Night fell upon the land. The full moon shone dimly through the thin clouds in the sky. The two had set up camp in another cave—previously the ursalith’s home—and had a hearty meal of roasted bear meat and senspruce tea. Akira was grateful for the food, however hard it was to stomach, and offered to take first shift as lookout.
“I have a hard time sleeping after eating,” he had said.
In reality, he could not sleep if even if he so desired, as the lingering memory of his family’s corpses still haunted him.
Their makeshift fireplace crackled weakly in the gentle winter wind from a lack of usable tinder. Lynn had been able to salvage some of the lower tree branches by purging their moisture with a flash fire spell, but it was not enough to keep a large fire the entire night.
Akira was now sitting at the entrance of the cave, huddling himself within Lynn’s pelt. He held himself up by propping up his sword in the snow. As he gripped the hilt, Akira could feel his fingers go from stiff numbness to a freezing burn.
Naoto… Ami… Mother… Father… Akira, feeling the cold wind pierce through his chest, thought of his deceased family. He tried not to think about his sister’s lifeless eyes, petrified from the abject horrors she had witnessed. Or his brother’s completely pulverized body, his severed head drowning in a pool of blood. Or his mother hanging on the wall like-
A sharp gust of wind took Akira out of his thoughts. The frigid air bit him as it hit the hot tears flowing down his cheek.
Huh? Akira thought. When did I start tearing up?
He wiped the tears with his tunic, the sting of his dried skin against the rough wool causing him to hold his eyes in pain. While his eyes were shut, Akira heard the sound of rustling chainmail behind him.
I hope I didn’t wake him with my crying, Akira thought, opening his eyes and turning.
Lynn sat up against the side of the cave as he let out a silent yawn. He stared blankly at Akira for a moment before yawning once more.
“Sleep now,” Lynn muttered. “I will keep watch.”
Akira shook his head. “Even if I wanted to, I don’t think I can sleep tonight.”
Lynn glanced at Akira for a moment before nodding with a deep “hm.”
“I understand,” Lynn replied.
He began rummaging around in his knapsack before pulling out the small clay pot he used earlier for tea and filled it with snow. He then put a lid on the pot, placed it directly into the already weak fire, and added the last of the dried tinder. As the snow melted, it left in its place a miniscule amount of water, so Lynn kept adding snow until the pot was filled with water.
“It will take a while to boil,” Lynn said. “I will brew some senspruce tea to keep us awake.”
Akira nodded, scooting to the side. He sheathed his sword and laid it against the wall of the cave before huddling his entire body inside the pelt. Lynn sat beside him, resting his chin on his knuckles.
Minutes passed. The two sat in a fragile silence. Save for the fire behind them, the night was still. The full moon shone with its full splendor, illuminating the snow around them with a faint, white glow.
The moonlight glimmering on a snowy forest. It reminded Akira of his childhood, when Ami would take him out onto the porch with cups of hot tea.
No, stop. He began shivering. Stop it. You’ll never see them again. Stop, stop, stop, stopstopstopstop-
“Akira,” Lynn finally said.
Akira looked at Lynn, who was watching the moon.
“I apologize for not saying this sooner,” he continued, “but I am sorry. I am so, so sorry that you had to live through that.” He looked at Akira. “I… I saw what happened. In your home. It was… horrific.” He looked away. “Truly, I offer my condolences.”
Akira began tearing up. He quickly turned his head and wiped the tears away.
“No, it-” Akira swallowed the lump in his throat. “It’s okay.”
“It is not, and you know it.” Lynn’s voice was uncharacteristically stern. He sighed. “But I suppose this is not the right time nor place for that.”
Akira looked at Lynn briefly before shifting his gaze to the floor. He resigned to hiding himself in the pelt, shivering inside as he struggled to contain his tears.
Seconds passed quietly until Akira heard the sound of rustling clothes followed by crunching snow. When he looked up, he saw Lynn break a twig off a tree and return to the cave.
