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Elaria

Impressed doesn't begin to describe what Elaria felt as Leo, yet again, flipped a near worst case scenario on its head. How someone could do it with so little effort, and maintain such a confident air afterwards, is astonishing. She couldn't help but notice that Kessa was also very impressed by his display for another

reason, because she realized that the spill wasn't from the drink when she sat up to leave for a quick change of clothes. He also seemed to notice, but he kept giving her an awkward look.

‘I might have to have a genuine talk with him about him wanting some kind of confirmation…’ She thought irritably, because it was like a grown adult asking permission to drink.

When Kessa returned, Elaria could do nothing but watch as Leo continued to work a property and construction deal into the contract, and the accountant entered every so often to assist with the details and pricing.

The accountant was skittish when he spoke to her directly, which seemed to amuse him at first, but his expression quickly grew solemn in his interactions, even pained at some points.

Elaria mentally sighed. ‘Even if her position comes with many benefits, I doubt that the people in charge see her differently than any other slave, and costing the guild a major deal wouldn't go unpunished. I bet she's terrified that she might somehow lose him as a trade partner if she says the wrong thing. A collar is still a collar…’ She thought sadly while feeling something vaguely muted within her.

After a few more hours of negotiating, chatting, and waiting, the accountant entered the room carrying a few items. A nondisclosure contract, the main contract for his enchanted items, and one hundred gold.

He took another hour reviewing both the contracts, then gave the accountant a nod and signed them. The accountant instructed him on how to enact the disclosure lock on the collar, and went on to demonstrate the lock by attempting to say that he was an arch mage. Lightning arced out from the collar and shocked the accountant, and the pain of it sent her onto her knees.

The two other selarin in the room winced, but were otherwise unfazed.

The human on the other hand was utterly horrified and rushed to her side. “Fucking kry-st! You could have just told me it did that!” He said while healing some of the burns around her collar.

“Hold on… I still need to show that I am... unable to write the information…” The accountant said while trying to get her breathing under control.

Leo tried to talk her out of doing that, desperate even as he snatched away the paper, but she was determined. She told him that it was needed to finish its bind on the lock, so she had to do it. He turned to Kessa with a plea written across his face, but she just looked away. So he stepped back with a pained expression as the accountant tried to write down the information, only to be shocked yet again. This time not even her knees could hold her up as she fell onto the floor, eyes glazed over from the pain.

Again he immediately rushed over to heal the burns caused by the collar, then he and Kessa helped her onto the couch.

Elaria noticed that he was holding back tears, as if he went through what the accountant did. And it was in that moment, for the first time, she understood why he was so determined to change the world.

‘It's not just compassion, he feels their pain… Not in the literal sense, but he can empathize so strongly that it causes him to feel as if he was hurt… That's why he can't stand all the abuse by nobility, that's why he gets that cold aggressive look when he sees someone he wants to help but can't, why he keeps looking for confirmation from me, and why…he helped me in the woods…’ She realized as she stared at him with a deep worry, all while her paper house of a fantasy slowly fell apart.

She wondered if it was because he was human, or if it was just the product of him growing up on such a prosperous world, but she knew that such a trait would end up getting him killed sooner or later, whether by crossing the wrong people or sacrificing himself for someone else.

‘Compassion dulls the sword, stunts your growth, and puts you and your objective at risk… But it can be a wonderful tool.’ The memory was distant, but the words echoed with a weight that almost had her trembling.

He and anyone following him was essentially on borrowed time. So why wasn't she afraid, and why wasn't she abandoning him at this very moment? She's free from the military, free from her family, free to leave whenever she wants. Free to get away from someone who's a quick death waiting to happen. So why?

Leo looked into the accountant's eyes with a deep sadness. “I'm sorry, I didn't know that that was what prevented you from telling other people, much less that you had to go through it twice for it to bind…” He said as he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

The accountant looked disbelievingly into his eyes for a moment, then her apprehension subsided, visibly relaxing while her eyes softened. “I-it's alright, it comes with the job, just another small sacrifice for the guild.” She said as she broke eye contact.

A slight pain crossed over his eyes, an internal conflict evident as he looked as if he was wrestling with a decision. After a few moments of silence in the room he spoke. “What's your name? I've been dismissive of you this entire time, and I apologize for that.”

She turned to him again, looking like she was trying to find something that wasn't there. “Slessi.” She finally answered.

He gave her a warm smile. “Well Slessi, you don't ever have to worry about me not making more deals with your branch. Given certain personal revelations, I will be continuing my work with you. So please, relax.”

