Novels2Search

Chapter 3

Freedom... This is the word that comes to my mind now, as I dip my pen in ink and begin to write the first words of this chapter.

I had an extraordinary sense of relief as I stepped under the archway of the orphanage gates; I remember following the long string of children who were walking in a long column, two by two. And right in front of me there were even three girls holding hands because nobody wanted to go with me. But after a short while, Sister Lenora, the young nun who had taken a fancy to me, came to my side and took me by the hand. I looked at her curiously and then I saw her warm smile and her brown eyes staring at me lovingly. I smiled in my turn and squeezed tighter the warm hand that had chased away the few gloomy thoughts that had stained my joy of that winter morning. Our well-ordered and almost soldier-like column strode at a brisk pace across the bridge that crosses the Rumare Lake towards the large, richly ornamented gates of the Imperial City. Below us, the lake was rippling its waters softly and in some places, towards the shores, we could see frozen surfaces on which the freshly fallen snow formed some interesting structures. All the sky was pure blue, deep, and without a cloud to roam its depths. Only far to the south, a light mist seemed to tremble over the ancient woods, now immersed in heavy snow, which dominated the shores of Lake Rumare.

We entered the city which was dressed in a thick white mantle and in a magical silence, specific to mornings like this. It was a holiday day and the freshly fallen heavy snow had kept most of the city's inhabitants in their homes, at least for a while. We began to clear the city streets right near the great gates, and I remember the joy of this work, which, though not very easy, was so much like a game for all the girls. So, in a short time, starting from a simple accident when one of the girls had accidentally splashed the content of her shovel on another, a general snow-battle began. The girls, cheerful and with their faces red, were now rolling in the soft powder, laughing and enjoying the fresh snowfall. Even one of the nuns accompanying us had joined their game! I was looking sadly at them and I would have liked very much to participate in their play... But the childish games were already over for me and Sister Lenora came, took my shovel and whispered: "Go now Elsie! Stendarr be with you!" I smiled at her and sneaked into one of the alleys edged with houses, most of them still with their shutters drawn. Then I ran, struggling with the snow that in some places reached past my knees. I stopped for a short time in a sheltered place and, as Sister Sescia had advised me, changed my clothes and then covered my head with the hat I had kept hidden until then.

I wandered for a while through the city that was beginning to come to life; I was deeply impressed by the extraordinary White-Gold tower, the first Ayleid structure I had ever seen in my life. The palace was open to visitors and I was able to enter without any difficulties. I was amazed by the extraordinary dimensions of the complex, by the vast interior spaces in which the visitors' footsteps resonated in a strange way for me; the numerous ancient bas-reliefs on the high walls told me strange and beautiful stories, brought to my mind unknown places full of lush vegetation such as I had never seen in my life. My soul vibrated before the paintings and carvings that decorated the many niches that adorned the white walls, so brightly white. I wandered for a long time through the vast reception hall of the palace, ignoring the passage of time! But eventually I got hungry and then I headed for the exit.

