When I wake up, I’m alone in the cell once again and the unsettling silence of the prison has returned. I am laying face down on the cold ground and I can feel that the chain has been returned to my ankle. I go to sit up and searing pain shoots through my back, a feeling as if multiple knives have been stabbed into my back. The pain causes me to heave, however, nothing comes out as I haven’t eaten anything since the light breakfast the morning I was taken. I don’t even know how long it has been. There is no way to know the time and I don't even know if it is day or night outside my jail. I finally stop heaving, so I take deep breaths in order to steady my breathing while reaching my hand towards my back. My fingers brush my back and I feel the stickiness of the blood covering my back along with another round of pain as I graze a spot of raw flesh causing me to yank my hand back.
After the round of pain ends, new feelings become clear in my mind. Hunger and thirst. The emptiness of my stomach makes itself known as a clear growling noise rings through the silence. At the same time my lips are chapped and my throat is dry and burning from heaving up bile repeatedly. My tears have already run dry, otherwise I would be a weeping mess right now. I can’t show them my pain. I have to remain strong. With those thoughts going through my mind I curl up into a ball on the floor to try to get warm, drifting off into an uneasy, restless sleep.
My eyes open and I’m surrounded by darkness, as if I am floating in nothingness. There is no sound, no light, nothing, only me, or so I think.
“Sarah.”
In front of me a figure starts to appear in the emptiness.
“...”
“Sarah.” A familiar smell washes over me. The scent of home.
“Mom?”
“Yes Sarah.”
Her silver eyes shine brightly as she gazes at me with the love of a mother for her child, bringing me warmth I have not felt since I have been locked away. In this world my tears begin to fall.
“Mom, I’m so scared. I’m hungry... I’m thirsty... It hurts so much... I don’t want to be a slave, I just want to be with you and Lena again!”
My emotions pour out, no longer held in check.
“I know Sarah, I know” Her eyes are full of sadness as she embraces me, letting me cry and cry and cry. When I stop crying she pulls away and cups my face in her hands, her silver eyes gazing into my own.
“Stay strong Sarah. No matter what happens I will be here for you and as long as I am here you will not lose yourself. Always remember who you are Sarah. Never let anyone take that away from you.”
“I won’t mom. I promise.”
“Good. I love you Sarah.” This time it is her turn to let tears out. Her figure begins to fade, the empty darkness returning.
“I love you too mom!” Before her figure completely fades I glance a smile on her face, until the glow from her eyes finally vanishes.
When my eyes open this time I’m met by the harsh stone walls of the prison. The cold rushes back in, however, the warmth of my mom’s hands on my face remains along with her scent. What was that? A dream? The cold reality sinks back in quickly though as the sound of a key in a lock sounds out and the door to my cell opens. I don’t react, I just continue to lay there, curled up and facing the wall. The footsteps grow louder as they come closer until they stop next to me.
“Get up.”
I still don’t react.
“I said… GET UP!” The man yells while at the same time a kick lands on my back. My breath hitches as a wave of pain and nausea crashes over me and I slowly uncurl myself and try to stand.
“Good. See, not that hard is it?”
I glare at him and am immediately slapped.
“Didn’t I tell you yesterday? No eye contact with your master.”
“Food...” My voice is hoarse from lack of water.
“Sorry, what was that?”
“Food.” This time my voice is clearer.
“Ohhh… you want food?”
I nod my head weakly, not meeting his eyes.
“Alright then I will give you some food,” surprise fills my head and I allow myself to feel some hope, “but first answer one simple question. Who are you?”
Just like that, the door slams closed on that hope. I am so hungry that I just want to say what he wants to hear, but my mom’s words play in the back of my mind. Always remember who you are Sarah. Never let anyone take that away from you.
“Sarah.”
He lets out a sigh.
“Still haven’t learned have you? Well no food for you then and I’ll just have to keep breaking you in.”
With that he unlocks the chain from my ankle and once again drags me to the wall where he locks my wrists in place, my face facing the wall.
He takes out the lash and loosely twirls it in his hand.
Once again he asks that question.
“Who are you?”
Once again I answer.
“Sarah”
Once again a lash, pain tearing through me.
It hurts!
Again.
Mom!
Again.
Lena!
Again. Flesh tearing.
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Again. Blood flowing.
Again. Mind blanking.
I pass out once more. The dream I had after the first time plays in my mind.
Over and over and over.
Every time I pass out, I have the same dream.
Every time I wake up back in a living hell.
Every time I am asked the same question.
Every time I give the same answer.
Over and over and over.
It goes on like this for what feels like an eternity. My mind is slowly being chipped away at with every lash. The only thing keeping me together are the words my mother speaks to me in the dream world I return to every time I pass out. My back is shredded with no trace that it had ever been anything else but a field of gashes. The smell of iron becomes a permanent scent in the cell. The pain is now a constant presence and the lashes themselves have begun to feel like a mere bee sting. My ribs are visible and my skin has taken on a ghost like paleness as I still haven’t gotten food. Water is given every now and then, but it is only merely enough to survive. My cheeks are hollow and my face has lost all color just like my body. If someone saw me now they would think that I am just a corpse wasting away in this prison, the only hint of life is my silver eyes, burning with rage and a will to keep going.
After waking up from the dream once more I hear the usual lock being undone and a man I don’t recognize walks into the cell. He is dressed in armor which has the crest of the Aston family on its chest. His face is grizzled and he has a long scar that runs from his right ear down to the corner of his mouth. The man pulls out a set of chains, walks over to me and places them on my wrists. The ankle chain has been removed as they figure I won’t try to escape at this point, not that I could have ever done anything. He drags me to my feet and pushes me outside the cell towards the stairwell leading up which has two guards standing next to it.
He drags me towards the stairs while I ask, “Where are we going?”
