Going his normal route, it would be just around eight blocks to reach Alter Ego Comics and hopefully safety. He was already behind in levels, Gus didn’t even want to think about how far behind he would be if he had to wait a month to Respawn.
The eager exclamation mark still vied for his approval like a puppy wanting to show off a new trick. A different icon joined it in competitive bouncing, the challenger was a stylized envelope with a wax seal.
New Guild Invite from: The Master Teacher’s Guild
Offered Position: Head Researcher
He accepted the invite immediately, the response box had a comment section, not one to waste an opportunity to tease his friends he composed a dignified message.
-This humble scholar graciously accepts the position and with it the implied offer of Tenure, private laboratory space, and right to preform experiments on the Guild staff to promote constant vigilance. My first budgetary request will be to fund research into Time enchantments to rapidly accelerate fermentation and cheese aging. Samples will be made available at the next Guild meeting, please note down any side effects should they arise.-
-Kind Regards, Gunther ‘Gus’ Throckmorton Dean - Head Researcher and Ethics Committee Nightmare
No sooner had his textual joke been sent, a deluge of Message notifications threatened to blot out the midmorning sun. Apparently his buddies had found out they could copy and paste their combat logs and set about piling on the “Field Data” to their newest official member.
Thankfully the System Heads Up Display seemed to be learning and neatly stacked and filed the semi-spam into organized folders. From what Gus could read as it tidied his brain-space, accepting a level up did not refill health, stamina, or mana. It did however clear off any active Debuffs, Diseases, or Curses. He winced and highlighted the entry “Debuff:Hangover Tier 8 removed. The cranial renovators have sought better working conditions.”Charles must have tried to power level his Battle Brewer class.
Gus caved and cashed in the Level Up.
Congratulations, Level 2 reached (2/12 XP to next level)
You have 3 Stat Points to allocate
Skill Unlocked: Bathroom Pass- Turn any latrine into a Safe Zone for 1 hour. Cooldown 6 hours. (*System Note* Abuse of this Skill during combat may cause your foe to relieve themselves in the designated area as well. Just avoid the awkwardness and kill each other like normal, most bodies take care of that on death anyway.)
Fulfilling his role as a researcher Gus copied that notice into a new folder labeled “NOPE” in large obvious letters, then set the permissions to public for the rest of the Guild to learn from. He didn’t want to test if Environmental Damage still counted in Safe Zones.
The first three blocks of his trek were mostly uneventful, though he could have sworn he passed a group of glowing tumble weeds wandering a windless boulevard like a prickly tour group. Gus just waved politely and made another entry to the NOPE folder. The humid climate crept up in temperature leading Gus to begin testing his enchanted canteen. A pleasantly chilled liquid cascaded down his gullet and dripped from his beard. He dropped a point into Dexterity then emptied the current contents without spilling another drop. With a flourish he pulled out his self cleaning hankie and wiped his face, he got an odd feeling of gratitude from his amphibian inspired head wear. Then on a whim used his hourly Color Change to turn it a soft lavender before tucking it in his collar for dramatic flair. To round out the effect, Gus plopped a point into Charisma and checked his reflection on a conveniently placed side mirror on a lifted pickup truck parallel parked in front of the gardening store the tumbleweed tourists were previously rubbernecking at… rubberstemming? Momentarily befuddled Gus dropped his last free point into Wisdom and felt inspired to define the latest NOPE moment as ‘Botanical Ogling’ in the official report.
This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.
He rounded a corner then stood stock still at the scene strutting down the street. The towering cedar tree that previously stood like a silent sentinel in the small park was now stooped over the kid friendly splash pad seemingly entranced by the jumping jets of water that danced in time to looping music. After a moment a name became visible over its leafy head.
Level 88 Elder Arbor Elemental - Feel-good Smell-great- Burb Boss
Status: Friendly (*System Note* Not all Bosses need a beat down, a few hold Challenges. These can range widely from crafting, riddle games, poetry slams, to arm wrestling. Your local Burb Boss specializes in Refurbishing. Show him an item that you have repaired and restored to its former glory and he might just reward you with a jar of his Heartwood Oil. Not much can top the protective and aromatic properties of this oil, heirlooms of empires older than the trees are bathed in this oil to keep the inner shine vibrant amid the endless march of time.)
Burb Quest: Blast from the Past- Earn the respect of the Burb Boss to gain access to an updated map of the area.
Bonus: Roads? We Don’t Need Roads where we’re going - Gift a worth item to the Burb Boss to unlock access to his Tire Swing Sling fast travel service to any outside location in the Burb.
More notes for the Research files, though this time a flurry of chatter followed the entry. It seemed they had their first Guild contest brewing. Right away, the Guild Leadership labeled the wooden wonder a Noncombatant, with an established punishment of a decade locked in a pit of pine tar for anyone who harmed the ancient behemoth.
A rumbling humming echoed from the pensive tree man as he meditated contentedly, witnessing the water’s ballet. Gus gave a respectful bow then walked onward, it was now a straight shot of four blocks to the rendezvous point, he could already spot the lumpy shapes of his friend’s furry Mounts with their reigns tied to a bike rack. The four spoiled critters were sharing the contents of an ice cream cart with the occasional squeal of shearing metal as they rooted around for new flavors.
He was in the final stretch, already bracing himself for the inevitable chiropractic back cracking hugs that brought relief in equal measure of sympathy for glowsticks. It was when his head was turned to look both ways before crossing the one way street (Apocalypse or not, Houston drivers pushed the limits of Darwinism), when he heard a deeply disturbing high pitched whine.
Big Sucker - Level 8 - Dire Mosquito
HP:?/?
Status: Three Sheets to the Wind - Severe Inebriation - Hostile
There was a new top contender for the NOPE section. Gus dropped his backpack and yanked his shotgun out of its bag. He was immediately grateful for the recent point investment in Dexterity as he had the velcro trigger tie off, safety disengaged, and a birdshot shell racked into the chamber as quite probable death from above sought to stick a straw in him like a juice box. Something primal raged inside him as he blasted the first shot out with a warcry of “Have some Southern Hospitality Edward!” Somewhere shuffling past his mental caveman, his inner trivia buff pointed to the 11 in Wisdom and snarked “Well, actually… Only female mosquitoes drink blood so this is more of a Bella, but more importantly we need to find some steel wool to make incendiary rounds. Smokey the Bear can go back to being Chuck Norris’ rug, this thing needs to be killed with fire.”
Fueled by adrenaline and flashbacks to sleepless summer nights Gus kept blasting, but the drunken monster flew like a UFO taunting a physicist. With damage he had dealt so far the lanky lady was missing all three of her right feet, though the insult to her pedicure seemed to sober her up, and she swooped down like a Karen pushing forged coupons. Gus let the shotgun swing on the strap as he decided to add one more blood connoisseur to the tasting party.
The two jousters met with an oddly silent impact. The lipstick sporting proboscis was inches from kissing his beard while insecttile insults interjected the incident. As the nightmare fuel tunneled in his vision, Gus felt a frosty wave splash against his shoulder.
Buff Added: Hold The Line Dance - Fortitude is averaged between you and the allies on your right and left. Duration - 90 seconds - Side Effect: Tis Just a Flesh Wound - Feel no pain, but risk increasing your injuries
Now thankful that his friends had him lapped on levels Gus was grinning grizzly as he fell into the armored arms of his adoptive brothers. His awareness faded to the satisfying sounds of steel toed boots curb stomping a former threat to their family.