The moment she said that, something snapped inside my mind.
First off, it was like some buzzing distant in my head finally got silent.
Yes.
That was my name. I finally remembered. But it felt so distant, I barely could recognize it.
Was it because I barely was the person I was before?
Maybe.
I shot her a look.
Should I continue for her? Or let her tell them as much as she wanted to say?
I mean, in current circumstances, I didn’t really care how much they learned, nor like it mattered, really.
But that would be a good check to see how much she remembered.
And how much our memories had in common.
At that point, I myself was starting to be worried that I was missing more than I was realizing…
She noticed my look.
-It’s fine. I am fine… I’ll…
-As long as you are fine with it… - I replied, nodding.
-Wait, wait, wait - interrupted For. - The two of you… are a thing?!
-”Are a thing” is a bit rude, isn’t it? - I pointed out.
-I… I mean, I am sorry, but it’s not…
-It’s alright… - said Il. - And… It’s complicated.
She sighed.
-The three of us met back in school - she started. - I am not going to bore you with the full story, though. What you need to know is that we all went our separate ways after that ended, but by sheer accident, I met with Mor a few years later. One led to another, but in the middle of that, magic happened.
-Magic? You mean the catastrophe?
-No. I mean the actual appearance of magic in our world. After that, the governments that were still active were looking for people to hire and research this new phenomenon. In secret of course.
-Yeah, I heard all of you were involved in that - said For.
-Yeah. But we didn’t know that at first. You know how politics work: no one wants to share information. So, after getting scouted, I had to sign a non-disclosure agreement. The whole project at the start was top-secret. We didn’t even know who our coworkers were.
-You… you worked together, not knowing who you are? - asked Kon. - But… How does that make you… er…?
-That was my fault - I picked up. - When I got the information that I was going to work on some secret government project, the first thing I did was decide that I was not going to involve my friends in it and cut contacts with Il.
-I still remember being hurt - she said, clearly remembering the painful memories. - But I had to get over it quickly, new job and all that.
-Same as me. If I knew back then how would it go… I wouldn’t…
-I know - Il interrupted me. - Don’t need to tell me every time.
I smiled, painfully.
-In any case… - she continued - I didn’t have much time to process things, getting swamped with work. But luckily, I found new… colleagues at work. Apparently none of them were new, but that was a revelation later. The head of research was soon appointed, that being Mike. For a long while we were working together without even knowing our names. I just knew that I had two coworkers, one being distant and almost non-existent, that being Mor…
-I was still… a bit out of it - I sighed. - I mean, I did have to suddenly break up and destroy a relationship… I was hating myself for that. But my feelings aside, I dedicated myself to just being more diligent at work and trying to be more useful there instead of pitying myself.
-Yeah… you were… well, if I was to describe you then, I’d say you were a workaholic that didn’t want to socialize if it was not work-related - commented Il.
-That would be pretty accurate…
-And, luckily or maybe unluckily, I soon found a bit of a respite in a sudden realization of who I was working with…
-Did you find out each other’s names? - asked For. - How?
-It was my carelessness… - admitted Il. - One day, sending my boss something work-related, I forgot to remove my name… And he remembered me.
-We met not so long later, remembering old times, and one thing led to another… - said Il. - But that was also when I learned I was pregnant. We decided to marry, to not make problems for either of our families.
-But that was not… not his child - mumbled For… - How quick were you…?
Il blushed, even through her wooden form.
-I… It was about a month after our break-up. I admit, I might have fallen for him a bit too quickly, but I was young…
-We all were - I sighed. - Don’t blame yourself.
-Okay… but how did you realize the mistake? - asked For. - I mean… If you don’t mind telling…
She was curious. Can’t blame her.
-It’s alright… You know how I am able to recognize different mana…?
-You are?
-Right - I picked up. - The ability I told you… the ones you have - I gestured towards For and Kon - did not come from the crystal. Or, at least not directly. Originally, they belonged to Il and only her. None of us could do it.
-Precisely. When our girl was born, I noticed that something was off. I could see my own mana in her, obviously, but not Mike’s. I never told him that fact of course, but since then I had my suspicions. And those were confirmed when we finally formed MIRE.
-Yeah… that was the day we, for the first time, officially got to work together in one facility. We were to meet in our new building in person.