Slessi looked as if a weight was lifted from her shoulders. “Thank you.” She said with distant eyes.

Elaria was just watching, unable to bring herself to speak. She glanced to Kessa, and she looked just as speechless, but there was a deep sadness in her eyes as well. Turning back to the two, Elaria's eyes widened in surprise, as Leo pulled Slessi into a hug.

A moment of shock crossed the accountant's face, right before she returned his gesture and started to break down, sobbing heavily into his shoulder.

Elaria then realized why she didn't leave, even though it looked almost certain that he'd end up dead, dragging everyone involved with him, but she couldn't specifically describe it.

‘This feeling, was it actually love?’

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Leo

Leo felt a cold, silent rage overtake him as he held Slessi. He was angry, angry at the guild for using slaves, angry at the governments for allowing such a practice, angry at this fucked up world and it's abuses, and angry at himself for not atomizing the collar around her neck. Especially after he noticed a variety of older scars arcing out from the collar, confirming that this wasn't the first time she was subjected to that torture.

If he knew about what would happen, hell if he even backed up his arrogance to think for a moment, he would have realized that he essentially threatened her life. A life that predicated on keeping her enslaved to people that wouldn't give a rats ass about killing her if she turned out to be a problem. She may have agreed to it, but that was more likely a matter of circumstance, because who in their right mind would trade their freedom away if it wasn't?

The author's content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

‘A gilded cage is still a cage…’

He thought about it, and was really struggling to not just free her then and there. But then what? What would that accomplish? She would just be replaced by another willing and eager person whose life is worse than enslavement, the benefits of the position enticing anyone already on a lower rung.

The choice hurt- No it was down right agonizing, and it was a choice that he was knowingly making for her sake as much as his. ‘No, if I want to help her, and others like her, then I should continue trading with the guild. At least until I build up enough wealth and connections to either take control of their market, or drain them for all they have.’ It was probably one of the most cold, calculating, and logical decisions he had ever had to make, but he swore that he’d make it up to Slessi and free her when all was said and done.

After Slessi regained her composure, she handed over the gold and told them that they would receive the rest when the architect arrived with the resupply from another branch in the tiefling kingdoms.

'Saving money on a single trip huh? Smart. Also, did she say kingdoms, as in plural? Damn I'm going to need to really read up on the geopolitics of this world. At first I thought that this world was more or less grouped into, and ruled by, their respective races. Now though, it's like I'm in a nightmare of a first person paradox game…’

“Just one more headache...”

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Elaria

After Leo was done with his business at the merchants guild, Elaria told him that she wanted to speak with Kessa in private, so he said that he would be waiting for her just outside the guild.

Once he was gone she turned to the older selarin. “Can I ask you something personal?” She requested while she took a seat next to her on the couch, and was silent for a moment before asking. “What is love?” Believing that someone who was older and more experienced might know.

Kessa was visibly taken aback. “Elaria, I don't mean to be rude, but that's not much of a personal question.” Pausing, she took a moment to consider her words. “The meaning and depth varies from person to person, and sometimes words could never truly describe the feelings for another. If I had to put it into words, the closest definition would be to feel so emotionally connected to another person that you would want to do anything to see them happy, safe, and...well...cared for. But even that definition would be considered shallow to most.”

Elaria furrowed her brow. ‘I do want to see Leo happy and safe, but have I ever cared for him? I've only thought about what I got out of the relationship…’ She thought grimly, abruptly disliking where that trail of thought would lead her.

“What would you call what Leo did for Slessi? Was that feeling as deep as love?” She inquired further, unsure what caring that much felt like.

Leo didn't even know that Slessi existed before today, much less cared about their situation. So maybe that compassion was close if not similar?

The large selarin narrowed her eyes at her for a moment, but the searching gaze softened and her face filled with concern. “Have you never comforted another person like that before, or have ever been comforted like that?” There was a pitying tone in there that annoyed the smaller woman.

Elaria recalled a few situations with her sister. ‘I guess… Sairiss would always hold me like that when I had any episodes, but that was just to calm me right? It felt good, but I've never felt anything more than that…’

She contemplated on her emotions and frowned at some part that she seemed to be missing, something just out of her reach, almost drifting away even. “My sister held me like that, but I didn't feel anything more than relief.”

Kessa looked genuinely worried now, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder with a look of pity. “Do you understand the reason for why he did that, why he pulled her into that hug, and why Slessi cried?”

