did you ever have feel your chest tightening to the point couldn't breaths ? But still, be able to breathe.

Feel like losing your sight but still being able to see.

all because those warm smiles and sparkling eyes changed in the blink of an eye that left me swimming in a sea of grim faces.

Even though I was standing in the warmest and brightest room in the empire I Felt like Drowning bottomless  darkness. I stretched my shivering hand trying to get hold of the light, as it's gets further and further by the second.

I kept blaming myself.

They left me because I was a useless child.

They left me because I was a useless friend.

She left me because I was a useless fiancée.

I reach the point of asking myself, is it me?

Am I the problem?

was I only a tool for them?

Suddenly the light that I have been staring at  and desperately reaching for eternity.

Started to approach me, the cold and dark place felt as warm as mother embrace, that I imagined countless times. but just like every good thing I had, it disappeared like it was a lie.

When I woke up, I found myself lying on the grass  with not a single

no place in my body that didn't hurt.

However as the sun shined on me, I didn't care anymore. I waited until  the sunlight healed me, and the warm breeze took my pain away.

if I could move right now, I would kiss this green and wet ground.

Even though I was covered in mud and blood I tried to stand up, but I could only lift my left hand.

I Couldn't help but notice how small my hand was.

I finally asked myself

didn't I die?

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Huh?

Out of nowhere, my head starts to hurt, and all these unfamiliar memories got on my head.

I closed my eyes and tried to organize them.

However, there was not much information I could learn from him, but from what I learned. This kid whose name was Roy got abandoned by his family, the day, they found that he has no talent what so over.

he was average expect the beauty he took after his dead mother.

And the rest of his memoirs is of him getting beaten black and blue by the other kids at the orphanage because of the attention he gets from the girls.

When I opened my eyes, I couldn't help myself but laugh.

"Bahahaha "

Different world, life, and family but still got the same fate.

I couldn't help but remember what elf chef said "Humans are the same wherever they are if you present the right opportunity any price is tolerable and anything is saleable for the right price "

After laughing so loud and so much, I passed out.

I dreamed a strange but short dream of my young self.

He was called a prodigy for his talent to understand complex theories, advance magic analysis, and the ability of Memorization. A lot of hope and expectation was placed in him, being called the future archmagi and next head of one of the only 2 duke families in the supreme empire that dominated the continent for 1000's years.

he worked hard more than anyone else. Because of his talent, he understood and mesmerized every book from royal places, which is famous for having every book in the world. from marital art, swordsmanship, magic spells, the art of politics, business management, dwarf craftsmanship, and the elf magical potions and music. He understood and memorized everything so that he the next minister and the duke of the empire will not bring shame to his family or the empire.

However, on the day of his 10th birthday, just like every kid in the empire he was undergoing a mana pool measurement test.

Children can have the opportunity to go to the royal magic school if they score lever 5 or above.

Any level under that can only be eligible to become knights.

Only 15% of the empire population has a 2 and above mana pool.

And 10 % were nobles who grow up eating elixirs.

Which shows how unfair the world is.

However, after a while, ken was among the 85 %.

after the disappointing result, ken was abandoned by everyone.

his family, friends, and fiancée.

No one cared how that day left a trauma on this kind and thoughtful child.

{Good morning and welcome to one-moment news, my name is James homes, and today topic is yet again about our number 1 hero lord Iris Nichols.}

{As you all know lord iris and Madam Claire has decided to adopt a child and today

She was seen visiting the 15th orphanage, will it be this one, who would be ….}

Iris got annoyed and turn off the tv.

"How the hell did they catch me"

"Did you think a coat, black glass, and a hat will be able to hide that big body of yours"

"You won't be invisible even if you use invisibility cloak"

"tsk"

Iris was mad, today a lot of things made her angry like seating in a car when she can walk faster, the news following her everywhere. And after going to 15 different orphanages, she could not find one suitable kid to carry on her martial art path.

It's not like she didn't find a single talented kid, it's about her martial art that grows in hatred and revenge.

Kids are kids at the end of the day. They don't know hate and revenge all they know is to eat play and sleep.

That's why finding a kid that has the same or more hatred inside him as she is very rare.

***********************************

When I opened my eyes again, I was sleeping in a soft bed, it turns out that I had a few broken bones and I needed to be in bed for a few days to get back on my feet's, but normally this kind of injury get few months to heal if cheap elixirs are used but it's turn out this world is more advance in terms of technology and science.

looking up at the clear and shining night sky throw the clear and large roof windows.

As I gaze at those bright friends of the moon and their pattern that seems so fixed and yet ever-changing, all my worries and trapped emotions that were suppressed, float out of me like a volcano eruption. Tears flow out my eyes like an endless river taking away all my pain and suffering. On this day I was reborn from the outside and inside.

My life that that was built on sands, crumbled. This is a new beginning of my life and the start of the first chapter of my new adventure.

I vow to myself that I will not blame myself for anything and I'm going to live strong and proud.

Not only for myself for Ray too.