Two vampires stepped into a hospital.

“Can we drink his blood?” Henry asked as he leapt into an old patient’s room.

Elizabeth caught his hand. “He has blood cancer! It’s like drinking poopy water.”

A shadow crossed Henry’s face. “You can’t get good quality blood these days. Remember back in the 1700s, when you could just drag someone into the dark and suck the life out of them? Ah, the good old days. But now, everything tastes like plastic.”

“Yeah, it might be from all the microplastics.”

“The what?”

“Oh, I shouldn’t bore you with that.”

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“So, where are we going?”

“The blood bank.”

“Hmm, sounds tasty,” Henry said, licking his lips. “But I’m really thirsty.”

A boy stood alone nearby, his eyes darting around, searching for his mother. Henry smirked and grabbed his hand. The boy sneezed, his snot erupted onto his hand like lava from a volcano. Henry squeaked and stumbled back. “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I may be immortal, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get ill, you sick child!”

Elizabeth laughed and handed him a handkerchief to clean himself.

“Why have you brought me? This evil, sick place.”

“You’ve never been to a hospital?”

“Why would I visit such a disgusting place?”

At the reception desk, Elizabeth smiled at the receptionist. “We need a blood transfusion,” she said, handing over their fake medical records.

“I need O positive,” Henry said.

“Sir, you’re listed as A positive,” the receptionist said.

“A positive? Yuck! I don’t want that. It’s like lemonade with too much lemon.”

“Henry, shut up.”

“Unlike you, Elizabeth, some of us have standards.”

She sighed, grabbing his hand. “This isn’t going to work.” They stole the blood bags from the bank and ran into a dark alley.

“Dig in,” said Elizabeth as their teeth extended like the claws of a lion. Henry bit into the plastic bag until it popped, and blood sloshed out. The chill hit his teeth and slashed at his gums. He winced and punched his chest. He spit out the blood, but some of it went down his throat, tasting like concentrated vinegar.

Henry groaned. “Maybe I should become a vegan.”