Chapter Two

Gobbling Up Several Fireballs

(Help! Someone help!) Vance screamed like a little girl as the knife-wielding maniac lunged forward. (Dr. Morris! Anyone! Help!)

His feet would not work. He could not move his arms or even flex his pinky. He tried to scream, but all he heard were little wet pops.

(Nooo!) Vance shrieked as he watched a jagged knife drive into his head.

The second knife soon followed after the first, and Vance's spine turned to jelly. His entire body seemed to shudder and collapse as death... as death...?

(Wh-what...?) Vance mumbled, delirious with fright, as the two knives were withdrawn from his skull and then thrust back inside as if they had missed a spot.

Despite the sudden violence, Vance was... was not in pain. He could feel something, but it certainly was not the horrible fire of a knife.

"Aim for the core, Sil!" the older man shouted.

"Don't just stab it like a psychopath!" the wizardly woman laughed. "Aim for that floating bit inside!"

(S-stop that!) Vance shouted as he tried to flee from the young man's wild stabbings. None of this made sense, but the woman's words were particularly baffling. Floating inside what?

Vance remained rooted to the ground, but a spasm ran through his body as the knife flew once more for his face. It felt like... like a sneeze as a wet blue lump swatted the knife away as if it were a buzzing bee.

"I'm trying!" Sil shouted back at the others, and Vance felt another sneeze ripple through his body. A second blue lump darted out and smacked the young man across the chest like a whip. "This damn slime!"

(J-just stop!) Vance shouted uselessly. Was he asleep? Had he been drugged? What was this?!

Sil jumped back like an acrobat but then shot forward with all the energy of a rocket. Vance tried to throw his hands up over his face, and another sneeze shook his body. Two more blue lumps shot out and shielded his face. The tentacle-like masses acted like... like his arms!

"All right, all right," the wizardly woman said with a laugh. "Maybe we need to soften it up a little for you."

Vance heard the young man shuffle back, and he lowered his phantom arms. It made no sense, but the floppy blue tentacles retreated from his sight as if on command.

"There's something wrong with that slime," Sil huffed. He turned angrily between his two companions.

(Slime? Please, I don't understand!) Vance said. Or at least tried to. All he heard was several wet pops.

"Yes, yes," the wizardly woman said, rolling her amber eyes. She took a step forward and raised her glowing staff high over her head. "Get ready for the killing blow, Sil."

(What are you...?) Vance began with a new nervous tremor. The top of the woman's staff seemed to be growing brighter and brighter. Instinctively, Vance tried to step away, but his legs refused to listen.

"I'll try not to incinerate it," the wizardly woman said with a devilish smile, and a ball of blazing fire shot out from her staff.

Vance had screamed earlier and he screamed now. The fire tickled his face as it drew closer and closer. Vance opened his mouth wide in hysterics. He was good with spicy food, but this was an altogether different kind of heat.

The Indian buffet outside the hospital briefly popped into his head...

...and a high-pitched voice echoed between his ears.

< [Mangiare] activated >

His scream reached a fever pitch as the ball of fire smashed into him like a meteor. Vance waited for his face to erupt in pain, for his skin to melt away and form a puddle at his feet. He waited for the fire to ravage his throat and leave him dead.

But instead of pain, a familiar warmth filled his belly. The same high-pitched voice from before called out to him without emotion.

< [Lesser Fireball] consumed >

< Acquired (3) SP >

The fireball and its rash of heat vanished instantly. Vance was left only with a hint of spice on his phantom tongue.

"Did it...?" Sil's voice was slow with confusion.

Before Vance could give the strangeness around him any thought, the woman's staff glowed brightly a second time. Another ball of fire filled the air, and it raced at him like a loose cannonball.

He screamed just like before, his mouth wide and useless...

...and just like before, a high-pitched voice filled his ears with gibberish.

< [Mangiare] activated >

The ball of fire disappeared, and a warmth filled Vance's belly.

< [Lesser Fireball] consumed >

< Acquired (3) SP >

(Who said that?!) Vance shouted. He turned from left to right, but all he saw was an empty forest and his three tormentors.

"You little... You little...!" the wizardly woman shouted. Her face contorted with frustration as she waved her staff ominously over her head. "I'm sorry, Sil, but you'll have to pop your cherry on another monster."