The weather had noticeably warmed up, and the snow-covered rooftops had begun to drip, thin streams of water trickling onto the now soft, slushy ground. There were many people in the palace courtyard where a troupe of traveling acrobats were putting on a show that I found both amusing and astonishing. The juggling and acrobatics they were performing with great skill were something new, never seen before by me. When the fire eater began his act, the crowd pressed in closer, and being as small as I was, I couldn't see a thing. Disappointed, I tried to weave my way through the people in front of me, but just then, an irresistible scent caught my attention. The aromas came from the stall of a peddler who was baking and selling all kinds of hot pies and pastries, just out of the little mobile oven. There were two people working there, the apprentice who made the pies and baked them with unbelievable speed and the master baker who sold them. Attracted by the mouth-watering scent, many people gathered around the stall, creating a constant rush that gave the bakers no time to rest. I eagerly approached, drawn in by the tantalizing aroma, and my stomach growled in a funny way as I looked forward to tasting one of those warm delights... But there were so many people waiting to buy that when the apprentice pulled out of the oven a tray full of pies and put it on the counter, I simply, serenely took one of them... I did this without thinking and, without leaving, I started eating the pie... Being very busy and tired and maybe for other, much stranger, reasons, the two merchants did not notice. And no other people around me, apart from an old lady who just then bought what she wanted. She quickly sat between me and the counter and ordered two more pies: one with pork and one with cheese. The one I had just stolen was an apple pie...Then she turned to me, gently grabbed me by the shoulders, and whispered: "Don't eat all of it now, little one, wait till you eat these two first!" and she gave me the two pies he had bought at the end. We then left together, the old lady holding me by hand and watching me from time to time while I was eating my pies quietly. They were really delicious or at least they seemed so to me after the abundant but tasteless food that was served to me in the dining room of the orphanage. Then the old lady asked me if I want more food and I replied that I would very much like to eat something sweet. She smiled and bought a whole bag of glazed chestnuts from another traveling salesman who was selling his merchandise around the palace. Oh, the chestnuts were also hot and I ate them with delight... I hadn't even been able to eat all of them... And then we stopped near a tearoom where I sipped two big cups from the most excellent hot tea I ever drank. During all this time, the old lady looked at me with interest and curiosity and maybe there was something more than that in her eyes... In my turn, I studied her face and clothes carefully and without timidity and I had the overwhelming feeling that I knew her from somewhere! That I knew her as well as only the closest relatives can know each other... A peculiar feeling came over me, and suddenly I thanked her for her kindness and told that now I had to go and look for my parents. The old lady smiled and told me to go to the Arena District where most of the refugees from Anvil County were temporarily housed. So I got up and left. I stood in the tea room doorway and looked back. The old lady was staring at me with a look in her eyes that had not the slightest hint of a smile. On the contrary, her eyes had the sharpness of steel and seemed to be assessing me with the utmost attention. I shuddered and ran out into the crowded street.

I was filled with two contradictory sentiments, one of fear and the other of curiosity, even of attraction towards the old lady who had done me no harm. On the contrary, she had saved me from a dangerous situation... And, as I slipped through the crowd of people that, with the coming of evening, filled the streets of the city, many thoughts began to run through my head. At the orphanage, the priest's sermons and the moral lessons taught by the Sisters had presented theft as one of the most terrible sins that can be committed by mortals. Perhaps they had even portrayed it as the worst of all sins because I remembered clearly that we were made to repeat daily the words "Do not covet what belongs to another". Very convenient from the point of view of all the rulers of this land, they who always want more, never get enough! But at that moment it became obvious to me that I had committed the worst of sins, as they had been presented to me by my former mentors. However, I didn't feel guilty about anything, my conscience was as clear as fresh spring water and I even smiled at the thought that I could have taken two pies instead of one... Or perhaps even more and, maybe there were even some coins scattered on the floured counter... At the same time, a feeling of fear overlaid these cheerful thoughts and I suddenly realized that I would have been severely punished by the traders and, probably, by the other people who were around, if I were caught in the act. I stopped my run, and began to pace at a walk, totally absorbed in the flood of thoughts that had stormed my little brain. I was so immersed in my meditations that I bumped into a man coming the other way. When he roughly pushed me away I did not react in any way and my soul was no longer filled with sadness, fear or shame as it would have been before. I just looked after him and chuckled softly thinking about how funny it would be if the grumpy man would slip on the ice and fall...

As I continued to walk, I felt a strange freedom growing inside me, something like a power that whispered that the commonly accepted rules no longer concerned me. And so, some deeds that had previously seemed unthinkable now appeared natural, even necessary. I didn't understand it then, nor could I have, but on that first day of my freedom, tremendous changes were happening in the way I looked at the world and at life! I gradually came out of my state of reverie and started to attentively look around me.

