image [https://i.ibb.co/7JHjcw7S/EP-C07.jpg]
The Viralvanians fell back, horrified at the mad act of the malformed strangers. To them the Flatulenz mist bank was the most dreadful thing in existence and no Viralvanian had ever ventured within it, even for a Earth-millisecond.
"That's the end of those short-necked non-turquoise freaks," drawled one, shaking his head. "We may as well go back and report to the Scrumpox." All of the other iguana boys agreed and headed back to the compound while making plans to party that night.
It was very warm and moist in the Flatulenz mist bank, and stinky too. But not as stinky as our friends had expected, for Flatulenz Fairies can make their farts smell like whatever they pleased. So mixed in with the thousands of different fart smells were pleasant aromas like warm scrapple pie, a freshly shampoo’d weimaraner, or drained bladderworts. It sure was hard to see.
“Piddily-Cum-a-Goggins, we’re gonna get fog in our noggins!” exclaimed Chunks as she and Soda ran as fast as they could. Chunks had picked up Pucas and was carrying him like a little baby.
"And it seems like a regular drizzle," said Soda. "We'll be soaked through in a minute."
"Never mind," said Chunks. “When it’s a case of life or death who cares about wet jumpsuits!”
"Had we better go to the other side?" asked Soda, anxiously.
"Why not?" returned Chunks. "The other side's the only safe side for us."
"We don't know that," said the Schlingian tween. "Zika said it was a terrible country."
"I don't believe it," retorted Chunks, stoutly. "Zika's never been there, and he knows nothing about it."
"But how'll we ever manage to get there?" inquired Soda. "Aren't we already lost in this mist?"
"Not yet," said Chunks. "I've kept my face turned straight ahead, ever since we climbed into this stinkcloud. If we don't get twisted any, we'll go straight through to the other side.” Pucas had fallen asleep and snored contentedly.
It was no darker in the flatulence mist bank than it had been in Viralvania. They could see dimly the mass of flatulence mist, which seemed to cling to them, and when they looked down they discovered that they were walking upon pebbles that were slightly tinged with the turquoise color of the sky. Gradually this turquoise became fainter, until, as they progressed, everything became a dull brownish gray like the color of the mist itself.
"I wonder how far it is to the other side," remarked Soda, wearily.
"We can't say till we get there, buddy," answered Chunks in a cheerful voice.
"Never mind," said the tween; "I'm as wet as a sanitary wipe now, and I'll never get any wetter."
Chunks put Pucas down on his feet and the trio walked along more slowly, for although they were anxious to get through the flatulence mist bank they were tired with the long run across the country and with their day's adventures. They had had no sleep and it was super late.
"Look out!" cried Pucas, sharply; and they all halted to find a monstrous springy spirochaete obstructing their path. It arched down until its bulging eyes were on a level with those of Chunks.
"Well spank my uncle!" said the spirochaete; it’s voice sounded like a bird tweeting. "What in the mist is this meat?"
"W- we're- strangers here," stammered Soda; "and we're trying to escape from the Viralvanians and get into Swollenlump."
"I don't blame you," tweeted the spirochaete, in a friendly tone. "I hate those Viralvanians. The Buboes, however, are very decent neighbors."
"Oh, I'm glad to hear that!" cried Soda. "Can you tell us if we're on the right route to Swollenlump?"
This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.
"Follow me," tweeted the spirochaete. "I'll lead you to the border. It's only about six jumps."
He turned around, made a mighty leap and disappeared in the brownish gray mist.
Our friends looked at one another in bewilderment.
"Piddily-cum-a-sneet, the spirochaete’s quite fleet, " remarked Chunks.
“We may as well start in the same direction." replied Soda.
Pucas threw up all over the pebble-covered ground. Then theyy walked until they saw the big spirochaete again. When at last they came up to him he made a second jump- out of sight, as before- and when they attempted to follow they found a huge protozoa lying across the path. It looked at them sleepily and did not seem at all dangerous.