The air seemed to tremble and shake overhead. The invisible voice remained invisible, but Vance suddenly understood what was going on. It made no sense, but this was a movie. Somehow he had stumbled onto the set of a movie. It had to be a movie!

"Have you gone insane, Sibyl?!" the older man shouted as the forest around them grew hazy with heat. "It's just a slime!"

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

A third fireball appeared, but it did not shoot off like a cannonball. It was not as small as a cannonball either.

(Please, let this be a movie!) Vance wailed as a roiling ball of fury blossomed over the woman. The ball of red fire hissed with an almost human menace as it swelled larger and larger.

Vance tried to pinch himself, and another blue tentacle followed his instructions instead of his hands.

"Run for cover, boys!" the wizardly woman said with a maniacal cackle.

With a wave of her staff, the massive ball of fire was released. It lurched forward slowly as the three cosplayers scampered off. Vance wanted to flee, as well, but his legs remained two inert lumps. He could not move!

The ball of death was like a small sun as it drew closer and closer. The grass beneath Vance turned black and crinkled into ash. The leaves on the nearby trees burst into flames and then disappeared. The distant animal sounds from earlier were replaced with the furious crackle of the red ball.

Vance could feel his body boiling from the inside out as the impossible heat drew lazily closer.

The same high-pitched voice from before rang out in an almost familiar tune.

< Don't just stand there! Start chowin' down! >

Briefly, ever so very briefly, Vance saw a pair of hands appear in front of his phantom face. Delicate white fingers violently ripped open his mouth as the heat reached its zenith.

< [Mangiare] activated >

The massive fireball had been slow in its doom, but as the unusual words rang between Vance's ears, its pace immediately quickened. The fireball's shape warbled as it seemed to compress itself smaller and smaller until it became little more than a fiery marble. It shot into his open mouth like a dart.

Vance's eyes alighted with sudden delight. A remarkable cascade of flavors danced across his tongue as the fireball's heat vanished just as quickly as it had arrived. Waves of aromatic heat rippled across his body as the high-pitched voice rang in his ears.

< [Greater Fireball] consumed >

< Acquired (59) SP >

< New Trait Acquired: [Lesser Fire Resistance I] >

(Hello?!) Vance called out to the unfamiliar voice. Its talk of traits and... ess-pee made no sense, but this flavor! The voice had even told him to chow down! (Hello!? Where are you!?)

He turned from left to right, right to left, oblivious to the fiery hellscape around him. Had the mysterious voice saved him from the fire? It was the only thing that made sense. But what about the explosion of flavor still on his tongue? Where had that come from? And where could he find more of it?!

The sight of the three crazies quickly brought him back to reality, however. They looked on from a distance, the trees around them still green and leafy.

"It's... still alive..." the older man said.

"I think... Should we run?" the wizardly woman asked, gulping visibly.

(W-wait!) Vance shouted instinctually as the three maniacs turned quickly around and disappeared into the dense green of the forest.

A moment later, however, he was all too relieved that they had disappeared. They had pelted him with knives and fireballs. And never mind that he could not move or speak. It all felt like a bad dream.

(M-miss...? Are you there...?) Vance shouted as he continued to search for the owner of the high-pitched voice. Unfortunately, all he heard was wet bubbles.

He remained alone and frightened amidst the scorched forest. Soon the sounds of animals returned. He felt the wind on his body, on his whole body. He looked down, but all he could see was the scorched ground. It was as if his eyes floated like a phantom. There was no body to see, but he could still feel it!

(I don't... I don't understand...!)

Panic fell over him once more, and he needed to move. He jumped and he skipped. He lunged forward. He jerked his body from left to right. He saw the strange blue tentacles pop up and out occasionally, but his legs remained dead weight.

(Pleaase!) Vance screamed, surrendering to his red panic. He curled up into a ball and felt tears well up in his phantom chest. He was so tired. He was so confused.

And he moved ever so slightly.

Vance jerked up, though his body did not respond. He had definitely moved, though. He had curled up into a ball and...

(Oooh!) Vance felt himself slide ever so slightly forward as he tried to curl his phantom body into a ball. (I-I did it! I moved!)

It made no sense, but he found that he could... could roll forward if he tried to curl up into a ball. He only moved an inch at a time, however. By the time he had rolled away from the scorched earth, he found himself utterly exhausted.

