“Shadow… we can’t have you run about as a beastkin. It’s far too dangerous.”
Shadow felt anger surge in her chest. Her tail started lashing around behind her, while at the same time she tried to hold her arms steady to write. She felt like she was going to start shaking.
That wasn't an 'it would never work.'
'So it is an option then!?' She wrote, glaring at Annie, a low hiss escaping her throat.
“No, Shadow... I’m sorry, but you can’t talk, and you don’t have proper hands. Beastkin tend to be human-like in their builds, despite their animalistic traits. To top things off, you are a shadeling. Anyone who knows what a shadeling is will see you for what you are. You may be able to fool some, but the risk of discovery is simply too high.”
Shadow thought about it, aggressively mulling over Annie’s points, thinking back on previous conversations they’d had. She was at a disadvantage here because she just didn’t know enough about the world, but… she still didn’t agree.
Annie is wrong, she thought to herself. It was a strange thought. Annie knew so much, but Shadow really thought she was wrong here. Shadow really wanted her to be wrong. Ideas were already flowing into her head about how to make this work.
She furiously scribbled her rebuttal, as fast as her frustratingly slow-to-write claws could.
'I can deal with all that! Maybe I got into an accident. It hurt my ‘hands’ so I keep them wrapped. It also could have hurt my throat, made me mute. You can explain it to people!'
Annie looked a little surprised at that last suggestion.
“When did you learn about mutes?”
The question almost threw her off track. Annie had been talking to Jonas about the condition once. It had been pretty soon after Shadow had joined them. She didn’t understand the conversation at the time, but the humans had definitely known she was paying attention. Shadow knew what they had been talking about by this point. She would have thought that’d be obvious.
She shook her head. Not the time! I have an argument to make.
She got back to writing, ignoring Annie's question.
'You could get me clothes. That would help hide what I look like, and make me more like a normal person.'
Feeling a little guilty, despite her anger, she glanced up at Annie before inserting a little aside.
'I’ll make more coins for you, to pay for them. I could hunt or find berries, or herbs? People would pay for that right?'
She forged on, not waiting for an answer.
'I could walk around on two legs. I’m good enough at it. Even if I’m short, I’d pass as a kid. They're short, too.'
“Yes… that’s all true, but—”
Shadow held up a paw. She wasn’t done just yet! Now came the kicker. She was the least sure about this one, but… she’d met the village folk. She’d seen the wonder there. Not in all of them, but enough.
'I’ll be a beastkin. I’ll make friends. Even if someone does recognize me as a shadeling, would they believe it? What shadeling wears clothes and hangs around with humans without attacking them? I use human gestures all the time when I’m not hiding! If I stick with friends they could all help me. And… even if they really find out, and know I’m a shadeling without a doubt… does it really matter? I’m friendly! I’m not attacking anyone, I'm smart, and I’d have friends to help me convince them I'm not bad or evil or anything!'
'Maybe some would still hate me… but I don’t think it’d be most.'
She thought back to Maggie. Maggie had thought she was being magically controlled by a collar, and Shadow had managed to convince her she wasn’t going to hurt her in a second. Not everyone was like that angry trapper. She’d seen it.
'And I wouldn’t have to be a pet. I could be me. Mostly. Really me to my friends, the ones that I could trust. The ones that I could actually make if I was pretending to be a beastkin rather than a dog!'
Annie’s eyes broke away from the page and started wandering around the room. Shadows could see tears starting to roll down her cheeks.
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'Please?'
Annie spoke in a whisper.
“I’m sorry, but... no. It’s still too dangerous.”
Why!? Shadow thought, a surge of rage filling her, her eyes narrowing as her emotions spiked. She felt a screech working its way up her neck as she moved to lunge and tear Annie’s—!
She aborted the motion, the very thought like a bucket of cold water thrown on her. She’d never… she would never do anything like that. No matter what. She reined in her anger and got down off the table and back into her chair. Annie looked a little alarmed, but made no more moves to speak.
'Why?' Shadow wrote, staring into Annie's eyes.
Annie settled herself down as well and started explaining, her tone sad.
“It’s... the same reasons as before, Shadow. Perhaps you could convince people that you’re not to be feared, but someone would surely try to kidnap you, to capture you and sell you to some lord or… someone worse. There are too many ways this ends with you in a cage or dead.”
'I’m fast! I could escape! I can shadow-port!'
“There are ways to prevent such things, and you can’t run away if you’re surprised.”
'I don’t care! I want to meet other people for real!'
