Those fuckers on /x/ lied, you can’t do SHIT when you’re lucid dreaming. I’m currently floating naked in a white void-like space. I’ve attempted to “swim” in various directions, but I can’t even discern the landscape to tell whether or not I’m actually heading anywhere. It’s been about ten minutes, and I’m starting to get restless. After the light in the barn blinded me, I appeared here completely naked without anything I was carrying. Maybe this is one of those dreams where you think you know you’re dreaming, but you still can’t exert control? I decide to pull a page right out of Yume Nikki, and I pinch myself really hard on the cheek.

>Ah.

  I let out a noise as I feel the pain of the excessive pinch I just gave myself. It’s not a dream? Then am I dead? Do the dead feel pain? I don’t think the light actually killed me, so what the hell is this? Purgatory? I begin thinking to myself for a while. A long while. Even if I took my cell phone with me to the barn, everything I had disappeared, so I can’t track the time. An hour? Two hours? I start to feel hungry. I should have eaten when I got home. Wait, I’m hungry? Am I fucked?

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  I get hungrier as time passes. I’m also very bored. I can’t seem to go anywhere in this place. Do I cross that line? Are you a bad enough dude to do this in an endless void? Nobody seems to be coming to save me from here anyway. After thinking about the consequences, of which I can think of many, I resolve myself to start fapping since I have nothing better to do. My pants are already gone. I really wish I had my phone. What ended up being /co/’s 100m GET anyway?

  Everyone knows the best way to scare off ghosts is to whip out your dick and jerk off in front of them. It’s only logical. Therefore, to dispel what appears to be a magical space, I do just that and begin tugging at my junk. It’s a gamble I’m willing to take because I’ve run out of options as far as I’m aware. I’m finding it difficult to fap without material though, so I’m focusing as best I can on remembering what doujins I read last night. God, I hope this works.

  I didn’t have to wait long, because after touching myself for a little while I noticed an area in front of me started to turn hazy. I was utterly convinced that masturbating was tearing open a rip in space-time, so I upped my pace. Before I knew it, the world was engulfed in darkness, and I couldn’t see anymore. Suddenly, I started to feel gravity’s pull once again. Panicking that I might land directly on my erect member, I try to right myself despite being unable to see anything. The ground rushes up to meet me, and I pray not to break my legs.