Everyday, I wake up in my home just to find myself stuck, living through the day in the same place.

And then soon, I found a hobby. There's a set routine—Eat, sleep, game, repeat. A hackneyed, dearth, phrase, summing up my whole life thus far. It's dull, boring... there is nothing to evoke thrill or pain.

I was comfortable for the days to come peacefully. I guess it doesn't sound so bad. It was a hobby that I ended up liking so much. I even found a way to earn a living from it until it's a sustainable way of life. It was a struggle at its roots.

There are lifestyles like this... so it's fine, right? It's the same as landing a dead-end job from nine to five at a typical office.

I embraced it.

But there was a certain cliché, "No man's an island." What does it really mean?

"It's a fact." that was told to me once by a guy I held dear.

But what are facts if I'm happy living on the island? What if the island has everything I prefer indulging myself into? You can just kiss that cliché good bye. This should be heaven on earth to me.

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Although, in all seriousness, it's plain denial. Giving into frustration and moving on to guilt, and onto bargaining—then becoming socially awkward and timid as a result... whose to blame for? I'm powerless toward this reality, and the world—boring.

I want to get out of this situation.

No, what's there to even complain?

The world used to run rampant with war, violence, prostitution, and slavery. Humanity didn't have a lot of choices of what they could do in those trying times. This is an even far better world to be born in. People in the Iron Age would think this is a life of luxury.

And now, we live our lives to consume.

I'm one of those filthy consumers—A consumer in this world. That's all that there is that's ever going to happen to me.

This is the problem. Nothing is happening. And it's the same with anyone else.

Is it selfishness in its own way to God to even think this way? It's like you're asking for more than the calm, and peaceful life you already have.

I don't want to dwell anymore thinking about it.

——————

December 16, 20XX

My eyes opened as my pupils felt the sting of the cold air of the fan blowing past my face. I blinked, squinted, and slowly sat up from my bed, and groaned with my head down on my palm because of the headache and momentary vertigo. I rubbed my forehead instinctively.

Gathering my thoughts, not sooner did I realize what just transpired. My eyes widened.

I began to mutter to myself. "I'm so stupid... Why...? Why didn't I realize sooner?"

"If I only knew, then maybe I could've done something to—!"

Once again, nothing's gonna happen afterward... everything will be the same as usual.

"But now, you're gone... and things will continue to move on without you."

In the end, after all that... "It's pointless."