“Perhaps at some point, maybe once you’ve advanced your magecraft enough to cast a spell to let you speak, or disguise yourself more thoroughly. I’m sure something like that must exist, even with your dark affinity. But not yet. For now, the current plan is best.”
Annie was trying to keep her voice steady, but she was clearly upset. Shadow could smell it. She was scared.
Shadow could understand why, but…
'I don’t want to be a pet!' She wrote, jabbing a claw at every word after she wrote it for emphasis.
Not if I don’t have to. They’re my risks to take.
Annie just shook her head.
Shadow felt her anger welling up again, and removed herself from the table. She started pacing around the room.
“As soon as we have some assurances in place, we can let you meet some people as yourself. I should be able to work out something at Glossa, once we get there. Please just put up with this a while longer.”
Shadow didn’t respond, and just continued pacing.
“Shadow, it won’t be forever. I promise,” Annie said, looking worried.
She looked up at Annie, and then looked away, nodding.
She didn’t like it, but she needed Annie’s help if she wanted to pull off her plan. She couldn’t do it alone. The plan was dead if Annie wouldn't help.
She went back to pacing.
Shadow was feeling a lot of things that she needed to work out.
----------------------------------------
A few hours later Shadow was busy practicing her mana shaping. She wasn’t having much success. She couldn’t get herself properly focused. It was dark out at this point, and Annie had gone to bed. Shadow was still mad at her. It might be dangerous, but so was living in the forest. You had to take risks to live. Annie was scared about what would happen to her but… It was her life! It was her risk to take! Annie had no right to decide for her!
It was so frustrating, but it wasn't like she could force Annie to help her if she didn’t want to.
That thought gave her a bit of pause. Well, maybe she could, but she wasn’t going to do anything like that. She was mad at Annie, but she didn’t want to ruin their friendship—even if Annie was being a bad friend right now.
She huffed in exasperation and got up to start pacing around again. So, so frustrating. She still didn’t feel like sleeping, having gotten her usual inconvenient burst of energy once things got dark out. She was used to it by now, but she wasn't used to being trapped in a room while she tried to settle. She would normally explore the forest at night until the length of the day caught up to her, and she finally felt tired enough to get to sleep. That wasn’t really an option here.
Just as she was settling herself back in to give magic practice another shot, she heard whispering.
Quiet, yet enthusiastic, voices were coming from outside.
“You sure she’s in there?” one said.
“All the travelin’ folks stay at the inn, silly!” quietly exclaimed another.
Wait. That’s Maggie!
“Is she really smart like ya said?” asked a third childish voice.
“Yeah! I’ll show ya!” affirmed Maggie.
Shadow's eyes opened wide, and she felt nervousness, and fear rush through her.
She told other people about me.
“Well, how d’we know which room they’s in? And how d’we get in? It’s all shut for the night,” said the first voice again.
Her curiosity was too great. This was a chance! Annie wouldn't want her to do this... but she could deal. Shadow was her own person!
She hopped her front legs up on the window and leaned her head out, looking down at the ground. She’d checked it out earlier, but it was still neat to be so high up despite being safe in a room. It was honestly easier for her to look around now that it was night out. The colors were muted but she could see without squinting. And see things she did, namely a group of three children in a huddle below.
“We can… climb through a window?” Maggie suggested, sounding a little unsure.
Maggie started to glance around, and then up. She gasped, taking a couple of steps back before narrowing her eyes.
“Shadow?” Maggie asked.
The other kids took her cue and looked up as well, gasping when they saw Shadow.
Let’s see how this goes.
Shadow waved.
Another round of gasping ensued, from the other two children at least. Maggie just grinned.
“See!?” she whispered loudly.
Shadow glanced over at Annie. She was still fast asleep.
Maggie stared up at her, still grinning.
“So, I was thinkin’ about before, and ya understood what I was sayin’, and were doin’… like… people things. That ain’t like a dog or a shady or nothin’. And now yer wavin’ at us! Yer like… really smart aren’t ya?”
Shadow… nodded. She was a little bit nervous about where this might head.
“So... I was thinkin'... Can… Can ya’ come down? I… I thought we might… play? And ya could meet my friends and… and maybe we could be friends too?” She looked down bashfully. “Yer really neat…”
That... she... Maggie liked her... and wanted to be friends?
She was neat, not scary?
Shadow felt her heart melt as her nervousness from earlier evaporated.
She knew it was a terrible idea. She was supposed to stay in the room. There were probably a whole ton of ways running around in the night with some village kids could end poorly.
But this was a chance. A chance to be a person. A chance to make new friends.
She thinks I'm neat.
Shadow made her decision.