"Don't disturb me," said the protozoa; "I'm dreaming about ripe kumquats. Did you ever taste a ripe kumquat?"
"Please excuse us, sir," said Soda, politely, “but we’re in an awful hurry.”
"Then climb over me- or go around- I don't care which," murmured the protozoa. "When they're little, they're juicy; when they're big, there's more of 'em; but either way there's nothing so delicious as a ripe kumquat. There are none here in the mist bank, so the best I can do is dream of them. Oh, kumquats, kumquats, kumquats!" He closed his eyes sleepily and resumed his dreams. “Kumquats… kumquats… kum… quats… ZZZZzzzz…”
Walking around the protozoa they resumed their journey and soon came to the friendly spirochaete. Then off it went again, its tremendous leap carrying it far into the flatulence mist. Suddenly Pucas tripped and would have fallen flat had not Soda and Chunks held him up. Then they saw that he had stumbled over a large bacteria, which lay sprawled out upon the pebbly bottom.
"Oh; I beg your pardon, I'm sure!" exclaimed Chunks backing away. While Soda and Pucas were trying to make up their minds whether to be afraid or not, the bacteria turned his head towards them and said, pathetically:
"Step on me, please!"
"Why?" asked Soda, hesitating.
"So I can hear my fart, of course," answered the bacteria. "It’s torture, smelling a thousand farts a day but none of my own. If no one steps on me I can’t fart. It is now some years since I have listened to the music of my farts, but each day I have crawled into this path, for I knew that sooner or later someone was sure to walk down the path and tread on me and force a fart out of me.”
"Let Pucas try it first," said Soda; "I'm afraid 'me or Chunks’ll break you."
"Oh, don't worry, I've been used so little that I ought to be in good condition," said the bacteria. But Pucas went first, and gave his little foot a great push as he stepped on the creature's body. " The pressure of his foot made a faint farty squeak, and the bacteria sighed with delight. Then he turned to Soda and repeated:
"Step on me, please!"
So she did, and the bacteria squeakily farted again, louder and longer this time. Finally Chunks, the heaviest member of the group, stomped on the creature. The resulting squeak was so loud and shrill that the bacteria laughed from pure ecstasy, and cried, "Wasn't that splendid? I believe I have the finest farts in the world! Thank you all! Thank you very much! I have never enjoyed myself so much since I was birthed."
They walked on and left him moaning contentedly as he lay across the path, and before many minutes they caught up to the spirochaete, who tweeted:
"Aren't you rather slow?"
"It isn't that," said Soda. "You are rather quick, I guess."
The spirochaete chuckled like a little bird and sprung into the air again. They noticed that the Flatulenz mist was lighter and less dense than before, for which reason Soda remarked that they must be getting near to Swollenlump.
This time there was nothing in their path but a monstrous parastratiosphecomyioide. All it wanted was some high-fives. They supplied the fives and then rejoined the spirochaete, which tweeted to them:
"I'm sorry, but I'm due at the spirochaete potentaete’s court in a few minutes and I can't wait for your short, weak legs to make the journey to Swollenlump. But if you will climb upon my back I think I can carry you to the border in one more leap."
"I'm tired," said Soda, "and this awful mist is beginning to gag me. Let's ride on the spirochaete, Chunks."
"Sounds good," she replied, and at once picked up Pucas and climbed about halfway up the spirochaete's thin body. Then Soda positioned herself beside Chunks and Pucas. They all hung on tight
"Are you ready?" tweeted the spirochaete.
"Jump sort of easy, please, if you could." said Soda.
But the spirochaete was unable to obey her request. Its powerful spring like body shot, with its passengers, through the flatulence mist like an arrow launched from a bow. They gasped for breath and tried to hang on, and then suddenly the spirochaete landed just at the edge of the mist bank, stopping so abruptly that his riders left his back and shot far ahead of him, flying through the air at a very concerning speed.
image [https://i.ibb.co/yFd7HhGy/EP-C07-XXX.jpg]