The snow whips around us and I keep my eyes fixed forward, on James's hunched back as he peers at the Rift Mapper in his hands. My good arm carries one side of the life support capsule while Sam hefts the other. Carol lies on the surface of the capsule, swaddled in her coat against the cold, drifting in and out of consciousness. Buddy the fox lies on her stomach, curled and and recuperating from his injuries.
"James?" I ask, trying not to look at Carol, "How's it going with the Rift Mapper? We're not lost, are we?"
James just makes a sleepy nod as he stops in his tracks.
"James!" Sam barks in a surprisingly effeminate tone, "Wake up and just follow the route Carol plotted out previously!"
"Wha!" James shouts in surprise and quickly shakes his head to clear the cobwebs, "No! No, we're not lost. I'm just retracing our footsteps back to the monorail station."
"Let's keep moving then." I flex my other arm slightly, "This cold isn't healthy for any of us."
I focus doggedly on the sensation of the new skin Sam's magic grew to mend my bullet wound, something like a wrapper that had been screwed on too tight. The discomfort would fade once my body got used to the new flesh, but for now I wanted, no, needed this discomfort. It was distracting me from what's going on with Carol.
Carol's in bad shape. Sam could only partially heal her, and several of Carol's wounds had simply been bandaged. But that's not what's causing me to freak out. A halo has formed around Carol. A wavering one, unlike the halos James and Sam are sporting. Carol's halo is undergoing a process of constant dissipation, getting weaker as the minutes pass.
You must not hesitate.
I close my eyes again, putting a lid to my roiling emotions.
"Aye aye." James affirms sloppily as we trudge on through the snowfall, "But I just feel so tired, y'know? Like I could just fall asleep anytime."
"We're all tired, James." I reply drily, opening one of my eyes a crack. Sam makes a snort of agreement.
"I mean, like, its not a regular kind of tiredness." James continues his explanation, "I feel like it goes deeper somehow? If that makes sense?"
"You're fine." Sam yawns, his face lined with fatigue as well, "That's just a side effect of my magic. It works by accelerating your natural healing processes. Drains your vitality though."
"Adam looks fine." James objects.
"Adam didn't get slashed with a machete and shot multiple times." Sam brushes off some of the snow on Carol's unconscious body.
You need it.
"Fuck, shut up." I mutter, silently cursing Sam in bringing Carol to my attention again.
"Did you say something, Adam?" Sam asks.
"No, you must have heard the wind." I quickly focus on the featureless, snow covered ground, "Was that why you couldn't completely heal Carol?"
"Mhm. Pretty much." Sam's grip shifts on his side of the capsule, causing it to bump into my leg, "Carol's body wouldn't be able to take the strain. She would experience a heart attack, most likely."
"Right." I keep my voice neutral, but that little knock caused Carol's arm to lightly brush against my leg.
My eyes watch in terrified fascination as a trace of that crumbling halo leaks out of Carol's arm and is quickly absorbed into me. But its not enough. I need more.
Yes.
"By the way." I raise my voice to block out that silent urge, "How did you survive getting shot, Sam?"
"Luck." Sam says with a straight face, which I grace with an incredulous expression.
"Seriously, it was really luck." Sam opens his jacket, revealing a thick sweater underneath, "The bullet was caught on my clothes and didn't penetrate. You can even see where the bullet got stuck."
"That was some mad skill you showed back there, Adam." James pipes up from the front, "How did you deflect that sniper bullet with just your knife?"
"Luck." I smile wanly. Not because I'm making a bad joke. But because the moment Sam opened his jacket, my eyes caught that telltale glint of something hidden. Before I can home in on the object, Sam quickly buttons up his jacket against the cold. Though this does raise an interesting implication. If Sam wanted to hide that mystery item, he would not have opened his jacket in the first place and risk me seeing it.
Does Sam himself not know the significance of whatever he's got hidden on him?
"C'mon." James scoffs, "That joke's pretty stale, Adam."
"I suppose." I concede easily, "It's something I learned way, way back. You twist with your wrist when the bullet hits the blade."
"What James means is," Sam picks up the topic as well, "how could you block the bullet in the first place? Your reflexes are nowhere near good enough."
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"I trusted my heart." I shrug in response, "That's the best way to explain it."
"Getting way more mystical than I bargained for." Sam shakes his head.
"Hey, Adam," James turns around to face me, a look of concern on his face, "Have you been hanging around the monks from the Sensorium?"
"Why do you ask?" my guard is immediately up.
"Nothing." James goes back to looking at the Rift Mapper, "Just be careful around them. That's all."
"Don't need to tell me twice." I mutter under my breath, a cloud forming around my face.
........
Without Carol, the journey back to the monorail station took several extra hours. Though lugging the capsule around didn't help either. The moon was high in the sky by the time we arrived at the ruined structure. Sam immediately had Carol put into a sleeping bag and the rest of us had dinner comprising of what's left of the venison.
"We could have moved faster if I helped with the capsule." James says, biting into some meat.
"Do you want to reopen your wounds?" Sam sighs. James has no retort for that and we continue to eat in silence.
"Will Carol be alright?" I ask, my eyes noting that Carol's halo has shrunk to a quarter of its former size, "Like with not eating and just lying there in the corner."
"She'll be fine." Sam grimaces, "Probably. We can't do anything more for her right now."
"We should save some of the food for her." James responds, "When Carol wakes up, she'll be hungry."
"Sure." Sam nods, "Anyone want to play cards or something? I still have my deck in the luggage."