Lynn broke the twig in half and knelt by the fire. He slipped them through the handles on both sides of the pot and retrieved it from the flames. He searched his knapsack and pulled out a cloth bundle which he tied shut and placed into the pot before covering it.
“Let it steep for a bit.” He took the waterskin out of his knapsack and offered it to Akira. “I will pour it into this for you.”
Akira took the skin, waiting patiently for the brewing tea. He brought it into the pelt, fidgeting around with it as the tea steeped in the pot.
Minutes passed in silence once more. When Lynn found the tea to be sufficiently brewed, he poured some into the waterskin and drank his share directly from the pot.
Akira stared at the waterskin, vacantly watching the steam rise. The strong herbal smell glanced his nose and brought him a sense of comfort. Taking a small sip, he could taste the acidity—with a slight sweetness—warm his throat.
“We leave at dawn,” Lynn said.
Akira nodded, and the two drank their tea as they waited for the sun to rise.
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At the crack of dawn, the two extinguished the fire and set off on foot. Lynn remarked that they would be reach his house before sundown as long as there were no major inconveniences. Akira only nodded and continued to walk, simultaneously exhausted and relieved.
It was afternoon now. The two had barely spoken to each other outside of the occasional “are you alright?” from Lynn. Akira was bored, but more importantly, he was tired. He dragged his tired legs as they crunched the snow beneath, desiring so desperately to rest in his old bed.
Only a few more hours probably, he thought. “Only…”
Akira became lost in his thoughts until the crunching of snow behind him sped up, gradually becoming louder. Lynn popped into view beside him, and Akira turned to face him.
“Are you acquainted with these woods?” Lynn suddenly asked. He waited for Akira’s response—he shook his head—before continuing. “I was raised in these woods, and I have lived here ever since.” He looked out into the forest. “Near my home, there was once a flourishing town. It was mostly destroyed by an unknown fire. Some say it was arson, while others say it was the work of monsters. Regardless, it devastated the town, and nearly everyone relocated to the nearest major settlement—Axel Town.” As he said this, he pointed back the way they came.
“Those that remained eventually left as well, until only one home remained.” He turned to Akira. “Mine. I lived here with my adopted father, and even in his quietus I have remained.”
“My condolences,” Akira replied.
Lynn sighed. “Thank you, but none are needed. He passed long ago. In his absence, I sustained myself by farming and fishing. I need only shop for food in town during the winter months, as I did just days ago.”
“Did you walk all the way there?”
“No. I traveled on horseback. That reminds me to bring my horse back home tomorrow.”
Akira nodded awkwardly, not knowing how to reply to Lynn’s statement, and the two carried on in silence once more. Akira felt he should say something, but he did not know what. He could not bring himself to talk about anything even remotely related to his family. After much internal debate, he decided on a simple question.
“How long can I stay? With you, I mean.”
“As I said before, we will discuss that later, but for now, you can stay as long as you need. I will buy extra groceries and such tomorrow while I am there.”
“Could you also get some clothes? There’s a place there—Edith’s Loom—that sells winter clothing. I was supposed to get some before… y’know.”
“No need. I am proficient at weaving. I can repurpose my old clothing to fit you.”
“Huh,” Akira said surprisedly. “Sure, thanks.”
“Of course.” Lynn paused. “We will be at my home shortly.”
Akira nodded, and the two walked the rest of the way in silence.
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The two had finally made it to Lynn’s house without much fanfare. It was a humble abode, a small, cozy wooden cabin in the middle of the woods that reminded Akira of his own home. Upon entering, Akira had been surprised at the sheer spaciousness. The front door opened to a hallway that led to an open room. Straight ahead, there was another hallway with two doors on each side. To the left side of the hallway, there was a low-rising wooden table surrounded by mats in the far corner, and in the near corner, a desk at the window with a bookshelf beside it. On the right side of the house, there was a fireplace with a single chair facing it. Adjacent to the fireplace, there was a kitchen area with a sack of flour left out on the counter.
