Commander Forg,
Our Thrawnite scout ships have stumbled upon a weapon that could change the fate of the universe.
On a backwater planet in a galaxy bearing no other intelligent life we’ve discovered a species of bipedal apes that call themselves humans.
They’re nothing special, not particularly intelligent or strong and lacking talent for warfare in the way other species are.
They do however possess an ability unique to this planet and their species amongst all of creation.
They have invented magic called ‘song’ and it can be performed by the humans alone or in groups and with weapons they call ‘instruments’.
‘Song’ can achieve any desired emotional effect, sad songs being able to render battlefields full of bloodthirsty Mircunds useless as they cry their eyes out in response to the music.
If the enemy are to block their ears, thus tactically restricting their senses during battle (an advantage for us) then the humans can perform songs that grant vigor and happiness to allies, motivating them powerfully in the heat of battle and enhancing their bloodlust.
Indeed these humans are perhaps the most unique and powerful wizards we have found in the universe.
I will bring the entire population to your vessel immediately.
Regards
Lieutenant Kang
***
A short special abduction later and Lieutenant Kang was striding onto the main deck of Commander Forgs war cruiser, The Silent Star.
It was a medium sized cruiser and was roughly the same size as the star that the human planet had been orbiting.
Forg was an intimidating Thrawnite, tall even for them.
He stood at an impressive 4 foot and 6 inches, his tactical battle skills were legendary.
A true titan among their kind.
His wavering chintacles stopped typing the moment Kang entered the bridge.
The purple, bi pedal creature turned around and the two saluted each other by fanning out their chintacles whilst staring one another in the eyes for a full ten seconds.
“Ready for your weapons first big test?” he asked Kang.
“Yes sir. I’ve chosen a particular musician that will have devastating effects on the Mircunds.”
“Musician? I thought they were wizards?” Forg asked.
“Yes sir. It’s what they call themselves.” Kang answered.
“Music, magician. Makes sense, I’ll allow it. So who is this musician?” Forg said.
“Ah they have a harrowing tale, born into poverty this female was raised by her mother alone.” Kang began.
“Alone? Without a family unit I’m told this species struggles to function normally as an adult.” Forg said.
“She likely would have been quite dysfunctional were it not for her phenomenal talent.” Kang answered.
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
“Mmm well let’s watch and see if your pet project is worth the fuss. It’s no joke getting a type 0 civilization inducted into the Galactic Federation.” Forg said as he used his chintacles to bring up a large holo screen.
Two floating cubes rose from the ground and the Thrawnites sat to watch the show.
“Do you wish to use hearing protection sir?” Kang asked.
“No. I am in no danger here with you. I wish to experience this spell, so that I may understand how to better utilize it in the future.” Forg answered sagely.
Kang paused and stopped putting in his own ear molds.
He put them away and his Commander smiled as they resigned themselves to experiencing the full effect of this humans power.
The display showed multiple views of a battlefield from both aerial and point of view perspectives.
Forg made one of the aerial views zoom in and showed a platoon advancing on an enemy position in a wasteland bearing the scars of battle.
The enemy was well entrenched and this position had been a sore point for far too long in Forgs opinion.
Their side detonated an EMP and then advanced on the enemy with mechanical machines driven by operators rather than computers.
They were wide trucks carrying platforms with a curved lip that when driven in sync over the battlefield provided a moving trench that could advance ground troops.
In the center of the formation, next to a battalion of crouching soldiers stood a single clear diamond box that housed the female human.
She was completely exposed to enemy fire but the box would protect her from small arms long enough for her to cast.
When they were close enough one of the soldiers gave her the signal and the entire battalion covered their ears with their hands.
They already had ear molds in but this was a preliminary test and none of them trusted it to work perfectly the first time.
The woman raised a metal cylinder to her mouth as one of the human weapons began a lilting melody that froze the two officers from the other side of the display as the sound waves crashed over the battlefield, amplified by digital speakers.
“What is that?” Forg asked.
“They call their weapons instruments, and this one is named the Piano.” Kang answered.
Their attention snapped back to the display as the female sang for the first time.
I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now
I heard that your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things, I didn't give to you
Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light
Kang struggled with his emotions, every heartbreak and even memories of his parents divorce came crashing into his consciousness.
He couldn’t help as a tear rolled down his chintacles.
He snuck a glance at the Commander who was openly weeping and allowed himself to forget his masculine foolishness and embrace the moment.
The enemy had not fired a single shot on the box.
The human had seemed nervous at first but now she owned the battlefield, twirling in a circle in a magnificent dark ball gown as she sang.
The enemy troops seemed as mesmerized by the physical performance as they were the music.
I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
I had hoped you'd see my face
And that you'd be reminded that for me, it isn't over
The true testing moment came, as their troops launched over the lip of the huge trench trucks and rushed the enemy position.
The Mircunds are much like the species named the Kangaroo from Earth, Bi Pedal with tails and pouches for storing things.
The main difference between the two species was the size of their brains and what they liked to store in their pouches.
While their small brained cousins liked to nurse their young, the Mircunds liked to store bombs in their pouches.
They had a penchant for blowing themselves up if a fight looked unfair, which usually set off a chain reaction that annihilated both sides of a battle making them tricky to defeat.
A few of the enemy soldiers seemed to come to their senses slightly and despite the tears streaming down their snotty snouts they reached into their pouches and pulled out detonators.
But then the human seemed to shift gears.
“Oh this is the chorus!” Kang exclaimed.
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
"Don't forget me, " I beg
I remember you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead"
"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead"
The Mircunds dropped their detonators and adopted the fetal position, crying so hard some began to choke.
Kang and Forg were holding each other as they weeped deeply, Forg hit mute with one of his chintacles.
Immediately they reclaimed their higher brain functions and both men sat back onto their stools, looking away from one another.
“I’d say that is a successful test run Lieutenant” Commander Forg said in a deep voice.
“Yes sir.” was all that Kang could say in answer, not yet trusting his own voice too much.
“We’ll try some larger scale battles tomorrow. What do you recommend next?” Forg asked.
Kang took a moment to regather himself and finished wiping his eyes with his chintacles.
He took a deep breath then answered in a steady voice.
“Tomorrow I propose that we broadcast one of the humans into the ear molds of our forces in a position where sound waves can’t be utilized.” he said.
“Ahh you said something of this. We can use the music to enhance our own soldiers?” Forg asked.
“Yes sir. Our early tests show it may have an even higher potential than this form of offensive attack.” Kang said.
“Wonderful and who will the musician be?” Forg said.
“A male human named Marshall Mathers.” Kang answered.
“I look forward to witnessing Marshall’s vigor in the heat of battle.” Forg said with a salute, dismissing the lieutenant.
Kang saluted with his chintacles in response and then left the bridge, brimming with pride.
Back on the bridge Forg rewound the tape of the battle and had a helmsman bring him a human delicacy called an ‘Acai Bowl’.
He resumed crying while eating the delicacy and clutched at his face with his chintacles when the cold dessert affected him with what he later learned was a brain freeze and not Acai poisoning.