My consciousness popped into existence. And by that I mean that it *popped* into existence. A loud popping sound was all that I heard as my scattered limbs began to slowly move towards me. 

First, my neck. Then, my spine. My ribs, my shoulders, my hips, thighs, knees, arms, hands and feet. You know the drill. One by one, they attached themselves to my head. I hope none of them forgot to show up. I lay there for a minute, letting the sensation flow into me. Being conscious was a lot better than not being conscious. A lot more overwhelming too.

I slowly lifted myself up from the ground, taking in my surroundings. A small, square stone room, with four torches located on the corners, and a large chest right behind me. Got it. I then looked at my hand. White, bony. Or should I say, ivory. My my, what a sophisticated skeleton I am. I opened my jaw slightly, trying to simulate laughter. After a while of standing there, I got bored and decided to look around a little more. The room I was in only had one door, so I decided to try and open it. 

And open it I did. What greeted me was a long, dark hallway. I could not see far in it, but lucky for me, I was a skeleton. Skeletons feel no fear. So I just put one foot in front of the other and began my journey. I had almost gotten to my 5th step when I heard a loud bang behind me. A statue had appeared in the room I was just in. I mentally blinked a few times, turned back around, and continued on my journey. 

At the 8th step, I heard another loud bang, this time closer to me. Turning around, I nearly bumped into the statue. Looking up at it, I noticed the ornate features it had for the first time. A completely white, polished carving of a woman in an equally white flowy dress. The carving so lifelike that… Well, I had never seen a human, but the information in the back of my head told me this was one, and a pretty darn attractive one at that. I nodded amiably at the statue, gave it a thumbs up, turned around and kept going. I had found a new companion for my journey. Me and my statue friend were going to go on the greatest adventure since, well, the last one.

I took another two steps, bringing me to ten total steps, when my statue friend appeared right in front of me, and fell from the air with yet another great bang. This time, its eyes glowed, and a voice spoke from it.

“Hear me, skeleton! You have received the gift of sentience! Revere the great goddess of the Underworld, Aturnia! Choose thy weapon, beast, and defend the B32 chest with your life! Your purpose has been given! Now choose!”

Three small stars of white light emerged from it’s chest. They formed into a rusty shortsword, a cracked greataxe, and a splintering longbow respectively. I looked at the statue, unimpressed. My companion wanted me to stay in the room with the chest? What about my great adventure? And what was with these shoddy weapons? I held up my hands and shook my head. It was a no from me. I stepped to the side of the statue and kept on walking.

I got to the point where I stopped counting my steps, it was starting to get annoying. All I knew was that it was way over 30 steps when I reached the room at the end of the hallway. This one had no door, but before I stepped into it I looked back at where my statue companion was standing. Unfortunately, it was gone. I mock-sighed, bringing my shoulders up and letting them fall dramatically. Goodbye, statue friend. I’ll finish this adventure for you. I took the first step into the room when another, even louder bang shook my very bones. Well, I’m sure it would have also shook everything else I had on me if I’d had anything.

“You foolish skeleton! This is an order from your goddess! Your very creator demands you go back! I wonder if you can even understand me, with your lowly existence. Go. Back. There.”

The statue waddled over in the direction of the room I was originally in, almost as if it was trying to show a dog where to go. It seemed to mistake my amused attention as interest, and it once again created the three weapons from its chest.

“Choose, skeleton!”

I looked at it in disbelief. Bringing my palm to my forehead, I began walking away again, further into the room. Looking back, I was glad to see that the statue had disappeared. It was kind of cute, in an annoying way. Hopefully it would stop showing up, I already felt guilty for leaving it hanging.

I looked around the new room, noting that it had another two hallways to the side, and a glowing fountain in the middle of it. It was also quite a bit larger than the one I’d last been in. Getting closer to the fountain, I curiously dipped a toe in. Feeling a nice, comforting warmth from it, I decided to step into it, and lower myself slowly until only my head was still out. Then, realizing I didn’t need to breathe, I fully submerged myself. I was enveloped in a sense of comfort that I could have lived in forever. It was truly worth becoming an adventurer, if not just for this moment. My adventure had finally paid off. Time flew by, my bones feeling fuller and fuller of the warmth. That was, until something entered the fountain with me. 

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

A large splash shook me out of my bliss, dispersing the majority of the water onto the ground of the room. I looked in disbelief at the statue standing in front of me, and at the remains of my paradise.

“Stop! Soaking! In! My! Mana Water!”