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Lynn had directed Akira to the fireplace and lit it before leaving the house. Akira was now sitting on the hearth, his back directed at the fire. It warmed him up, but not enough to combat the chill of his damp clothes. When Lynn returned, he brought with him a large, metal bucket filled with water—presumably from the river, as it was still flowing underneath the ice—and handed it to Akira.
“Put this over the fire,” Lynn said before leaving with another bucket.
Akira obliged. He struggled to lift it at first, but he managed to hook the bucket onto the crane. He sat back down on the hearth, this time facing towards the fire. Lynn came crashing in with another full bucket, placing between him and Akira before sitting down.
After a few minutes, the water had boiled. Lynn, who was visibly shivering, took it off the crane and replaced it with the other bucket. After it cooled down enough, he brought it down the hallway and into the closest room on the right. He then went into the kitchen cupboards and retrieved a small wooden pail. He called Akira into the hallway and took the fur pelt from him before pointing to the open room.
“This is the washroom,” Lynn said, handing Akira the small pail. “There is a fresh potash bar on the shelf. Feel free to use it.” Lynn was about to walk away but suddenly popped back in. “And please try to wash yourself over the hole in the middle; it drains to the outside.”
Lynn slid the door closed and walked away, finally granting Akira some privacy. He took the potash soap from the shelf and dropped it into the water before removing his clothes and throwing them to the floor. When he stepped on the cold, porcelain floor, he instantly felt chills shoot from his feet to his core. This was worsened when he stood over the drain—a hollow bamboo culm leading to the outside—and frigid updrafts bit at his skin. Akira quickly took a pailful of warm water and poured it over his head.
Mmm. Warm, he thought with a sigh.
While scrubbing his body down with the soap, Akira heard approaching footsteps followed by a muffled “pompf.”
“Here is a towel and some dry sleepwear,” Lynn said through the door. “Leave your dirty clothing in the water—I will clean them tomorrow.”
As Akira put his dirty clothes in the bucket, Lynn walked away. Once the footsteps faded completely, Akira slid the door open a smidge, just enough to stick his hand through and take the towel. He dried himself off and plopped the towel onto the shelf as he grabbed the clothes.
This looks comfy, he thought as he put the clothes on the shelf.
Akira took the top and held it out in front of him. It was a wonderfully crafted long sleeve sweater with an inner cotton layer and a wool exterior covering the torso. Along with the cotton pants, Akira felt comfortably warm as he stepped out of the washroom.
Lynn looked up at Akira as he walked into the main room. He nodded and unhooked the bucket from the crane. He turned around and pointed to the towel in Akira’s hands.
“Hang it on the chair,” Lynn said before carrying the bucket into the washroom.
Akira nodded. He hanged the towel on the back of the chair and brought it closer to the fireplace before sitting down on it.
He leaned forward on the chair, letting the pleasant warmth envelop him as he waited for Lynn to finish bathing. He listened to the crackling of the fire behind him sing over the faint whispers of the winter wind outside. It reminded him of the countless snowy nights he spent with his family, thoughts that caused his heart to strain.
When he heard a door slide open, he paid it no mind until approaching footsteps stopped right beside him. He looked up to see Lynn, who was wearing almost identical clothing to him, with his hair down for the first time. It drooped down to his chest, separated into thin, wispy strands from the dampness.
“Would you like some supper?” Lynn asked as he draped his towel over his head.
Akira nodded. “If it’s not too much trouble for you.”
Lynn shook his head. “Worry not. Just wait here. I will prepare it.”
He disappeared into the farthest room on the left. When he emerged, he was holding a glass container inside which appeared to be nothing but blood.
Oh, Akira thought. Did he save some bear meat from last night? I didn’t see him do that.
Lynn placed the bottle on the kitchen counter before tightly wrapping the length of his hair in the towel. He then twirled it over his head into a spiral.
Heh. He looks kinda like a mother.