"Nah. I'm beat." I shake my head, "You cleaned me out last night as well. Anymore games with you and I won't be able to afford food next month."
"Don't fool around with Sam." James smirks, "He's a terror at poker, isn't he?"
"Laugh it up." Sam grumbles with a slight smile on his face, "You're just sore you lost money too. Anyhow, getting some sleep sounds good to me."
"Guys, guys, wait." James suddenly waves his hands, "We can't just go to sleep like that. A watch needs to be posted."
"Oh c'mon." Sam objects immediately, "We just survived a battle and hiked through who knows how many miles of Reality Shift."
"You're afraid that the ambushers might show up here?" I ask James who nods grimly.
"Its a small chance." he reluctantly admits, "Winter Rift is a big place after all. But we shouldn't take chances. Especially since Carol's hurt."
"So what's the watch order?" I groan, rubbing my face, "None of us are going to agree to take the first watch, looking at how tired everyone is."
"Easy way round that." Sam grins as he takes out a pack of playing cards, "Shall I start to deal, then?"
.......
Damnit. I lost of course and drew the short straw.
Pacing around the camp to stave off the tedium, my only company being the buzz saw like snores from James. The man had fallen asleep like a log the moment he set his head down. Sam's a bit better, but there's an unsightly river of drool coming out of his open mouth. Buddy is sprawled on the floor, near the dying embers of our campfire.
My fingers start getting itchy from the temptation to search Sam for that mystery object while he sleeps, but I quickly put that thought out of mind. Too much risk for too little gain. Shaking my head, I draw Love and take aim at the moon, making pew pew noises with my mouth.
"Score any hits yet?" Carol groans from her corner.
"Not one. Those moon rabbits are quick buggers." I say, walking over to Carol with the leftover food in hand, "We thought you might be hungry."
"No thanks." Carol demurs, "Don't have the appetite for it."
Do it. Do it now.
I sit down, with my back facing Carol and both eyes fixed on the moon. Both of my hands are tightly clasped, fingernails digging into my palms.
"How you feeling?" I ask, the night wind carrying my voice away.
"Bad." Carol makes an unhealthy sound, "Feel pretty weak too. I don't think I can walk through the snow."
"We'll carry you." I say simply.
"Good thing I plotted the path back to the portal already." Carol laughs, "Getting lost now wouldn't be pretty."
"Yeah. James should be able to handle it." I nod, "He just needs to follow the Rift Mapper."
"James." a soft sigh from my comrade, "He's a reliable sort, isn't he?"
"Say what?" I question, ignoring the pounding of my heart.
"Reliable." Carol explains, "During the fight, he just took charge. And then fought all those ambushers by himself. That was pretty cool."
"Yeah. I suppose." I cough as my chest clenches painfully.
You want this.
"We're safe, thanks to him." Carol murmurs, "Say Adam, you're James's friend, aren't you?"
"Yeah?" I take a deep breath to steady myself. It isn't working.
"Does he have anyone, like a girlfriend or wife?" Carol starts tugging at my sleeve weakly, "You think I'm his type?"
"I wouldn't know." I shrug, as Carol's halo starts leaking into me again. And this time I understand that -
I need this.
My vision swims and I seize Carol's wrist, the influx of potential growing more rapid. But its like trying to get juice from an already squeezed orange. There's only a tiny bit left.
"Adam." Carol shrinks back, "What's wrong?"
You are merely bringing about the inevitable for her. But she can still save your life.
My hand tightens on Carol's wrist and she begins to struggle.
You want to live.
"I want to live." I whisper to myself.
"Adam sto -" Carol tries to shout but my other hand clamps around her mouth securely.
"You can't blame me for this." I gasp harshly at her, my heart drawing in Carol's potential like a magnet, "Like you can't blame a tiger for mauling you if you get into the enclosure."
"Mmmmmff" Carol struggles, but that smashed apart orange is firmly in my hands. So I squeeze and squeeze and squeeze and -
.......
Reconcile.
My eyes blink from the sun's glare. There's a crack of gunfire as Carol fires her carbine pistol, scoring another bull's eye at the Guild's outdoor firing range. The crowd goes wild, me included.
Why are you here?
"Because I fell out of love with Xtreme Fistball. I needed something new to get into. So I began to follow the Guild's sport shooting team." I say to the voice of my heart.
That answer is acceptable.
Carol walks up to the judges who quickly tabulate her score. My stomach churns as Carol's potential settles within me, replenishing the hollowness at my core.
She was an inspiration.
"Yes." I grunt, grasping the potential and stabilizing it, "I wanted to shoot like her."
And so you did.
There's an eruption from my heart, as I feel a bottleneck being forcefully broken through. My mediocre skills with Love have been taken to the next level, elevated by the potential Carol has shared with me. My feet move on their own accord as I walk up to Carol, now carrying the winner's bouquet.
"Could I have your autograph?" I ask, "I'm a big fan."
Carol smiles radiantly and -
.......
Every last drop of juice, squeezed out of the pulp.
My fingers play with the photo of Carol. The scrawl on the photo is just as I had fantasized.
"TO ADAM, NEVER LET GO OF YOUR DREAMS!"
"And I never did, Carol." I say to her, "I never did."
There's no reply from my hero as she stares blankly into the concrete wall. Her mouth is twisted into a silent scream and her fingers grip the sleeping bag with sinewy strength. I merely tuck the corpse in and force both its eyes shut before getting back to my feet.
"Sleep well."