Bright and full, the moon hung high in the darkened heavens as though to watch over a fallen soul. Sozin was sprawled out over the forest floor, one of his puffy, red cheeks pressed into the cold dirt. It was the dead of winter and silverly light fell freely, unhindered by branches no longer burdened by leaves, illuminating Sozin's defeated form. Dried tears had frozen onto his face. He didn't know where he was anymore. He had just ran, and ran, and ran until his exhaustion and diminishing will brought him to his knees. His eyes were closed, but sleep was only a momentary escape from the nightmare that had engulfed his life.
A strange, foreign presence in the back of Sozin's mind roused him from his slumber, compelling him to awaken. His eyes fluttered open and met the forest ground that was in his face, but the ground was not cold and frozen over like he had remembered it being, instead it was warm and welcoming as though it was spring. Sozin didn't know how long he'd been sleeping for, but the weakness in his bones and still vigorous pain in his heart told him he hadn't slept long at all. He heard someone speak which roused him even further.
"It would do you well to get on your feet," a dark and gravelly voice advised him. "The ground is no place for the likes of us."
Without much energy to move or even react, a weary Sozin pressed himself off the ground and into a sitting position. Turning his head towards what was seemingly the source of the voice, Sozin chose to stay quiet rather than respond to it. Not far to the side of him, a sinister-looking wolf sat atop the mouth of a shadowed cave. A wolf with large, sharply pointed ears, fur black like soot, and blood-red eyes. Under normal circumstances, Sozin would've been frightened, but he was in low spirits, and for some reason, the air stirring around him seemed to quell any thoughts of fear and told him he didn't need to be alarmed.
Sozin leaned back onto his hands as he took in the sight of this animal and then his surroundings. He was still in a forest but the location was different from the one he had fallen asleep in—this one had trees bearing leaves as though it was still spring, it was warm, and also daytime. Despite never seeing this place before, deep in his soul, Sozin felt like he had some sort of visceral connection to it.
Sozin turned his attention back to the only other creature in the vicinity—this sinister-looking wolf that seemed to have spoken the human tongue. With those penetrating eyes of his, the wolf gazed at Sozin intently, not moving or speaking, simply staring, studying, and examining him as though he was waiting on his response. There was no one else around except for this lone figure, and the voice had come from that direction, so as crazy as it was, Sozin remained steadfast in his leap of logic and assumed that he must've been the speaker. The idea of an animal talking and responding to one like it was a person didn't surprise him as much as he thought it would. He was a spiritborn after all. He figured that this must be part of the deal.
"Who are you?" Sozin asked. "And where am I?"
"Who am I?" the creature repeated with grave intent. A slow, sinister, toothy grin unfurled upon the wolf's blackened lips. "I... am a reflection... of all your sins..." he intoned with a drawl. "Your brother in fate and fate alone. I am here to guide you along that path which entwines us both. Welcome to the spirit world, Sozin..." he murmured in chilly words.
"You know me?" Sozin asked.
"I do..." he said, drifting down the cave towards the young man. "As your spirit animal, I've been watching over you ever since you were born. I'm from the animal world, and the spirit world is where we cross together with yours. My name is Valenos, but since we're brothers, you can just call me Wolf. It's a bit on the nose but rolls off the tongue quicker, I would say."
"Brothers?" Sozin said. "But you're not even human."
Wolf sat down in front of Sozin. "Like I said, we're brothers in fate. Why do you think I'm your spirit animal, after all?"
"Right... Uh... How did I end up here?" Sozin asked.
"You didn't," Wolf said. "Technically, you're not here since your physical body isn't. You're actually sleeping right now, but I'm glad you fell asleep since that's what allowed us to make contact in the first place. It's easier for us to communicate when your mind isn't in the human world."
"Oh... Well, this is all rather sudden. If you don't mind, Wolf, I'd like to get back to the real world and make sure I'm okay," Sozin said. "Can you tell me how? I had some people chasing me earlier."
"Yeah, I know, and that'd be good. Your mind acts as a gateway. Focus on the external world to wake up, and if you want to come back here, then focus on the internal. Do yourself a favor and get your real face out of the dirt before we go any further—I don't like seeing you like that."
Nodding, Sozin searched for the presence of the external world Wolf had told him of. He felt something overwhelming coming from all around him which seemed to be it. Focusing on that, then he blinked, and he was instantly back in the real world, cheek on the ground again. Only this time it was cold and had begun to snow.
The sound of gently flowing stream water met Sozin's ears. Sluggish, he slowly picked himself up and took a gander around, recognizing the nearby stream as a landmark of the surroundings he'd fallen asleep in. It was still nighttime and there was nobody else in the area.
"Hey, can you hear me, brother? Looks like you're safe. Come back so we can talk," Wolf said from the spirit realm. His words seemed to have no source now. They came from everywhere, filling Sozin's head as though Wolf's voice was a room and Sozin was in the center of it.
"How do you know that? I'm not in the spirit realm anymore. You can still see me?" Sozin said.
"Oh, good—you can hear me. Seems like we've finally established a connection with each other. Yes, your mind isn't in the spirit realm anymore, but your spiritual body still is. Now you're sleeping over here. By the way, since you have my eyes, I can see exactly what you're seeing in the human world."
"What do you mean 'your eyes'?" Sozin asked.
"Go look at your reflection in the creek and find out," Wolf said.
Sozin did as his spirit animal commanded of him and ambled over to the bank of the stream. Although the moon was full, it was still fairly dark out with the light filtering poorly through the ominous clouds. Strangely, Sozin found it unusually easy to see in such conditions. Normally, he wouldn't be able to see much at all—Ikijo and him had done a lot of training at night so that he could move around effortlessly in the dark—although now his vision was clearer than it had ever been at this time.