Akira’s amusement morphed into somber dejection before he shook the thought out of his head, instead resigning to watching the fire and listening to Lynn prepare the food.
After rummaging through his cupboards and pantry for pots and ingredients, Lynn called out to Akira.
“Are these alright with you?” Lynn asked, holding up an assortment of vegetables. “I am making stew.”
Akira internally cringed at the sight of turnips. He had always hated them growing up.
“Yeah, sure. It’s fine,” his mouth said.
“Great. I quite like turnips.”
Akira deadpanned. Well, now he couldn’t refuse them even if he wanted to. He pouted as he heard Lynn happily whistling away while chopping the vegetables.
Dammit. I guess I’ll just stomach it for tonight.
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The two had eaten their meal in relative silence. Despite the heavy inclusion of turnip, the food tasted absolutely divine. Akira wolfed the entire thing down instantly and asked for seconds. He had eaten three more bowlfuls before his stomach began screaming at him to stop eating lest his insides explode. To be fair, it had been his first actual meal in over two days.
After supper, Lynn brought Akira into the closest room on the left. It was a small bedroom with nothing but a bed, a nightstand, and a wardrobe all on the far side. The room was quite dark, as a single candle and a window were the only light sources available.
Lynn had told Akira that he would get a sleeping arrangement situated and left. Akira was now sitting on Lynn’s bed, which was a bit firmer than Akira was accustomed to. He did not mind it at all, however; he was just grateful to be sleeping on a bed.
When Lynn returned, he was holding a bedroll and a pillow. He set the down on the bed next to Akira before lifting the nightstand and moving it to the corner of the room. He then took the bedroll—it was more akin to a thin bed rather than a sheet of canvas—and laid it on the floor next to the door. He plopped the pillow down where his head would go before looking up at Akira.
“My apologies for the strange arrangement,” Lynn said. “The other room is completely filled with my belongings, and I could not find sufficient space in which to sleep. I would sleep by the fireplace, but…” he grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his neck, “the smell of stewed turnips would keep me awake the entire night.”
Akira let out an amused grin. He must really love turnips, huh?
Oh, wait, he thought before finishing his thoughts out loud. “Aren’t there four rooms?”
Lynn shook his head. “The door adjacent to the washroom is naught but a closet.”
“Oh.” Akira shrugged. “Well, it’s not like I mind too much. I had to share a room with my little brother for years.”
The sudden recollection of his family instantly turned Akira’s mood sour. He looked down dejectedly at the bedroll, thinking about his younger brother.
This did not go unnoticed by Lynn, who knelt down to meet Akira’s gaze.
“Akira,” he started, “I apologize in advance for not being the most… openly compassionate person, but I can see clearly enough that you are still distraught over your family. Last night—in the cave—you tried desperately not to cry in my presence, did you not?”
Akira looked up at Lynn with wide eyes.
“As I suspected,” Lynn said with a nod. After a slight pause, he sighed. “Look, I know not how to offer support of my own, but what I do know for certain is that you must grieve. The pain will not go away in one night, if ever, but you will never begin the process of recovery if you let those emotions fester within you.”
Akira took a moment to fully take in Lynn’s words. Grief? Emotions? Akira had not so much as lose a pet, let alone his entire family. He had no idea what to feel other than depression.
“Have you…” Akira muttered. “Have you ever lost someone before?”
Lynn nodded. “Yes. I am no stranger to death. Why do you ask?”
“It’s just… I’ve never lost someone close to me before. So, I guess—I dunno—I don’t know how to grieve is all.”
“Mm, I see.” Lynn placed his hand on his chin. “If you would permit me to speak of my past, perhaps my experience may help you.” He waited for Akira’s affirmation before continuing. “I spoke before of my adopted father. He died when I was somewhere around your age. I was young and confused, much like you are.”
