right.”

She nodded and an awkward silence stretched between them. The pain in his chest increased and Justinius suddenly felt quite miserable. He studied her sun-kissed face, a lock of blond hair falling just between her blue-slanted eyes. “What is it?”

He shrugged and cleared his throat. “I don’t know. I just…I will miss your company.”

The smile that slowly spread across her face filled his heart with hope and she responded. “I enjoy your company as well. But, if you believe this is goodbye, I hope to say it is not. You travel to my city and I am certain that you shall remain there for the night before your travels. If you find the company about you tiresome, I would be happy to invite you to dinner.”

“Really?”

She laughed. “Yes, really. So let us not say goodbye so much as…I will see you soon.”

Justinius felt his smile widen and he nodded. “Yes…I will see you soon.”

An impulse hit him to make some gesture and her smile seemed to encourage him. A fleeting second of nervous energy spiked through him as he suddenly reached down, took her hand, and kissed it. It was only a brief moment, but it still made him feel euphoric. He had never been bolder in his life or felt quite as gallant as he had at that moment. He pulled away but held her hand a moment longer, suddenly coming to his senses and feeling foolish. “Um…safe travels to you…Lumina.”

Her hand squeezed his ever so slightly. “Safe travels to you, Justinius. May the Cause watch your path.”

Their hands parted, hers slipping away from his and his remaining frozen in the air before pulling in self-consciously. Damianus entered from the front door and led her out to the horses. Justinius made sure to follow them out and waved her farewell as she departed.

***

Justinius spoke only briefly to his father before he left. His father reminded him, once again, of the task ahead. Justinius nodded dutifully. He gave his sister a hug and a kiss, shook his brother Corbenus’s hand, then followed behind Ardellius who was already partway down the road.

Thirty young men stood before the Pantheon. A lengthy speech was given by Magnus Conditius, which Justinius ignored. It wasn’t until the party left the city, thirty young men surrounded by sixty city guards, that Justinius really felt how nervous he was. The young men all seemed to know one another. They were joking, laughing, and shoving one another on their horses. Ardellius had joined his three friends: Laurentius with his familiar frown, Mattias complaining about his saddle, and Lowellus trying to shove Mattias off his horse.

Justinius suddenly found himself completely alone yet surrounded by everyone else enjoying their time. Hemmed in by the guards surrounding the group on their horses, he was almost knocked over twice when a horse ran into him as they jostled about and, when he apologized, was ignored or cursed at.

Justinius’s growing apprehension came to full fruition when they camped for the first night. They were on an open plain and the wind began to blow fiercely. He found himself shivering under his cloak by his horse while the other young men gathered around a large fire. They were laughing uproariously and talking in voices that echoed across the empty plain and to the distant trees now invisible in the dark. Justinius wondered how far along the path Lumina was and wished he could be there. Ardellius soon approached, tipsy and stumbling over the tufts of grass. “What are you doing sitting here my friend? Don’t be a wet blanket and join us by the fire!”

Justinius shook his head, feeling his confidence wain further as faces turned to the sound of Ardellius’s voice. “I’m alright.”

Ardellius grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to his feet. “Nonsense! You are shivering and need to stop being a recluse. Now join us!”

Justinius had no choice but to join them by the fire where, in a small group of six men, Lowellus was telling a story with animated motions. “She persisted! But I know the games they play. They flash bits and they throw barbs with the tongue for the reaction. But I can play the player easily enough, and what they can’t admit is the need they have for us to show them strength and passion. In the end, she was playing my game.”

Laughs erupted and Justinius smiled though felt it was perfectly fine he hadn’t heard the beginning of the conversation. Another man called out, “What of you, Ardellius? Can you match him?”

Ardellius laughed. “I hardly think I can match our friend in his charm. He is a Cadenzius after all. Most ladies know me well enough to run for the gentler arms. I think my power is a little too much for them!”

More laughter. Ardellius continued, turning to Mattias. “I would ask you but, we all know no woman would touch you with a pole.”

Mattias responded angrily through the laughter. “I have had plenty!”

