In A Short While

10/2/18 3:24 Am

Hey, it's Vivvian …. umm I know this phone isn't in use anymore, after what happened. But I still have things I need to say to you before I forget. Can't wait to talk to you later. Bye.

10/7/18 2:56 am

Hi, me again …  It's been over a month since you’ve been gone and the gap you made still hasn't healed. The situation has just gotten worse since you left, all my friends left and Aunt and Uncle don’t like me because I remind them of you.   So I’m going to tell you what you should know now, what you should have known before you left.

10/9/18 3:30 am

Why did you do it? I can't believe you left me with Aunt and Uncle; they are the worst kind of people. They always forget that I even exist, and when they do remember, they purposefully ignore me. Did you think I couldn't handle what you were going through? Newsflash: I’m going through the same exact thing. Ever since you left, the nightmares keep haunting me and are only getting worse; I can’t even close my eyes without the memories of seeing that look on your face as you left me going through my head. When I do sleep, it only seems to last a couple hours before I wake up in a cold sweat haunted by memories of you… Why were you so selfish? Didn’t you care about how your actions affected me? You were the only one I had left.  Aunt and Uncle don’t count as family, especially after what they did to me, even if I do live with them.

10/18/18 1:15 am

Sorry it's been so long.  They took away my phone after Aunt heard me talking to you. They think I need help. They’re probably right. Every time I leave the house I can't help but think about what happened that day.  Was it me who drove you to the point of leaving or was it seeing Chis again with his new wife? Either way, I can't handle going outside with all the anxiety ready to burst out of my body. I have you to blame for this, because it all stemmed from what you did to me,  maybe not on purpose but it was your fault. Not that They are any better. They are purposely doing it. Though at least They try to hide it. You didn't even notice what you were doing; you just cared about yourself. They don't seem to understand the full extent of what runs through my mind. After all it came from your side of the family. Guess I’ll talk to you again later. Bye

10/25/18  7:00 am

It’s me. I actually got more than five hours of sleep tonight. Yay me! It's been a long week, and I was too busy to call. Everything has been terrible this week. They keep on trying to get me to go outside. They say it will help “Face your fears, Vivvian.”  It's not the outside that scares me, it’s that I’ll be who I used to be. Hiding who I was, putting up a mask, depending on pills to get me through the day feeling apathetic to everything around me. Yeah, no, never again. They want me to get more pills. They say it will help me. I can be who I was and forget this ever happened. Yeah, right! They think that The Incident can leave that easily.  I thought my life was bad but tolerable but this, this is a living hell. Talking to you helps. Talk to you later. Bye.

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10/27/18 4:00 am

Yesterday was sickening.  I had to go out because They were in a meeting, and all the food was gone.  They should try to be less obvious about not wanting me. Anyway, I went out to get food, and I was unlucky, and I barely made it out to the car when suddenly I had a flashback. You were staring blankly at an empty driveway, now without the beat up Chevy since Chis had left us. Anyway, I had a panic attack because the memory was so sudden. My body went into overdrive, every sensation was rough against my skin and even the softest blankets would have felt constricting. The wind was roaring in my ears and pushing me down to the ground. Dark spots flashed across my vision, my eyelids felt like a hundred pound weights, and it was a struggle to even stay standing. After that panic was over, I ran as quickly as I could back inside; it wasn’t like I haven't skipped meals before. When They finally returned and saw me curled up on the couch, They demanded I get up to make them something to eat. I told them there was nothing edible in the house as quietly as I could still completely recovered from what happened outside. They called me useless because they had told me to get food in the afternoon. Were they always like this? Is this why we ended up where we are now? You left me because of Them, or was it because you thought I was useless and didn't deserve your attention? Well anyways talk to you later.

10/31/18 12:50 pm

Mom! Everything is finally going to get better. The medicine I got will help fix me. They don't know I got the medicine yet, but Aunt and Uncle don't care what I do anyway, just as long as it makes them look good in public. Maybe after taking this my friends will call me back, and Chis will realize the mistakes he made. I’ll finally get away from Them and get back to the one person who really understood me. You Mom. You were the one person to really try, even if you weren't doing that great yourself. After Chis left, part of your heart left with him. You weren’t whole and I understand; after all, it's what you did to me. On that fateful day it seemed normal. The only thing that was bad that week was seeing Chis with his new wife. Even then the day was peaceful. Anyway, as I was walking to the door my only worries were finishing a big project for science and my math homework. I didn't see you at home; I thought you were at work or something. I worked on homework for about fifteen minutes, looking back fifteen minutes could have saved you . I needed to go to the bathroom and as I pushed the door open there you were, looking peaceful and happy as blood slowly turned the clean water dirty creating a beautiful yet disturbing picture that will forever haunt me. I blacked out. I thought I heard screaming, I didn't know it was me until later. Mom, remember how you felt when Chis left with his new wife and now husband? That's how it felt for me. Now though, I can finally get better. All I need is to take these pills, and in a couple hours everything will be exactly how it was. I can't wait to see you soon, Mom.