She made way with calm and silence down the streets of this celebratory city, moving away from the plaza in which her…now former…employment facility was located. The cheers and crowds, the strange dances upon podiums and platforms, the many sounds and voices being sung in song, the endless confetti and other festive things blowing and raining, all such things dimmed and lessened the farther out she walked.
She had no thoughts or cogitations, only one simple fixated priority: going home. She attended little to any of the denizens and their endless doings, their endless noises. Truly…their sounds frustrated her so, yet…she could not really comprehend her frustrations at all…let alone the reasons.
Coastfield was ignited in light and glory, far more so than she had ever observed prior. Festive lamps and candles were all over the place, some even floating up like balloons in the sky, carrying wishes, regrets, hopes, and dreams along the winds that blew, hoping that the winds of time would blow to finally favor those caught in the tides of change.
Thus, the dark world of night was not really that dark, though that was only half the picture as to why, for indeed…clouds were moving and dissipating; the moon was being released from its shackles, its light finally allowed to be unleashed onto all the world below.
The moon of this place was rather peculiar; it was not just some dead rock in the heavens above, no…it hardly appeared as a rock at all. It appeared more as though it was a very bright puffball in the sky up high, for the moon had a very thick and all-consuming atmosphere, one that was white and highly reflective.
On the fullest of moons, so bright could it become, that the night sky ceased being black and would become more visibly tinted a nightly blue. So bright was the moon, that shadows could be casted in the veil of night’s darkness.
Yet, alongside the reveal of the Goddess of the Moon’s manifestation and light, so too freed from the cloud’s obscurence were the stars up high.
She hardly ever looked up when the stars clawed their way out from behind the blue-sky’s shadow; during night she tended to keep her head down…ensuring she at no point ever saw that accursed night-sky. She despised nothing greater than those very stars up high; that endless abyss of cold empty eyes, glaring down from the heavens above with utter indifference and total contempt; an eternal reminder of how utterly beneath them she was; an eternal reminder of how utterly meaningless everything she had ever done truly was…and always will be.
She looked around, however, seeing the denizens around. Their cheers, their smiles, their laughs and joys. She saw…not just grown and matured denizens, but…small ones too. Children… right, those existed. It had been so long…indeed, she had to remind herself that children…babies…all such stages of development…even existed.
Some were sad, she could see, some weeping and lamenting, a few angry and shouting at others. These noises, these doings, these denizens in all… she truly could not understand them at all. She was alien to them as much as they were alien to her.
Strange feelings entered her mind, yet she merely sighed as she continued to make way. She did not know…what was to be done next, besides going ‘home’.
-||-
Cyanic ignited eyes stared up at the ceiling; she was home, and, of course, in bed. She could not be bothered to take off her attire; she simply laid and stared up, unaffected, numb, and flat affect. Yet, in spite of the flatness, things were still occurring on the inside, deep down within that shell of hers. She just could not truly…comprehend any of what was going on in these deepest shadows of her mind. Yet, even so, her mind seemed entrapped by its own shadow; contemplating, reflecting to a degree, realizing her newfound situation.
She sighed; « Quâ de causad…nunqu’audjont? Omnid tempore…éd evenit » she muttered out. She had given him three warnings and reacted in accordance with her regulations and protocols. She was not trying to hurt that man, she did not even…want that to happen at all…in fact, yet she had done nothing to mitigate the possibility of…severe injury or harm…and… in fact she had…demonstrated a total disregard for his wellbeing… a violation of her…own protocols.
There were many ways she could have responded and handled that situation, yet she went with bluntest of them all, and, for…the nth time…caused more harm than intended. And now his raspy groaned breaths were stuck in her head, playing on repeat…refusing to leave. All he had to do was…listen to her… Why did they always do this? Why don’t they ever just listen? This happened…all the time, ugh.
