Nothing holds meaning. All my efforts are futile, for in the end, everything is destined for destruction. Is there a purpose to existence other than eternal suffering? Is the essence of existence to feed human solitude? Indeed, there are two kinds of people. Those who relentlessly pursue happiness and dwell in hope. And those who seek a reason for their existence and reside in despair. For me, the solution, the sole means to escape this harsh reality, was to dream. After all, isn't the most beautiful desire to dream for eternity without ever waking up...

The morning was the most dreaded moment of the day for me. The reason why the gods forced us to rise in the morning was surely to punish Adam and Eve for partaking in the fruit of good and evil. How could something as unpleasant as the beginning of a new day be considered positive by most when it is at waking that everything ends?

For me, whose world of dreams were my sole reason for living, I was compelled, at the break of dawn, to dwell in a world not my own.

Even when I received that first dismal grade that marked the onset of my downfall. Even when I had to await the bell, signaling the end of lunch break. Even when my troubling academic results led me to seek private tutoring. I lived in a loop whose infernal rotation granted me no respite.

This morning, once again, I awoke painfully to the sound of my alarm, tearing me from my world anew. I sat on the edge of the bed, turning to gaze at the calendar hanging on my wall. A day had been encircled in indelible red ink, surely marking an important date. But what was an important date but twenty-four fleeting hours capable of transforming one's entire world into an eternal nightmare in an instant?

It was today, the day of the end-of-high school exams. The day of my downfall as a human. The day of my ultimate condemnation as the refuse of humanity.

I rose with difficulty to dress myself. I proceeded as slowly as I could to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I dragged my feet to the mirror. Upon reaching it, my gaze met my pitiful reflection. At seventeen, I was barely taller than a child four years my junior.

As I observed myself in the mirror, I wondered how those I encountered daily endured me, endured such a hideous sight. My flat hair almost obscured my large round eyes, which seemed to bathe in an abyssal void. To someone seeing me for the first time, I must truly resemble a zombie or a monster whose tale parents recount to frighten children.

Descending the staircase towards the entrance, I noticed a paper carefully folded with a red ribbon on the kitchen table. Surely, it was a note meant to encourage me to do my best today. But it mattered not, I wouldn't read it anyway.

I donned my raincoat, slipped on my shoes, and cracked open the door. I glanced back one last time to see my bag lying untouched in the hallway. It hadn't moved since the previous day. I shut the door.

The cold November wind whipped my face, causing me to shiver. I ventured into the silent street, devoid of its usual traffic. The black sky rumbled overhead. As if the gods were responding to my call, the rain began to fall.

I walked aimlessly, relishing in the sensation of freedom. I could go wherever I pleased, no one would restrain me. I was then the sole master of my existence, and soon I would be liberated from the last shackles that bound me.

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

I passed by a school that should have been mine. A banner had been hoisted by parents to encourage the students. Instinctively, I pulled the hood of my raincoat over my head, fearing some might recognize me. Yes, it was to avoid recognition, but I knew the truth. No matter how hard I convinced myself, deep down I knew hood or not, they wouldn't notice me. They had never noticed me.

I am invisible to most people. Initially, I thought they simply didn't pay me any mind, but it was as if all I did went unnoticed. In class, I never spoke, awaiting the end of lessons to return to my dreams. When I walked the streets, most didn't spare me a glance, and when they could, they crossed to the other side to avoid me.

Nothing about me mattered to them, so much so that I began to doubt my own existence. Only my solitary eyes quietly gazed at the world.

A cold drop of water struck my neck. The rain fell heavily, permeating my raincoat, which hadn't been waterproof for some time, soaking my clothes. Though drenched, I didn't hasten my pace, for it would all soon be over.

My waterlogged clothes impeded my progress, leaving a water trail with each step. My socks absorbed water with each footfall, swelling with each rise.

Never before had I felt so pathetic. Yet strangely, I felt at peace; after all, I deserved no better.

The sound of the turbulent waters of

the Han River began to echo in the distance. As expected, the inclement weather had stirred the river's waters.

Upon reaching the bridge, I looked up at the dark sky, hoping that somewhere within its vast expanse, someone was watching me.

On the bridge, the wind blew even stronger. I wondered how my frail silhouette wasn't swept away by gusts so fierce.

As I approached the bridge railing to climb over it, thoughts raced through my mind.

I thought of my parents, who would surely be saddened to learn of their son's tragic end. But would they have been sad under different circumstances? If I hadn't been their son, would they have ignored me like everyone else? If not constrained by social morality, would they have loved me?

Was there anyone in this world who could love without ulterior motives, judgment, or influence? Loving someone for who they were. Most called these individuals gods.

According to them, only a god could love everyone without exception, so why wait to love me in return? My entire life had been but a long solitary contemplation.

Perhaps this world was too real; what world would best suit a dreamer like me? Perhaps a fantastical world filled with adventures, dangers, and a demon king I would eventually defeat. But upon reflection, the best solution would be an absurd world. I alone found this world absurd, so if those who were normal found it normal, the world that would best suit me would be absurd in essence and form. It was this world that would suit me best.

「 ■■■■ finally caught sight of him. 」

I climbed over the bridge safety barrier. The cold wind made me shiver, the waters of the Han River were tumultuous, as if calling out to me.

「 ■■■■ wanted to ■■■■ him. 」

I opened my arms wide to embrace the angels, feeling the wind whip every inch of my body. Words just spewed out, it was a strange sensation. Perhaps trying to justify myself or evoke pity from a god who seemed not to appreciate me.

"When I die, will I be missed by anyone?"

「 ■■ ■■■■ ■■■ ■■■■■. 」

I let myself fall from the bridge railing, plunging headfirst into the void. The waters of the Han River drew nearer as thoughts raced through my mind.

Like all my classmates, I should have taken the end-of-year exam today.

Ironically, without knowing why, as death approached, I felt something I had never felt before. Like a deep warmth reaching the deepest recesses of my extinguished soul. If the feeling of being loved existed, it would surely resemble what I felt then.

The only semblance of happiness I could find on this day, however, was that when my body struck the water, I wouldn't feel it. I hope...

Today was supposed to be my birthday.