At each word the statue seemed to get louder and louder, clearly very upset at my behavior. I folded my arms, looking with sadness at the destruction of my fountain.

“Listen, skeleton. You either go back and guard the room now, or I'm removing your employee benefits, alright? I’m gonna fire you. Do you understand?”

I shook my head. I did not understand. Nor did I really care. I wasn’t going to guard a stupid room with a stupid chest. Plus, I didn’t like the statue anymore. It was bossy, mean, and it had destroyed the best thing that had happened to me. Just as I was about to push the statue to tell it off, I got an idea. I began fastly trudging back to my original room. 

“Oh, thank the upper echelon. Yes, guard the room, skeleton! Now, you must decide on which weapon to use! Will it be the sword, the bow, or the axe? Make your decision!”

I ignored the stupid statue. As I entered the space, I grabbed the top of the chest and hoisted it open.

“What are you doing?”

The statue appeared behind me, this time without the deafening boom following it. I smirked, imaginatively. I reached into the chest and wrapped my fingers around the wooden apparatus inside. Bringing it out, I held the long stick up to the ceiling. Fear me! For I have the almighty… uh…

“The Staff of Hitting!”

The almighty Staff of Hitting!

“Give that back!”

I crossed my arms. This was my Staff of Hitting now. I had gotten it fair and square. 

“Give. It. Back!”

The statue jumped up. Then down. Then up again. This time, it moved above me. Shocked, I jumped out of the way. I was not gonna get smashed to bits by this mean ugly statue. It jumped again, crushing the stone floor where I had just been standing. 

“Stop moving!”

It kept trying to flatten me, nearly smashing my foot as I got closer and closer to the corner. At last, I was cornered. The statue looked at me with contempt. Or at least as much contempt as a statue could look at someone with. Oh what the hell, I'm a skeleton, who am I to talk.

“Last chance, skeleturd. Give me the staff, or die.”

For the first time in my short life, I was faced with a moral dilemma. Should I hand over my only possession? Or should I let myself be turned into bone meal, and lose both the staff and myself? It didn’t take me long to decide. It was really quite simple.

“Have you come to a decision?”

I nodded.

“Good, now hand over the staff, choose your damn weapon, and guard the damn room. I’ll let you know when to-”

The statue stopped in its tracks as I raised my hand, middle finger extended to the sky. I’m already dead, you shitty statue.

“YOU!”

An absolutely destructive shout erupted from it and it launched itself into the air, making a sound as if it had broken through space itself. I readied myself, planting the staff into the ground and holding it tightly, crouching down. The statue dropped. 

I watched as it descended on me, steeling myself for the feeling of nothingness. Everything seemed so slow, yet so fast. In the time I had, I thanked the staff for letting me spend our last moments together. I felt something well up in my ribcage. This must be my love. Then, I felt it well up in my head too. Then my arms and legs, all the way down to my fingertips. All the fullness that I’d gotten from the fountain left me, making it's way  into my hands and flowing into the staff. Oh well, I’m glad I was able to  at least share some happiness with you in our last moments. Then, the statue hit.

The staff was hit first. It compressed, the wood unraveling as if it was a spring. Inside, I saw the blue energy, shining with an unprecedented intensity. I looked in awe. Such a simple looking staff now gave off the impression of a great wooden flower, flowing with power. It filled my little skeleton heart with great pride. The statue kept descending, slower and slower. It stopped just above my head. Confused, I brought my hand up, tapping the now frozen statue. My tap was all it took. The statue shot up into the ceiling, so fast that it left rings of compressed air in its wake. I looked in awe as it smashed into the top of the stone room, thousands of marble shards raining down on top of me. I cautiously sneaked a peek at my staff. It stood tall once again, the glimmer completely exhausted. Some pieces had splintered off, and the shaft now had some clear signs of wearing down. I doubted it would survive being dropped. Looking back up at where the statue had crashed, I noticed something odd happening.

A white light emerged from the statue’s remains, floating towards me. I swatted at it with my stick. When I hit it, it enveloped the staff, continuing down and enveloping me too. I looked at my glowing hand in confusion.

Cloudy writing appeared in front of me.

[Absorbed Minor Goddess Essence]

I swatted at it with my hand, and it faded. Shrugging, I turned back to my staff. You beautiful beautiful beautiful stick! I launched myself up, hugging the staff so tight that I worried it would crumble under the stress. On the way down, I noticed something odd. Why are my bones de-attaching? I hit the ground and my consciousness faded.