Chapter Twenty Six

Gage, Testament, and Heretic stood under the crack that had opened enough to swallow Gage.

“That’s an awfully small hole,” Heretic said in low disbelieving tones. “It’s going to have to open a lot more if any of us are going to fit through it.”

Just as Testament said, Heretic had tattoos all the way to his jawline. The backs of his hands were tattooed as well, leaving only his face and his palms clear. The collar of his shirt ended the view, but unless Gage was completely crazy, it was only one tattoo. It was koi fish on a swirling water background. Their fins curled around knives, flowers, stones, and floating lilypads. It was mostly black with the occasional dash of royal blue and scarlet.

It was kind of surreal to see what your own body would look like if you tattooed it.

“The hole could widen with the tides,” Gage said reasonably.

“You mean more sand could fall down. Rocks could come down too and block the entrance with thousands of tons of sand and rock,” Heretic replied pessimistically.

“Do shut up,” Testament said coldly. “This is what he’s been like the whole time.”

“I was here for months before they dropped you in with me,” Heretic retorted, suddenly sounding more reasonable than before.

“Leviticus picked you up too?” Gage asked, trying to pump him for information rather than let the group of them squabble.

“I didn’t see him. I was in cryostasis on board a ship bound for the Jovian system and I woke up here. My cryochamber malfunctioned and I woke up. Apparently, I was asleep for close to four years. I was here alone for months before Testicles showed up,” Heretic explained.

Gage rolled his eyes while Testament looked like he’d break something over Heretic’s head if there was anything to break.

“The only thing I knew,” Heretic continued, “was that being here was wrong. I figured out I was on Io after breathing in. I explored the mansions and found their stash of nose and throat plugs that were clearly marked as important survival gear for Io. Honestly, they don’t advertise how much this place stinks.”

“What happened when Testament was delivered?” Gage asked.

“I was in the library reading and I didn’t notice the room filling with gas until there was enough of it for me to see it. I blacked out ten seconds later. When I woke up, he was in bed with a bucket, still throwing up whatever they poisoned him with. I didn’t see who brought him or how they got in or out.”

“There’s a hallway here. Do you think it was this hole?” Gage asked.

“Not to be too negative, Gage, but there are several hallways that look just like this one.”

“Is this like a parking garage then? Is there a false door for people to hide their spaceships underground?”

“I think it’s safe to say that if anything like that existed on this wing of the building, this one was crushed by seismic activity,” Testament said sourly.

“It could still be our way out,” Gage said, looking up and trying to get a signal on his watch for a second time.

“You’re so dumb,” Heretic mumbled as he facepalmed himself. “I mean I always knew you were dumb. All of you are dumb. There’s no way you’ll be able to get out of here that easily. Please put your arm down. You and your little Barbie watch are not going to get us out of here.”

Gage didn’t put his arm down. “You don’t have to watch me if I’m annoying you. You can go back to your… that thing you do when you’re down here. Whatever that is.”

“Gage! Is that you?” a voice called down from above the hole.

Gage stared up in wild disbelief. “Hi! Is that you, Tuton?”

“Yeah. Hang on! We’ll get you out of there!” the wrecker called from above.

A minute later a metal frame was slid between the cracks in the fissure and an electric press pushed the rocks apart and created a larger hole. Now there was more than enough room for a man to fit through.

The rope ladder from a helocarrier was lowered down and Gage put Testament on it.

“I’ll hold it steady for you,” he said, patting the other man on the shoulder.

Testament put one hand over another and though he was shaky on the fluctuating ladder, he got to the top.

“You next,” Gage said to Heretic.

Heretic’s face was so astonished. His brain had obviously broken and he didn’t know what to say as he grabbed hold of the ladder and scurried up as sure-footed as a goat. He wasn’t going to look like a novice next to Testament.

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Gage went up last and was welcomed by quite the sight on the surface. There were three helocarriers on Loki’s Breastplate. Tuton had brought quite a lot of help.

“What’s all this?” Gage asked. “Did you guys come to rescue me?”

“Uh, no,” Tuton said, his face as bewildered as Gage’s.

He was staring at Testament who was wearing a white satin robe that was as clean as if it had just come out of the package. His eyes went to Heretic, who was wearing a white shirt and black corduroy trousers. Everything on Io that was white was eventually stained yellow like the sands. White clothes were unheard of and Tuton was confused.

Tuton cleared his throat. “Uh, The Danger Zone was set to hover here and uh… it’s not a waste of fuel because it’s powered by a rupter, but it’s not a safe way to leave expensive equipment. It belongs to me, so I thought I’d come out and see what the deal was. I brought the other helocarrier in case we needed to tow it.”

“So, you didn’t hear that I’d fallen down the crack?” Gage asked.

“No, I heard. I just thought you were dead. This was the fastest I could get out here. On Io, we have very flexible laws about possession and ownership. If my carrier was left here and someone came along who needed it, it would be very reasonable for them to take it. Theft is only bad for rich people, which is why Lord Benediction didn’t take it with him when he came to get Lady Iona.”

