Elizabeth carefully counted all the bottles in the cellar, just like every morning. But she had trouble focusing, and would regularly have to count again because her thoughts would make her forget which number she was at.

She couldn't forget what happened last night, about the horrible things that could have happened to Sukebe. She has no idea about the outside world. She realized that she was sheltered from the problems of the world for a while now, but she never knew how much she was.

"I lost count, I have to restart this row..."

Annoyed about the time she took to do such a simple task, Elizabeth tried to continue with more focus. As she was counting again, she couldn't help but wonder why she couldn't stop thinking about yesterday. Was it because she started to wonder about God's goal? Or was it because of the woman herself? It was hard for her to know, she could continue to live her life like before and live a perfectly happy life that way. Or she could try to know more, try to understand where her feelings come from and what they were, even if Father Benedictus would consider it sinning.

He always made sure that no one would question God, but visibly not enough.

"I lost count again."

Elizabeth forced herself to focus, and after what felt like hours, finally succeeded. The number was right, and none of the bottles were damaged.

While she was holding one of the bottles, she had a thought she never had before. What did it taste like? Sukebe stole one, probably to drink it, so it must mean they taste good. Most of the monastery's money comes from selling this wine, so a lot of people must like it. She quickly chased these thoughts off her mind and put the bottle where it was. It was already time for lunch anyway, and she didn't intend to miss it today too.

Elizabeth managed to arrive in time. She took her meal and sat next to her friend Maria, who looked at her with a surprised expression on her face.

"Elizabeth? Where were you? I didn't see you once after you left yesterday, and I searched for you all morning!"

"I apologize." Answered Elizabeth "I had some complications, but it's all fixed now."

The two ate in silence, Maria seemed a bit worried for her friend but decided to not vocalize her thoughts. Elizabeth wasn't really focused on eating, instead lost in her thoughts. Her friend looked even more worried at her, but before she could say anything, Elizabeth broke the silence.

"Do you think God is just?"

Maria almost choked on her food upon hearing those words. She looked around to make sure no one else heard and gently scolded Elizabeth.

"You can't say that, you know it's against the rules."

"I know, I truly believe in God but why would he put those rules upon us? I'm not asking out of blasphemy, but out of faith. I want to truly understand the Lord."

"Well understand the Lord in silence and eat, you don't need to ask those questions."

It only brought more questions to Elizabeth, was it really blasphemy? When Sukebe questioned God, it only looked like a lost soul searching for an answer. It's not like God would get mad at them for wondering.

"Have you been hanging out with that nun?"

Elizabeth shook her head, implying that she didn't. However, Maria was left unconvinced and let out an exasperated sigh.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

"You even lie now, what's happening to you lately? You were so faithful."

"But I still am, and I find it strange that no one here is wondering the same questions as me. I ask those questions because I want to help someone find the light of God, but I don't know how. So I aim to understand the Lord the best I can. The fact that none of you is trying to understand, and just blindly accept what we were told. It makes it feel like you're afraid of the truth, that you don't believe in God, and only fear him."

Elizabeth noticed that she was going a bit too far, and lowered her voice to talk in a less aggressive tone.

"I believe in the Lord, I know he's just. That's why I'm asking."

"Elizabeth, God is and will always be right. If someone still doesn't believe in him, at least you tried your best. Stop asking those questions."

Elizabeth looked away from her friend's eyes and instead stared at her barely touched meal. She rarely felt strong emotions, but this time she did. It was like she wasn't listened to, like there was one truth and no room for discussion. She always felt some bad feelings about Father Benedictus and his way of acting, but she just realized that it wasn't just him. Probably everyone here was thinking the same, that God is right, it's just like that. Maybe even she acted like that before, was it really what God wanted?

"I'm not hungry, I need to do something."

Elizabeth promptly left, leaving her friend even despite the calls of the latter. She didn't know where she was going, she just wanted to be alone.

Elizabeth sat on the ground of her garden, her head muffled in her legs. Tears were falling from her eyes, but she couldn't explain it. Why did she feel like that? It was the first time she felt bad enough to cry for a long time. She thought that she had grown up, that she was away from being the crying little girl of her past. The only thing that got her out of her thoughts was a hand, gently placed on her back. She looked at the person beside her to see Sukebe, looking saddened by empathy, gently caressing her back.

"Sister Elizabeth, what is it? Was someone harsh to you?"

Sukebe used the sleeves of her habit to clean the face full of tears of Elizabeth.

"You're going to dirty your clothes..."

"If you knew, I always get scolded for not taking care of them. At least now, it's for a good reason."

Sukebe continued to comfort the crying nun, but despite her best efforts, couldn't stop Elizabeth's tears. After a moment that felt like an eternity, Elizabeth finally decided to explain herself.

"I feel like no one really believes in God, they all worship a monster in the hope of being spared. And when I dare question our belief, I'm treated like I'm crazy."

Elizabeth put a finger in her wimple and took a strand of her hair curly ginger hair outside of her clothes. She silently caressed it the same way she did with Sukebe last time, making Sukebe smile softly to imagine that the nun played with her hair to feel better.

"Were they like that with you?"

Sukebe slowly nodded her head to Elizabeth's question, still playing with her hair.

"I'm sorry, it must have been hard."

"Don't worry about it!" Sukebe tried to act as joyful and optimistic as she could in an attempt to make Elizabeth feel better. Which seemed to work a bit since a slight smile could be seen on her face. "Why did you join the monastery if you don't hold the same beliefs?"

"I thought it was the best way I had to serve God. I wasn't really born in a good family, my father hated my mother, and my mother blamed me for it. When my mother died, my father forsake me. I was only ten, and I already needed to steal to survive." Elizabeth told her story with a sad tone in her voice, but suddenly started to feel a bit better, even smiling softly from telling the rest of the story "But then I saw him, I saw God. He showed me the way, He brought me faith. It's what kept me going, so I joined a monastery to prove my faith to him."

"You were only a child too..."

Without a warning, Sukebe took Elizabeth in her arms and squeezed her hard. Elizabeth wasn't sure how to react but slowly gave back her embrace.

"When you were talking about God, you smiled." Said Sukebe "I wished I could have made you smile like that."

"Are you comparing yourself to God? How ambitious of you." Elizabeth chuckled and fondled Sukebe's back, remembering the scars she had on it "I should go now, I don't want to make Maria worried."

"Yes, I understand."

Sukebe released her embrace, but Elizabeth still held her tightly, not letting her go away.

"Weren't you saying that you need to leave to see your friend?"

"Yes, I should hurry."

Despite her words, she still couldn't let Sukebe go. The two women stayed like that for a few more minutes until Sukebe realized that Elizabeth had fallen asleep. She didn't feel like waking her up, she looked so innocent when she was asleep.

"I hope I'm not causing you problems..." Sukebe muttered to herself, lightly holding Elizabeth's face in her hand.