Lynn sighed. “The following year was incredibly tiring. I had to learn how to live for myself, by myself.” He stared vacantly at the window. “In the beginning, I thought I could hear him call my name when I tried to sleep. His voice haunted me. I tried to get him back, I… I prayed to the Goddess to return him to me, obviously to no avail.
“I could not bare to continue on this forsaken world, I had thought.” He looked straight into Akira’s eyes. “But do you know the sole reason why I continued to live?”
Akira shook his head.
“It was the memories of my father. All of my memories of him, both good and bad, lived on through me, and that helped me accept his death.
“I want you to think of your family, Akira. Focus on the memories that bring you joy. Will it be painful? Of course. However, the first step to healing is accepting their death. It will most definitely take time for you to fully come to terms with your emotions—Goddess knows it took me weeks. But eventually, you will be able to reminisce about your family not with sorrow, but with happiness.
“Remember this clearly, Akira. The absolute worst thing you can do is forget your family. For their sake, you must remember- No, you must become the living proof of their existence.”
Akira was silent as he comprehended Lynn’s words. He tried to do as Lynn said. He tried to think of cheerful memories with his mother, the rowdy fun he had with his siblings, the looks of approval on his father’s face, but he could not. Every time he thought of them, his mind shifted to their corpses. The blood sprayed on every square millimeter of their house. Ami’s limp body as she-
Akira choked back tears before breaking into an ugly sob. He screamed in agony, his chest falling as his mind brought him back to that horrific scene. Lynn got up—probably to allow for some privacy—before Akira quickly snatched his forearm.
“P- p- ple-ease,” he said shakily. “Don’t le-eave.”
Lynn looked back at Akira with worried eyes. He paused for a moment before sitting on the bed beside Akira.
“Okay, I shan’t then. Do you need something of me?”
“I need, I-” Akira coughed. “C- can you let me talk to you?”
“Yes, of course,” Lynn replied as he squeezed Akira’s shoulder, “but please calm down first.”
Akira’s sobs did not cease. His body trembled with every shaky breath he took. His tears were caught in his throat, causing him to cough uncontrollably once more. He focused on the firm comforting pressure on his shoulder. It reminded him of his father, who did the exact same thing whenever Akira cried as a child.
Eventually, Akira’s cries died down. His body began stilling and his breath slowly became relaxed.
“I…” he started, “You told me to think of my family, but I can’t. Every time I try, it’s always their corpses. I can’t think of them the way they used to be.” He looked up at Lynn. “I can’t, Lynn.” He began shaking his head violently. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t-”
“Akira!” Lynn’s voice was sharp. “Stop it! Look at me.” Once Akira looked at him, he continued. “Please calm yourself. Look, I… I know I had just said to think of your family, but I wholly underestimated your emotional trauma. Please forgive me.”
“No, no. It’s okay, really.” Akira looked away “You were just trying to help.”
“Yes, but I inadvertently caused you much pain.”
“No, seriously. It’s not your fault. It’s just…” Akira sighed. “Every time I think of them, my mind subconsciously brings me back to that scene.”
“Akira, please stop blaming yourself,” Lynn said, releasing his grip on Akira’s shoulder. “It does no one any better when you deprecate yourself.”
Akira did nothing but look away, tucking his legs into his body.
“I…” Lynn sighed. “Forgive me.”
The two said nothing to each other for a long, fragile moment. Akira could feel guilt, anger, and sorrow rise to his chest as he held back more tears, unwilling to break the silence.
Lynn was the first to speak.
“You said it was due to your subconscious, yes?”
Akira nodded.
“So do you think it would be better if you spoke to me rather than having your mind inflict pain on itself?”
Akira tilted his head.
“It is much easier to focus on a specific thought if you verbalize it. Perhaps it could serve to keep your subconscious in check.”
Akira nodded. “Sure, I guess. What, uh, what should I talk about then?”
Lynn shrugged. “It is at your discretion. I recommend recalling your fondest memory with your family.”
“Fondest memory?” Akira tapped his forehead. “Well, my fondest memory would be…”