Hi, I'm Nguyên or N1NE as my friends usually call me. I'm a singer and guitarist for my indie rock band which consists of my best friends. All of them have the same side job which is being a freelance CONJUROR doing work for others. A CONJUROR, according to one of my friends Makari, is a gifted person who works freelance or for a company, killing the SINNERS and ABNORMALITIES that terrorize the citizens. I am certainly not one of them since I am not gifted in any way so it's pretty boring since all of your friends do some cool jobs and get a high payment after a day when you're just cleaning some kid's vomit in a fast food restaurant to pay off your student loans.
Although I would like to be one, I learned that a CONJUROR is a person who is born with a gift, not picking up some magic during puberty or getting one by wishing for a shooting star. Or so I thought.
~~~
I recently turned 26 three days ago. After the day I had fun with my friends and they showered me with gifts, the very next day I felt some sort of.. sorrow and guilt. These along with negative thoughts constantly appear in my mind, one after another and it got so bad that I even experienced some delusion of myself wearing a feather cloak. It has gotten worse for the next few days that I.. my mind has the only option is suicide so those thoughts just shut up and not harassing me anymore.
It's not only me who thinks of that option. My delusion self was the one who gave me the idea. Although I don't know *how* he is me since he still has his right eye when I lost mine, I just have that feeling that he is. Despite all of that, the urge to end it all one day is getting to me every day. I tried talking to my friends about it but it was not only ineffective but also making it worse. It has come to the point that my habit of smoking is getting worse. I used to smoke one pack a day but now I smoke two to three packs a day, all in an attempt to distract myself from the thoughts and delusions. If I die because of lung cancer then it's pretty bad. But then I don't have to deal with the negativity that my mind makes up then I guess it will be alrig-
"And we are here!" Xinyi spoke up and made me stop thinking and looking around the destination that she took us to. Xinyi stops her motorcycle and takes off her helmet.
"I-is this it?" I faltered as I stepped down the motorcycle and took off my helmet as well.
"Yep! I think it's going to be fun!" Xinyi looks at me with excitement and takes the bag off the bike.
"Having fun doing laundry?" I pointed at the place we're standing in front of. I couldn’t make out the name of the store because I’m far-sighted and I forgot my glasses at home but I’m pretty sure it’s a laundromat because the row of washing machines displayed in the giant glass window gave it away. I tried being more excited but couldn't hide my disappointment very well.
"Pfft no! That's not the *only* thing we are going to do." Xinyi then carries the bag into the laundromat. I sigh and open the door for her. "Waiting for the clothes to be done washing and drying is pretty boring so I thought we could go to the video rental nearby to kill some time." Xinyi said as she went through the door and grabbed some change.
It's the first time that I ever come to a laundromat to get my clothes done. Usually I wash them by hand or more recently, re-wear for days after my birthday. Either way, I let Xinyi guide me through the laundromat: taking the changes, taking the detergent for the washing machine and drying them in the dryer, etc. you get the picture.
I try listening to her but the thoughts keep interrupting my focus on Xinyi's words. *Damn it brain not now, she's trying to help me but they won't shut up!-* My thoughts came to an end when I spotted my delusion self in the corner smirking and speaking but I couldn't hear him since he was so far away. Seeing him sent shivers down my spine but I couldn't look away from him, it was as if he had something to lock my eyes on. Suddenly he flies toward me so fast like he has done teleportation in front of me, and stares down at me with two of his different colored eyes, one is deep, dark purple eye with emerald green on the other. His cloak is now revealing different hidden faces under it, all staring back at me. He then whispers into my ear with his smirk still on his face:
"I love your efforts in distracting yourself from my thoughts. But it will all end soon."
After he finishes his whisper, my body starts to tremble out of fear. I try to stand straight but my blurry vision along with my inability to keep my breath steady prevent it.
“Sooner or later, you will be fully under my control.
These little thoughts and delusions are nothing compared to a surprise I prepared for you.”
Those words... Despite all my energy and efforts pouring into me destroying myself slowly just to make those thoughts quieter, he will always be there to pull me back into the void where nothing but me and my thoughts alone.
I suddenly got shaken on the shoulder and that brought me back to reality. I look at the source of the shaking and find Xinyi staring at me.