Gage’s eyes went wide. At first, he was relieved to hear that she was okay and then his brain noticed another part of the sentence Tuton said. “Lady Iona? When did she become a lady?”

“She endured the gravity test,” Tuton pointed out. “And she impressed Lord Benediction. Everyone is talking about her. She’s the biggest news on Io.”

“Where is she?’ Gage asked, getting agitated.

“She’s at the Tranquility Mansion. She’s suffering from exposure and healing there.”

“Which way is that?” Gage asked, rushing toward the Danger Zone.

Tuton pointed. “Wait, Gage. I have to ask. Normally when we pull people out of holes they don’t look like this.” He turned to Heretic and Testament.

“You mean because they look like me?” Gage asked.

“Uh… there’s that,” Tuton conceded as he scratched behind his ear. “But that’s not what I’m talking about. You guys are obviously part of some weird genetic experiment where some scientist thought it was a good idea to make a bunch of copies of the same hot guy. There was that other guy, Leviticus, that you were with earlier too. No, I was talking about the way you’re all dressed. Especially these two guys. You guys do not look like I just pulled you out of a hole. You look more like passengers from a luxury Jovian tour that decided to spend one day on Io. Why are you guys so clean? You should be dusted yellow from head to foot.”

“Oh, yeah,” Gage stopped and turned back to Tuton. “There’s a pleasure mansion underground.”

“There are more people underground?” Tuton exclaimed.

“No. There isn’t. There’s just a mansion built underground.”

Heretic stepped forward. “It’s a terrarium of sorts. It’s a hiding place for rich people to entertain themselves.”

“Why were you there?” Tuton wanted to know.

“Someone was trying to collect all of us to use for entertainment. But they haven’t gathered us all yet. It was against our will,” Testament pointed out angrily.

“So no one is down there?” Tuton asked with wide eyes.

The identical men nodded.

Tuton grabbed a communication device on his collar and spoke it to the tower. “Heather, do a search and find out who we’ll piss off if we dig up close to Loki’s Breastplate. Thanks.” He turned back to Gage and the others. “What all is down there? Clothes? Food? Braces?”

They nodded.

“There are freezers full of frozen food,” Heretic said.

“There are closets full of clothes,” Testament affirmed.

“What are braces?” Gage asked.

Turon’s mouth was watering. “They are buttresses like this one,” Tuton said as he pointed to the brace he used to expand the hole Gage had fallen through.

“There are over a thousand,” Heretic answered.

“You’re sure?”

“There are fourteen hundred and sixteen exposed buttresses against the cave walls,” Heretic offered. He looked around at the shocked looks on their faces. “What? I was there for months with nothing happening. I counted them. Y’all wanna know how many windows there were?”

“No. This is Io. We have glass coming out of our ears. What we don’t have is buttresses, pretty fabric, clean clothes, fancy food, and luxury items. All kinds of space debris crash on Io, but a lot of it is just scrap metal. You’re talking about luxury items and if someone really powerful hasn’t registered this dwelling as a legitimate holding, then it’s considered a wreck and we can dismantle it and distribute the parts throughout our community.”

“There are sixteen buildings,” Heretic continued. “There is a coliseum-type theater. There are seven kitchens, fifty-five bathrooms (because there is a bathroom for every bedroom), twenty-five bathtubs, six hot tubs, and three pools. There is a water recycling system down there that turns piss into sparkling soda water.”

“Really?”

“And so much more. I haven’t even scratched the surface of the carpets, the chandeliers, the art, the sculpture, the dishes…”

Heretic didn’t get to finish before Tuton was back on the communicator with Heather. “The only person I need to inform is Lord Benediction because this is a holy site?”

Gage, Testament, and Heretic stared at each other. “Is it suspicious that this place was built on holy land?”

“Very.”

“We should jump worlds.”

“Where should we go?”

“Frigging don’t say here,” Gage said. “The only way off-world is to get a ride with a metal recycler.”

“I don’t have any money.”

“Me neither.”

“Money might be useless in a situation like this,” Gage scoffed. “If you have money and pay for things with your bank numbers, powerful people can trace you.”

They looked at each other and tried to communicate their thoughts through their eyes. The communication wasn’t perfect, but it was solid enough that all three of them were eying the Danger Zone, which was not yet tethered for towing.

Gage approached Tuton. “May I take the Danger Zone to the Tranquility Mansion? I need to go there and back to Sleeping Beauty Inc. headquarters. I’m not sure which first.”

Tuton nodded as another helocarrier arrived. It was the size of a bus and a dozen guys hit the sand next to it.

“That’s our wrecking team,” Tuton explained. “They’re here to scout the area for our report to Lord Benediction before we rip it apart.”

Gage shook Tuton’s hand as a sentimental tear formed in his eye. “I just have to say how much I admire your work.”