Sozin kneeled down at the water's edge. He reached a tentative hand up to his face and pulled his lower eyelid down to get a better look at the sinister red that now marked his forlorn eyes.
"One does not bear such eyes lightly," Wolf said. "As the lone wolf, they are born from pain and pain alone."
"Pain... Seems to be a lot of that going around these days," Sozin said in morbid fascination. The gritty expression on his face cracked in some places from somber emotions bubbling underneath the surface. "My father used the only person I ever cared about to awaken you..."
Sozin sighed. Deciding to head back to the spirit realm, he focused on the internal world and instantly felt as though his presence of mind had been cleaved in half. He quickly noticed that he was now in two places at once: the real world and the spirit world. Experimenting a little, Sozin realized that if he put his focus into only one realm, then that world is all that he would experience, like closing one eye but not the other. If he had both open, he could simultaneously control both bodies, but it required a bit more concentration to do that.
"Are you having some trouble concentrating?" Wolf said, noticing the strain on Sozin's face.
"Yeah..." Sozin said. "I've meditated with Ikijo before, but this is something else."
"You'll get used to it eventually, but for now, I'll come to you," Wolf said.
Out of thin air, wisps of ash and dust formed, and Wolf slowly began materializing from them next to Sozin. As Wolf came into being, Sozin felt something detach from somewhere deep inside him, but the feeling was gone when the materialization was complete.
Sozin's eyebrows creased with interest when they fell upon Wolf's lean and compacted form. The wolf wasn't exactly scrawny but couldn't quite avoid being described as skinny either, looking fairly light-footed and quick on his feet, all of which reminded Sozin a lot of himself. It was then that the surrealness of this whole situation washed over Sozin's face. Slowly reaching over, he put a hand on Wolf's shoulder with uncertainty, fingers then running hesitantly through the rugged coat of fur. By the wolf's ribs, Sozin briefly felt what his eyes had caughten a glimpse of just moments earlier—what seemed to be faded claw marks from a massive animal. The hair in those spots was tarnished. Old scars, no doubt. Curiously, the wolf also had three marks on the side of his muzzle, much like Sozin did on his cheek. Except for the marks on the ribs, it was like they were perfect mirrors of each other.
"What are you doing?" Wolf asked calmly, glancing at the young man's fingers.
"Just making sure you're real." Sozin patted Wolf on his shoulder. Smiling, he added in a neat little voice, "Nice pelt too. Battle-worn..."
Wolf sniggered and sat down beside the young man. "Thanks," he grinned, his amusement bleeding through his words. "When you do that, you gotta say no homo though since we both have dicks."
"What?" Sozin retracted his hand and a toothy grin formed on his face too. "We're a different species though."
"Especially when we're a different species!" Wolf said rowdily. "I've heard about what you humans do!"
"Okay, okay. Let me try again," Sozin said, lips relaxing as he suddenly turned serious. With a casual expression on his face, he planted the same hand back onto Wolf's coat again, this time making sure squeeze a little and make eye contact in the most uncomfortable way possible. "No homo," he whispered sensually.
Their faces instantly lit up, and then, both man and beast burst into uproarious laughter, seemingly not so different from each other at all when it came down to it. They laughed hard and long, filling the air with some joyous noise. The forest was that much brighter for those few, precious seconds, and Sozin felt as though he had known Wolf all his life already. But like any good thing, the brightness wasn't meant to last.
"You're stupid, bro," Wolf managed to say between his chuckles of dying laughter.
Turning his attention back to the stream, Sozin hugged his knees with a half-smile, half-frown. "Welcome to the human world, Valenos," he lamented. "It's a giant piece of shit."
"Yeah, I feel that," Wolf said, finally turning serious as well. "Sorry about your master. I know that's probably weighing down on you right now."
"He was everything I had..." Sozin said quietly.
"I understand completely," Wolf huffed. "I, too, had a mentor once."
"What was he like?"
Wolf's time-hardened gaze fell to the stream in reminiscence. "Oh, he was great... I think you would've liked him. He meant to me what Ikijo meant to you."
"A lot then..." Sozin said.
"Yes," Wolf murmured. "A lot... When I was young, I was a terrible hunter and my pack cast me out for being a burden like your family did to you."
"Really?"
"Yep... Turns out no one likes you if you can't pull your own weight or if the color of your fur is different... even if none of that is really under your control..." Wolf grinded his paw into the dirt in frustration. "I've realized that sometimes you're just not good at things. Sometimes you just aren't born right. But Belmor took me in despite the fact that I was nothing but a burden to him at the time. He gave me a chance. He was a lone wolf too, and he taught me how to fend for myself. Took me a while to get the hang of the lifestyle, but he never gave up on me."
"That hits pretty close to home," Sozin said glumly. "I know what that feels like. To not be good at something—or anything, really—and have everyone hate you for it even if it's not your fault." Sozin's eyes narrowed in dark contemplation. "I was born weak and incompetent... I was born... different... I had to claw my way up a mountain of shit to get where I am now."
"I've seen how people have treated you. You and I... We're more alike than I think you realize," Wolf said. "You know, I was alive for a very long time before coming to the spirit world. I used to be in similar spot to the one you're in right now, and I can show you the way if you allow me to. I can help guide you along the path of the lone."
"I've never had a spirit animal before," Sozin said.
Wolf smiled, his tail brushing across the ground. "And I have never had a spirit user. But I suppose there's a first time for everything."