“Ones you paid for,” commented Laurentius.

“Like you have gotten any attention without money involved!” scoffed Mattias. “Besides, I have plenty of charm of my own. As I have said, I can show them a good time.”

“I was just concerned they thought you were a woman before. You do simper like them only to be disappointed them in the moment.”

The group roared at the deadpan response from Laurentius while Mattias cursed him, throwing it in a claw motion. Even Justinius chuckled despite himself. As the laughter faded, Ardellius glanced at Justinius, his gaze filled with a devious light. “What of you, Justinius? What has your experience been with women?”

Justinius was quite aware of the faces suddenly turning to look at him. He blushed deep crimson and the group began to snicker.

“Oh, this is precious,” said Mattias, “There’s only one reason to blush like that!”

“You would know,” said Ardellius.

“Now hang on,” said Lowellus. “Perhaps he simply doesn’t have a taste in that direction.” He turned to Justinius. “I can show you the ropes if you want. I’ve been told I’m really good.”

Justinius gaped. “No! I…I like women. There just…wasn’t any at the villa I was at.”

His comment was met by a chorus of boos. A voice called out, “Then you go find them!”

“Exactly,” said Ardellius. “Women are meant to be chased. Pursued. Desired. I am sure there were plenty of country girls that caught your eye. Don’t be shy! I know you probably never talked about it but you are among friends.”

Justinius shook his head. “Truly, I…I didn’t…I haven’t…”

“Oh he is!” said Mattias, glee in his voice. “I thought they were all extinct!”

The laughter filled his ears and Justinius had never felt so humiliated and trapped in his life. He wanted to leave but there was nowhere to go. Ardellius put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, my friend. We will rectify that as soon as we get the chance.”

Justinius only nodded and said nothing. Ardellius kept going. “I’m sure your position didn’t help with your confidence. That was your father’s oppressive influence though. You shouldn’t believe anything he says about that.”

“He doesn’t…”

“What position?” asked Mattias.

Lowellus rolled his eyes, “Oh gods, you're so dense, Mattias.”

Laurentius answered. “He’s a half-gen. I still can’t believe they allowed you in the Senate.”

The group suddenly became quite split. Others looked at him with some level of disgust while others turned on Laurentius. Lowellus could be heard loudest. “I’d say it's about time! We need some diverse representation in the Senate!”

“He shouldn’t be in matters of state, let alone given a voice in the vote!” said another.

“That would disqualify you as well for stupidity.”

“What’s going on?”

“That one’s a half-gen.”

“And a virgin!” was Mattias’s helpful comment.

More men began to gather until the entire party was part of the conversation. Justinius suddenly found himself the butt of jokes and the point of insults. Some told him he shouldn’t be there while others latched onto his virginity and told him they could show him how “it” works and where “it” went. One even came close to thrust his crotch in his face and Ardellius shoved him away.

Justinius stood quickly at this and said to Ardellius. “I’m going to bed.”

Before Ardellius could speak he left the crowd, followed by the mocking calls of the young men. In a life of not fitting in, Justinius had never felt it so acutely at the moment. He would have preferred his lonely exile to this open ridicule.

The next day, Justinius felt just as miserable as he was now called either “the virgin” or “half-gen” by those around him who did little to be hospitable and speak to him except call out his nickname along with some joke.

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Ardellius rode up beside him and said, “Hey, I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t think that you…I just assumed.”

“A common problem for people,” said Justinius. “No different than others.”

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” His answer was short and he couldn’t hide its biting edge.

Ardellius shook his head. “That was very convincing.”

“Well, I don’t feel like being convincing.”

“Look, don’t be sore over it! I validly thought you had! Everyone has!”

“Really,” asked Justinius. “Everyone? Are you so certain?”

“Everyone I have met.”

Justinius turned away, doubts filling his mind. “Well…I didn’t.”

“But you must have thought about it.”

