What am I doing.....
Why have I become like this......
Who's at fault?........is it me?......
Did I turn out like this because of me?
Or is it someone's fault? ...if it is...then who?.....it's their fault.....yes it has to be.
Sometimes I wish they would just......
"Uuuu...your eyes turned scary, Silica"
hmm, did they? but Jinny said that they did, so it must be true. What am I supposed to do during this...? ....apologize..I guess???
"Sorry, Jinny. I didn't intend to startle you" this should have been the right course of action
"Mmmm, I guess it did startle me a little...you don't show much emotion after all"
Did I use to show emotions?.... I don't remember...but I wonder how the past me felt like being able to express herself so freely.
Should I ask Jinny?
This girl lying next to me is my good friend I suppose... though she prefers the word 'Best' instead of 'Good'... it's sort of embarrassing to say, so I just stick with the word 'Good'.
It has been almost 3 years since I met her... it was during a fight I think...... we both bruised each other during the fight. Who started the fight? what was the reason?... I don't remember anymore
How did we change from enemies to bes....good friends?.... I don't even remember that. It just happened, let's satisfy my mind with that.
"Neee, Silica. The sky is beautiful today as well, don't you think so?" where did the sky come from all of a sudden...ah! I remembered she loves the sky, doesn't she.
But that doesn't mean that I also have to share her sentiments
"I don't get it. It's just a sky...it's there every time you look...it's simply just a sky" I see it every day but I don't feel anything out of it. What am I supposed to feel? Am I supposed to feel joy? happiness? dread? hopelessness?....what is it?
"Che! you are boring as ever. Don't you see the beauty behind it? it's strength...it's unbreakable will to do anything it wants. No one can defeat it...No one can make it theirs...No one can defy it...no one can chain it down, just like an overlord"
"I guess..." her eyes are glimmering.... but I still don't get it, what use is there to idolize some object......idolizing someone brings forth no good....
*Ding!**Ding!**Ding!**Ding!**Ding!*
...
The third period is over it seems like
"Hey, Silica, the period is over...wanna attend the fourth period?"
"Whose period is it?"
"It's history...so I suggest we just keep lying down here on the rooftop"
"Mmm"
...
This wind is making my nose itchy...hmm? what's Jinny holding?
...tobaco...A cigarette pack, I see. "When did you start smoking, Jinny"
"Hmm? this?..oh! I haven't, yet. I just want to give it a try. See what it feels like...wanna give it a try?"
Now, this is a problem...I don't want us to do it...but I will be lying if I said I wasn't curious. Yeah...should probably stay away from it, "Ok, give me one"
huh?...my mouth just moved on its own.....it seems like the curiosity got the better off me... then I should just face defeat as a warrior should.
"Ohhhh! Thank you! Thank you so much! Silica! Like really, I am kinda scared to try it but with you, it shouldn't be a problem. C'mon let's be partners in crime for the 78th time now"
Don't hug me while holding a cigarette in your hand... she's too clingy... but I don't feel disturbed by it. I also don't feel good...
...I just don't feel anything.
"How do we do it?" this is my first time, so I don't know
"Why would I know?"
"huh?" then how are we going to do it?
"We can learn it from utube. It has anything you want to learn...wait for a second, let me find a popular one"
Hmm...so there are tutorials for smoking too on utube...I never searched for it so it's not like I would know it.
"Turn your head here Silica, we are going to do it together. Here! one cig for you and one for me...and here's the lighter"
she came prepared with everything
*Dun!**Dun!* (EDM music playing)
"AH! FUCK! volume! the fucking volume!.......fuuu, sorry Silica"
"It happens" but why in the bloody hell is there EDM at the start of the smoking video?
"Yo! what's up, guys! it's your boy, weedmaster69 here and I'm here to teach you guys, how to properly and efficiently smoke a cigarette. This is like the best method"
Stolen novel; please report.
there are different ways to smoke too?
"Before we get on with it, I just want to warn you guys that cigarette is very injurious to your health so please don't —"
"Jeez! we know! just get on with the tutorial. This much skip should be fine"
If he's warning us...then why is he himself teaching us in the first place? is it really a good video? it does have 3.3 million views and only 2k dislikes...so I guess, it's good?
"Smoking can injure your kidney—"
"Fukcing Christ! Just start the actual fucking thing! it's been 5 minutes already!"
Veins are starting to pop on Jinny's head...but I'm surprised by how much a person can stall
"Ok! bros! this is how you do it. Just follow me"
"Oh! it's finally happening! the bastard's finally telling it! Silica! watch carefully now."
"Mmm"
....So you grab the cigarette from here, hmm...it's surprisingly squishy. Now...put one end in your mouth. Grab the lighter, light it and........hmm, the other side started burning. Jinny's cigarette tip is also burning....now...breathe in the smoke...don't take it in completely and
"fuu*cough!**cough!**cough!**cough!*"
"*cough!**cough!**cough!**cough!**cough!**cough!**cough!**cough!*"
fuck! that was—
"FUCKITY FUCK! THAT WAS BULLSHIT!!!"
yeah...can agree. ah! she also threw it away along with the whole pack...guess I should too.
"Jesus!..*cough* cough* that felt nasty"
"You said that right"
"haaaahhhh...not trying it ever again...but at least, now we know!!"
"Yeah.."
"Btw Silica. We shouldn't throw these cigarettes like this on the school's rooftop. We would be the prime suspect if they found it"
"Yeah.." really, no good came out of it
...
haaaahhhh, finally finished picking up all the cigarettes. Jinny would throw them away when going back home.
*Ding!**Ding!**Ding!**Ding!**Ding!*
The fourth period is also over
"Yeaaaaa! it's the break finally."
Though she says it so happily...but we have been on a break for the past two periods now.