Just then, Sozin's stomach protested in fierce demand of food. He put an exhausted hand on his belly, finally noticing the pit of hunger that was growing there. The young man grumbled wearily.
Wolf's mouth curled up into a fond smile. "Hungry?"
"Unfortunately..." Sozin mumbled, not too keen on sharing Wolf's amusement. Too tired to even sit upright, he buried his face into his hands and lowered himself back onto the ground, letting the land's icy chill leach into his bones and sap more of his already diminishing energy. It's cold embrace wasn't entirely unwelcoming given the circumstances. "If no one finds me, maybe I should just lie here and starve. I don't have any energy left to do anything," Sozin said weakly.
Flecks of snow began to stand out and collect on Wolf's dark coat. His grin quickly perished in the gloominess of the air. "So you've lost your will to live. You just got off the ground, and now you're back down there again. You plan on dying here?" Wolf moved closer to Sozin's side and looked down upon the young man's dejected face. It was the face of a man that had given up.
Face still in his hands, Sozin gave a slow and bleak nod from the ground. He threw his arms out to the sides and turned his head from Wolf's, averting his gaze in defeat. "I'm a fugitive now," he muttered. "I can't be seen anywhere, I don't have any money, and I don't even know where I am."
"Seems like you've got nothing left to lose. Why not get up then?"
"With what strength?"
"With your hatred," Wolf said with quiet intensity. "I can feel it from here—the strongest of all emotions stirring inside your soul right now in abundance. Let it energize you... Let the suffering inflicted on you by others be directed back as a tool against them... Hatred is a natural form of strength for the likes of you and I, but you are lingering on its source which is your pain. That sort of thinking will only serve to drag you down. You will become rigid and useless like you are currently unless you keep sight of both and understand their natural relationship."
Sozin gazed into the distance with apathetic eyes. "Sounds like a bunch of nonsense."
"If you want to die, then die," Wolf sneered. "Your mother would want you to do that. She's probably hoping for it after what you did."
Startled, Sozin shot upright almost immediately. His eyes flared in surprise, and all of a sudden, pain and hatred both rushed equally throughout his body like some kind of toxic fuel. Wolf saw it on his face and Sozin realized as well—it was as though someone had flipped on a switch he didn't know was there.
"Now you see..." Wolf continued, speaking in a low voice. "It's a paradox, isn't it? Pain is not the only source of hatred, but when it is, it gives you strength, and yet, breaks you down at the same time."
"You told me that on purpose," Sozin said.
Wolf's gaze hardened into harsh resolution. "I'm telling you what you need to hear. Not what you deserve to."
Sozin resonated with that sentiment. He nodded in acceptance of Wolf's wisdom and stood up with his newfound energy. However paradoxical it was, it was the only thing gluing together his broken spirit. "Let's go then..." Sozin murmured. His voice was only a hair away from giving up again. "I need something to eat. Maybe I can find some food around here. I'm sure word has gotten out by now of what's happened, so we should stay away from roads and settlements, not that I even know where they are at this point."
Wolf eyed the barren forest. Right now, the forest floor had only been dusted with a thin layer of white, but it would soon be thick with snow. "I've seen conditions like these before," he said with a flicker of reminisence. "Prey is scarce. You will find little, if anything, to eat here."
"Well, going into town isn't an option," Sozin said. "This is what we've got."
"I've hunted all my life in all sorts of conditions," Wolf said. "As the lone wolf, you learn to be resourceful with what you have since you've got no one else to depend on. Merge with me, brother, and I will show you the way."
"Yeah, sure. Can you tell me how to first?" Sozin asked.
"Oh, right," Wolf said. "As spirit animal and spirit user, we have an ethereal connection to each other. Just focus on my spirit and go along with the rest."
Sozin closed his eyes and concentrated on the dark energies emanating from all around Wolf. As he concentrated, his entire person quickly dissipated into ash and dust which then vanished out of existence as it assimilated into Wolf's body. Sozin's perspective had changed in a flash. Whereas he was once in the real world, instead, he now saw through Wolf's eyes and his own in the spirit realm.
Wolf looked up at Sozin. "It might take a while to find some prey, so sit tight."
Sozin sat down and leaned back against a leafy tree in the spirit realm. He was just doing as his spirit animal had asked of him, but he also preferred if they spoke at eye-level. "Fine by me. You're the one doing all the walking."
The sound of a chilling wind was all that rustled through the forest. They both remained in a comfortable silence for a while as Wolf searched for something to eat. The thickening layer of snow dampened the noise of his already quiet footsteps—the hallmark of an experienced hunter. Normally, he would be at disadvantage when hunting against a white background, but it was also dark out, and his black fur easily slipped between the shadows.
Wolf's eyes twinkled as he remembered something. He thought it was worth talking about. "You know—it's interesting—this reminds me of a story," he said, breaking the silence in the spirit realm.
Sozin picked his brooding head up from between his legs. He was quite enjoying the warm sunlight that was filtering through the canopy. "Is it a funny story?" he asked.
"Not really—Well, unless you're the sadistic type," Wolf chuckled. "I saw you looking at my scars earlier, so I bet you're curious. Let me tell you about the time when I was in a place just like this and hungry just like you..."
o - o - o - o - o
It was a cold and snowy day.