Justinius rolled his eyes. “Of course I did! But my father did little to talk about it other than to demand I keep to myself at the villa. Other than that…my heritage makes me warier of the repercussions than most others I suppose. In fact, I’m surprised more people aren’t concerned. What would they do if they did have a half-gen?”

“Oh…well…they do what they need to.”

Justinius shook his head. “I don’t want to know.”

Ardellius nodded. “True. But I take care.”

“How responsible of you.”

Ardellius threw up his hands. “Look, it’s normal, perfectly natural! There is nothing wrong with it, everyone does it. It's not my fault you were browbeaten by your father and didn’t have the spine to find a girl and charm her.”

Justinius refused to answer. His mind was still in turmoil. He felt he was in the right but the lack of spine comment stung more than he wanted to admit. They rode in silence for some time before Ardellius spoke up again. “I didn’t mean that. Who am I to judge your actions? We all do what we must to find meaning in our life.”

Justinius turned to him. “Is it really everyone? Every Aquillan man has…you know?”

Ardellius shrugged. “As far as I’m aware. I guess you could say it's part of your right of passage.”

“But none of these young men are married to anyone?”

“Not one.”

Justinius looked up at the clouds racing across the sky. “I suppose it's just another reason I’m not really Aquillan.”

***

Their journey took them from the flat lands around Aquilla to the higher roads, grassy plains, and forests between the two great cities. Days began to pass, turning into a week and the party made quick progress, advancing toward the most ancient and venerable of cities, Carxandria. A few days into the trip, Justinius suddenly began noticing a shift in the villages they passed through. Cleanly kept homes and fields became disheveled in appearance. Farmhouses were patched poorly and fields were left fallow, their border fences falling apart or completely disappearing. He could not help but also notice the large number of expensive villas, surrounded by lush fields and worked by weary-looking and ill-dressed plebs.

It was when they passed a burnt-out home with a family outside it and several more struggling in the fields that Justinius couldn’t take the curiosity anymore. He rode up beside Ardellius and asked, “What is going on? Why do some of these homes look like they have been pillaged and the people starving?”

Ardellius shrugged. “I’m not sure. Did Catonus tell you anything before you left?”

“No. He just told me what to watch out for when we visited Carxandria and the Aequendar.”

“It's our policies.”

The two turned to see Laurentius riding up behind them. His face was grave as he looked at a young girl staring at the passing horses from the roadside. “They have been forgotten and taxed beyond what they can handle. Those who can’t pay lose their farms to the buyers. Those who refuse are met with this fate.”

Justinius noticed a freshly dug grave near the farmhouse and, on a second glance, he noticed the figures working in the field were young men, one barely five years. His blood began to boil as he stared at the young child struggling to lift a rock half his size. “How can this be tolerated? Is this a common occurrence?”

Laurentius nodded. “It is indeed.”

“I am surprised that the people have not revolted yet.”

“Well, there is time for it yet,” said Ardellius.

“Gods,” said Mattias, riding up behind them. “This is why I don’t leave Aquilla if I can help it.”

Justinius could not stop his look of annoyance and disgust at Mattias. Mattias saw it and shrugged. “What? Don’t look at me like that. You are just as disgusted by them.”

“They deserve better,” said Justinius.

“Then maybe you can try to pointlessly pass legislation to help them,” said Laurentius. “You can join that idealist Antoninus Registius.”

“Perhaps I might,” muttered Justinius.

Ardellius gave him an amused sideways glance but said nothing. This only infuriated Justinius all the more. “You don’t think I will?”

“I think you would like to,” said Ardellius. “But you forget, if your father does not vote that way, then neither will you if you know what is best. That’s why I never get involved in politics. Everyone wanting to hang you for having thoughts or opinions contrary to their own.”

Justinius would have liked to argue but even he had to admit, there was truth in his words. His father would never allow it unless it benefited him as well. The inability to make his own choices suddenly weighed heavily on him. “One might as well not have principles.”

Ardellius laughed. “Now you understand me!”

