I’m such a disgusting human...
Having my only friend d-die.. because I am weak and stupid...
”AH!”
... Stupid wall... no one needed that anyway... I’ve already made twelve holes in the wall... and even all of them combined can not compare to the hole filling me, making me feel like my soul is being torn out...
Ever since the funeral, I have holed myself up in my room. After the first day, I felt myself burning... There was a pit in my stomach, feeling like a black hole. It was hard to breathe, even though I had nothing physically wrong with me. The second day, I needed something to get my mind off of him. I decided to leave my room. As soon as I left, I heard a well being pumped from outside. Not trying to blame my parents, but after they decided to get water for me, I had a panic attack.
I started screaming his name, telling him to come back. Saying I was sorry... Even though he wouldn’t forgive me...
Ever since then, I have been doing whatever I can to forget about the incident. First, I trained nonstop. Results of my training after 3 days: I had broken my left hand and both my knuckles were caked in dirty blood. When my parents saw what happened, they were beyond furious. I spent the whole day at the medic’s office, and when I got home my punching bag was gone. Thus, the holes in the wall. But although my body trained like a slave, my mind would always wander back to... him.
Such a loser child. Although his ego was huge, his confidence was most definitely not. He was praised by those stupid court magicians as being talented, just because he had lit a tiny fire at age two. What a dummy. If he had never shown his high affinity for fire magic, he would have been able to live a normal life. He always bragged about himself to people he knew closely, but he had never once tried to initiate conversations with others, and I believe, on the inside, that his bragging was just to cover up for his flaws.
His physical abilities were completely horrendous. He was so slow, never being able to run a mile in under fifteen minutes. I, on the other hand, had been able to complete a mile at 6 minutes, faster than any of my peers and teachers. Me and him have arm wrestled over 150 times, and he had never once beaten me.
His teachers, his friends, the magicians that often came to his house, and even his parents didn’t see what I saw in him. He had a strength far greater than what many of us thought. I’m not talking about his magical strength, and definitely not in his physical strength, but rather his drive. Among the 150 arm wrestles, there was not one match that had taken less than a minute. His hand was always one inch away from the table, and it took me forever to beat him.
One week before the incident, he shaved his cat and let out a heavy laugh, telling me that his mom looked like the cat. Unfortunately, his mom heard him and made him run 3 miles. I thought he would pass out after one, but he just kept running, despite him breathing intensely and looking like a sweat waterfall. After one and a half hours, when he finally had finished running, he just kept standing there. I ran over there to give him a hug, but when I got there, he was completely unconscious, his eyes glazed over. I don’t know for how long, but he had been running strictly on willpower alone.
Despite how weak he was, and despite how utterly socially inept he was, I still respected him with my upmost... some might say I even.. uh... lo-
Huh? Why am I crying? I thought I had exhausted all my tears...
Well whatever. I bury my face into my pillow, and cry myself to sleep... Again.
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The next day
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As of today, it has been three months since he has died...
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
Also, today is offically the day I will leave my room.
I’m not moving on from his death.. But he wouldn’t want me to spend the rest of my miserable life inside my miserable room. After all, there is still at least one person in the world that I know cares about me.
”Oh! Jess! Good morning!”
”...Morning. I’m going out.”
”O-ok! B-be careful!”
No, not my mother. Although I love her, I sometimes doubt her love for me. She just dresses me up as a pretty little girl, telling me never to say anything, just so she can tell her ‘buddies’ that she has the ‘perfect daughter’. Despite my tomboyish attitude, she apparently thinks I like being dressed up like a princess.
Pretty sure my dad is still drunk from last night, last night I woke up to the sound of him stumbling and let out a groan of disgust. Really dumb idea, since he took off his leather belt and began hitting me.
So if it’s not my parents’ love I receive, then whose is it?
“Mew!”
Speak of the angel! Nikki is... HIS cat. She is so beautiful, even with her fur shaved off. She is a kind soul, and is always rubbing her head against my legs.
”Come on Nikki. Please... won’t you help me overcome this obstacle?”
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As soon as I heard it... The pit in my stomach abruptly came back.
I wanted to go back. I really did. But then his face came into my mind.
I trudged forward.
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After one minute which felt like an hour, Nikki and I finally arrived at the river.
I looked in the river.
I saw a speck of blood.
I jumped back in horror. Clenching my hands, I began to walk back.
I sat watching the river, contemplating. The river is flying by me. Before I knew it, the speck of blood I had seen had already been washed far away. Where is the river going? Nowhere special. Does the river have a purpose? Not really, except maybe to kill kids. I hate the river. I hate it.
My life is flying by me. Before I knew it, my innocent days had already been washed far away. Where is my life going? Nowhere special. Does my life have a purpose? No, except to... kill... him... I hate my life. I hate it.
I contemplated just jumping in the river... but I knew I wouldn’t. I am far too weak and selfish...
I felt an awful chill run up my back.
“Nikki?” I cried out, jerking my head around. This wasn’t for any factual reason... I just felt a sense of dread.
A screeching of a cat was heard, meowing louldy for the world to hear. I realized I had been holding my breath, and I completely emptied my lungs, and put a smile on my face.
Everything is OK.
As I stood up to go back, I saw out of the corner of my eye a tiny head peeking out from over the water, desperately scratching the air.
“NIKKI?”
Without thinking, I jumped in the river. No thought for my safety, all I could think of was saving the only other person who mattered to me.
Using my unnatural strength, I propelled myself through the water. My lungs began begging me to quit.
I will not quit.
With one hand, I used every bit of my strength to grab hold of Nikki...
...with my right hand. Shi-
Can’t do anything about it now, guess I have to save both of us with only my broken left hand.
With all my might, I dug my fingernails into the bank of the river. Definitely not my best idea, because the river kept moving and some of my fingernails shattered. Although the pain was searing, I fought through it, and pulled myself onto the bank, along with Nikki.
Although my left hand had gotten absoulutely mangled, the only thing on my mind was saving Nikki.
She was breathing heavily, most of her limbs were bending in a completely awkward way, and she was just OOZING blood.
”No... Not like this... This isn’t what was supposed to happen... I brought you here, and you are dying... because of me? Just like him? Don’t leave me!”
I started screaming nonsensically at the poor thing. Talking about how shitty of a human I am. Begging God to take me instead of this beautiful creature.
“Please... All I ask... is just... heal this creature... please...
just...
heal...
heal!
HEAL!
HEAAAAAL!!!!!!”
A feeling of warmth rushed to my hands, feeling more hot than any fire I could think of...
But... It didn’t hurt. It actually felt quite pleasant.
I tentatively started to open my eyes, and I saw Nikki, her bones starting to go back to where they were originally, her massive cuts quickly be replaced to scars, and then disappear all together.
In that second, I realized what I had done. I had used healing magic. The most rare and sought-after magic known to man. I looked down at my left hand. It was still looking like it just got out from being stomped on by an orc, but it was slowly starting to get better.
Looking at the cat slowly get up and turn its head towards me, letting off a soft “mew,” I realized something...
”This. This is my purpose.”
And with that thought, my conscience faded to nothing.