Long ago on another Earth, in a now desolate and frigid forest where the winters were long and the summers were short, a lone wolf with blood eyes and ashen fur prowled the landscape in search of a morsel of food. Again, and for some time now, it was just him looking out for himself. That's how things had been for most of his life, even when he was in a pack. He had gotten fairly good at it—surviving, that is—however, he needed to be as it wasn't his choice. It never was. His family abandoned him when he was young, and his only real father figure and mentor had finally died of old age, but at the very least, not before passing on a little of what he'd learned in his life in the short time he had left. Times were hard, and it seemed that all the wolf had these days was the harsh and bitter kiss of nature to keep him company.
That, and one beast of an animal—a large male bear who called himself Thelonius. He was an apex predator.
If Wolf was sure of one thing, it's that neither were the good kind of company. He had come to the bear's cave in search of hospitality, but around this time of year, when times were tough and didn't seem like they were going to get any better, food and warmth weren't the only things that were hard to come by. He'd decided to linger in the bear's territory even after he'd told Thelonius that he would leave. It was a ploy, of course—a deceptive lie put in place to appease the bear so that he could stave off starvation and live to see another season. As a lone wolf, he had no pack to protect and provide for him anymore, not that they ever really did much of that anyway. Confrontation was to be avoided at all costs. An injury for a lone predator was most certainly a death sentence.
Drawing from his memories, Wolf still remembered the conversation they had in the bear's chilling cave. He remembered the way his nerves wracked, the way the shadows stirred in the corner as the brown beast rose, his one good eye darting wildly, the other marred with a slash, likely from a brutal run-in with another male. The scars alone were enough to send a shiver down Wolf's spine, but the cave was also littered with the bones of what seemed to a be grown bull moose—prey so dangerous that even most bears stayed clear of them. But not Thelonius. Thelonius was the largest male he had ever seen, and he loomed over Wolf as they spoke.
"C'mon, big guy. Normally, I wouldn't come here begging, but cut me some slack. All I ask is that you let me do some light hunting on your land," Wolf said, nudging some of the bones in the bear's cave. A pang of hunger hit his stomach when he realized that they'd all been picked clean. "I won't gorge," Wolf added, trying to sweeten the deal. "I'll only eat just enough to keep starvation at bay."
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"No, Valenos!" an angry Thelonius said in a thick and rough voice. "As another predator, you should know how it is for us at this time of year. And besides, I don't take well to your kind anyway. More than a number of times, I've had to deal with whole gangs of you encroaching on my territory, stealing my food, and trying to claim my home. Why would I look on you with much charity? I will certainly not be inconvenienced by the likes of one whose kind has scorned me."
Wolf nodded in agreement. "I understand, and I apologize for the actions of the other wolves—they're mobs, I admit—but I'm not like them."
Thelonius couldn't believe what he had just heard. His voice rose into a snarl. "Do you think that just because you're a little different than the rest of your species that I'm going to hate you any less?"
"No, but as you say, it's tough for us predators during this season. We may not be the same species, but one carnivore to another, surely you can understand my situation? Is a little hospitality too much to ask for?" Wolf said, looking up at the bear. "I'll make it worth your while. You can rest assured knowing that I always pay back my debts."
"That may be so, but I care little about what a measly animal like you can provide for me," Thelonius sneered back down. His grey eyes narrowed.
"I was afraid you would say that," Wolf snorted. He glanced away for a thoughtful moment. "Shouldn't you be hibernating right now? Of what use is this land to you currently?"
Tired of repeating himself, Thelonius seethed in simmering anger. "You know why I can't hibernate. The warm seasons were not very generous this year, and I've put on less weight than usual. I need to eat everything I can."
"What if I-"
"Enough!" Thelonius snapped. "I've told you all I need to! Get out of here with your petty persuasion! If I catch you in my woods again, you won't like what happens," he growled.
The air hung heavy for a brief moment until Wolf returned the bears fierce look with one of grudging acceptance. "I see it's time for me to leave..." he murmured, disappointed at his unexpected loss. He had been unsuccessful in his pursuits, but pride still lurked somewhere on Wolf's face. "Very well then. I suppose I'll have to go ask those of the neighboring territories and find out what they have to say. You won't see me around here anymore..."
Wolf lumbered out, a dirty look that the bear couldn't see washing over his face as he exited the cave. There were no neighboring territories left to go to as Wolf had already tried them all, and this had been his last stop. Worse than that, he could already feel the firm grip of starvation beginning to take hold in his stomach, enticed even further by the cold hands of Mother Nature. Sometimes it didn't pay to be lean and lithe as he currently was now.
Wolf smacked his lips.
He must eat. He was compelled to.
Fortunately for Wolf, he wasn't actually planning on going anywhere unlike what the bear seemed to think. Wolf wasn't surprised that a simple lie such as that had actually worked. Did the bear really thing he, a starving wolf, was going to leave his territory during a time like this? His two choices were starvation or getting to live for another season unless he was caught trespassing. A move like that wouldn't have fooled a smarter carnivore such as a fox—they would have noticed the pick your poison scenario that Wolf was in, known that he had exhausted his other options, and realized which of the two choices was the better one and thus the one he was going to inevitably make—but bears were meatheads, and they had no use for brains nor cunning with their amount of strength. But a lone wolf did, however. The lone wolf had to get by somehow. For an animal without size, strength, nor numbers on their side, sometimes cunning was the only way to survive. It was an art that Wolf had perfected over the years and had honed through Belmor's help. Even now, he continued to improve his skill as there was no end to its nefarious limits.