That evening, their party reached a crossroads and a small village that held a blacksmith, an inn attached to a stable and hostler, and a tavern. The houses about it looked in equal disrepair as the previous houses they had seen. The town was far from abandoned though. As they rode into town, Lowellus saw the large inn and sighed in relief. “Thank the gods! I am looking forward to a bed tonight.”

Laurentius shook his head. “We are moving on.”

“But why?” Mattias protested. “I’m tired of sleeping with my head on a saddlebag!”

“Don’t be a fool,” said Laurentius. “Look around you.”

Justinius shook his weary stupor off and looked around as well. It was then that he noticed the town was far busier than he had expected. Though it was evening, large gatherings of people filled the main street, mostly men of various ages. Their gazes were drawn to their large party, not unusual for the spectacle they presented. But the glares they garnered were many and whispers were spreading amongst the men. Justinius also noticed that their hands were straying to weapons at their sides or to tools they held. A sudden fear clutched his heart and he looked around fearfully. “What is this?”

“I cannot guess,” said Ardellius quietly. “But a gathering of men on this scale here can mean nothing good.”

“What do we do?”

“Shut your mouth,” said Laurentius. “And keep moving forward. We will be out of here soon.”

What had been dreary hours passing now turned into agonizing seconds. Justinius watched each group of men they passed carefully. Mistrustful glances crossed back and forth between sides as the plebs glared at the passing Aquillans. Mattias muttered,” We would be dead if not for our guard, I’m sure of it.”

“Indeed,” said Lowellus. “Now do silence yourself if you can.”

As their party exited the town, Justinius was alarmed to see a camp outside the town. Tents dotted the muddy, downtrodden field and families could be seen squatting about small fires. “Who are these?” Justinius asked Ardellius.

“How should I know?” he responded. “They could be refugees from up north or simply landless plebs who lost their lands.”

Justinius studied them and noticed that some did look and dress like those from the north. Somehow, they had slipped through the northern lands uncontested and were residing further south than he thought possible. But many of the others dressed as Aquillan, or something similar. Their clothes were in a poor state and their hair bedraggled as they studied the mounted Aquillans with hopeless or angry stares. The accusation in the eyes of many, especially the mothers with small children, filled Justinius’s heart with such guilt that his face burned. Yet, he was unsure why he should feel guilty.

The feelings remained as the town and camp disappeared in the darkness behind him.

***

That very evening, Lumina’s horse crested the hill that looked down into the bay of Lake Copiah. With the sun setting behind her, the lake and city shone brightly in the sunlight, blinding her momentarily. She shielded her eyes and gazed across the valley until she spotted her home. She smiled at the sight and urged her horse to a gallop, leaving her guards behind, as she rode down the hill and through the field of purple flowers.

Two figures ran out of the front gate to meet her. “Lumina! Lumina! You are back!”

She pulled her horse to a halt and leaped off, pulling her siblings into her arms as she nearly fell under the impact of their embrace. “Veronica! Ignatius! I’m so glad to see you two again!”

“We missed you!” said Veronica. “It’s been very dull without you!”

“I can imagine, stuck with Orrin all day!” Lumina laughed.

Ignatius pulled away from the embrace and suddenly cried out in alarm. His face paled and he asked in astonishment, “What happened to you?!”

Lumina stared at her brother, confused for a moment. “What do you mean? What’s wrong?”

Ignatius stared a moment longer, horror on his face, and then he shook it as if to clear away a bad dream. “Nothing. I don’t know.”

Lumina sighed and put a hand on his shoulder. “Still seeing things are we?”

Ignatius didn’t respond but looked down in sadness. Veronica stepped in. “It seems to be getting worse recently. But he’s doing alright otherwise, aren’t you Ignatius?”

“I suppose,” he said, rather unconvincingly.

Lumina studied his downturned face but, seeing nothing else occurring, she kissed his cheek and put an arm around his shoulders. “Let’s go in, shall we? I could use a proper evening meal.”

“We aren’t finished, I’m afraid,” said Veronica. “We had a late start and Orrin isn’t home until after dark these days.”

“Let’s prepare it together. I will tell you about my trip while we do so.”

