It always felt strange returning to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. It was as though time came to a stop, and Rain would have to putter around and amuse herself in various ways until at last it started moving again. That is, until everyone remembered there was a war going on and it would be useful to have her in it.

Rain strode through the elegant halls of the temple, listening half-heartedly as her Master Aayla Secura related the tale of what happened to her after she and Rain were separated over Quell. The hyperdrive on Aayla's ship ended up malfunctioning, causing her to wind up stranded on a sparsely populated planet called Maridun where she encountered a curious race called the Lurmen.

"They came to Maridun to escape the war," Aayla was saying, a hint of sadness in her voice, "But despite their efforts to lead a peaceful life, the war found them. The Separatists attempted to destroy the Lurmen village with some new kind of weapon called the Defoliator. And yet the Lurmen refused to defend themselves."

"Pacifists," Rain summed up, cutting Aayla off, "Or maybe just idiots."

Master Aayla's eyes widened fractionally, "I had my own doubts about their neutrality, and I told their leader as much, but he helped me to understand his beliefs a little better. It takes just as much courage not to fight as it does to fight. I have come to respect those beliefs, even if I don't agree with them. It would be good for you to consider such a compromise for yourself."

"Why?"

Aayla's eyes widened further, "There is a cost to fighting. As a Jedi and a witness to what this war has done to innocent lives, you should understand that quite well."

"If the war is so awful, why are we standing here talking about it rather than doing something?" Rain said slowly, a defiant spark in her eye.

Secura narrowed her gaze at her padawan, her mouth curling into a frown, "We do not go looking for fights."

Rain threw her hands up agitatedly, “We don’t need to look! The war is out there!”

She expected an angry response in return, but instead, her Master just sighed.

"What happened to the days when we could have a civil conversation, my young padawan?" Secura asked quietly.

"A war started," Rain answered pointedly.

"I noticed. It clouds your vision. It's all you see. You need to clear your mind. Worrying about how we win the war is not your job."

"No, of course not," Rain hissed, "My job is to just do whatever I'm told. What am I, a droid? Is my programming not sufficient enough for your liking?"

"Rain—"

"You know I'm capable of so much more!" Rain said, her defiance turning to a plea, "I could be a leader! It's your job to teach me, isn't it? Why won't you teach me?"

"Because you no longer listen to my instruction!" Secura said, raising her voice, "I'm trying to teach you now, Rain! You're not listening!"

"This isn't teaching! You're just repeating everything I already know!"

"Do you? Do you know it?" Secura demanded sharply, "Do you believe it? Do you practice it?" When Rain failed to respond, Aayla continued, "Any illusions of grandeur you have are nullified by your arrogance and your inability to follow orders. Don't think I have overlooked your latest display of insubordination."

"Why is it a crime for me to care about my family?" Rain shrieked, her temper spiralling out of control.

"You are dangerously imbalanced!" Secura shouted, matching her volume, "Do you think I am blind? If you continue to allow your emotional turmoil to get the better of you, it will be your undoing!" She took a deep breath to steady herself. "I have talked to the Council. Until further notice, you will not be allowed on any upcoming missions."

"What?"

"You will remain here at the Temple, and you will use this time to learn a valuable lesson."

Rain gritted her teeth, "And what might that be?"

"There is more to war than how much damage you can deal out."

"Fine," Rain glared coldly, "If you need me, Master, I will be in the library, wasting my potential."

She spun on her heel, hesitating briefly as she heard Secura say gently, "I'm sorry I have failed you, my padawan. And you're right. You are capable of so much more."

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Rain stood glued to the spot for a moment, struggling with herself. She turned her head to see Master Aayla walking away. Rain felt the prick of tears at the back of her eyes and blinked them away furiously. She was not the one in the wrong here! The Council couldn't just continue to stifle her natural talent! They would have to heed her requests eventually, and when that day came, Rain would finally be able to attain everything she'd been hoping for. She would quickly ascend to the rank of General, free to lead her own attack forces. She could be swift and decisive, everything the Jedi Council weren't. But the crowning jewel would be becoming a Jedi Master, winning recognition from her superiors, gaining more and more power and knowledge through the force.

They need me, Rain thought, They'll see it. Sooner or later.

She resumed her path to the library, and upon arrival, immediately tackled the history records as they were the only thing that held any interest for her. She lost complete track of time as she immersed herself in her reading, allowing the wonder of the stories it held to claim her full attention. She read of the Old Republic and the Dark Age, the fascinating people who lived in those times, the amazing skill and power they exhibited. She lifted her head, browsing her surroundings and wondering if she’d ever warrant being included in those archives.