"Hey! Earth to N1NE hello??" Xinyi has her hand on her hips while the other is on my shoulder, staring back at me.
"W-wha- what's going on?" I asked as I tried to get my breath back and get back to the present.
"I was about to end my demonstration with the washing machine but when I turned around, I saw you trembling with a pale face." She said, "Did you see a ghost or something cuz you looked like you did!" She continues with her usual fun tone of voice, tilting her head and putting her finger under her chin but I could see her genuine concern for me through that silly expression of her.
"Hehe it's n-nothing." I try to reassure her that I'm fine but the shakiness in both my voice and body gives it away.
"I-uh- Ah! I was actually thinking where did I put my glasses so I was probably zoned out hehe…” I put my hand behind my head and laugh awkwardly. “But I probably forgot it at home though.” I added.
Xinyi looks at me with a bit of doubt on her face but then quickly changes her expression into a happier one:
"Oh is that so? Then let’s get moving!" Xinyi grabs my wrist and drags me out of the laundromat. I haven't got myself back to reality fully yet so her sudden action got me by surprise.
"Wh-where are we going?!" Not only her sudden grasp on my wrist that took me by surprise but also her dragging me out at high speed.
"The video rental store of course! We visit there while we wait for the clothes!" She excitedly yells and dragging to the said place.
The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.
"I heard that one of your favorite movies is on the shelf right now!" She added, expecting me to get excited by mentioning my favourite and awaited movie to be here.
I sigh and adjust my speed to match hers. She seems more excited to go to the store than me. Despite that, I'll try my best to be more enthusiastic for her and I don't want to be the one who ruins the fun.
We enter the store and are met with a variety of movies to choose from. I of course couldn't be excited by this and was quickly consumed by boredom. I tried to look around to see if anything could catch my eye but I was met with blank. I forgot my glasses at home so I couldn’t read the title of the movies which makes this trip even worse. I see Xinyi looking around like she is trying to find something so I leave her behind and leave the store without her noticing. Which is pretty bad on my part, I kinda regretted my decision to leave her without notifying her but my legs just kept going on their own and eventually arrived at the laundromat again.
Standing in front of the laundry place, I was hesitant to go in since I didn't know how to use them and got distracted when Xinyi was trying to guide me. I decided to sit on the bench outside of the laundromat to wait for her. I pull out my lighter and cigarette pack to take a puff. I lit up the cigarette, began to smoke, and pulled out my phone. I texted Xinyi to notify her:
You: hey i went back to the laudromat rn
You: dw abt me i’m out smokin
You: cont 2 do watever u want there
You: i’ll b waitin 4 u here!
I couldn't hurt her feelings by saying it was boring to be there while there was a bunch of stuff happening in your head that overstimulates your damn brain. I hit the 'SEND' button and put my phone into my pocket again, trying to relax during my smoke break. I let out a cloud of smoke and look at the sky while my other hand caresses the pendant on my neck that Makari gave me on my birthday. 'It's getting worse every day yet I just let that control my life. I should face it like Makari told me.' I thought to myself and put the cigarette back into my mouth.
When I am about to inhale, I hear a caw. It sounds really really near me, as if it was on the bench with me. I look down to my left and see a small crow. I feel strange as not only a small animal approached me but also the time it appeared. Aren't crows supposed to be sleeping at this time? It's almost 10 p.m. yet a small crow is here. I think it lost its flock or something? Or maybe it doesn't know who its mother was and sees me dressing all black as its mom? I think the first has a higher possibility than the latter one. Nevertheless, I put out my cigarette to focus on the bird.
"Hi there little guy, whatcha doing?" I speak softly so as not to scare away the little animal.
I offer my finger in front of the crow so it could go on it. It inspects my offer a little and surprisingly, it accepts and goes on my finger. I steadily raise it up to my eye level. Since it is the size of my index finger and I'm like a giant compared to the little guy so I have to be really careful.
The crow looks at me for a while and lets out its small weak cry a bit before its view fixes on my chest. The crow kinda stares at my chest for a hot minute which makes me feel strange so I look down to see what it looking at. 'Ohhh' I thought as it turned out just my necklace that it was looking at. Crows really like shiny things so it doesn't surprise me that much.
