November 20, 2056
5:07 A.M.
Vicerole, White Shard Facility
Renee Luna
The shadow of death remains ever so prevalent here.
The main gate, partially ajar, creaks softly in the icy wind, as we enter the compound's premises. Beyond the gate, we pass by desolate buildings with their walls marred by what I can only assume to be claw marks. A little later, the main hub of the facility comes into view... along with its entrance having been pried open. Looks like that lockdown mechanism the chairman mentioned proved to be futile.
"We're not out of the woods just yet..." Cruz adjusts his rifle upward, "The enemy could be lying in wait for us. Be ready to react accordingly if we encounter hostiles."
"Let... meh go," I mumble to Alice through clenched teeth, "I can waugh on m' own now."
"Luna, you don't have to push yourself if you're not-"
"Why bother? In your current state, you can't even-"
"I'm fhine!"
I can see the annoyance behind her eyes, but she eventually pulls away as I bring up my weapon.
I know what she's thinking. Why am I doing this? Honestly, I don't know myself. I feel like for the past few hours I've been on autopilot. I have a hundred thoughts running in my head, yet I can't focus on one. It's exhausting really... so very exhausting. I want it to end already...
Coming up to the opening, those who still have some strength left take up positions on either side as Cruz and Frost pie the room.
"I'm not seeing any wires or traps," Cruz says, peering inside, "but we should still take it slow. I'll take point."
Without much trouble, we enter the room, scanning for threats until finally confirming the area is safe. It's hard to see without any lights but I'm able to make out the dried remains of blood splattered across the floor and walls accompanied by bullet holes.
"This looks like a safe enough place to have the injured rest," Frost states, "Once we clear the entire building, we can then move them deeper inside."
"I agree." Cruz turns to evaluate everyone's state, "From the outside, the facility didn't seem that extensive. I think two eight-man teams will be enough to get the job done and deal with any problems should they arise."
"I'll take the west-wing then. Flash can you still walk?" Frost asks.
"I can't feel anything below the waist but yeah."
"Alright, I'll take six more volunteers if anyone is up to the task."
"I don't remember volunteering though..."
I go to take a step forward, but I'm immediately halted as Cruz steps in front of me.
"No. Not you."
"Muuv."
"You are the most injured among us. You also haven't eaten anything recently. It'll be for the best if you stay here and leave the rest to us."
"I-"
"That's an order."
Just hearing him utter that word makes my body tense up on its own. It's the one word that's been engraved in my head for as long as I can remember. So of course, I can't disobey... of course I can't.
"...Kay'..." I hang my head low and turn away before finding a spot on the wall to sit against.
"Alice, can you keep an eye on things here until we return?" I overhear Frost say.
Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.
"Yeah, just be safe."
"We'll try," He responds as he and his group follow shortly behind Cruz into the void of the facility.
----------------------------------------
Why am I alive?
The thought gnaws at me, relentless and cruel.
I hear their whispers, see their glances.
They know. They must know.
My hands are stained with the blood of my comrades.
I can still hear their screams, their agony rippling throughout my body.
Whenever I close my eyes, I'm greeted with the etched faces of those I murdered.
Why am I alive?
I should be dead. I am weak. The weak aren't allowed to live. I watched them die in front of me. I didn't save them. I just watched.
Why am I alive?
I killed her... It should've been me.
I'm useless.
Dirt.
A mad dog.
So why?
Why?
Answer me.
Someone.
Anyone.
Why am I alive?
.
.
.
It hurts...so much.
I just want the pain to go away...
----------------------------------------
"Ish... unbearable..."
Cruz and Frost have yet to return and most of the Shards around me have fallen into a deep slumber. Through the entrance we came in from I can see that the blizzard is picking up again. I can feel the structure begin to rattle from the oncoming winds.
"What's wrong?"
A familiar voice makes me turn my head to Alice sitting next to me.
"I can try to cast Nullification once more if the pain is getting severe."
"I can put an end to your suffering if that's what you prefer."
"..."
"You look pale. Do you feel dehydrated?"
"Disgusting. You're a waste of resources."
...I know...
"Cnnn... yuu... hewp... meee?" I rest my hand on her shoulder.
"What is it? Cruz said you should-"
"Vmmm...t."
My strained message gets through to her as she helps me to my feet and leads me into a nearby room away from the group. I can't hold out much longer however as I fall to my knees and proceed to spill whatever I have left in my stomach onto the floor. This lasts for another couple of minutes before I eventually have nothing left inside me.
"It... hurts..." I manage to mumble, as I feel Alice caress my back with her hand.
Why won't it end?
The pain.
The suffering.
The guilt.
I thought I could be content with all of it... but I can't take it anymore. Even now, with my eyes shut, I still see the last moments of her as she stares directly into my eyes. Her expression, a haunting mixture of fear and betrayal.
.
.
.
"I'm... sorry..." I mumble under my breath as I find myself gradually moving my hand towards my holster. There's a moment of hesitation before I eventually switch to the knife in my waist. I've caused enough trouble for everyone... the least I can do now is not disturb the peace. "Forgive... me."
Raising the blade, I attempt to drive it into my neck but a kick sends the blade sliding across the room. A set of hands now grab me by the collar of the shirt before pinning me on the ground. Those sets of hands belonging to Alice.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing!" She yells whilst on top of me.
"...Let me go-" A slap across my face interrupts me before I can finish.
"Not until you tell me what's going on! This isn't like you!"
"..."
"I want to help you! You can talk to me, can't you?"
"..."
"Don't you remember what I said when we slept under the tree? 'We'll get through this together as long as we have each other.' So, talk to me!"
"..."
"We've already lost so many... I don't want to lose you too. Please Luna... as your friend, at least let me share the same pain you're feeling."
"I..."
I choke on my words as the tightness around my chest squeezes tighter.
"I killed her..."
Her lifeless expression flashes before me again.
"Macy... I killed her. It's my fault."
The tears I've been holding back begin to stream down my face.
"I couldn't stop myself. I wasn't thinking. I killed her. I couldn't even avenge her. I'm pathetic. Weak. If I was stronger, I could've saved her. I could've saved every one. "
"..."
"No matter how many steps I take forward I always find myself back at the beginning. Why can't I accomplish anything on my own? I can't take it anymore. Even now I don't have the strength to resist you... I'm tired, Alice. I just want it to end."
"Enough!"
She embraces me in her arms. She's so warm. Or maybe I'm just cold.
"You don't have to say anymore." I can feel her arms squeezing tighter around me. "I'm sorry for not noticing sooner. It's been hard for you, hasn't it?"
The lump in my throat prevents me from saying anymore and I only manage to respond with a mhmm.
"You did well holding out for this long." She gently pulls away and wipes the tears from my cheeks. As she does, I look up, expecting to see her malicious grin, but instead, I am met with a tender smile. "But I think it's time for you to finally rest. Don't you agree?"
With those words spoken, I collapse into her arms as the weight of my despair loosens its hold on me. I'm sobbing uncontrollably and apologizing relentlessly but that doesn't deter her from holding me tightly and whispering soothing words.
I don't know how long we stay like this, but next thing I know, we're back with the rest of the group where we slump against the wall and eventually drift off to sleep, our heads resting against each other.
----------------------------------------
When I awake, I'm greeted by a familiar snowy landscape, one that would've sent me into a straight panic if it weren't for the person standing before me.
The mere sight of her makes my eyes widen and my hands tremble. I'm at a loss for words but when she finally speaks, I muster the strength to say her name.
"Hello, Luna. I'm glad to see you safe."
"Macy..."