And I saw people, lots of people, women and men, tall northerners with cold eyes, noisy and very cheerful Imperial citizens, delicate Bretons of small stature. Here and there would even appear the extremely intelligent figure and the alert gaze of one of the cat breed, Khajiit as the Imperials call them. I stopped in a sheltered place beneath the gate of a luxurious property and began to watch the human tumult on the street with attention and greed, and it seemed to me that beneath the good mood and cheerfulness that characterized the people on this day of holiday there was a rather ill-concealed anxiety and fear. As if an intense excitement urges a critically ill person to gather his last strength to enjoy life a little longer... Strange things were happening in my mind, which was greedily absorbing all these new sights and sensations. I was really overwhelmed by the sensory information I received; those two women dressed in expensive furs and accompanied by a little Redguard carrying their luggage seem to be very good friends but the brunette one hates and envies her friend... Her look, captured by my greedy eyes, said so much that I was overwhelmed by the wave of sensations! And that tall gentleman with the thinly cropped mustache has no loving thoughts at all for the young lady who hangs on his arm and looks at him with adoration... My brain was receiving so much nourishment from the surrounding metropolitan world that the moment my eager eyes caught sight of a Khajiit who had swiftly and with extreme dexterity snatched the bag of an old and well dressed man, it began to mix the information and combine it in a strange way, giving birth to feelings and impressions unknown to me before. Suddenly, the lights glowed too brightly, sounds seemed to surround me from all directions... Scents mingled in a dizzying storm... Everything was too much, too fast! I turned my back to the street and closed my eyes. I drew a deep breath and tried to recover from the sudden dizziness that had seized me. And when I did, I wondered with curiosity how I would now perceive my former colleagues from the orphanage... Or Sister Lenora and Prioress Sescia! A strange thought crossed my brain and I tried to reconstruct in my mind the figure of my beloved mother Kiersten. But I didn't succeed at all and instead of her loving, beautiful and wise figure, I could only see with my mind's eye my own figure, the round and sweet face of a little blond and long-haired girl... I was frightened and saddened at the same time and then I took for the first time in my life the decision to stop thinking for a while about something that deeply disturbed me. And let things flow, sensations and feelings crystallize in the subtle alembic that is the brain... And only then to try to grasp the true meaning of apparently strange and incomprehensible facts. I cautiously walked out from beneath the gate where I had been standing until then and, trying not to let my attention be diverted by the crowd of people on the street, I made my way towards the Arena District.

In that special quarter of the Imperial City I found even more people than on the streets of the Talos Plaza District. Only that their general condition, their clothing and appearance were very different. The people here were poorly dressed, many of them with their clothes patched or torn; their faces, pale and drawn, bore the weight of unspoken sorrow and the laughter and cheerful shouts from other parts of the city could not be heard near the big Arena. Only a constant hum, occasionally pierced by the cries of small children, reigned over the gray crowd of people who, in the dusk's dim light, were making their way in disorderly ranks toward the huge cauldrons steaming on the fires set up in the neighborhood. I tried not to mingle with the sad crowd, which caused me an uneasy feeling of fear crossed by impulses of curiosity, and, carefully avoiding the puddles covered with brown snow, trampled by thousands of feet, I walked towards the enormous stone and wooden circus that sheltered the Arena. Oh, this is another of the impressive constructions that adorn the Imperial City! The high walls that looked ashen in the early winter twilight, the large bronze gates that, when opened, resembled the ravening jaws of a prehistoric monster, and the small, oval, barred openings that corresponded to cells where animals of all kinds brought from the farthest corners of the Empire were temporarily kept, all these elements gave an astonishing impression of power and wealth! And indeed the Arena is a symbol of the former undisputed power and glory of an Empire which was now living its last years! As I was far from understanding the political aspects that dominated Tamriel at the time, I could only admire the enormous structure, an undeniable proof of the skill and wealth of the people who lived here, in the largest city on the continent. In those early days I couldn't fathom the function of this huge edifice, nor could I imagine the tumult of the ecstatic crowds in front of the cruel spectacles in which men and beasts kill, injure and maim each other just for the entertainment of a decadent people! I later witnessed such a so-called entertainment, and I can firmly state that it is one of the most disgusting, shameful and harmful distractions that can be offered to a people in order to make them not to notice or forget the serious matters that are plaguing a society at a given time.