-You can imagine the reaction of all of us… - I said. - The moment we met up is something that pains me to this day, even though I cannot remember it clearly…
What I was talking about.
Sure, before I was not able to remember it. But after hearing her part of the story, I already had the image in my head.
Image that was missing for a long time…
The three of us, standing in one black room, looking at each other with disbelief.
The mixed bag of feelings that was rolling through every single one of us.
-What I am saying. I remember it - I sighed. - You can imagine what happened next…
-Yeah. The moment I saw Mor, I could tell that he was the father. His mana was the obvious missing link I had all that time. Rest is history.
-And… and you just went ahead with your lives like that?! - For was not hiding her outrage and disappointment. - You just left it as is?!
Stolen story; please report.
-Look here - I said, not letting Il reply to her - what exactly did you do in this situation, hm?
-I would definitely do something! Not like you pretending that she didn’t exist?!
-And who said we did that?
-We did confirm later her real father - said Il quietly. - Using more mundane methods, not my feeling, just to be safe. And we were planning to tell her… but not that soon…
-Early? Isn’t she a full grown adult?!
-Did you forget we kind of spent a lot of time here? When the accident happened, she was just a kid.
-But that is a fair point - joined in Kon. - Doesn’t that mean she also is… a remnant? That she has part of you inside? Or at least another one, I mean the crystal…?
He was on to something.
As far as we knew, we were here for a lot of years. If she was just a regular person, her lifespan would be long gone by now.
Did she end up here later than anticipated…?
Not possible, we saw her in multiple visions of Mike, meaning she was here for a long time as well. Did she also get hit by the explosion? I was hoping that she was spared, but I guess that's just my delusions.
-Damn… It’s my fault… I didn’t stop it… - I said, sighing.
-It’s not just you. We all were at fault - said Il. - In hindsight, we would’ve done things differently, but who knew…
-Who knew…
-Well, I guess we know your story… - said For. - But what are we supposed to do with it…? It comes like a non issue for now, Axelrod is dead, seemingly. Most of our problems are gone. If your “construct” or whatever comes, you can just order it to stand down, right? It worked once?
-It what…? - Il asked, intrigued.
-Well, it barely worked…
I explained to her how I managed to “pacify” her earlier.
Honestly, I was surprised. I thought she’d remember that, being her or not, she still should have access to other memories.
I guess that was a good thing though, it really meant that she was a quite different entity from what I’ve been in contact with earlier.
That she was still herself.
I wonder for how long, though?
-I don’t think we can count on that - she finally said. - And besides, I think Mike is still alive.
-But wasn’t he taken over?
-At least once. But who says that he cannot just get his mind back…?
-That is possible?
-Who knows. At this point, ILMA is a completely different entity from what I knew of her. From what I am as well. So I cannot predict her, nor understand her behavior patterns.
-I do agree… - muttered For, and I just quietly nodded.
The experiment was already so far gone, it was hard to even understand what she was planning to do.
-But, one thing is certain. I want to meet my daughter… and well, myself.
-I do understand trying to find your child - agreed For - but why the other you? Wouldn’t that be a bit dangerous?
-Dangerous? - I chuckled.
-Of course! The assimilation and all, wouldn’t she have some kind of advantage, if you were just to approach her…?
-Oh, don’t get me wrong, it is dangerous. But I don’t think it matters any more. Besides… There's a problem. If we are right, and indeed she has a piece of ILMA in her…
-That is given at this point… - solemnly agreed Il.
-That means that our daughter is the one in danger. And at this point, I had it enough with playing passively.
-Playing passively? - chuckled For. - Finally decided to act like a father.
That one stung.
-I am not saying that I am a good one. But at least I am trying.
-First time for everything.
Okay, now she was trying to get me annoyed.
-Listen here, smartass. I know that hearing the whole story it is clear that I fucked up. But so what? How do you expect me to fix it? Lie down and do nothing?
She just shrugged.
-So then shut up.
-Well, last time she fought him, she had an advantage - pointed out Kon. - It shouldn’t be that bad…
-And yet she lost - I reminded him.
-Both of them were not in the best shape in the end - agreed Il. - We have to prevent the next encounter like that.