He merely looks at me with a cold face, the only emotion showing is the raised corners of his mouth.
“It’s a surprise.”
I am dragged up the stairs as my legs barely function from lack of use and food, my bare feet constantly tripping on the stairs as they drag on the ground. After passing through a door at the top of the stairs I find myself in a room filled with nothing but bags of fertilizer. On the walls there are tools for gardening along with rakes and hoes. It appears as if it is just a shed where they keep supplies for maintaining the grounds of the estate, something I am sure the baron himself has never touched.
I’m led through the door of the shed outside into the sun where I have to close my eyes to shield them from the brightness of the afternoon sun. I take in the scent of the first fresh air I have smelled since being taken from home, air free from the scent of blood that I have become accustomed to. A gentle breeze blows my matted chestnut hair while also causing goosebumps to spread across my bare top and soothing the pain of my back if only for a moment. I curl my toes into the grass and enjoy the softness it brings to the bottom of my feet. After the brightness becomes bearable I finally open my eyes and find myself in a grassy area outside the gardening shed and nearby is the largest house I have ever seen. Behind the shed is a wall taller than ten of me, iron spikes laid on top.
“Come on, we don’t have all day.”
I’m yanked by the chains on my hands and led from the grassy area to a dusty clearing where straw dummies are lined up along one end and what is on the other end makes me stop dead in my tracks.
“...Mom…?”
In front of me is my mother, her arms bound in rope, beaten and bruised, blood dripping from her mouth. A puddle of blood has formed underneath where she is on her knees on the far side of what must be a training yard of some sort. Her breathing is obviously labored and standing around her are multiple men in armor sneering.
“Better not get your blood on me I just had this armor cleaned!”
“This is what you get you country bitch!”
“You’re almost pretty enough for me to take you for a good time!”
My mother just ignores them and continues to look at the ground in silence.
“What is this? Why is my mom here? I was supposed to be the only one you took!”
A hard slap to the face makes my unsteady legs falter and I fall to the ground.
“Shut up! You were the only one taken, she came on her own accord to try to find a way to get you back and now she has to pay for that!”
“What do you mean pay? We’re poor, we have barely enough money to get by, there is no way that she can pay any amount you ask for!”
“You don’t get it do you? She isn’t paying with money. She went against the baron trying to come for you, an act considered treason. She is now paying with her life.”
“What…?” My voice squeaks out as his words sink in.
Hearing the commotion my mom looks up and when our eyes meet she gives me a large smile even though I can tell she is in pain.
“Sarah”
Her voice is quiet but I can make out what she is saying clearly as if it is the only sound being made. I can feel tears sliding down my cheeks.
“Why? Why did you come for me? Why didn’t you just keep living with Lena? Why mom!?” I’m crawling my way towards her while I shout at her, but one of the men in armour keeps me from getting very far and with that same smile she simply says, “Because I love you Sarah, just like I loved your father and Lena.”
The man who brought me outside looks at the armored men and nods at them while at the same time he walks behind me and grabs my chin forcing me to look at where my mother is. The guards around her all draw their swords at the same time while one also kicks my mom onto the ground so that her back is facing the sky with her hands bound behind her back. She doesn’t try to struggle but merely keeps her silver eyes, my eyes, on me, the smile never leaving her face. The guards all raise their swords, tips pointed towards the ground and my mother’s back. A scream tears itself from my mouth, “MOM!!!”
With tears now streaming down her smiling face I can make out the words she says next.
“I’m sorry…”
The blades fall and bury themselves in my mother’s body. I try to look away but I am forced to watch as my mom’s shirt begins to turn red as her life begins to ebb and pool around her, her eyes never leaving mine and the smile never fading as the light fades from her once glowing eyes.
“MOM!!!”
I struggle against the grasp of the man holding me there but my efforts are pointless as all the strength seems to have left my body. Eventually I stop trying and am dragged away back to the darkness of the jail cell, my mother’s body being left to the crows. My body and mind have gone numb and even the pain of my back has become only a dull throb. As I lay motionless in the cell my eyes drift close and I fall asleep trying to get back to the dream that has kept me sane.
The same scene I have grown accustomed too rises around me, an empty void filled with only silence.
My mothers’s figure begins to form in front of me, her eyes still full of life.
“Mom…”
Silence
“Mom, please I need you with me…”
Silence
Something is wrong! This isn’t how it is supposed to be!
It is then I notice the spot of red forming at the center of her chest, spreading. Then other spots appear too. Her figure takes a step forward and then falls, swords sticking out of her back, a puddle of red around her fallen body. Slowly her body begins to fade and I collapse to the ground.
“No mom… you can’t leave me alone… please…” I curl in on myself in the darkness, losing the only anchor I had that could keep me from breaking.
“I can’t continue on without you mom… I don’t want to keep living knowing you’re gone…”
Only silence answers my pleas and I continue to lay there in the emptiness for what feels like an eternity.
When I wake up my body feels cold, my mind blank. I just lay there on the ground, a shell of the girl I used to be. The rage I feel has been locked deep inside and the fight in my eyes has disappeared leaving my gaze distant and blank. I hear the keys turn in the lock as the slaver walks into the cell with his normal lash. I don’t move and just lay there in silence.
“Get up.”
I don’t know why, maybe because I lost my motivation to fight, maybe the hunger finally became too much to ignore, or maybe my body just moved on autopilot, but I did as he said and stood up.
“Good. Now go stand by the wall.”
My feet carry me over to the wall with the wrist restraints and he locks my wrists in place and afterwards asks me the same question he always does while holding his lash.
“Who are you?”
Finally broken, I respond with what he wants to hear.
“Nobody.”
“What is your purpose?”
“To serve my master.”
A small smile appears on his face.
“Good girl.”