But to me, on that first day of freedom, the hundreds of huge tents and bunkhouses hastily erected in a vacant area of the district were much more interesting; there was once a park whose trees had been cut down to make room for the temporary shelters that housed thousands of refugees who, after a grueling journey, had arrived here, in the heart of the Empire. As I found out that day, they were all from the county of Anvil, which had been overrun by the Dominion's light cavalry. From what was rumored throughout the neighborhood, the elves were looting and burning all the small, unwalled towns in the county and Anvil itself was besieged by the Dominion infantry. I didn't understand much of what the people around me were saying, but their looks and sadness, the tears of those who had lost relatives and loved ones in the dreadful strikes were enough to make me realize that terrible things were happening somewhere in the Imperial lands.

That evening, however, I wanted only to find a safe place to sleep because the day spent in the midst of so many new sensations had made me terribly tired and my mind was still confused. A few Sisters of the Order of Stendarr were sharing blankets to those who came to take shelter in the precarious lodgings and I managed to get one and find a relatively quiet corner where I slept without dreams until sunrise. I woke up in the midst of people who were waking up noisily, eager to receive the morning meal that the Order was serving freely to refugees. I sat at the end of a long line of people and when I finally reached the huge steaming cauldron, I was handed a canteen filled with a thin and hot stew which, although barely more than water with a few floating beans, spread warmth through my frozen limbs. In any case, I had never eaten such miserable food in my life and, adding this reality to the uncomfortable way in which I had spent the night, I decided that I had to find another refuge. And that as soon as possible... But as I found out pretty soon, finding a new and more convenient shelter was not such an easy task. And, after all, no one here was making me work or attend boring religious services! Besides, I was free to leave or return to the Arena complex as I wished so I remained there for a while, time in which I started to learn and practice very useful things for a girl in my situation.

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I wandered then the streets of the Imperial City and I was amazed by the many interesting things that could be seen or heard here. I spent many afternoons and evenings in the crowded taverns of the city and heard many stories and new things about lands of the Empire that I didn't even know that existed. I tried my luck and skill at the begging trade; there were so many beggars in front of the Temple of the One on holy days and there were so many feast days in those happy times! As the free food I received from the refugee rations was insufficient and not to my liking, at first I bought various supplements using the money given to me by Prioress Sescia or, when the situation allowed it, by stealing food from the counters. There were a few situations when the merchant or one of his customers noticed me trying to steal goods but I always managed to run and escape the danger...

And so, the days passed one after the other, winter was coming to an end and the number of refugees arriving in the Imperial City was increasing steadily. The money given to me by Prioress Sescia ran out sooner than expected. The clothes she had gifted me began to tear, and soon I found myself blending into the gray, hungry, and dirty crowd that roamed the city's streets by day. But even the Imperial City itself changed in those few months. Some streets started to smell of decay and desperation, the scent of unwashed bodies and stale bread clinging to the air like a bad memory and the well-dressed, cheerful, people were gradually replaced by hungry and desperate beings mingling with all sorts of villains. Therefore the number of crimes committed in the city had increased so much that a partial curfew had been instituted; that meant that walking or staying on the city streets between sunset and sunrise was forbidden to refugees; carrying of weapons of any kind by non-residents of the city was also strictly forbidden. The City Guard being considered both insufficient and totally ineffective in combating the crime wave, Stendarr's Order was given charge of the matter on request.