For the next few weeks, Wolf lingered on Thelonius's wide-ranging land, hunting without a care in the world for the bear's wishes or survival prospects. The bear's well-known power afforded him a great deal of territory, but still, prey was scarce even on such a vast amount of land and Wolf took everything he came across, unlike what he would've done had Thelonius bothered to throw him even the smallest of bones. As Thelonius had made it clear, it was every animal for himself out in the wild, so he showed no regard about constraining his hunting habits. The bear could starve for all he cared. Thelonius surely wouldn't be happy if he caught him in the midst of stealing kills, but if that did, indeed, happen, Wolf was certain that he could outrun the large and cumbersome predator. Despite that certainty, Wolf didn't want to take any chances. Wishing to avoid confrontation, he made sure to be careful about his eating habits by covering his tracks, sticking to the edges of the territory, and tried to kill with as little blood as possible, rubbing out into the snow anything that escaped from his mouth or bled from the prey itself.
Even now, with access to food, what Wolf had managed to procure wasn't much to go on. He had to pick every bone clean and still left feeling hungry with how infrequent his meals were occuring. The only things he could reasonably catch in the area were snow hares, squirrels, mice, and beavers—small, meager things that provided little in the way of calories. Their small size wouldn't have been a problem if they were plentiful, but they weren't. The other issue was that anything else like doe, a fast and agile prey that was a better source of calories, would require too much energy to be worth the risk of failure, so Wolf figured it was just better to coast by on easier, smaller game. Not to mention that Thelonius would likely notice his presence if he started killing bigger game too, and that was the last thing Wolf wanted. They were too high profile. As a large animal with hefty food requirements, deer were a bigger part of Thelonius's diet than they were Wolf's own, and that made them a dangerous resource to tap into. As opposed to a few hairballs, Thelonius would surely recognize any signs of his main prey diminishing and see that as someone was stealing his kills if Wolf started hunting them. The already poor nutrition of Wolf's diet also meant that he wasn't at full strength anyway which only made it all the more risky to make a deer attempt. He'd just end up in a worse spot than before, tired and even hungrier if his hunt went wrong.
Despite being forced to stick to the sparsely populated small game, somehow, Wolf managed to make it from one meal to the next. As Mother Nature would have it, he was particularly lucky one day to catch a plump snow hare amid the woody stems of a sapling. Perched overhead in the sky, the midday sun had seemed to be shining in just the right way for Wolf to spot the animal. Perhaps he was just lucky, or maybe it was a treat, he supposed, that someone or something had decided to bestow upon him for all the suffering he'd endured up to this point. Right then and there, he got a fuzzy feeling of success like after every fruitful hunt, a particularly comforting one considering his malnourished condition. In that moment of sweet relief, there was nothing greater than the sensation of digging his teeth into the hare's warm and succulent flesh. The taste of sustenance upon a starving tongue was like none other that he knew of. Nothing held a candle. It was so great that he couldn't help himself from eating all of it.
Blood, meat, bones, and even the hair...
He savored it all.
But the whole time, the conspiring shadows had twisted ominously behind Wolf, no longer working in his favor. Wolf had been so occupied eating his food that he didn't notice Thelonius lurking up from the rear until the bear was looming just behind him.
A monstrous shadow was all he saw in the corner of his eye, but by then, it was too late.
"I warned you, Valenos," the bear breathed in a deathly whisper.
Those harrowing words.
Wolf gasped, his head shooting up.
Wolf didn't have any time to react or process the horror that rolled through his body in a shockwave. He was thrown to the side as Thelonius smashed into his torso with a concrete paw and claws several inches long that dug into his paper skin, running along the ribs like fingers across a deathly piano. Knocked off his feet, the wind instantly left Wolf's lungs as he felt like he had been hit by a boulder and then again by the solid ground. Thelonius was on top of him in a split second, clamping onto one of Wolf's front legs and ripping messily to the bone with his dagger-like teeth.
Blood began to spurt out, staining the surrounding snow.
Wolf struggled to get free. He tried to fight back, but the bear had him pinned with one paw and helpless on the ground against the other. The bear's hot, heavy breath met his black and red fur with growls as Thelonius continued to maul him, burying into his side with teeth and claws that treated bone as no different than soft flesh. The searing pain and crunches of his own body breaking before him made Wolf want to howl in agony and scream for help, but all that came out were weak cries and utterances, his lungs too shattered to do anything useful.
Wolf didn't know how long it'd lasted. One minute or twenty— he couldn't tell. With the pain came a new perspective, and he imagined that this was how the hare had felt when he'd killed so brutally with no regard for what it was experiencing. In the blur of time, Wolf just knew that at some point he would end up like the hare did when it was at his mercy, and so he closed his eyes and accepted his fate, the throes of death seeming to stretch on forever into infinity. He didn't feel terribly regretful. Maybe he deserved this for everything he'd done.
The crunching and grating of bone against bone stopped eventually. Thelonius probably thought he was dead, thinking he'd finished the job when Wolf's eyes fell shut like rocks, because the mauling came to an end not long after. The growls and grunts were no more, and then the desolate forest came to a grinding halt of silence.
For a while, it seemed like Thelonius had left, but as another predator, Wolf knew that it wasn't uncommon in a fight between two carnivores for one to stick around after winning, so he kept his eyes closed and stayed down in case Thelonius was still in the area. Meanwhile, his entire body screamed at him in sheer agony. With what little strength he had left, Wolf bit his restless tongue which so badly wanted to cry out in pain. It was good that he did. Thelonius might not have intended to leave him on the brink of death and was just waiting around for the first sign of life to have another go at him.
Wolf laid there motionless for hours, trying to breath as little as possible. He didn't dare to peek even the slightest amount and could only hope that another predator didn't happen to come by and pick him off if Thelonius really was gone. Unlikely, since Thelonius's reputation was well known throughout the land, and not many would dare take a kill in his territory, even if the bear wasn't around to see it.