"Food time! Food time! I wonder what should we eat today?"
Anything would be good
...
"Mmm! this sandwich tastes good! what about you, Silica"
"It's fine I guess" it's edible and that's all I need
"By the way, why don't you ask your sister to prepare food for you? She brings her own lunch right?"
"I don't know" I just don't want to burden her any more than she already is. Again...whose fault is it? is it mine?...is it hers....or is it theirs....
It's probably theirs......
Everything is their fault.......they should just..
"SILICA YOUR EYES ARE TURNING SCARY AGAIN"
huh? they were? though Jinny whispered it to me...so it's probably true
Shit...the third-period teacher is coming.
"Jinny, the teacher is coming towards us" she's facing the other side, so I notified her
"Hmm? fuck..he is. Well, there's no helping it"
"Yeah..." he probably mad and fuming right now because we skipped his classes for the entire weak
*Thump!* that was a loud food stomp
"Well, well, well....if it isn't Miss Silica and Miss Jinny. The infamous Delinquent Duo of our prestigious school"
Hmm...even though they don't approach us and try their best to stay away from us but the moment a teacher starts lecturing us these kids start snickering. It would be more appreciated if they laughed at us from the front. But I don't give a shit.
I wonder when did I stop giving a fuck about a stranger's opinion. When did I stop giving a fuck about most opinions? I wonder if I was more lively then...
"Not attending classes, bleaching your hairs like this. Miss Jinny, didn't I warn you to not wear chokers, to not wear such headbands and to n.o.t w.e.a.r such earings!!?" hmm, but I think Jinny's maroon coloured hair and my silver one looks good.
"Yeah, yeah...not do this..not do that...don't wear this...don't wear that...I have almost memorized it by now, teacher" that's a nice smirk you are showing to the teacher...but I don't think it's doing us any good.
"Miss Jinny, I know we can't expect anything out of you...but you! Miss Silica! you are the sister of our school's pride! Your sister has such a bright future, she's so smart and runs the student council so effectively...really a genius...but you on the other hand... don't Miss Silica feel a little shame? skipping classes, scoring low in exams, fighting and just being a stupid delinquent!!"
He's yelling more than he should. Jinny is just taking it in from one ear and throwing it out from another. I'm also doing the same thing...but why does he have to bring Siberite into it?
Siberite being a genius has nothing to do with me....we are different. I'm not her...yet they always keep comparing me....even they....
Yes...even they don't stop spouting shit about us......they should really just...
Hmm? Jinny's pulling the hem of my sleeves....ah! my eyes turned again.
"Why don't you learn anything from your sister?!" he didn't notice them...that's good.
They are laughing....they are snickering...they are lowering me...they are lowering Siberite....they are making fun of Siberite. They are trying to mock Siberite by comparing me to her....this can't be forgiven...this shouldn't be forgiven....they shouldn't be laughing...they can laugh at me....but they can't
How can they?.....she does so much for everyone.....why can they?......where's the shame?.....I should be feeling pity for myself....but I am not....why am I feeling pity just for her....why am I not getting angry for myself....why is the anger rising for her?
why?.....why???....why??????.....
What am I doing.....
Why have I become like this......
Who's at fault?........is it me?......
Did I turn out like this because of me?
Or is it someone's fault? ...if it is...then who?.....it's their fault.....yes it has to be. They should just......
"Oi!!! Stop your babbling!! Yeah, we skipped your class, so what? Can you do anything?! No, right!. I mean really, it doesn't seem good seeing a teacher taking out his anger on students for getting his ass whooped by his wife every day"
eh?...what was I thinking? I started thinking about bullshit again......Jinny... thank you...
"Wha-wha-...wh..." he's angry now
"huh? what!?! 'Wha-wha-...wh...' speak properly!! you are a teacher aren't you!! fucking wasting our time like this. Get out of here! finish your Tiffen! don't want your wife to spank you again!! right!!!??"
Jinny...you really are something else for yelling at a teacher like this. I'm starting to admire you just a little bit.
"I-i...I-I-I will call your parents!!" ....and he went away
"Yeah!? then call them!! I will also reveal to the entire world that your wife dominates you in the bed!!!"
yeah....he will not be calling them now.
These kids are now laughing at the teacher...the speed with which they change sides
"What are you bunch of hoes and bastards laughing for!!!??? get back to your bloody classes!!"
and there they go away
"You really are something else, Jinny"
"Well...better do everything I want before being tied down..."
I can clearly see the hint of sadness in her eyes.....I want to fix it but I don't know the solution...
The only thing I can do is hold her hand tight and, "Don't worry. We are going to break your engagement no matter what"
she smiles brightly and, "Yeah! I believe in my best friend"
best......
"Ah right, thanks for earlier. I think I would have done something regrettable if you didn't suddenly yell back at the teacher"
"You are welcome. Just treat me to an ice cream tomorrow. But Silica, your mind is getting messed up, right?"
"Yeah...I think so. These violent thoughts....they just won't stop. It's constantly rigging in my mind... telling me to do something I shouldn't"
"Telling you to...kill...right?"
Yes... everyone who's at fault for turning me into this, everyone who treats Siberite like she's some convenient tool, that fiance who's trying to tie Jinny down
They should just....die.
But
"Yes...but that ringing is only trivial. One other ringing is making me go mad, making me think about some unthinkable things" making me imagine some things that I shouldn't imagine.....making me hope some things I shouldn't be hoping for...
making me confused...uncertain...
"What are they? Tell me, It's better to share your problem with me"
Yes....after all, she's my.......
.....best friend.
"I'm thinking about being in an impure relationship with my Sister"
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[https://i.imgur.com/1GEkj9D.jpg][https://i.imgur.com/wHslxuN.jpg]