So, at the same time as the gray and poverty-stricken wave swept over the city, a new wave, this time black and equipped with heavy clubs and even crossbows, invaded all the neighborhoods. The Order's fighting monks were brought in from all over the Empire and, after a short so-called special training at Fort Nikel, were put in charge of patrolling the streets and maintaining order in the metropolis. Totally different from the old soldiers who made up the City Guard till then, the monks of the Order were extremely harsh and not shy to punish certain crimes on the spot. After all, the judicial system of the Imperial City had been over saturated with lawsuits and was considered insufficient to deal with the new and numerous crimes that were plaguing the once so peaceful and cheerful districts of the great city. The Special Court of the Order, which had previously dealt only with internal matters, began trying a large number of offenses. Eventually, it handled all cases involving murder, theft, robbery, illegal night-time wandering, brawls, and even tavern fights. And the Order managed, to a significant degree, to change the atmosphere of the Imperial City, bringing about a sense of safety and calm for its citizens, who had been teetering on the edge of despair because the war that had recently begun had ravaged the fertile farmlands of Anvil County, driving food prices ever higher. By early summer, much of the city's peace and order had been restored. New refugees were no longer being allowed inside the city walls but were directed instead to a vast camp set up in the southeast, beyond the capital. Additionally, the Order launched an effort to identify and register the refugees living in the Arena District, with plans to deport most of them from the metropolis. Orphaned children, meanwhile, were to be sent to the orphanage at Fort Nikel... But for me, there was no going back; at the time, I had almost forgotten that I had been sentenced to death by the Order's tribunal, but the words of Prioress Sescia echoed in my mind: "Don't come back here again!"

So, one day in early summer, I decided not to return to the refugee camp in the Arena District and instead spent the night in a crumbling warehouse in the Merchant District. What followed were some of the hardest days of my life; days when I often found myself without anything to eat, forced to scavenge through the piles of garbage under the cover of night, hoping to find even a dry crust of bread. Begging had become nearly impossible, as the Order tightly controlled it, allowing it only in a small, designated area near the Temple of the One. And even then, the citizens of the city had grown cold and unfriendly toward those of us who had been displaced, forced to leave behind our homes and embark on the harsh, sorrowful path of wandering. The merchants were now carefully watching their goods, which were becoming rare and expensive, and not rarely in the larger stores was stationed a fighting monk of the Order. Just the sight of their rugged faces and the huge clubs they wielded made me abandon any thought of theft. On top of that, the place of the wave of villains and desperate people that had haunted the city until then had been taken by a lot of ragged and hungry children who roamed the streets of the city alone or in small gangs. Most of them came from the ranks of refugees from Anvil County but there were among them also children of poor local families. On the one hand these vagrant children made my life difficult but on the other hand they were like an excellent training ground for me... You see my friends, these children were not those so experienced and dangerous urchins roaming the narrow winding alleys of the Waterfront District... The great majority of them were children of peasants, neither good nor bad. Like me, they were not experienced in all the habits and tricks characteristic of those who sometimes haunt the streets of big cities. They were just hungry and above all they feared the orphanage of the Order. At first, I tried to keep as far away as possible from groups of such children, but this was difficult; like me, they were very interested in the temporary garbage dumps of the neighborhoods and the fruit trees in the public parks that were just starting to bear fruits. So a lot of the times I was beaten and robbed of the few bits and scraps I could gather. Also, finding a relatively quiet place to rest during the night became very difficult for me. Once again a morbid fatigue had begun to embrace me in its moist, misty wings; the severe underfeeding, the tormented sleep, often interrupted and fragmented by numerous moments during which I had to run in despair, pursued by other children or by the vigilantes of the Order who had found my temporary resting-place, the countless beatings I received when I tried to defend the poor crust of bread I held in my weak little fist, all these had turned me into a skeletal, fever-eyed little thing.