With another attack from Thelonius being the only thing on his mind, Wolf planned on waiting until it was nighttime before risking any movements. He hadn't bothered to try, so he didn't know if he was even still capable of getting up and standing, let alone walking, but judging from the pain, things were surely not going good for him beneath the neck. Wolf remembered that it had been midday the last time he saw the sun, so he used the brightness of the light on his eyelids to estimate the time that had passed since it had gotten quiet. He knew the sun was setting as the light was getting brighter—it was lowering from its midday position above him, shining more and more directly onto his eyelids until the light finally began to dim as it slipped below the horizon.
The moon was where the sun used to be when Wolf's eyes finally cracked open. Raising his head, he craned his neck to scan the area. Wolf didn't see Thelonius or anything else nearby, and it looked like a good time to make an escape, so he decided to take the chance. Gathering himself, he tried to prop his legs up and stand but pain instantly shot through every part of his limb and body like electricity. Wolf kept trying, but no matter how hard he did, his own muscles refused to listen to his commands, floundering and squirming hopelessly in the dirt and snow. Wolf let out a small whimper of despair, realizing he couldn't even shift around much. He had the grittiness and iron will of a loner to stand up if it was possible, but for the first time in his life, it seemed that an iron will alone wouldn't be enough to survive or even come close to saving him. The blood loss was simply too much. It had made him weak and his breathing labored.
Wolf rested his dismal head back into the snow, feeling winter's freezing tendrils wrap bitingly through his fur and around his skin. He didn't know how long he'd last out here, wounded and exposed to the elements, but it wouldn't mean anything if he couldn't move, as then, there was no hope and it was only a matter of time before he died. For better or worse, he had never been one to deny the truth, no matter how harsh it was to accept. Lying there on the ground, he could've taken all the time in the world to accept it, but he didn't have to. It was already done. Harsh realities were all Wolf had ever been confronted with in his life, and he was no stranger to their hard-hitting impact. Nature dispensed them freely like they were puzzle pieces to some kind of bigger and cruel joke that he just couldn't wrap his mind around. Even though he didn't understand his purpose in this world, Wolf wouldn't compromise and tell himself lies that things were going to be okay when he had no idea if they truly were going to be, not even on his deathbed. It was too late in the game for that. If his mentor had taught him anything, it was that the lone wolf never goes back, no matter the cost.
Wolf shut his eyes again. It was so cold at night that the blood outside his body had congealed into frozen masses. Soon, the pangs of pain running their course throughout his broken body had become too dull to keep the urge to fall asleep at bay and he couldn't rest with his eyes closed anymore, fearing he wouldn't wake up if he accidently went under. He would be damned if he wasn't conscious for his last few moments of life as he had always been curious about what it was like to die at the exact moment of death. Did you just slip away or was it like snuffing out an ember after a lightning strike?
Other thoughts traced the wolf's waning mind like his remorse. Overtime, he began to feel greater and greater guilt for the numerous occasions where he'd so mercilessly taken down prey using the only most brutal and efficient of methods. He didn't use those methods just because they were brutal, of course, but they happened to be easy and effective—that's why he liked them better than the other options which just made the hunt more inconvenient for him. In that old light, he had cared little for whether or not his prey died a quick and painless death. The only thing that mattered to him before now was whether or not he had secured the kill. Since he didn't have a pack and couldn't brute force a hunt without their support, Wolf remembered one particularly brutal method he'd devised to be able to perform alone where he would run down a deer by nipping at its ankles over long distances, slowly tearing away at the tendon and muscle, grinding its resolve into the dirt until it collapsed from sheer exhaustion, injuries, or both.
The ordeal could sometimes take hours.
Death by a thousand bites.
The idea sounded so terrible now thinking back on it. In the end, it seems, his current predicament had brought him some perspective for something he never knew he needed it on.
Wolf smiled weakly. Maybe death wasn't all bad. In fact, it felt enlightening now, and he was glad he was given the opportunity to appreciate that rather than just dying right away which he thought he was going to when the bear attacked him.
Wolf continued to lie there for a while by himself with only his thoughts, lonely history, and morbid philosophy to ruminate on—nothing pleasant, really, if he was being honest with himself. The day passed him by and then another did as well, both uneventful. Wolf knew that his immobilized condition wouldn't allow him to take care of the growing thirst on his tongue, but to stave off that uncomfortable feeling, he resorted to eating snow, stretching his neck out to eat what was within reach of his mouth. The snow chilled his throat, shocking the fading warmth of his body, but it was a good sensation as it gave himself something else to focus on other than the dull pain and frost in his bones. He had a bit longer now to savor his final hours which only grew fewer in number. Deep down, he knew that nothing in this world was meant to last, good things as well as bad things, but he wasn't sure whether to be happy or saddened by that realization.
Eventually, his mind began to grind to a halt, and he felt his focus start to dim like a dying fire. More and more days and nights past, and dehydration began to set in again, but this time, he could do nothing about it as the snow he could reach was all gone. The brain fog that rolled in softened his pain and discomfort somewhat, bringing with it a sweet relief and a great sleepiness to Wolf. Slowly but surely, he finally shut his eyes again and immersed himself in the ocean of blackness that was awaiting him.
Another weak smile traced Wolf's lips.
It seems he had answered his question.
In that moment, Wolf was so far gone that he didn't hear the soft crush of snow under someone's paws approaching from in the distance. He was too preoccupied with the emptiness that he was about to let devour him that it was only when their form blocked out the sun on his eyelids that he cracked them open to see why.
