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Smolventures: The Steve

Smolventures: The Steve

Tk’elele was enjoying herself in the Common Area. The park-like expanse beneath the dome of Cr’tk’nik Station’s central spoke was Karnak in miniature. There were deserts, seas, swamps and forests. There was even a mountain, although the view from the top was more spectacular if you looked out into deep space, a view into infinity obscured by the gargantuan gas giant of Mr’itska.

All of these mini habitats were precious to Tk’elele, but she had a particular weakness for the Falls. Ducking her head and trilling extravagantly, she swayed quickly side to side, flicking her wing-like arms and shaking off the pure, sweet, water as it washed over her.

She’d seen videos from [Earth] of birds enjoying such things and… well, it felt a little primal, perhaps, but then she’d heard [humans] did something called [skinny dipping] which was basically [sunbathing naked]. This confused Tk’elele, because [sunbathing naked] seemed eminently preferable to [not naked].

Still, if [humans] could [get in touch with their animal side] and not feel bad about it, then so could she.

To her surprise, today she had a Sister in the pool with her, Pri’kweh. She chirped as Tk’elele approached.

“|Quickly! Act natural!|” Her Sister seemed more flustered than usual, and Pri’kweh was often flustered.

“|What do you mean? Should… should I *stop* bathing?|” Tk’elele asked, tilting her head.

“|No, I mean… look feral! Scary! [Rawr]! There is a human!|”

Tk’elele stood stock still, letting out a panicked little ‘peep!’. “|Sister, should we not be *not* fierce? It is a human!|” she hissed, almost vibrating with nervousness. She adored humans, they were just so… tiny and perfect little angels. “|Sister?|”

Pri’kweh had disappeared, like a fart in the wind. Tk’elele chirped interrogatively as she looked around. She could not spy her Sister, not immediately, but it would be a simple chore to—she paused. Voices. [Human] voices, and they were getting nearer!

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“”Ere we are, in the nat’rul ‘abitat of the Karnakian—” this strange human pronounced it ‘Cor-Nekkian’ “—a fearsome predator when on guard, but this one’s ‘avin’ a baff. She ‘asn’t spotted me yet, lets get a li’l closer…”

“|Sister! The human!|” wailed Tk’elele, but it was no good. She was paralyzed with fear as the helpless creature ‘stealthily’ slunk towards her through the bushes.

“Look at that plumage! Not all Karnakians are feathered, but this one’s a beaut! Oi’m gonna tell ‘er ‘ow pretty I fink she is. Watch and learn ‘ow I mesmerize her with this matin’ dance.”

“|Did… did you just call me [pretty]?|” Tk’elele asked, the feathers on her head rising up in shock as the strange human in his [khaki] clothing and odd [pith] helmet bobbed and weaved his way into the pool, with his arms bent at the sides. He made a few hooting, trilling calls as he circled her, flapping his arms.

“|Where on [Earth] did you learn that?|” she asked, feathers frizzing out as the strange little human, watched by a glinting, primitive camera from the bushes of all things, manned by yet another human, did his best to tell her, in the Ancient Wing Walk, that he desired to mate with her. Tk’elele’s mouth hung open in shock.

“|Dear [human], I don’t know what to say, I’m n-not you’re type and th-though I’m flattered—|” she found herself answering the dance anyhow, just to see how much he knew. Apparently a lot, she discovered, although he didn’t have the tail for it, or the neck, but she was flattered, she really was.

It was a commotion in the bushes that made her pause and look. As her head whipped around, so too did the strange human’s, although far too slow to actually intercept Pri’kweh as she barrelled out of the bushes in a perfectly executed leap just shy of disembowling the man so she could spin and — after putting on enough of the brakes not to slice him in two — knock him into the water with her tail.

“|Pri! What are you *doing*!?|”

“Clever girl,” the man said, as he came up spluttering.

“|Tk’elele, you don’t understand! This is *The Steve*!|”

“Roight,” said *The Steve* as he moved to stand up out of the water. “This one’s a bit feisty! Oi’m gonna ‘ave to wrestle her!”

“|What? What is going on?|” Tk’elele wailed. She didn’t find out, because *The Steve* leaped for her Sister, and scrambled onto her back. Pri’kweh dramatically — and carefully — slumped to the ground, coincidentally just out of the water so *The Steve* would neither be hurt nor drowned, and she proceeded to wail about being ‘vanquished’ and ‘defeated’ as the strange, mad little [human] did his best to restrain the much larger and much stronger karnakian.

“|Is this not the best of days?|” Pri’kweh warbled happily.

Tk’elele shook her head, “|I do not understand!|”

“|But I am defeated, dear Sister! You must protect me!|”

“|Umm, if you insist… uh, have at you, umm, naughty human!|”

“Croikey!”

‘Battle’ was joined, and it was *glorious*.

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