“Hey there, are you part of Mavrich’s maudlin marauders?” was my quip as I broke through the final vestiges of barberry to the large glade in front of the dungeon entrance. So painful for such colorful things.
“Mavrich’s what…? I beg your pardon! Are you the elf that is joining us for this run? I was expecting dismal, but I didn’t realize I was also getting uncouth,” the human formerly leaning against a lounging lion responded indignantly.
“No, that was witty. I like this one,” was immediately injected into the conversation by a muscular ursine juggling ice shards with tiny sparks of fire, eyes appraising the state and grade of my equipment.
Strolling up and pacing around me, a broad-shouldered dryad responded to the ursine’s words with a deadpan delivery of, “You would Samir. You would probably crush this one though.” The dryad wrapped her hand around my bicep and with a gentle squeeze decided, “for a zero you seem fine. We won’t truly know your mettle until we need to know it. Name’s Kiaralongh, she/her. Don’t shorten my name, we aren’t friends. My companion is Scree. I didn’t name him.”
Smiling at the dryad, I began to respond when I found a ridiculously large lion head with big ass teeth filling my view. “Stand still, it’ll be over in a second.” With that ominous statement rattling in my head, I froze as I felt Healing Breeze pass through me. “Engli, they/them, that one is Chad, he/him.” An image of a constipated human in full plate mail drifted into my head with the introduction. Registering all my scratches were no more, my sphincter relaxed, consequently allowing my jaw to work again.
“Thanks Engli - for the touch-up and the intro. I’m Shad, they/them, and Night, she/her, should be along shortly.” I thanked Engli with a slight head tilt to go with my words. I brought my attention back to the others to reassess my standing. The dryad looked like they were in no rush to continue talking, the human was still squirmy, and the ursine looked like she wanted to bench press me or Levitate me to see if she could.
I set my pack down and double-checked my gear was secure and smirked. “Go ahead Samir, you know ya wanna!”
I heard an amused chuff as I was summarily picked up with one hand and tossed in the air. I didn’t realize she was gonna move quite that fast and an eep most definitely escaped into the world. As gravity did its thing to my flailing limbs, my fall was suspended and became a gentle float down.
I got a front-row seat to an evil glint in her brown orbs as I drifted down to eye level. With my peepers widening in response, I was tossed back into the air, even higher this time. I heard Compress barked out - which did indeed compress all the air around me to stop my descent. This yo-yo continued for a good ten minutes as Samir rotated through her skills and different ways to physically toss me into the air. Wondering when she would break a sweat or burn through her mana, I tried not to whimper each time the wedgy I received two minutes into my dare got worse. Me and my big mouth.
A growl reverberating through the area marked the end of Samir’s fun as Night stalked into the glade with murderous eyes. An amused half-elf with a ferret on their shoulder and a multitude of blades on their person followed behind Mavrich who was smiling at our antics. All signs pointed to me having made the right call in the invite to treat me like a stuffed sack of chaff.
Samir’s companion, whose name I hadn’t caught yet, lumbered into Night’s path with a frank air of no. Not deterred in the least, Night literally walked into the bear’s side and started the long climb over them. “Ok, slow down, Night, I’m fine. And you know it was my idea.” I desperately picked my undergarments out of my ass and hoped the world would stop spinning soon.
“Not ‘ok’, not ‘you’re fine.’ These people need to respect us Shad. You’re being more special than usual here,” was angrily thrust back my way with an undercurrent of frustration.
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Cocking my head to the side and sussing her out through our synergy, I could say nothing other than, “woah, hey sorry buddy. I’ll, well, not straighten up cuz that’s out, but, you know, be less ‘special.’” Night had fully finished summiting the bear, who had been extremely tolerant I might add. She dropped down in front of me with a sharp bark and daggery eyes.
The half-elf, now sans ferret, came around the side of the bear, who turned with him. He cocked an eyebrow at Mavrich and flourished a bow my way. “You must be Shad, I’m Reev, he/him and Fergie, she/her, will be around. Mavrich said we would be having the pleasure of watching how you do on your first run - that right?”
Returning the bow, “Yep, err, yes. That is correct. Appreciate it,” was what I pulled together.
Samir came to rest on her companion and shared, “Rakshasa approves as do I. What of the rest of you? Weigh in so we can kill them or move forward.”
Not liking the sound of that but seeing the mischievous glint in the ursine’s eye, I glanced around at the others.
“Sure, should be interesting,” was Reev’s vote.
Kiaralongh started packing up the camp and made gestures that appeared to communicate why not, let’s go already.
Mavrich had brought me here and bothered to get everyone else here was his reminder of where he landed. I turned my attention to the human who had not really unclenched his disdainful pucker this entire time. “We’re supposed to carry this fool? I’ll go along because Engli likes ‘your scent’ but know that I am watching you elf.” His words were laced with the contempt he clearly felt for me.
That settled, I picked up my pack and adjusted my kit for action - knives loosened, armor tightened, quiver accessible and bow strung. Taking the second to stretch and make sure Night was ready to go, I saw the others taking similar steps.
Mavrich was handing out potions, poisons and elixirs like candy. When he got to me he also threw in a potion belt, correctly assuming I had no such thing. Watching me fumble for a few seconds, he grabbed it out of my hands and then expertly applied it to my body like an exhausted parent swaddling a 16-month-old. Impressed I thanked him with a head-nodding thumbs up.
Trying to keep my verbals to a minimum so I didn’t piss off Night more, I sidled up to the dryad who was heading purposefully to the dungeon entrance. She paused just outside it and turned to assess me. Apparently passing her inspection, she let me know, “right - so we don’t have to figure it out while you are flailing about. Night is point with Scree for scouting. Chad, Engli and I are up front, Fergie, Samir, you stick to the middle, and Rakshasa will guard our rear. Questions?”
“Uhm, yes actually, I have just one, what biome are we getting into here?”
A ridiculing laugh accompanied Chad’s scornful words. “Biome? This is Drugal’s - we won’t know until we’re hip-deep in it. He lived 5,000 years and built and killed in all the biomes in that time. His spawns could be anything from ghouls to golems, and his traps were legendary. Try not to shoot one of us and just enjoy the ride elf.”
“So it’s random gen, yay,” I muttered while securing my pants more firmly in my boots. Samir smirked at my comment as she walked ahead of me to form up and link with each other through touch. As soon as everyone was in place, Night paced forward through the entrance.
Coming through after Samir with Fergie on my head, I stumbled to the side so Rakshasa could fit. I had been smacked with a wall of sticky humidity and the splatter of mud and water having horrible weedy children. The smell alone would make this rank as a Rare dungeon - rot and muck and something slimy smeared in.
I spammed my party buffs before I choked on my own vomit. “Ranger’s Stance. Hunter’s Sight.” Increasing our agility, dexterity, endurance and perception any tiny bit wasn’t ever really a bad thing.
I heard everyone else doing the same. Chad popped off Lion’s Heart, a nice stability buff that would let us endure the horrendous smell and anything else that was eroding our constitutions. I felt Engli’s Healing Breeze tuck away the riot in my guts and saw a soft blue glow coming off the hatchets in Kiaralongh’s hands. A dryad with axes - wouldn’t have guessed that one.
Yep, two minutes in, if that, and I knew this floor was a no fun zone and ranked on my get the fuck out real quick list. I hoped this party knew how to clear dungeon floors strategically so that thought could be more than a desperate desire. If not I - well, if not I was just in for a lot of swamp ass and boob sweat. Not yay.