But the crow suddenly cries frantically as if it trying to alert me something. It is jumping up and down on my finger, flapping its wings and it kinda hurts since its claws are cutting me.
"Ow ow ow. What's wrong little gu-" I was about to ask when the crow suddenly flew up off my finger and dove through my chest into my heart.
"ARGH!" I clench my chest where the crow dove in.
My vision started to get blurry and everything is spinning around making me want to vomit my organs out since I had nothing for dinner. My chest still has that sharp pain and my hand still clenches on it. Then everything fades to black.
…
The next thing I know when I wake up is I'm in a black void and there's a figure with a head of a crow is staring at me. It looks like one of those SINNER I've heard from my friends. I was horrified by what it going to do to me. I wasn't scared of dying to escape the thoughts since I was just too focused on them and didn't have time to be scared. But now, those thoughts don't interrupt me but in turn, another feeling starts to take over me: the fear of what the creature in front of me will do to me.
I was speechless at this current situation when all of a sudden, the crow starts to speak to me:
“I will meet you again. Tonight.” The crow said with a firm voice while still having that sharp look on its face.
“W-what-” Before I even complete those words, the figure in front of me starts to look blurry- Ah no. It’s my vision doing that blurry thing again and then... I lose my senses.
…
“...texted me that he left the store and went back to the laundromat to take a smoke!” That voice sounds really terrified and stressed out although that voice is kinda familiar to me. I know I’ve heard that voice somewhere but I can’t put my finger on it.
“And when I went back here and see- Wait he’s opening up his eyes now!” The voice is getting clearer. I slowly open my eyes so I can know what that familiar voice is.
“DAMN IT N1NE! YOU BASTARD!” A scream pierces my ears along with a fist goes across my face making me fully awake.
“OW! What the-” I place my hand on my face to feel if anything is broken.
I look around and see Xinyi staring back at me. With a puzzled look on my face, I stay silent for a few seconds to take in everything is happening and when I about to ask her what is going on, she begins to grab my jacket and shake my whole body while screaming at me:
“Damn it N1NE why are you laying out here for?? Did someone attack you or something??” Her voice is mixed with anger and worry.
While looking at her eyes with confusion, I could see a hint of.. fear in her eyes. She was probably really scared seeing me lying on the ground unconscious and thought I got beaten up while I waited for her.
“E-eh.. I just..” I struggle for words. So many things happened in so little time which is too much for my little brain.
“Ah! It's just that I haven't had dinner yet so I fainted that's all...” I let out an awkward laugh, scratching the back of my head.
That was really really a terrible lie but I couldn't think of anything else and the idea of me being tired due to not having anything in my stomach was just kinda on top of my head. I was kinda nervous since Xinyi wouldn't buy that lie but..
“Huh. Is that so?” She raises her eyebrow with her eye full of skepticism.
With sweat on my forehead and me having an awkward smile, it doesn't get better with the horrible lie I just spewed out. To my surprise, she lets go of me with a sigh.
“You should take care of yourself better man! Having those thoughts and delusions is bad enough but you shouldn't skip meals!” She begins to lecture me. Which is better than creating more trouble with me telling her the truth.
“There's a convenience store near here so we should get some food. But first!” She suddenly raises her voice at the last sentence “We should get the clothes into the dryer before going to the convenience store.” Xinyi continues.
Xinyi begins to go to the laundromat. I let out a sigh of relief and follow her.
While she goes in front of me, it just occurred to me that I don't experience any thoughts or delusions anymore. I thought it was playing with my mind like the other time, just pretending not to disturb me, making me let my guard down then attack me right then so I waited for it to come back. After I waited for a few seconds, I now know that this is not the case. For the first time, I finally can relax. I can't wait to tell my friends about it but I kinda see one of mine is mad at me so I decide to tell them later.
I then touch my necklace out of habit but I feel something different. I look down to see and the pendant changed into something different. The pendant was a purple gem decorated with some silver webs and now it is a crow with green coloured eyes. It probably changed when I slipped into unconsciousness.
I then remembered my meeting with that strange figure. Didn't it tell me that it will meet me soon?
‘I wonder what it will do when we meet?’ I questioned myself inside my head. What a weird week honestly.