(B-but I'm moving!) Vance mumbled to himself. He pushed away all of the day's confusion and focused on rolling.

It felt like hours passed before he came across a small blue pond. The trees reflected off the water's surface like a mirror, and he rolled closer with reluctance.

(What... What happened to my body?) Vance wondered in horror.

Something was wrong, and that was without even considering how the maniacs had stabbed him with knives and threw fireballs at his head. Something had been wrong from the start.

Birdsong filled the air as he dared to creep closer and closer to the pond's surface. Would his face be disfigured? Would he be covered in blood? How could he not be a wreck after all that had happened?

Vance stopped beside the water's surface and stared blankly at his reflection.

For a moment, his thoughts remained white with confusion.

He rolled left, and his alien reflection rolled left.

He raised his phantom arm, and his alien reflection raised a floppy tentacle.

A round blue ball stared back at Vance from within the lake. A cluster of glowing stones floated inside the squishy blob. It had no face. It had no arms or legs. It was just a round lump of goo.

(What is that?!) Vance shouted, and his alien reflection shivered in alarm. (What happened to my body?!)

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Author Note: At the end of certain chapters, we will sometimes see what other characters are up to. I recommend reading these little sections, but you don't have to.

In Maker's Town, A Couple Hours Away

"What was that?!" Sibyl the Mage shouted. "Do you know how much... Do you even... What was that?!"

The main street of Maker's Town was busy with adventurers, merchants, and bored gawkers as Sibyl the Mage continued to scream and shout at her companions. The three adventurers had returned to Maker's Town covered in sweat, having scarcely dared to look over their shoulders as they had fled for the safety of high walls.

"Was no ordinary slime," Abel the Warrior said. It was all he could think to say. It was all any of them could think to say, but it did little to soothe Sibyl's sour mood.

"Do you even need to say that?" Sibyl hissed. She poked Abel in his armored chest. "Two [Lesser Fireballs] and a [Greater Fireball]! And it... What was that?! Was that thing a Graceless?!"

"Let's... not shout," Abel said. He glanced over at the youngest member of their group and patted him on the back. "Quite the start to your adventures, eh?"

Sil the Rogue glanced over at Abel and then back down at his feet. The young man had not spoken once since returning to Maker's Town.

"I need a drink," Sibyl said suddenly. "I need drinks. We can pop your cherry another time, Sil. For now- "

The Mage fell suddenly silent. Abel turned towards her in alarm. He imagined that cursed slime rolling down Main Street, untouched and untouchable.

"Oh." The threat of death lifted from his shoulders, but a new irritation quickly replaced it.

"Ho~ ho~ ho~"

"Sil, I found your first kill," Sibyl said darkly.

People moved out of the way as an enormous wolf padded slowly down Main Street. Sitting haughtily across its back was a familiar and utterly unwelcome sight.

"Oh? Back from your little excursion?" Alice the Hunter called down from atop her massive wolf. "Did you three forgo showers? I could smell you all from up the street. Ho~ ho~ ho~"

"I don't have the patience to deal with you right now," Sibyl said, rubbing her forehead. "Can't you go bother someone else?"

"Oh my, oh my," Alice said, covering her small mouth with an equally small hand. "And here I thought this little trio would be celebrating. What happened to your triumphant hunt?"

"Let's just... get something to drink," Abel said. He pulled on Sibyl's arm, but a new fire had been lit in her belly.

"I'll have you know that our Sil survived a fight with a Graceless!"

The massive wolf's head seemed to perk up at the word Graceless. Its master's face became suddenly solemn, a cruel snarl replacing cruel mischief.

"A Graceless...?" Alice repeated. Her almond face narrowed in distrust. "This close to Maker's Town?"

"A slime," Sibyl said viciously. "Impossibly powerful."

"We don't know if it was a Graceless," Abel said with a quick glance at Alice's hungry expression.

"A Graceless Slime! How droll!" Alice's mouth ripened with malice. "Where there's one, there must be two! And four! Ho~ ho~ ho~"

Alice looked up and past the three adventurers. The trio became but ants in her mind as she gave her greatwolf, Frost, an unspoken command. An evil glint filled her eyes as Frost started to plod slowly towards the promise of prey.