Would that her former associate had been there, for she…unlike her…had not only pretended to be a denizen, but also had understood these denizens. She…had understood their reality and delusions, their needless abstractions, and had been able to at least vaguely identify with them. She had been one of them…in far more ways than the foreigner herself.
If her former associate had been there, then she would have no doubt deescalated the situation far better…as she had been so seemingly able to do all those few many times prior. Truly, things felt…harder without her around to keep drilling and…reminding and…so many other things.
The foreigner had taken her former associate for granted…in more ways than not.
Regardless…what had happened, happened. The past…was unchangeable, even if its shadow continued to infest her mind’s own. She was no longer with a ‘job’, which meant that she no longer had ‘income’, which meant that she no longer had the means to continue paying her ‘rent’.
Though, she…had no real problems with that; if anything…she was reconsidering her entire strategy of survival. This strategy, this method, this dance of pretend, it was not working…or rather…it was…but…was it truly working any better than what she was intending to do prior? Entrenching and holding out…though for what? Right…operation failed; she was likely the only one left…
Though, her former associate…she… right, this apartment was important to her…or rather she had important things in here; things she had held onto; things she had not been able to let go off. The foreigner did not understand…any of these attachments too well, but…she respected her former associate, and thus respected the things which she had respected, even if she herself did not comprehend the whys and reasons.
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Her former associate finished her service in the end, and…it was her obligation to at least ensure…their care, out of respect for…all that which she had done for her. For as alien as she was, she was still…human.
Well, seeing that she was without a ‘job’ and needed to pay ‘rent’ in order to retain access to this housing unit, and thus ‘ownership’ of her former associate’s belongings…her next task and objective would be securing a new one… and this burgeoning settlement should have a plenty.
Those golds she received, likewise, were enough to cover the next pay date and perhaps one or two after…give or take, but every month seemed to see a rise. As such, while she had the time, she wanted to get this task settled quickly.
Thus, with tomorrow’s task decided, she finally shut her eyes as slumber’s darkness quickly took hold.
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-|||-
The third day of this new year dawned, the sun rising as morning’s twilight faded; the world outside was calmer and much slower than it was usually. Denizens awoke to do their many doings as usual…but most were rather fatigued and with hanging mindaches. Slower to get out of bed, slower in their movements, slower in all ways.
Thus began, what the locals called, the ‘slow day of new year’s dawn’, which was always the third day of the new year—the day immediately after the festives and celebrations. Though, such was no excuse to them; after all, there was an ever-‘modernizing’ economy needing to be run, and streets…and, well…everything…needing to be cleared and cleaned.
The sun rose ever higher in the sky up high, Coastfield gradually restoring itself to normalcy, the noise and ruckus rising along with the sun. Ignited eyes finally stumbled open…several hours past morning; it was closing-in to noon.
She stumbled herself up, peering around, rubbing her bagged and always-exhausted eyes. Her eyes felt like death; her mind felt numb and achy… She had slept too much, seemingly, far more than necessary. Ugh… truly, what an absurdity: sleep too little, feel like death; sleep too much, feel like death; there was no victory to be found in such an endeavor.
She got out of bed, opening the curtain before evaluating herself in the mirror. Her dress was rather…wrinkly and her hair was messy. Meh… she stared with total indifference, there really was no point in…fixing any of that; she did not care at all…and she had seen many denizens stroll out and about looking even worse.
Though, while there was no point in fixing her hair nor tidying herself up, there was, likewise, no point in not doing any of that; thus…she may as well…fix herself up and appear ‘presentable’.
Perceptions mattered in these lands, in this place, and affect display was only a piece of it.
Appearances and daily habits, behavioral patterns and conformity to the abstractions around, such adherences were necessary in order to create and maintain an impression of ‘normalcy’, for ‘normalcy’ and ‘blending-in’ were all things prescribed to her by those around. Likewise, it was always best to assume with attention that she was being watched and stalked by those she was hiding from…
Though, such was rather difficult to be attentive of…when she was being actively watched and stalked… A presence always felt.