“Did you meet any nice Aquillans?” asked Veronica.

Lumina smiled and nodded. “I have one I could tell you about.”

They talked and prepared the evening meal and didn’t have to wait long before Orrin returned, his boat docking in the back. Lumina was there to greet him and he embraced her warmly. “I am glad you are back, Lumina. I couldn’t stand the thought of you being in the capital of our barbarous neighbors. I hope it wasn’t terrible.”

“I found amusement well enough,” she said jokingly.

His eyes narrowed and he scowled. “What does that mean?”

She shook her head. “Not a thing, my brother. My journey was uneventful, that is all I meant.”

He nodded and walked inside. “Good. Let’s eat, I’m starving.”

She followed behind him, sighing and shaking her head as she did. He was getting worse, that much was certain. They sat down together for dinner but conversation was in short supply. An awkward silence filled the air until Lumina cleared her throat and asked, “So…has anything new happened since I left? What have you been doing to keep yourselves busy?”

“Preparing the militia for combat,” said Orrin, chewing his meat loudly. “I am seeing some potential. I am also training different groups at different times, never all at once. Hopefully, the Aquillan ambassador here won’t notice the difference.”

“You don’t expect our brother to make peace with them?” asked Lumina, staring at her plate as she did.

The annoyance in Orrin’s voice was clear. “I have every faith that our brother will try his best. However, I will not wait for a miracle to protect our people.”

“So you don’t believe,” said Veronica, “I trust our brother.”

“I’m being realistic, nothing more.”

“Well, I think it's possible,” said Veronica. “After all, if Lumina and I can make friends with them, our brother can get through to them as well.”

Orrin’s gaze snapped to Lumina and she, in turn, threw an exasperated glance at Veronica. Orrin leaned forward. “What does she mean, Lumina? You made friends with the Aquillans?”

“Not with all of them brother, that seems rather impossible. But I did make friends with one of them.”

“Who?!” Orrin’s voice rang out in the silence that had engulfed the table.

Lumina looked directly into his angry gaze. “He is the half-gen son of Horatius Honerius, Justinius.”

“So not just an Aquillan but a half-gen?”

“Indeed. I found him to be kind and intelligent, unlike many here in Carxandria.”

Orrin stared at her, his mouth agape. “What are you thinking?!”

“That it’s not your business.”

“It is now that you are under our roof again.”

Lumina ignored him and continued eating her meal.

Orrin huffed and continued eating his meal as well. “At least you are back and won’t have to see him again.”

Lumina looked up. “Oh, I almost forgot, I invited him to share a meal with us when he arrives in Carxandria with the Aquillan envoys.”

“Really?” asked Veronica. “I would love to meet him!”

“That’s enough from you,” said Orrin, “You are in enough trouble running off to the Aquillan soldiers camp on your own.” His attention turned back to Lumina. “You invited him here? I won’t allow it.”

Lumina turned to him, her gaze cold. “If you do not politely invite him to sit with us, I will go with him and we will share a meal elsewhere.”

“You won’t-”

“They are back!”

Ignatius was covering his ears and looking out the double doors to the lake outside. “Why won’t they be quiet?”

The family looked out and saw the boat with the Lord of Change floating by again. Lumina rose from the table. “They are becoming more bold. What are they up to?”

“Who knows,” said Orrin. “Polluting society with their rituals and worship of that hedonistic god.”

Lumina walked into the garden and to the stone balcony overlooking the lake. The boat with the Lord of Change was just pulling out of sight, its oars moving in rhythm and the noise of celebration still echoing across the dark waters. Lumina studied their path as Orrin moved up beside her. “Where are they headed?”

“I don’t know,” he responded. “Somewhere down the coast. I assume they go out of the water for their entertainment.”

“You have never thought to see where they go?”

“I have been busy with my matters. It is not every day and it is not my concern. Come back inside.”

He wandered back in but Lumina’s gaze remained fixed on the glowing statue fading away into the dark. Its dark features filled her with uneasiness. It was too late to follow them now. But perhaps next time. Next time, she would be ready.