Was he at long last dead? He saw an angel. A beautiful red fox standing over him like a beacon of hope. But then the happiness in Wolf's soul was quickly replaced with a harsh reality check. The surprise on the fox's face told him that she'd thought he had been dead, and her eyes—a delightful orange—showed it even more when they met his own for a brief but tantalizing moment of silence. Neither spoke until Wolf decided to.
Wolf smacked his parched tongue, trying to get the words to flow off it properly. "A-are you an angel here to take me home or... a predator that's come to put me down?" he murmured weakly, grinning toothily as best as he could.
"You're still alive..." she said back in disbelief. Her eyes traced his expression. Though solemn and dignified, the fox was fascinated by this wolf's facetious attitude in the face of death and decided to entertain a pitiful conversation in light of his grin. She found a little charm in it, however morbid that was. "How can you smile in your condition?"
"Because..." he said. "Either way, I win... So... Which is it?"
"I don't consider myself to be an angel."
Wolf didn't bother to move his head to face her, only his eyes as that's all he really had the energy for. "Well, you certainly qualify... If you aren't an angel... what are you then?"
The fox averted her gaze in consideration of his question. "A scavenger, I suppose. I thought you were already dead."
Wolf tried to talk in spite of his labored breathing. "I see... That's unusual... for a fox..." he struggled to say. "You only eat animals that are already dead?"
"Yes," she said, sitting down next to him. "I try to..."
Wolf's eyes fluttered. "How merciful of you..." he said in a low voice. "Are you sure you're not an angel? That's not something you hear everyday from a... carnivore. It's a wonder you haven't starved yet."
"I may be a carnivore, but I'm not a beast," she said.
"Heh... I wish I could say the same..." Wolf remarked with guilt. He strained to speak. "The concept had never even crossed my mind until a few days ago... when I ended up like this. It's funny, really... My sins are... probably what have led me here to this point... I've brutalized so many in my lifetime that I can't even count anymore... It's fitting that I'm here now—on the ground—suffering... Tell me... do you believe in karma?"
"I don't usually talk to the animals I'm going to eat," she said curtly.
Her rudeness caused Wolf to work up a chuckle. "Just share a... few words with me..." he struggled to say.
The fox didn't say anything, but Wolf took her silence and stare as a fortunate yes.
"Well... as for myself, I don't believe in karma..." Wolf continued, "but I can find no other explanation for my current predicament..."
"Perhaps there isn't one. Animals live and animals die. That's probably all there is to nature."
Wolf grinned again with that morbid, happy-go-lucky smile of his. "I'll be frank, that wouldn't have been the best thing to say to any other dying animal, but you're speaking to me, and that's the most honest thing I've ever heard... There's something to be said about that... I'm not sure if you'll understand where I'm coming from... but the truth is... comforting in a way..."
The fox nodded gently, meeting his eyes with curious intent. There was that dumb, cheeky grin again and she wasn't sure how to feel about his unordinary reactions to things. "I understand," she made sure to say quietly. She felt as though he would die if she spoke any louder.
"It's amazing how much you can tell from so little about someone. I already see that you've got some sense in you..." A look of mesmerization washed over Wolf's face but that quickly dissipated as his attention returned to the matter at hand. "Well, I'm sure you're hungry..." he said, urging her to get on with it.
"I'll stick around and wait until you die."
Wolf's face softened in confusion. "You mean you're really not going to kill me?"
"Not if I can avoid it..." the fox said. "I'd rather not get my mouth dirty." Truthfully, if she was being honest with herself, that wasn't the actual reason. She just wasn't sure about what to do with the wolf and debated was debating on whether or not to kill him in the first place.
"I take it you mean figuratively."
The fox rolled her eyes. "Yes, you know what I meant."
"You're right, I did, but you might not have a choice."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Trust me..." Wolf said. "It's better if you just kill me now and eat me right away. Thelonius... the bear that lives around here... he's the one that did this to me, and this is his territory, so wait at your own risk. He's not too fond of trespassers."
"I know who lives here, and I'll take my chances," she said. "I've been mooching off him for quite a while."
"You too, huh? Sounds like you know what you're doing, but the funny thing is I thought that as well..." Wolf paused, and then a gloomy flicker of appreciation came across his face. "By the way, even though I'm gonna end up being your meal, thanks for taking the time to speak to me. I don't get to talk to many animals..."
"I can see that. The first thing I noticed was that you don't have a pack protecting you."
"Story of my life... It has its perks if you look hard enough, believe it or not, but right now, it doesn't seem to be such a good thing..." Thick with langour, Wolf's eyelids dipped heavily as his weary gaze touched upon the fox from beneath them. "I'm so tired..." he said in a feeble murmur. "I've been fighting the urge to fall asleep for a while—it's almost unbearable—but since you're here, I think I'm just going to relax and think about something nice..."
And with that, Wolf shut his eyes again.
The fox snorted, staying close by but retreating away from Wolf. Once she had found a suitable spot to wait for her food to die, she patted down the snow before before curling up into a ball on the ground. In the silence, she found it harder waiting for him to die than she'd initially thought it would be—this was the first time she had ever come across an animal that was still alive. Though her ears were ever alert for other things like the sound of an approaching bear, the wolf's noisy, straining breaths were the only thing she could really focus on. Her eyes would crease in pain from time to time with the occasional croakiness he gave out, although none of them would prove to be a sign of his death as the day came to a close. She began to notice that he would keep smacking his tongue to try and moisten his mouth, but without water, she knew it wasn't going to work. His extreme discomfort was painfully obvious, no matter how well he was able to hide it, and it was enough to make her reconsider things. Part of her was hungry and wanted to eat, but somewhere within her confused heart, another felt sorry for the poor wolf. She could see it in his eyes and from the way he spoke that the path he'd walked had not been easy. It didn't seem right that this was going to be the final and terrible conclusion to his life.