-What, you think she’s going to try and find him again? - asked For. - Didn’t she learn that he’s not what she thought he was…?
-Sure, she did. But what does that matter?
-If that, she’s probably going to try twice as hard - said Il, smiling. - I would’ve done so at least…
-So would I… - I sighed.
-Damn. What a pair… - said For, shaking her head.
-What?
-Nothing.
-What matters now is how we find her.
-Where was the last place we think she was found? Wasn’t it here? - asked Il.
-It definitely looked that way - said For, realizing that there was no point in arguing with us. Or rather just mostly me.
-We already looked through the place - pointed out Kon. - We haven’t seen anything that would help us, I don’t think.
-Not like there’s much to be found any more as well - said For. - There’s no point in going back there.
-Who said we want to? I am just thinking aloud - admitted Il. - But as much as I don’t like it, you are right.
-I hate it, but I think I want to be quick about it - she said after a moment of thought.
-You hate what?
-Let’s just portal there and be done with it.
-Er… How? We don’t have any anchors…? - asked For, confused. - Or do you have something in mind?
I looked at her and even without reading her mind realized what she was thinking about…
-Isn’t that a bit… well, I want to say dangerous, but I guess if it’s just me I’d be fine… I definitely am not letting you do that yourself - I added, knowing well what she wanted to do.
-I mean… I wanted to do it myself,, but I agree that your body seems like the best one to be the guinea pig. I am not sure about mine… - she said.
-You definitely look more human than me, that’s true - I agreed. - But that’s not really a proof of anything - I added immediately.
-What are you talking about? - asked For, irritated.
-Kon, remember the “experimental” teleportations we were talking about? Do you think you’d be capable of doing something like that?
He opened his eyes wide.
-I… well… I do think so, but who… who’d you like to target? Yourself…?
-Wait… YOU want to work as an anchor?! - yelped For. - How the hell would that work?!
-Well, it would supposedly open a way to the one closest to me biologically… and that could only be Il. I don’t have any brothers or…
-I am aware how that is supposed to work! But that’s not what I am worried about! If you forgot, you are now a bit different, right? It’s not like we know what the hell would that do to the spell.
-Well, that’s why I want it to be me - I said. - I am going to pass through, and if there’s something wrong with the other side, I am the one that has the best chances of survival, even if I end up on the bottom of the ocean.
-What the fuck… And you all are okay with it?!
Kon shrugged. By now he was used to my outlandish claims, I think, especially after learning about me regrowing my head.
Il knew me more than anyone, and she was the one who first thought of that idea. I was definitely not letting her do that herself, though.
The only one that seemed opposed was For. I guess she was the most normal person in our group, which is funny, since she was supposed to be “an elf”, if that was even a thing for real.
Not the first time she’s been not against me teleporting into the unknown, but at least this time she managed to contain her moaning about “leaving her behind”.
Well, mostly.
-If there’s no more issues, let’s try it out - I said, standing up. - Kon, you feeling well?
-Yeah, sure. But… How should I try it…? Do I cast it on a part of you or something…? I never tried something like that… especially with a body like yours…
-What’s wrong with his body?
-Well, my first idea would be to get something… like a nail, hair or blood, and try using that as an anchor. You know. But that’s not really possible…
-Right…
I remembered our attempts at getting a piece of crystal from my body.
Wait…
-Would the whole hand work? - I asked, pointing to my patched hand. - We did manage to get a piece of me, right?
-Don’t you think that’s a bit too much? What if it disappears?
-Well, not like it matters much, I’d probably regrow it anyway, even if something would happen to it.
I detached the hand from my wrist and gave it to him.
-Ugh…
For looked at it with a mixture of disgust and interest.
-Come on, that’s just a piece of crystal. It’s not like it’s dripping blood and all that…
-It does not to you? - she asked, genuinely surprised.
-What?
-When I look at it, it looks like it’s oozing with mana… Like an open wound… it’s not blood, but…
-Really? - I asked, interested. - It just looks like an infused piece for me, I said, getting a closer look. - Well, it doesn't matter. Shall we?
Kon nodded. For only turned her head in consternation. Il placed her hand on my wrist and grabbed it tightly.
-I am sorry…
-Don’t be. It’s just how it is.