Elaria tried to think of the reason past the obvious, but was drawing up a blank. ‘I know that the reason felt deep, but I don't know anything beyond that, and that's why I'm asking about this in the first place.’ She thought with a little frustration.

“He empathized with her right, because she was in pain?” Elaria answered blankly, not knowing what else to call it.

‘He is kind, too much so, and that is what is in direct conflict with my years of-’ She shook off that thought before it started to form.

Kessa frowned slightly, and a grim expression was starting to cross her face. “Elaria, what was expressed was more or less an emotional connection, and whatever explanation that I could come up with could never properly reach the depth of what was felt there. But if I had to narrow it down to a single word, it would be that he cared. And Slessi felt that connection well enough to let her emotions show. In the few years that I've known her, I have never seen her break down like that.”

The introspective selarin arched a brow. ‘That was care? Wasn't that just helping someone in…need. I don't think I've ever done that with him. I mean choosing to keep his secret was close, but that was because I'd feel like shit for damning anyone to that fate. And helping him financially was out of generosity, I didn't feel anything meaningful behind it…wait…’ Her thoughts trailed off as she recognized the only thing she'd done with him, and is still trying to do with him.

Elaria's face dropped into concern. “Is sex not love?” She asked worriedly, suddenly placed right back on the line of thinking she was trying to work around.

A sudden and horrified expression snapped onto Kessa’s visage, frozen at the question and appearing to have suddenly witnessed a horrific tragedy take place right in front of her. “No, Elaria… You can do that as a product of love, but without it, you're mostly just physically pleasuring yourself…”

Elaria felt something crack inside her, as she began to realize what she'd been doing to Leo the entire time, and that she never felt anything deeper than a physical desire to get off. She outright dismissed his beliefs as childish dreaming, and believed that she would get the life that she always wanted, but in the end that was just her own fantasy.

So she was just using him.

She immediately felt overwhelmed by a torrent of emotions. “I-I didn't know… Oh gods, what have I done?!” She cried out, and Kessa caught her from nearly falling off the couch.

Tears started to stream down her face as her thoughts went over her relationship with him. “It wasn't real...none of what I felt was real…” Something deep inside her felt like it was rattling to get out, threatening to break her.

“I was just convincing myself that I loved him, because he was the best I could hope for in a man. Yet I don't even know what love actually is!” She wailed, barely noticing that Kessa wrapped her arms completely around her or that she was reflexively returning the gesture and sobbing deeply into her shoulder.

She couldn't believe how stupid and horrible she was. “I-I'm- I can't even understand how to care for another person, much less love. How could I think that I was able to return his feelings.”

An image of her father crossed her mind, he was laughing deeply as he looked down at the dueling pit. ‘I was just using him, and I was going to keep using him! I'm no better than that piece of shit!’ The thought screamed with a fury from somewhere so deep within her that it almost felt foreign.

Kessa spent a few minutes comforting the emotional wreck before speaking. “I don't know what the relationship is like between you two, but if you want to continue it, then you will have to talk to him.”

Elaria tensed up in the silver selarin’s arms. “But I-I can't. I can't even forgive myself! How can he?!” She cried out, trembling as her head throbbed painfully.

Kessa held her tighter, running her hands across her back in a soothing motion that reminded her of her sister, but that muted feeling was even more pronounced. “Elaria, if you regret what you did and truly want to still be with him, then you need to fully open up to him. Especially if you want to make the relationship real.”

Elaria took another minute or two to calm down further, and pulled back a little from the embrace to look up at Kessa. “Do you think he'll forgive me for using him?” She asked with a near desperation in her voice.

Kessa gave her a warm comforting smile. “If he cares about you even half as much as he did for Slessi, then you shouldn't worry too much. Just be honest with him as soon as possible so you can better mend your relationship.”

Finally a little more in control of her emotions, Elaria broke the embrace somewhat sheepishly. “Thank you. I-I appreciate the advice… And even though I didn't feel that connection when you comforted me, it was nice of you to listen.”

The mature selarin smiled as she comfortingly rubbed her back. “That kind of connection doesn't always have to go both ways, so I'm very happy that I got to help. Now. Let's get you cleaned up before he sees you. I'd imagine you want to have your heart to heart in private.”

The prospect made Elaria a little apprehensive. “And the sooner the better?” She asked hesitantly, and Kessa nodded with a reassuring smile.

‘I don't know why, but I feel like I'd rather have a hundred rounds in the dueling pit…’

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