But in spite of all these terrible difficulties, I never despaired! And I began to creep at night through the now constantly open windows of people's houses and steal food. I remember that on the first such attempt I was so weak that I climbed with difficulty through the very close-to-the-ground window of a poor house where a lonely old woman lived. I knew that because I had often seen the old woman sitting in the sun on a stool in the small, neglected little garden of her house. She was very old and thin and had a soft, sad look... Once in the house, I crept as silently as I could past the narrow bed from which the old woman's labored breathing could be heard, and slipped a large loaf of bread and some cheese from a large, deeply cracked plate on the corner table. I was very surprised to notice that the darkness was not as deep as I would have expected and that only the smell of the cheese and even of the bread had been strong enough to guide me to the place where they were. I sat down on the floor, right next to the crooked legs of the table and started to greedily munch. Ah, I was so happy... I didn't get up until I had finished eating and then, with infinite care, I snuck to a small, cheap wooden cupboard. I opened the door and found two apples, which I pocketed. Under a clumsily embroidered cloth, I discovered two septims and a few copper coins... I took them and carefully climbed out of the window...

I was so pleased by the easiness with which I had gotten food that, at the moment, I didn't reflect on the strange way in which sight and smell had served me in that circumstance. Nor did I take into account the fact that, just then, I was able to hear the soft footsteps of a mouse passing with some business of its own through the old woman's garden... I was far more preoccupied by the fact that, as the sky was beginning to glow slightly towards dawn, from the neighborhood square came the overwhelming scent of warm bread. Guided by the wonderful aromas, ah, even now when I have everything a woman could wish I think the odor of fresh bread is the most wonderful and disturbing smell in the mortal world, I found the bakery through the door of which came waves of warmth and aroma. I approached cautiously and looked in. On a long table just near the open door were huge trays of hot, wonderful, golden, loaves of bread! I slowly slipped in and grabbed a huge loaf of bread and then I ran away, followed by the shouts of the baker who had come out of the doorway holding the huge shovel with he manipulated the loaves in the oven. I burst into laughter and ran faster and full of joy! A little later I stopped suddenly near a cobbler's shop and let myself slip like a shadow through the open hatch of the cellar. It was cool inside, a welcome coolness in the humid heat of that hot summer night. And it smelt of leather, quality leather, a subtle fragrance that was very pleasant to me... I slipped through the bundles of wares and after I had munched a quarter of the wonderful bread I had just stolen, I fell into a deep and refreshing sleep. I woke up only towards evening; the hum of the city was reverberating all the way to the cellar where I was and the diffuse light of dusk filtered through the narrow hatchway. I devoured a piece of bread and then rushed out into the light.

I longed to eat some meat, I felt the need for meat overwhelming me and the feeling was almost painful. So I entered the first butcher's shop I met on the way, I proudly put a septim on the counter and asked for sausages, pork sausages, those wonderful, thick, fat and full of spices sausages! The shopkeeper, a dry little man, with a pale greenish face and thin lips, took the coin, tried it in his teeth, and then looked at me with a wicked smile. "Where did you steal it from, you brat? Get out of here before I call the guard..." he whispered in a soft voice and looking at me with his yellow eyes that were like slits now. I tried to object but the butcher quickly pulled a club from behind the counter and hit me with it. I fled, I fled crying and moaning and didn't stop until the protective shade of a high fence fell over me. I wiped the tears and blood from my face with my apron which was a real rag now and I walked off down the street where the shadows of the torrid dusk were descending like velvet curtains. I went hesitatingly towards the Elven Garden District where I knew there was a large garden full of vegetation. I was in pain and especially the thought that I could have been so stupid made me suffer. A small success had so easily caused me to let down my guard, to think that I belonged again to the crowd of ordinary people who were now wandering leisurely through the sun-scorched streets of the city... I saw one of them right in front of me; he was as drunk as drunk could be and was coming towards me grinning stupidly and shaking his legs... I froze on the spot and watched him carefully. He was a middle-aged man, relatively small of stature, with a neatly trimmed beard and big brown, teary eyes like most drunks have. I had nowhere to run so I waited, tense and careful but not scared. When he reached me, I saw him take his right hand out of his pocket and hold it out to me... Without judgment, just by instinct, I dashed past him and swept his right leg from under him. He collapsed just like a chopped down tree and groaned deeply when he hit the hard, cobblestone pavement. I laughed, a cold, dry laugh as I watched him struggling hard to get up... But the laughter suddenly froze on my lips when I saw what the unfortunate man had in his hand. A silver coin rolled not far from the body of the man who could not stand up... And then, probably for the last time in my life, I was tempted to help my fellow man in distress, the man who had wanted to give me a coin. But I recalled the butcher's club... And then I shrugged, grabbed the coin and ran away, limping as quickly as I could. I avoided people, whenever I saw them in front of me, I tried to hide and sneaked into the shadows of the walls of the surrounding houses, in the doorways of the gardens or behind an old tree trunk.

