I wasn’t a big fan of the buzzers. I took them when I needed them, to not see the blood and to avoid the fear, but I didn’t enjoy the shaking and the intensity of the light and sound just casually. Buzzers were the most popular drug, little lumpy grey pills that were easily accessible, even more accessible than cheap sleeps. I preferred ticktock for parties, it stole your sense of time, so the world moved in a surreal fashion around you, people came and went over eons or seconds, conversations happened within moments, and somehow simultaneously took months. It lent you a sense of dreamy euphoria that made it hard to care about anything, hard to follow your own stories, hard to remember how long you’d been standing in the one spot just feeling happy. Ticktock was a large pinch of dull crystals that you placed beneath your tongue and waited until they dissolved. They took moments to fill your mouth with an acrid sweetness, then half an hour to take full effect after eventually swallowing the taste away. I’d started the rapid swallowing everyone does after a pinch of ticktock about ten minutes ago, I knew because I was watching my watch. When I couldn’t figure it out without help anymore, I’d know it had taken effect. I wandered out the back under a laden sky, gently moving amongst the more rapid excitability of the people who were buzzing. It was funny, watching people zoom around me, bouncing on their toes, shaking, while my heartbeat seemed to be moving only once every now and then, and my eyes couldn’t quite keep up anymore. I could see a small horde of Bruisers off to the side in a cloud of smoke that distracted me with its sensuous, languid movement. I realised too late that I’d wandered over to them, entranced, and was standing gormlessly too close. At other times this could be an offense, the Bruisers, each a chunk of person in themselves, could see my proximity as a threat. But my beatific expression combined with their own drugged haze from the purple had them beckoning me over instead. Unsure if I’d been watching them engage me for a weird amount of time, I stumbled into the thick cloud, inhaling the purple smoke without meaning to, but not minding. I felt shockingly small compared to each one of the Bruisers, chosen by the gang for their heft and their willingness to take and give damage. (s) They were offering me a chair in their circle, and I was touched beyond reason by this intergang camaraderie, which was probably mostly the ticktock.

“Hey, welcome, Dagger friend.” The enormous kid beside me said, and requested the pipe from the other side of the circle, skipping the line to welcome me.

“Taggart. Thank you!” I took the pipe and inhaled, playing the holes along the flute expertly to keep the airflow at a steady increase, pacing myself with the red burn at the end. I finished the draw, held it, and slowly exhaled as I passed the pipe back to the other side of the circle. It was reloaded and the next person took their turn, I felt the high hit immediately, amplified by the ticktock still burning to a simmer inside me. Everything around me became questionable, my senses blurring and warping. I could feel everything very crisply, but all at once, disorienting me. The silence around us was comfortable, the music from inside was loud but only if you let yourself get overwhelmed by it. I slowly, or perhaps just gently, started to focus on the faces before me, towering over me. The girl across from me was beautiful, her face half lit by the trash fire, eyes sleepy and red, equally red lips in a gentle smile. She was listening to the quiet rambling of the boy beside her as he told her something that made him smile to say it. They were both looking up at the sky but not seeing it, leaning on one arm or both. They laughed lazily, and the girl closed her eyes, and continued listening and smiling.

“Did you get any fun in the drama today?” The boy that invited me asked, leaning down to ask it into the top of my fuzzy hair, having lost his ability to gauge appropriate distance. I shook my head, leaning back to meet his eyes from wherever seemed most normal.

“I was still searching when they found them on the other side, by the time I got there they were all caught and dealt with.”

He nodded, the movement turned into a gentle swaying dance as the music took control briefly.

“I missed it too, which is shitty because they tagged my sister’s house.” He said, slowly moving to the music as he spoke.

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“Damn.”

“I was there.” The giant boy on my other side said to me.

“Get any fun?” The first boy asked him. Other boy shook his head.

“Just watched, and they were just beaten and booted anyway.”

“Ah well. Who found them?” Asked first boy.

“Boulder and his bloodhound of course.”

“Actual dog?” I asked, fascinated. Dogs were savage mostly, almost impossible to tame if found in the wilds, and almost all of indeterminate breed.

“Nah, his second. Squall,” he pointed through a window at a group of other Bruisers gathered inside, mixed in with a few Talons, their smaller shapes and bright clothes standing out amongst the general dark bulk of the Bruisers. I had no way of knowing which one Squall was, but I left it. “She can track somehow or something, dunno.”

“I think she’s just smart and fast.”

Boy two shrugged.

“Taggert.” I introduced myself to boy two, holding out a hand. He gently swiped it, prompt, professional, although it could have been the drugs.

“Devinci.” He replied.

“Oh, I’m Tanzen.” Boy one told me. He held out his hand and I swiped it carefully, not too fast to be rude, not slow enough to be flirty, even pressure. I took a moment of indeterminate length to overthink the swipe, but his red eyes told me he wouldn’t know either way.

“Where are all your Dagger buddies, Taggert?” Devinci asked me.

“Inside, and there are a couple over there.” I pointed vaguely to the left, at a fence, the opposite direction to my friends. Neither boy seemed to notice my fuckup.

“Who’se house is this?” I asked next, after we lapsed into a short silence.

“Dunno.”

“It’s a recently deserted one, family up and left this week and aren’t coming back.” Tanzen told me.

“Know why?”

They both shrugged.

“Usual reasons.” Tanzen said with a throw-away gesture. The usual reasons being something like debt, or deaths, or hope for greener grass in the next patch of grey tarmac and concrete over.

“Did you know them?” I pressed

“Nah. My friend did, he recommended the blow off.”

“Smart guy.”

Tanzen smiled at me sleepily. Devinci was passed the pipe and we all three were distracted watching him play it, until he breathed the heavy purple smoke into my face with a dopey smile and passed it to my waiting hands. I reached into the large pouch at the centre of the circle and repacked the bulb, the waxy buds sticking to my fingers so I had to scrape them off with the glass edges as I packed them in. I lit them aflame and started to inhale, playing my fingers one at a time off the holes in the flute with the slow burn of the buds, until it was just ash and my lungs were full. Tanzen already had his hands on the flute, waiting for me to part my lips, overeager in his high. I exhaled and looked at my watch, I could no longer tell the time, and felt like I’d been sitting in this circle for potentially hours, but didn’t want to leave in case I’d only been here for a few moments and maybe it was rude to smoke and leave so soon.

“Did you want some rub?” Devinci asked me next, holding out a small tin of reddish paste.

“I already had some ticktock, might not mix too many at once.” I told him with an uneasy smile.

“Fair.” He replied and scooped some onto his finger, rubbing it on his gums and doing the weird lip movement everyone did to spread it around fully. I liked rub on its own, it gave an effect that was somewhere between rage and laughter, similar to sleepless mania without the organ failure side effects. A small dose was great for a night of running around doing dumb wild shit with your friends, but too much started fights every time. It also amplified other drugs and extended their effects, but I was already flying.

“So how many daggers does a Dagger carry?” Tanzen asked me next, surprising me into a smile.

“That would be telling.” I replied. He smiled back, and winked. I sipped my drink, shy.

My watch pinged and I simultaneously heard my name from somewhere across the fire. I pinged them back and Marina appeared, spotting me amongst the giants.

“Taggert…” She called uneasily, intimidated by my new friends. I smiled at the boys and thanked them for inviting me and sharing, then dropped a couple of goodbyes and thanks around the circle as I left. The beautiful girl across from me caught my eyes and met them solidly as I moved past her, and I shamed myself by looking away first.