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Fuck My Life

I was at the doctors, my heart pounding, my foot quickly tapping on the floor as I awaited the results for the test at the doctors.  Everyone was required to get a test every ten years to see if they had powers, if you had been diagnosed with superpowers, you didn’t have to take the test anymore.  The doctor walked out, his mouth perched into a thin line.  I patiently waited as he sat down, looking at his clipboard.

”Mr. Pelfrey, I-,” he cut himself off with an abrupt chuckle as his mouth turned into a smile, “excuse me I-,” his own laughter cut him off as he started laughing crazily.

”Well, what are the results?” I asked, half annoyed, half curious as I awaited the answer.

”You have a superpower.” He said, a smile on his face as he looked at me. “The superpower is defined as…To walk perfectly in a straight line.”

What.  The.  Fuck.  There was no way that was an actual superpower, no way in hell that I would he caught dead with a superpower like that.  I looked at him, bewildered by his answer.   He just smiled back at me, before some other workers ushered me out of the office.

I had superpowers, my family wasn’t going to be happy about that.  When they saw the world going to shit, they blamed it on superpowers.  Claiming it was satanism.  Seeing as they are hardcore christians, I would most likely have to keep this a secret if I wanted to keep living in the house.

I’m sixteen, just graduated from high school, and going into college.  At first, the authorities didn’t have a law that stated that you had to get tested every ten years, but that was mandated when I turned six, leaving me just now getting my first test, like some of the other people in my old classes.  I had planned to apply to be a hero if I had a superpower.  I needed money to pay off my college debt, and that seemed like the best way.

Even without superpowers, you can still be a hero.  But you’d get lesser paying assignments,  so I hatched a plan.  I’d fake having a superpower, the neighborhood I come from is extremely poor, meaning the doctors papers and equipment is slightly outdated, which I can use to my advantage.  When I got home I walked inside, heading upstairs, mostly everyone was out doing something today.

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I took a picture of my diagnosis, and uploaded it to my computer, coping the document in its entirety, and then looking to what I wanted my superpower to be, I didn’t want to be like Superman or something, so I tried to think of something that would fit.  I ended up deciding on something called counterforce generation.  Although I didn’t know what the power was I assumed it was something minuscule, as I had never heard of it before.  After that, I printed it out, grabbing it and kissing the paper, my beautiful creation.

I walked up to the post office, my paper in an envelope as I walked into the building.  Giving it to the people working there.  Then walking out. I prayed and hoped to god that this worked.  

When I woke up the next morning, I found someone flying outside of my window.  Opening it, I found a high ranking hero, Zero, waiting for me.  From what I remembered, his power was flying, which seemed basic, but was pretty powerful when you factored in the subpowers needed to fly at high speeds.  He didn’t speak, he just grabbed me to fly off with him.

”You’re already popular among the hero community, even without doing anything significant.  Counterforce generation, that’s one helluva power.” He spoke, his voice deep but somehow reassuring.

“Oh?  The doctor diagnosed me with it, but I didn’t really get any other info on it.” I replied, praying to god that I hadn’t made a mistake.

”You generate force that counters force that someone else may use on you.” He replied.

”Oh…” fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, I’d gotten myself into a bigger mess than I’d realized.

I froze for a second, waiting until we arrived at where they would give us our ID’s.  The Hall Of Heroes, where they would make your suits, give you equipment, all sorts of things.  But first you had to pass a test which would confirm your ability.  Now I just had to somehow make sure I could hold in my pain when I got hit.

We arrived, and he set me down in front of the hall.  Letting me walk in as he escorted me to the testing room.  Where scientists were setting up the equipment.  Then they dropped the bomb on me, I was going to be facing Zero.

I had to prove I had this superpower by going up against Zero.  They gave me a suit, a testing one.  Then put Zero and me at different sides.  As soon as the whistle called out, Zero flung himself forward at great speeds, I braced myself for something that never seemed to come.

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