When I arrived in front of the house where a year ago I had waited for my mother Kiersten, I stopped and looked over the low fence. The garden was full of flowers and the sycamore tree in the yard was a little taller than when I had played in its shade with my dear kitten. It was also full of ripe fruit; the owners were wealthy people and the modest fruits of this tree were of no interest to them... A strange song, sweet and bitter at the same time, almost a melopee, sung by the low, deep voice of a woman could be heard through the open window of the dwelling. I did not recognize the voice of the young woman who had so lovingly cared for me, so, intrigued, after looking carefully around me, I climbed the fence, wincing with pain. My left shoulder, where the butcher's club had left a large bruise, throbbed with pain and I crouched to the ground to catch my breath. My body was shaking with pain but I gritted my teeth and crawled towards the wall of the house. I stood up slowly and peered out of the window. The room was shrouded in partial darkness, the only source of light being a long, thick, white wax candle, one of those very expensive candles that are only used on special occasions by wealthy people. They usually contain expensive spices brought from the remote southern islands in their composition and their burning spreads overwhelming, strange, sweet or musk-like fragrances... Sometimes, in the case of the very special exemplars, all these scents at once or in turn, according to how they were made. The room seemed identical to the one in which I had played so many times in the past with my benevolent hostess, but on the table in the middle of it was a coffin. A small, narrow coffin, as for a child. Seated with her back to the window through which I cautiously watched, a woman with long white hair was chanting that strange song that had drawn me into the garden. I stood and watched, immersed in the subtle scents spread by the candle. The strange song pierced my soul with a terrible force and conjured up images that were truly overwhelming.

I saw with my mind's eye a stout woman with dark, terrible eyes, unblinking eyes that had the hardness of steel. The woman held a dagger in her left hand and snuck up behind a well-dressed old man who was strolling carelessly down a snowy city street. It was snowing heavily, and I could hear the wind whistling as it whirled through the strangely shaped houses, unseen by me before. And the woman made a long, graceful, feline leap and grabbed the old man by the neck with her right hand. She raised the dagger and... A terrible dizziness overcame me and I shook all over!

Then another woman came into my mind, a tall and very thin woman, dressed in a strange robe, of undefined color and resembling the waves of the sea, as it seemed to move and have a life of its own. On her head she wore a dark blue hood, embroidered with silver runes that glittered silently in the twilight. The woman was standing with her back to me, rummaging in a large iron cupboard from which she was pulling out all sorts of shiny things that she put in the pouch she had hanged around her neck. Suddenly, as if she sensed my eager gaze, she turned and... A new sensation of choking came over me!

Then I saw myself , not as I really was in that particular day, but decently and cleanly dressed, with my hair neatly combed and washed, so pure that it looked like silk. My eyes were closed and I was lying with my hands on my chest in the small coffin lying on the table in the twilight room!