Today

Damn. three years. I sank under the thickest tree. Im out of breath. Am I making too much noise? No. Okay, now get your breathing in order. three years. I can't get energy from the tree. But I can still feel the pull in my veins. Ground? Soil. Soil. I touched the ground mixed with grass.Ok now checked. This. The withdrawal that started from my hands stretched all my nerves and engulfed my whole body. It's like all the blood in me will overflow from my eyes. What did the bitch ask me? Time. On time. Better. Hopefully. I turn my head over my shoulder and look around. To listen. One. Two. damn WHAT?!!? three years. Does still that much know of my existence? New ones? Or are they old? I hope they are old. I'm slowly releasing the tension in my nerve cells. Soil. It had been a long time since I did this. three years. Absorbing energy.

13/01/1867

Emilie: I told you. I told you, it wasn't my fault. What?! No, what does it have to do with my mother? She was an innocent woman, she is. Don't you dare do this again. What are you- don't be stupid. I never do this. I would never leave my own daughter to an unknown..!

Today

I hate myself. For what I am. I hate myself. How could I not have thought of destroying myself in my mother's womb? I hate myself. Because of the things I've done..

The vein in my left eyebrow moved as if warning me. I admire myself. Thanks to what I am. I admire myself. Thanks to the things I've done.

I can't deny it, sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was happy instead of being strong. But I guess it's okay. I am happy with the personality I have now. I think.

I quietly entered the bedroom. He's still sleeping. I'm checking the top drawer of my nightstand for a condom. OK, that will be enough.

The young man sleeping in my bed is not an innocent man. Hmm. Most likely not innocent of stupid heartbreaks. I don't feel the darkness in youth. Just evil. It's not pure evil. More like the sins of a stupid man. Breaking up with someone he took her virginity from, maybe even causing an abortion. Is it the same as causing someone's death? I do not think so. When I was in my mother's womb, I had a soul. I was aware of everything. I was also aware that when my time was up, I would cause a painful birth. So I can admire myself. The shape of his body tho. But not as much as his. After midnight, if one day he see me in somewhere he will think "How do I get this chick to bed?". Memory. That's why I admire myself. Ring.Ring.

13/01/1867

Emilie: One day you'll beg me! You bastard. The only reason I spared your life is to try to keep my energy good as i can. But still, a little dirt never hurts. For my daughter.

Today

Liz: Yes I am. Mhmm no I don't think I ordered anything like that. Let me pay and leave me alone - no, you can keep the package. I don't care about your stupid procedures. Give it and get out please"

What is this? And from who?

Posted Date: 13/01/1867

To: Elizabeth