Her eyes came to rest on the sealed door at the far end of the library, a door to a room where only Jedi Masters were permitted, a room that held Jedi holocrons.

A room that held secrets. Secrets to her. What was it in that room that was so important that it had to be hidden from so many among the Jedi Order? And was it simply being assumed that Rain and others of her rank couldn’t handle its nature?

"Oh. Excuse me," a voice said.

Rain turned to see a Mirialan female padawan standing next to her.

The newcomer flashed an apologetic smile, "Sorry to interrupt your reading but I can't seem to find Jocasta Nu."

Rain smiled back, "She's probably hiding somewhere filing her records."

The Mirialan gave a light laugh, "Do you come here often? I don't believe we've met. I'm Barriss Offee."

She extended a hand and Rain took it.

"I'm Rain. Nice to meet you. So do you come here often, Barriss?"

"As much as I can," Barriss answered, "Studying is a favourite pastime of mine. There are some truly fascinating treasures hidden away in this library."

"Oh, I agree," Rain said approvingly, "I'm currently reading the complete history of the Jedi Order. You won't believe some of the stuff that went on during the days of the Old Republic. There were quite a few intriguing characters alive in that time. Especially during the Dark Age."

Barriss shuddered, "I am glad I did not have to experience those dark times. I have read the history records myself and am well aware of how brutal the war against the Sith was."

"You're living in a war yourself," Rain pointed out.

"I know," Barriss sighed, "But all wars are not equal. We have seen the devastation caused by the few remaining Sith alive today. I cannot even begin to imagine that on a greater scale."

Rain shrugged, "Fair enough."

Barriss looked confused, "Do you not agree?"

"I believe war is war, and war can bring out both the best and worst in people. These records are a testament to that. War is a test, an opportunity for the most ordinary of beings to become the most outstanding. War constantly pushes people to their limits, forcing them to either excel or fail."

"And what of those who fail?"

"Well, that's what the Jedi are for, right? To protect those who cannot protect themselves."

Barriss hesitated, "Sometimes...sometimes I believe the Jedi should not have involved themselves in this war."

"I understand your concern."

Barriss looked surprised at the ready response.

Rain smiled at her wide-eyed bafflement before continuing, "As Jedi, we hold very high moral standards, standards which I believe have been compromised by this war. But as the galaxy changes with time, those in it must learn to adapt. We could not sit on the sidelines; we were forced to act."

"We were not 'forced' to do anything," Barriss insisted, "We had a choice."

"It would've only been worse if the Council had chosen neutrality. Then we would be forced to watch as the universe crumbled into chaos. This way, we are making a difference, even if it is not a very significant one."

"What do you mean?" Barriss asked curiously.

Rain frowned, "The Jedi Council is not being decisive enough to end this war. Our morals have cost us many victories. Like I said, we need to adapt."

"It is our morals that set us apart from the Sith, that make us Jedi. If we were to give that up, we would be no better than the enemy."

Rain sighed, "And how many more lives must be lost while we dillydally trying to do things the right way?" Her face hardened. "This is war. There is no right way. Sacrifices must be made." Before Barriss could answer, Rain brushed past her. "Excuse me," she muttered coldly, "I no longer feel like reading."

"Forgive me. I did not mean to upset you," Barriss called after her, "I simply wished to defend my beliefs."

"So did I!" Rain snapped.

"Your beliefs are not groundless, but I simply do not agree with them."

"Fine," Rain growled, lengthening her stride and exiting the library.

Her hands involuntarily curled into fists. No one ever listened! They were all blind, caught between a rock and hard place while desperately clinging to what remained of their childish beliefs.

I wish I wasn't a Jedi.

She had hardly finished forming the thought when a wave of guilt struck her. Rain bit her lip, tears welling up in her eyes. She stumbled over to a nearby window, looking out over the Temple grounds. This place was her home, her entire childhood. The Jedi had saved her from a life of desolation, given her more than she could have ever dreamed of as a little girl. And they had done the same for Mira. She could not thank them enough for that. And yet her emotions raged inside of her, crying out against the invisible chains that held her.

Master Aayla was probably right. Rain did tend to push herself past reasonable limits on the battlefield, even if it meant breaking orders. She couldn't help it. If she saw an opportunity, she felt compelled to take it.

Every victory counts, right?

But no matter how hard she tried, all she ever got in return were frowns and harsh words.

A Jedi was a peacekeeper, not a war monger.

A Jedi couldn't hate.

But a Jedi couldn't love either.

A Jedi couldn't. Period.

A part of Rain wished she could change herself, but she couldn't. A part of her wished she could feel the same unwavering faith toward the Jedi that Mira did. But she couldn't. She couldn't trust anyone.

This war is my test. And I will excel.