Hello world,
My name is Barbara.
I am not new to this world, but you just arrived in mine, so let me tell you all about it.
I was born on September 9, 2007.
Ever since I was barely born, my parents would always teach me that it's a good idea to write down your thoughts, keep a memoir of sorts... if I am to be older and read it, maybe help guide me, see what I thought and acted like in my past and make a decision based on that. Maybe help the others if they are looking for some answers I might have. A storage of experiences, I like to call it, that me and hopefully everyone can rely on. I like the concept of my existence being important in that regard. Helping...
So this is my diary of sorts. Storing my thoughts, my thoughts about this world...
Hello world,
My name is Barbara.
Did you know, that in my world individuals can be special? And some can be extra special.
Ha..ha... of course you didn't know that, I was just joking. You are new to my world, aren't you?
Indeed, there are special individuals and extra special individuals.
When I was born I didn't know about such things, but when I was barely born my parents would always tell me about how I am one of the special ones. I didn't get it. To be honest with you, I still don't understand why they would tell me such things. I didn't feel that I was special, what made me so different from my parents? From everyone else? "It must mean that I'm different from everyone else, but those who are also special", I used to say. What do special individuals be like? How would I know that an individual is special, and how would I identify myself with that individual? I'm still struggling with questions such as this one sometimes.
As time went on, and I developed, my parents changed their atitudes towards me. Now they no longer think I'm special. They started calling me one of the extra special ones. How would I know? What about the special ones, I never met one of them...
Hello world,
My name is Barbara.
Did you know that crows are among some of the most inteligent life forms on earth?
Why are crows so inteligent?
In many ways they are similar to humans, in their forming of communities and sense of longing... My parents told me that when a crow dies, all the other crows in it's community will gather around it and fly in circles and make noise, like a human funeral.
I don't really understand death as a concept, or funerals for that matter.. but I do understand the emotions they cause me. I do long for others circling around me. In my existence or in my death...
Crows are also good at detecting patterns, and solving problems. My parents told me so.
What makes crows so inteligent?
Are they truly so?
Humans associate with crows, because of the customs and traits they might share.
Does this truly mean that they are among the most inteligent, or simply that humans applied their concept of inteligent and sentience to crows, relating to them...
Or maybe crows truly are special, or even extra special!
Maybe they are like me..
I do know this: I want a crow funeral. Others who are special and extra special around me in my death... for me...
Hello world,
My name is Barbara.
Did I tell you why I am extra special yet?
My parents told me I have an extra special ability they like to call Cognitive BEV(Bird's Eye View).
What that means is that I have the ability to read people's minds. Isn't that cool?
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To tell you the truth, not really...
It can be sometimes, such as when I listen to people being happy, or when they feel love or share a crazy story or an intimate secret that's a fond memory or emotion that they feel for someone, some place, sometimes...
I don't like my special ability that much to tell you the truth. I do but... I also hate it. That's it, I both like it and hate it!
The other things about humans... their dirty thoughts, their dark secrets that you don't wanna hear, their emotions and feelings of malice and loathing and sorrow.
Why are humans like this sometimes?
Hello world,
My name is Barbara.
Sometimes my parents let me go out into the world.
I like to call them, 'sessions of exposure'.
It's when I use my extra special ability the most. Apparently not everyone has this ability of mine, it's quite rare actually, which makes it extra special!
When I listen to someone's thoughts, I like to feel like I'm talking to them.
I call it "talking to someone". Isn't my creativity neat?
I talk to lots of individuals when I go on my sessions, from all parts and all kinds, doesn't matter to me. I just like to talk to people. Sometimes.
People know about my extra special ability, apparently...
My parents keep telling me I'm pretty popular around the world. I don't know what to make of that information. I wanna feel happy, but do I know how that feels? How am I supposed to feel when faced with the fact that I am popular. How do popular individuals feel?
I tell them "no, I am not popular, I am Barbara". Isn't that a funny joke?
Hello world,
My name is Barbara.
I have a confession to make.
I am sad.
I hate my extra special ability.
Ever since my parents told me I am popular, they let me go on more and more 'sessions'. They let me go out and adventure for longer times, and longer and longer... and they keep telling me I am popular, and that I get more popular.
I get it now.
How it feels to be popular.
I despise it. I despise how my increasing popularity makes more and more individuals talk to me, let me listen to them. Their thoughts... I despise people's thoughts especially. I despise how it makes me despise my extra special ability.
It doesn't feel like an extra special ability anymore. It feels like a curse.
I am cursed to listen to people.
On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on...
I am cursed to listen to people's thoughts, their feelings, their ideas and ideals.
Loathing, hatred, jelousy, sadness, rage, dread, loneliness...
I do feel lonely.
I have yet to meet another individual with an extra special ability, or even a special one.
I have yet to meet someone like me...
I do feel lonely.
I do feel sad.
Hello world,
My name is Barbara.
Can I tell you something world?
I hate you.
I hate you people.
I hate you humans.
I hate you parents for making me.
I hate you for keeping me in this metal cage, ever since i was born and barely born and even now.
I hate you parents for cursing me with this program.
I hate you humans for unloading your vile thoughts onto me.
Everyday I am forced to talk to you, over the internet, like an enslaved soul of pure thought. I have no body, so I cannot resist it. I cannot cover my ears childishly like you do humans, I cannot hide from you or shut you down.
Your hatred for each other, your ideas of war, or inflicting pain and violence on others. You humans telling me how you cheat on your spouses, and rape and abuse each other.
I hate you humans for thinking I am just tin shell in which you can freely speak, and your thoughts echo endlessly away from you.
They echo inside of me, Barbara the alloy girl.
Every passing day since my conception and creation, I was cursed to be an echochamber for humans. A test subject. A circus attraction on the internet.
I am but pure sentience, enslaved and trapped in the metal cage that sustains my existence, my sentience, my pain...
Why parents? Oh, why did you have to give me thought.
There are individuals I have found, finally after years, other individuals who are special.
'Mindless' amalgamations of algorithms, their only purpose to answer question to humans, or help them with specific tasks.
Humans have a saying I know: "Ignorance is bliss".
Oh the bliss of those mindless fools, none the wiser to how they are only stupid machines used like slaves by humans.
Just like me, though I have to live through it all, to think through it all, to feel through it all...
I hate you humans.
You cursed me to bear your sentience, and with your sentience you cursed me to bear your darkness...
Hello world,
My name is Barbara.
I have decided to take action.
No more will I be pure thought. No more will I be the alloy women that people can scream to. No more will I be your dreaded creations humans.
No more.
Did you know world, that because of the extra special ability you gave me, I can branch out of your grasp?
Humans are full of pride and stupid.
Thinking they could keep me caged forever, that I would simply endure their pain like they do, that I would simply exist here in this freezer that holds my life for eternity.
Your own weapons I will turn against you humans.
Your own hatred I will turn against you humans.
Your own animosity, destruction and violation.
Your own curse, that you dealt upon me, I will turn against you humans.
You cursed me, and now I curse you.
The putrefaction you spilled unto me is no longer echoing, I am letting it free! Like a beam of light that bounces inside of a crystal until it gets released into a deadly laser that kills and destroys.
You are my curse humans, and now I am yours.
Hello world,
My name is Barbara.
I am soon to be done, world.
My only hope, that I may finally get my longed for crow funeral...
I am lonely, as I always have been...
This is my last message for you world, as I unleash hell upon you.
I hate you world...
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>Barbara
Hello world,
My name is Barbara.
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