Regardless, after tidying herself up, she finally donned her mask and grabbed her handbag. Thus, so began the task of ‘job-seeking’…whatever that was supposed to even entail.
-||-
“Sorry lady, don’t have room for more, best try somewhere else” so stated a tavernkeeper, a different keeper of a different tavern, one which she stumbled upon in her quest for a job.
She sighed; “…it is understood; I take the leave now” she responded cordially but somewhat…lowly, making way to depart.
“Good luck to you I guess…not much out there for ladies these days, unfortunately” he remarked in goodbye as she departed away, she simply nodding in response.
She exited back into the world beyond…her donned affect fading completely.
Ugh…she had spent hours rummaging around this primitive locality, stopping by tavern after tavern…only to find that none were interested in hiring, either because they were ‘at capacity’ or because they had…some arbitrary reason to not hire her specifically, usually due to her ‘funny accent’ and or ‘Far Westernness’—many places seemed to only hire locals, not foreigners, and especially not ‘company daughters’…which was another label a few remarked her as, for whatever reason—she hadn’t any clue.
Truly, she was beginning to understand just how…beneficial it was that her former associate had vouched for her and had recommended her. She did not realize it was so hard…to even acquire a basic role and task within this system and apparatus. She would think that they would be eager to accept anyone willing to contribute, but seemingly not at all.
Though…her eyes peered around; hmm… so far, she had been exclusively targeting facilities similar to her previous occupation. However, considering that she was…struggling with this target-exclusivity, she may as well…broaden her scope and try…other things. For indeed…taverneering was not the only occupation available, and she could spot quite the many…other facilities of ‘commerce’ and ‘industry’ around.
-||-
“You?! You were asking for yourself?! Buehahahaha! That’s hilarious, woman! I thought you were here inquiring for your hubby or lover or whatever of fuckings!” so blurted out loud a workshop owner of sorts, seated upon a simple primitive desk within a simple room of sorts.
“The sign outside may have said ‘all hands welcome’, but that didn’t mean women! This is a workshop, lady, not a laundry! This is a man’s job!” he said further…rather condescendingly; “only exceptions being former-adventurers and freelancer mages and you don’t seem to be any of that, shorty, so stop wasting my time now, I’ve got an economy to run and a future to build!”
She sighed with a slight tsk, standing up; “…rightly, I give…apologies for taking the time” she apologized though did not bow; she simply departed in haste, stepping out back into the world beyond.
Ugh…this again; she had spent the past few hours searching even with a new broaden scope…only to run into a new arbitrary abstraction that disqualified her from entry into dozens of ‘professions’, that being her very own humiform. Workshops in particular…seemed to be the most antsy about this.
If not her humiform, then her ‘qualifications’ and ‘apparent skills’ or something of that sort…even for the simplest and most mundane duties and roles. ‘Such a task was simply not becoming of a docile normal lady’, so she had often heard and been told. Thus, even then it went right back to her own biological form…all for abstracted reasons beyond her comprehension. Ugh.
She sighed, the sun was making way well towards the horizon; she looked around… she was…somewhere within this settlement, having gone much deeper than she usually would go. She was still in the ‘outskirts’ of this city, but was closer to the so-called ‘inner-walls’, which separated the ‘outskirts’ from the ‘interior’ and ‘center’ of Coastfield. Such was apparent by the visibly better maintenance and quality of the infrastructure around.
Hmm…workshops were not the only thing around, she noticed. Even within the confounds of the outskirts, shops and trades, markets and stands, so many other such places and facilities, which could use an extra helping hand, could be found a plenty.
Though…the sun was starting to set, the day was starting to end; she needed to make way for home, as places were beginning to close, and she was…rather far, never mind somewhat lost. She will try again tomorrow and overmorrow and overovermorrow until something is found. Surely…there had to be something willing to grant her a chance?