Before she could stop herself, she had already rose to her feet and ambled over to him again. The pained expression on his face cemented her position there. She couldn't stand the sight of him.
Looking down in concern, the fox spoke softly. "You're thirsty..." she remarked.
Wolf's eyes were sluggish to open. "What?" he said groggily. His eyes fell upon the fox again, and he turned puzzled. It was clear that she wanted something from him.
"Open your mouth," she commanded.
Wolf blinked, pausing to decipher her gaze.
Wolf wasn't sure why she was asking him to do that—maybe the brain fog had eroded his intelligence more than he thought it did and he was just being stupid—but it was obvious to her that he didn't understand the reason, so she picked up a clump of snow in her mouth and hovered over him. He got the message and opened wide. Gently, she deposited the snow inbetween his lips. Wolf was a little surprised that she was helping him, but then he began to chew, and he chewed slowly for a while as she watched until he finally swallowed when the snow melted and was easy to get down.
"Oh..." Wolf exhaled in relief. "That's real nice of you... I feel like a baby bird."
"More?" she asked.
"If you wouldn't mind," Wolf said, unable to stifle a slight smile. He wanted to make a stupid joke but now probably wasn't the time to be turning away any potential allies.
The fox continued to provide him with snow. After a few mouthfuls, Wolf felt his thirst had been adequately quenched.
"Thank you... I feel a lot better now," Wolf said.
The fox looked over her shoulder. Daylight still filled the forest, but the sun was beginning to set. The evening would soon be over. "Dusk is falling," she said as she turned around to leave. "Wait here."
An amused Wolf felt a tingle a humor zap him like a lightning bolt. "You say that like I can actually go anywhere."
Wolf watched as she left, taking note of her particularly lavish orange tail from the view he had. He was given plenty of time to mull over what she'd done for him as the fox didn't return until the last rays of sunshine were peeking over the horizon. When she did, she had a lifeless snow hare in her mouth and she set it down in front of him.
"Is this for me?" Wolf asked.
The fox began to dig into the animal, tearing into its flesh. "It's for both of us—I'm hungry too."
She swallowed the meat, eating a few more pieces before she noticed that Wolf wasn't eating along with her. She remembered that he couldn't really move, and he didn't seem like he wanted to say anything about it—probably the prideful sort—so she tore off a piece for him and dropped it at the tip of his mouth.
"Thanks..." Wolf said.
They ate like that for the rest of the evening, the hungry fox taking a few pieces and then giving some to the starving wolf. Neither one of them said a single word, and if not for the blistering cold that reminded them that they were eating in the middle of a hellscape, it was almost peaceful.
Soon, their meal was over. When the hare had finally been picked clean, the fox washed her mouth in the snow, rinsing it clean before wordlessly returning to Wolf. She hovered over his torso and leaned down. Wolf's eyes widened when he felt something soft and wet start running over his wounds.
Wolf's voice hesitated. He couldn't believe what he was sensing, thinking it was a hallucination of some sort from all the blood he'd lost. "A-Are you licking my wounds?" he managed to utter.
"If I don't, they're going to get infected." The fox spoke solemnly as though it was just business.
Wolf winced in pain. Even something as gentle and soft as a tongue was able to hurt him if it just touched the right spot. Was he really so weak as to be helpless like this?
"Hope you enjoy the taste of my blood," Wolf said in a dry tone. "Under different circumstances, I would find these licks more pleasurable."
"I'm sure you would," she said plainly.
Wolf paused. In that moment, he couldn't help but wonder something he should've thought about before. With all of his energy, he picked his head up and looked back at her as she tended to him. "You're helping me..." he said. "Why? You don't even know me and I've done nothing for you."
"You asked me earlier if I believe in karma..." the fox said, her pensive gaze averting to the ground. "I do..." she nodded.
Wolf drew in a long breath, taking a brief moment to absorb her expression. "You haven't told me your name."
"It's Vesper..." she said with a sideways glance.
Wolf smiled. "Valenos..."
o - o - o - o - o
"Wow..." Sozin said heavily. "You don't pull any punches when you tell stories, do you? Do you know what happened to the fox?"
Disappointment weaved its way through Wolf's words. "Nope... No idea... I never saw her again after that, but I still remember her name though," he said quietly. "It was Vesper... That fox was one of the few to ever show me hospitality in my life. She nursed me back to health and then we parted ways after, as lone animals typically do. I payed her kindness forward by changing how I hunted from that season forth."
"That's quite the tale," Sozin remarked. His eyes flickered to the hare cooking over the sputtering flames of the campfire they were huddled around. Wolf had killed it quickly and painlessly with a chomp to the neck. "I can't believe you survived an attack from a whole bear."
"Guess I'm a tough bastard to kill," Wolf laughed. "But it changed me. Now I only hunt to survive and I avoid killing more than I have to just for personal pleasure—to gorge myself. I'm a carnivore though, so I still have to eat meat. I'm forced to... I know it's not my fault, but some part of just can't help but hate what I am."
"Yeah, I hate myself too. Wanna cope together?" Sozin smiled lightly in a way that was almost too perfect for this world.
Grinning back, Wolf said, "Ah, well... That's all we can do, huh?"